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User Topic: Long Term Affair Thread X V I
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, December 23rd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

having a real hard time with my broken heart to nite....its so broken....

does anyone have any superglue???

o.k. need to distract myself, so ready or not dipstick, i pick you...


Here is something that should cheer you up. You can ask questions and give advice!

now the problem with this is that the advice i might have when i feel the way i feel may not be necessarily the best advice....just sayin....so you are warned......

o.k. here goes....are you ready now????


Part two. This "not putting out" is hard to do. It sounded so easy when I made that decision.

so what were you thinkin???????

isn't bad enough that there are people out there like me who want it, and cant have it, we live precariously through people like you and you do what....you cut it off!!!!! dip....you are a man....men don't do that, women do .....i hope when you read this you put all the accents where they belong....so that this message can be recieved in the matter in which it was given....

now if you want to punish her, you need to find out what her currency is???? and a big hint is it shouldn't be something that punishes you too or even more.....

so go get some and come up with something else....

the present idea...o.k.....but you bought one anyways....


i got one for dear abby,

why didn't i marry one of the good guys like dip or tryn, why did i fall in love with a total idiot who couldn't see what was in front of him the whole time....

never mind, after all he fell in love with someone else, someone who wasn't one of the good guys....

so my new question is , why don't we fall in love with the people who are good for us...i guess that makes me the idiot for loving the wrong person....

tomorrow is xmas eve, i have so much to do, company coming and going all day and night, then more company on xmas til the day after,,,so my time here may not be til after, unless i have some sleepless nites...so i would like to wish everyone a very merry ...its a time for families, and my si family is also important to me...so i truly wish one and all peace....right now i believe that could be our greatest gift to ourselves and others...peace....

god bless this site and all of you wonderful people..thankyou for being!!!


as always

((((tribe)))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, December 24th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear miracle Abby.

Thanks for showing me the error of my ways. How could I have been so dumb? I am now thinking up a new approach. My questions worked. They distracted you. For a little bit anyways.

BTW Abby. If you are going to continue in the advice business you might think about this. Using the phrase "cut it off" can be a little disturbing to some men.

I'm not Dear Abby, but here goes.

You are not a idiot. Maybe a little warped but not a idiot. He is or was the idiot.

Why do we choose the wrong mate? If we could figure that out, we could be rich. I bet you have told more than one person on here that the person they married was not the person they thought they were marrying. Good guys like tryn are out there. Good gals like you are out there too. It seems there is sometimes a glitch in the system and they do not always find one another. Signed Dear Albert.

Now about that broken heart. I called Santa and left instruction for him to leave you a supply of broken heart superglue. If he does not come across, let me know. I will look him up and kick his fat ass.

If any of the tribe is reading this, I want to send out my best holiday wishes to all. I will probably not be here untill next week so Merry Christmas.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, December 24th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just stopping in to wish all of my LTA cohorts a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Too much to do myself. Shouldn't even be here now... should be showering, cleaning bathroom. But heck, I'll wait for DD to get home to clean. All the cooking is done, just need to heat up. And it's only my brother and SIL and their kids. No one to impress at all.

This morning DD said "I wish the house could look this festive all year around". Guess that means the effort paid off this year. It's the first one I've put my heart into, maybe because I couldn't put my pocketbook into it.

I won't be back for at least a week. DS is home and hogging the computer as usual. But he made Dean's list again, so I can't bitch too much.

Take a moment over these next few days to be kind to yourself. Have a glass and raise it to you. I'll say a silent "cheers" to all of us at midnight tonight.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, December 25th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

why don't we fall in love with the people who are good for us

Ah, that £1000 question.
Depending on the time of day, my answer will range from "Our attachment style to our main carer strongly influenced our choice of spouse" to "We are recreating an unresolved FOO issue" to "Karma!" to "Bad luck" etc etc.

As you go forward in your healing, you will come across the question many times and I am sure your answer will change too.
For me, I am starting to recognise threads that were never clear before for eg. my emotionally unavailable F and my emotionally unavailable H; my M's pattern in her M and the subsequent recreation in mine; my poor attachment styles etc etc.

And as I break each one down, hopefully I will be able to resolve them and never repeat them again. and most of all, underpinning everything, is the fervent desire that my children will not be in a similar place as adults.

So thats my miracledipstickitus for today.

Oh, the quiz wasnt supposed to make sense!

***
Dipstick,
Thanks for being a good sport. I got 15 points.
You are special, Dipstick. And I agree wholeheartedly with Miracle: In your bid to punish your W, make sure that you dont get punished too! Heck, instead of abstinence (what WERE you thinking? ), i thought you would have went the other way.

***
Hi Weepy.

***
FNF,

You have the market on the best giving the best hugs, so I am sending you the largiestest one for today. Be well, my friend.

****

(((((((LTA TRIBE))))))))


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, December 25th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

why don't we fall in love with the people who are good for us

Ah, that £1000 question.
Depending on the time of day, my answer will range from "Our attachment style to our main carer strongly influenced our choice of spouse" to "We are recreating an unresolved FOO issue" to "Karma!" to "Bad luck" etc etc.

As you go forward in your healing, you will come across the question many times and I am sure your answer will change too.
For me, I am starting to recognise threads that were never clear before for eg. my emotionally unavailable F and my emotionally unavailable H; my M's pattern in her M and the subsequent recreation in mine; my poor attachment styles etc etc.

And as I break each one down, hopefully I will be able to resolve them and never repeat them again. and most of all, underpinning everything, is the fervent desire that my children will not be in a similar place as adults.

So thats my miracledipstickitus for today.

Oh, the quiz wasnt supposed to make sense!

***
Dipstick,
Thanks for being a good sport. I got 15 points.
You are special, Dipstick. And I agree wholeheartedly with Miracle: In your bid to punish your W, make sure that you dont get punished too! Heck, instead of abstinence (what WERE you thinking? ), i thought you would have went the other way.

***
Hi Weepy.

***
FNF,

You have the market on the best giving the best hugs, so I am sending you the largiestest one for today. Be well, my friend.

****

(((((((LTA TRIBE))))))))


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
fairyfriend
♀ Member
Member # 11208
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, December 25th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merry Christmas one and all!

I THOUGHT my H WAS one of the good guys when I married him. I think he basically is, but he had his own HUGE issues, and in his family, nobody talked about anything personal, so he never had the tools to deal with his problems.

So he learned from his FOO not to share, so of course he didn't share with me. I thought he was a calm, collected, together guy, but in reality inside he was overwhelmed with anxiety. He didn't know how to discuss his feelings and fears, so he tried to pretend to himself and everyone else that he didn't have anxiety.

One of the most positive changes post-A is that my H can and does share now. He is much more open about everything, and he is working hard not to take on other people's issues.

I'll keep him, but if he screws up again, I'll kick his ass further than Dipstick can kick Santa's!


DDay 1--Feb 99
Crappy IC, false R--spring 1999
A ended around April, 2003
DDay 2--September 26, 2004
DDay 3--September 26, 2005 when I found out the REST of the truth
8/8/09--Doing very well due to hard work on my and H's part

Posts: 1607 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: far north Chicago suburbs
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 2:55 AM, December 26th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So he learned from his FOO not to share, so of course he didn't share with me. I thought he was a calm, collected, together guy, but in reality inside he was overwhelmed with anxiety. He didn't know how to discuss his feelings and fears, so he tried to pretend to himself and everyone else that he didn't have anxiety

Alas, that sounds like mine as well. He went further though by creating another personality and life to go with it. Of course my dilemma after dday#2 was to ascertain which was real - and then find out it was neither.

He seldom shared before dday and like your H, did start opening up, and it felt like it was almost cathartic to him. The problem thereafter was that he shared too much, usually his anger and frustration, through words and fist.
Just 2 nights ago, he got angry with me and just by the way he was moving the TV remote in his hand, I knew that I should leave the room quick - which I did whereupon less than a minute later I heard the remote being flung hard against the wall.
His excuse the next day was that I had offended him by what I had said earlier and then made it worse by leaving the room while he was still talking. Right.
He was also upset that I chose to end the "discussion" like that with my misconceptions as he felt that that would impact our relationship.
Seriously.

I sometimes wonder if we are living the same reality. What is he thinking? We basically live our own lives, neither venturing too far into the others - very similar to where we were pre dday. Its almost like we have come full circle. Surely he can see that?

Then again, maybe not.

Anyway, Fairyfriend, I think its wonderful that you and your H have worked together to get where you are now. Stories like yours not only encourages others but helps set the bar on what a "new" M could be like. So well done.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, December 26th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Guys!

Sorry I didn't get in here to wish everyone happy holiday, merry christmas but at least I made it in time to wish you a Happy New Year!!

I hope everyone survived the holidays. I know they are triggery for everyone for their own reasons. I had a bit of a melt down on Xmas eve but the hugs of the youngest dd brought me back from the brink.

I will say that my H and I are still hanging in there. He is doing everything possible and I am just trying to make it through this mess. I am so happy to see my family together. The girls honestly had such a great Xmas and I know it would have been so different if their mom and dad were not together. My H actually broke down and cried and apologized over and over for hurting me and swore he would never do anything to hurt me again.

I hope he can keep that promise.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, December 26th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well dip when you get back on here you got some serious santa ass to kick.....he did bring me some peace, and then today it ended...the last 2 days were filled with lots of peaceful, funny, good and real moments...good friends most certainly helped...then today pfm ended the peace....we all friends and mom included were having a convo about bank accounts...it started by my friend said that he didn't believe in separate accounts, separate vacations...etc.....i then said that i not only believe in separate as well as joint accounts but strongly encourage it, that it is a really good thing to have...well then pfm gets into the convo and starts putting in his 2 cents when my friend and i were discussing it a bit heatedly, a freindly debate....using some of my circumstance as an example....my friend then asked the $64,000 quesiton of did iwam know about the account and could she touch the money.....then came a whoppin lie....he said, "she didn't know about money, if she knew about it she could touch it"....well that was a total big fat lie...so i call him on it...and what ensued was mind boggling....he actually believed his words....my mother and my daughter hearing my yelling entered the fray..and both were looking at him, telling him no, iwam could not touch the money and that yes iwam was right that he was lying...my dd even told him that he was not admitting it and was just making excuses for it....it took me truly losing it, in front of friends, mom and dd for him to finally shut up and realized the lie.....or so i thought...because then he still continued a bit later...and then after a bit more...the heated arguament changed direction and he calmly, quietly comes next to me to stand and the idiot apologized for "getting me upset"...NOT THE FUCKING LIE....but getting me upset...

o.k. he is really dummy of the year...he just came into me now, tells me he loves me and tells me he will never hurt me again....idiot...does he think that the lies are not relevant....love ...he know nothing of love....i told him that and then proceeded that he never put any action behind those words for me, for others yes but never NEVER for me....aaarrrggghhhh...

this man makes me so mad sometimes...the stupidity just never ends...like a fucking roll of toilet paper that just never runs out just keeps runnin on and on and on and on.....


o.k. hopefully rant over.....

hurtshirley...i agree about how things would not be the same without "dad"...it's the very premise that sustains me...

fairyfriend...yay, really glad to hear that you are making progress and are really working at it, or should i say he's really working at it...

weepy: deans list...big yay..

lh2: it is really nice to see the progress that you are making, acknowledging and recognizing ones issues is really a big step....once you have made this step, its time for the next step...and that the big one....what to do with this newfound knowledge...do you use it to heal yourself, do you honor it and decide to choose what is best for you...or do you deny it and go back to that that dishonors you furthering your own wounds.....

i hope i make sense...its one of those times that i see it in my head...may not come out right in print...

just my 2 cents worth...

((((((tribe)))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, December 28th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

weepy.

Deans list! Very good. That is a whole bunch better than some of the lists I have been on. Some I still am on. Cheers to you too.

Dear miracle Lost Heart2 Abby.

The abstinence thing was because I was pissed. I really did not want to have anything to do with her. I'm sure everyone here can relate. It appears that you two are thinking that I should just use her for sex. I think I have heard those words here before.

I decided to follow your advice, but the holidaze and her getting a cold put a stop to that. The karma bus got me again!

Sorry to hear that both of you had crappy events in the past days. If misery loves company this should help. My weekend was not fun either.

LH2.

Thanks for saying I am special. When you said that you thought I might go the other way, I sure hope you did not mean like chasing another guy!

I have been thinking about the miricle question about falling in love with the wrong person. Here is a guys view point. Because she had some really nice boobs. She had a good job. Nice boobs. Good cook. Nice legs. Good house cleaner. Nice boobs.

Miracle. I have been looking all over for Santa. Last week you couldn't spit without hitting Santa. He was everywhere. Now that he knows I am wanting to kick his ass, that fat bastard is hiding out. I'm still looking for him.

fairyfriend.

That was such a nice informative and calming post. And then there was that last sentence. You really made me Walk softly but carry a big stick.

hurtshirley.

It sounds like your H is trying to work things out. that is good to see.

See you later Tribe...


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, December 28th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so dip: one would think that you like your wife's boob's.....

and you punish her how again???

and when you do find santa, tell him to watch out for the cookies...or should i put the arsenic in the milk????....

still not a happy camper here, pfm has made another mess of things....and my dd is not just back at square one but way less then....and of course he has no clue how to clean this one up....and frankly this one will be even tougher...he still had not made too much headway prior to this latest idiocy...now he probably doesn't stand a chance....dd is totally unforgiving, very distrustful and has less then 0 respect for her dad....and i understand why completely....but i hope he learns to play his cards right so that one day she can make peace with him for her sake...

((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, December 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle.

Yes I do. No matter what size or shape, most men seem to think that boobs are good.

I have been trying to figure out a punishment. I think I may occasionally leave the toilet seat down when I pee. That should teach her.

These thoughs of punishment seem to turn to thoughts of revenge. This past weekend it occured to me that maybe I should take a trip to Vegas and visit one of those legal brothels. Charge up around $3000 of "fun" and "forget" to tell her. She could find out about all this when she opened the credit card bill. This would show her what it is like to be cheated on concerning both sex and money. Sort of a two for one lesson.

The reason for these evil thoughts happening on the holiday weekend is because she was pissed that she did not have the Christmas spirit this year. The reason was because of OUR fight about her giving away that money. Of course I told her that I was not taking any blame about any of that stuff. She caused all of that on her own.

Damn, here I was ready to set aside problems for the holiday, kind of a 48 hour Christmas truce, and I get blamed for her screwing up! Again! That little talk did not set a very good tone for the rest of the weekend. It really made me think giving money to a hooker would be better. At least they would act nice while they took the cash.

Sad to hear that you are not a happy camper. I have never had to deal with all this crap and worry about what it is doing to children. I hope that you are able to help your dd with some of your very good Dear miracle Abby advice. If your H is not going to be able to help her, it is all on you. Again! That is not fair, but the children deserve all the help they can get. Just like you, they did not have a choice about taking this ride.

Of course I am just a man, and a dipstick at that. All my advice in these matters is suspect. Half my mind was writing the advice and the other half was probably thinking about something else. Like maybe boobs?

Hugs to you miracle, and to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, December 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course I am just a man, and a dipstick at that. All my advice in these matters is suspect. Half my mind was writing the advice and the other half was probably thinking about something else. Like maybe boobs?

Just made me laugh... ALOT! Thank-you, it's a great way to start the day.

((((((IWAM))))))

I am sorry that your holiday was so tough. I read the post from pfm and all I can say is WOW!! You need to pat yourself on the back and then take a long hard look at yourself because you are one strong woman!! That you have stayed within your M for as long as you have truly is a miracle!!

Some people get it and some never do. Perhaps it would help if pfm didn't seem to have an excuse for everything he says... I just know that it would drive me crazy.

I do get the part about his stepping up for your daughter. My DD was the one that originally took the call from OW! While it has been about 2 years, maybe a little more, she is still upset! My H has spent ALOT of time and talk and showing, but it just takes time. My DD's way of dealing with it all was to eat! We are none of us small people, but she just kept putting it on... if she was super big then no one will want to date her, and then no one will cheat on her!! But even she has admitted that maybe her Dad has changed, and she is finally ready to get the weight off and fall in love! So we are all going into this new year a little more healed and with ALOT of work still to be done!

I am so glad that we will be working on getting healthy together. My DD is so smart and beautiful, and some lucky guy will eventually find her!!

I hope everyone has a peaceful new year...

Keeping everyone in my thoughts...

Almost forgot... my H and I bought a new camper. It's our gift to ourselves. We have made alot of new memories in the other one and we are looking forward to traveling in this newer one!!

Love to all
((((((LTA TRIBE))))))

Lovin


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, December 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i laughed too dip.....me thinks you have slight affinity for boobs... ...

thank you both of you for your kind words of encouragement...

i went to ic yesterday and i have come to the realization with her help that he may never be capable of becomming the man i think he should be even as a dad....he is doing what he sees as the best he can do now, and that may actually be...which again means that this is it....he does not have the tools in his toolbox to fix all that needs fixing....

i am realizing that he is just not capable of living an honest life in any way shape or form. he believes his own lies and he's been at it so long i don't think he knows the difference anymore, i also think he has truly programmed himself to put things away in a compartment to either draw out when needed or put away permanently...i think its probably the only way he's ever been able to deal with his issues, or should i say inadequacies, whether they be self inflicted pov's or those given to him by others....

either way i need to really take a huge step back, remain calmer when he trips up, because he will always trip up...and you're right lovin he does always have an excuse or as he puts it an explanation...and its that very thing that is now driving my dd somewhat nuts...

i fear for my dd in future relationships, i hope that she at least finds some peace with her dad's faults....i know she has it in her, i did....i just hope she finds it before she starts dating seriously...or it will be brought into every relationship she has....

yes staying in this marriage is tough, but i don't look at it as a marriage anymore, i am disconnecting myself as a wife, i repeat it over and over and over that we are nothing more then coparents....i am still quite sad over the whole mess.....and angry....but i will come out of this o.k....i am a survivor...and i will find someone else because i am not closed off to future relationships...my mom closed herself off, i don't want to do that....besides i love sex, i want sex and i will have sex again....and i will do so before i get dentures, i have decided that... ...i am actually open to it whenever...i don't consider myself bound to this marriage anymore, he broke that contract, i do not consider it binding....i do not want reconcilliation, i want my freedom eventually, would love it now, but my kids need to come first at least for now....

lovin when you go travelin...if you ever come out towards long island, i would love to g2g.....

dip:

and I get blamed for her screwing up!

i used to get blamed for everything too, those days are over for me, it time you made them over too....

hell the idiot tried to blame me when i first found out everything, first it was because i didn't give him sex, i cut him off.....that was a lie, and then he tried that i wouldn't give him sex often enough,...yet another lie....the only time i refused that man was when i had my period, a really sick kid and i needed some sleep and thats about it,....then i became a hole and things changed permanently...but by that time the man was on his 2nd lta...but of course it's my fault... i could laugh about it now, it was just too insane...his family was like that, or is like that, everything that ever went wrong in that dynamic was always my fault...they gave me such power, with them i knew they meant it, with pfm it was just a way to not own his shit because he knew he was wrong...accepting and owning is not one of his strongsuits...

dip you may have that with your wife, it sounds like she has trouble owning her shit....hopefully you will have better luck then i did on showing her how to do that...i think that accepting responsibility for ones own actions when those actions are so blatantly hurtful and destructful is not only necessary but healing to both parties.....o.k. taking off my dear abby hat now...

i do not usually make new years resolutions, i do not really believe in them, that because i believe that when you see something that needs to be done, waiting for an excuse is just that an excuse, why put off tomorrow what you can do today...at least with personal stuff...cleaning doesn't count..

so here it goes:

i will disconnect permanently from pfm..

i will not deny myself pleasurable experiences of any kind....

the biggest one:

I WILL PREPARE MY KIDS FOR WHAT IS TO COME, IN ALL WAYS.....

as pharoah would say:

so it is written, and so it will be done!!!!

so everyone, or anyone not already off somewhere....do you have any resolutions for your lives???...not just for the new year, but because you deserve them....

as always
((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, December 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((IWAM)))))

so everyone, or anyone not already off somewhere....do you have any resolutions for your lives???...not just for the new year, but because you deserve them....

You bet I do!!

I am going to get healthy as a family, with my DD, my H and I! We have already discussed biking and walking and eating healthy! We are blessed to be healthy right now, and all of us plan on doing everything in our power to get even more healthy.

Mr. Lovin and I are going to camp as much as possible and just enjoy being together! We will do all the things we love and spend time with all our wonderful friends!

Hubby plans on retiring from the dept and getting another job! That will be good for him!

H is applying for another job and I am praying he gets it... he truly does deserve it!

I plan on enjoying my Dad every day. I have been a little short with him this year because I have been watching mine and H's relationship! I am finally and totally at peace, so I will spend as much time as possible with my Dad!

Last but not least... I will laugh more, love more, and just be thankful for every minute of every day!!

HAPPY NEW YEARS TO ALL!!

Lovin


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, December 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lovin.

I am glad that I got your day off to a good start. Congratulations on getting the new camper. Your new years resolutions are great.

miracle.

I like other body parts too.

I was reading one of pfm's posts and was left wondering if he was just doing all that he is capable of doing at this time. I realize that is not enough for you, but I did get the feeling that this may be all you are going to get for now.

My wife has some serious issues. Her problem is very hard to deal with. Even for a pro. Someone with her type of problem is very hard to get to go to IC. She does accept full resonsibility for her actions, but then the mood swings and the outlook changes. She does make excuses about many things. Sometimes I do not know if she is capable of dealing with things any other way.

Your new years resolutions sound pretty good.

You said cleaning does not count!! My big resolution was to clean the closet more often. I guess if I can't use that one I will have to think of something else. Here it is. I will TRY to not think about boobs as much.

Hugs tribe.

P.S. I'm still looking for Santa.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, December 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to wish everyone here a happy, healthy, peaceful New Year.
We all deserve one!
I also could use some hugs. I am triggering all over the place! New Years 2007- 3 yrs ago is my d-day.
I can remember everything that happened that week like it was yesterday.
The memory of it all is not as painful as it was....instead I am feeling numb.....and not particularly warm and fuzzy when it comes to Mr.NJ....
Once again I am questioning my sanity in staying....and wondering if I still feel this way 3 yrs post d-day then maybe I will NEVER get over this. Maybe I'm just fooling myself thinking that my marriage will survive this and will even be better than before...
Sorry to bring everyone down.
I did just intend to wish us all a better and happier year.
hugs to all


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
booger bear
♀ Member
Member # 26584
Sad  Posted: 1:48 AM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG ... I am so sad ... I also belong to this thread ...

I am in the JFO, general, law enforcement thread, divorce/seperation thread, WS left for OP thread, oh yeah the my WH is a LEO thread ...

it just never seems to end ... I am actually afraid to do anymore surfing on the website for fear of how many more threads my WH's A is going to make me a member of unwillingly ... no body wants it duh ... but UGH !!!

WH and OW have been having a PA since summer of 07 the EA started he said around x-mas of 06 ...

the reason I moved out of state was because WH choose the OW ... they are still together and in love ..

I much more can I take ... I know the more forums I belong to the more support I get ect... but ugh I don't know ... it is also kinda overwhelming ...

Feels like everytime I find a new thread or forum I belong to it opens up a whole new can of worms and questions ... and makes me sad ...

but it also turns on some lights at the same time which is good ...

I am so :cry


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18711 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here, but not there ...
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 3:19 AM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lovin
Congrats on the new camper. I wish you many many more happy journeys on it. Now this one can swim across the sea, right?
And all the best for your H's interview. Let us know how it turns out.

***
Dipstick,
You ARE hilarious. Thank you for the chuckles this week. I needed that!

***
(((((Miracle))))))
Hang in there.

***
Welcome Boogerbear.
I read your profile.
And you have really been hit from all sides. Your confusion and hurt is so evident, my heart aches for you.

There is not much I can think to say about your H and M right now, and think you should rather focus on yourself.
Has your H filed for D?
Are you protected in terms of your assets?
Are you still in IC?

Boogerbear, it may not seem like it now, but in time you will see that
1. You CAN NOT make another person have an A. It was his choice. At any time did he come to you and tell you he was unhappy and wanted to work on the M with you and the actively worked on it together?

2. You not being able to have children DOES NOT give him permission to have an A either, nor does it give him permission to steal another man's children.

3. So you were not the easiest person to live with. I have 2 things to say about that, firstly, auditing yourself is great. You will learn from your mistakes and choose to be the person you want to be. Secondly, do you know for a fact that you were this bad person, or is this what you have been hearing all you life/M?
You see the reason I ask this, is that I remember being referred to as moody and difficult growing up by my parents. This carried on with my H and so I have this core belief that I am moody and difficult.However in IC I am learning to see all that differently. I wont go into that now but will give you an example: I was moody and difficult in my M because I was bringing up the children alone, with an emotionally and sometimes physically absent H, who was very PA. Whenever I called him up on something he was supposed to have done, I was m and d. He knew that that would shut me up and it did.

Anyway,
I look forward to getting to know you. 2010 could be an awesome year for you; you are going back to college in Feb? You are starting a whole new path.

****
Happy New Year Tribe, old friends and new. My wish to each one of you:

Happiness deep down within.
Serenity with each sunrise.
Success in each facet of your life.
Family beside you.
Close and caring friends.
Health, inside you.
Love that never ends.
Special memories of all the yesterdays.
A bright today with much to be thankful for.
A path that leads to beautiful tomorrows.
Dreams that do their best to come true.
Appreciation of all the wonderful things about you.

Thank you all for holding my hand this year.

LH


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
booger bear
♀ Member
Member # 26584
Shocked  Posted: 3:46 AM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi lost heart2 ...

thnx for the kind words and support very much appreciated ...

we are filing in 2010 after we do taxes ... we have no assests just his retirement which he has agreed to give me half ... No I am not in IC because i left the state his ins will not cover ... will only cover emergency things ...

WH claims he does not want to take over OW's H's children ... however I really do not believe at all since all WH says is what a bad father OW's H is ...

I think WH is going to try and buy a house in the new year to get that tax credit ... the houses he was looking at these last few months are bi-level with 3+ bedrooms ... hmmmmm why would a single guy need all that room ????

he says when he flips it it will bring more $$$ maybe so ... but come on ...


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18711 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here, but not there ...
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