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User Topic: Long Term Affair Thread X V I
iwantamiracle
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Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, October 27th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ukgirl: i stopped buying pfm cards...and when i did before, because we did have issues i always had a hard time, i have to mean what the card says...buying pfm and his family used to be such a pain...yay now i have another thing to be thankful for where all this crap is concerned...

there usually are benign cards, its takes time to find them but they are there....

hopefully it won't be as bad as you are preparing it to be....

(((ukgirl)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, October 27th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostHeart2 - Sending you huge hugs and positive vibes. Please let us know how you are doing and if you want to share, what is going on. I hope it is something that can be easily treated.
(((((((((((LH))))))))))
UKGirl - I think all of us can relate to the card shopping difficulty. I have spent probably hours trying, only to go home in tears so I've basically given up. It's just not worth upsetting myself. I have found some "Between You and Me" cards but even those say things that aren't true for marriages that have suffered the betrayals of a LTA.
So, here's one I found (wanting to keep it light) that I gave my H on his birthday:
To My Husband - I felt like celebrating your birthday by cleaning the whole house, making your favorite meal, and waiting on you hand and foot!
So I went shopping until that feeling passed.
You know, sometimes we just have to remember that a sense of humor really can be the best medicine.
Take care of yourself and don't try to do more than you can to keep your sanity.
(((((UKG)))))

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 9:35 AM, October 27th (Tuesday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, October 27th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostHeart2

I am glad you liked my name. I was going to be old dumbass, but I thought dipstick had more class.

I hope that by the time you read this you are feeling better.

iwantamiracle.

The clock story is a good lesson about perspective. Here is another. When I said that most of us are on a slippery slope, I did not mean a slope heading toward A. I meant this. Suppose that one day things are going pretty good. A trigger happens. Now you do not feel so good. That is a little slide down a slope. I should have worded my origional statement a bit better.

I know you are having a hard time with your situation. Dealing with a teenager is like dealing with a sick mind. I have no children but I have delt with a sick mind. It is tough.

trynhard.

Dealing with her breakdown was/is tough. You asked, as a good person how can you not regret doing that to someone you supposedly care about? I had that feeling too. That is a painfull thought. I used that feeling to help me understand how she felt about what she did to me. She had the same type of regret, just much worse.

The WW's triggers question. I am sure that my WW's is #1. She hates the OM. Especially the lta. That is one of the bits of info I got from her. She admitted she was used and is very ashamed of her stupidity.( Of course OM's BS probably would view my WW at the skanky, whore, bitch. ) Your #2 is a valid reason to consider and could in fact be my WW's trigger.

I have to admit that you saying I hit on your problem of resentment made me feel good about posting here. Then I remembered that even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Reviewing articles that you have read in the past is a good thing. They can make more sense now.

I understand the motel thing. That is a tough one. I hate to say this, but there is one major chain that I will still not stay in.

Sex life. Well my situation was/is different in some ways. I was not rejected that often. However, several years after DD, menopause arrived. I hope the following is not TMI.

Menopause can cause a change in desire and can cause vaginal dryness. That can make sex hurt. But this can make the unreasonable voice in your head say, "she had plenty of desire and moisture for OM, why not me?" The sane voice, the right voice, "says no you idiot, this is what happens when you age!" My point is, the DR may be right about your wife's problem. There can be several other valid reasons why a WS does not desire sex. I understand your feeling of rejection.

UKGirl.

You are in luck. I was going to give you some advice but I am fresh out.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, October 27th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was going to give you some advice but I am fresh out.
No worries! I mostly think I'm beyond receiving advice!

Hello FNF!

So I went shopping until that feeling passed.
Perfect! LOL! Now just tell me where to buy it! Since I have my in the dark parents up, Iíll have to get something. So I sent a text to H: suggest you buy a card you would like me to give to you. If Mum and Dad werenít coming, Iíd just let the day go by. Iím not keen on reclaiming it back for us.

I have no idea what MOWísBH thinks of my H. I donít think he had any wish to confront him. They really are very different Ė he plays bridge and my H is an ex-rugby player. He probably thinks of him as an arrogant cake-eating nasty POS out to play with and then destroy his wife. I wonít say what I think of her Ė if I start I wonít stop! But I donít think she could care less what I think of her. I didnít exist as far as she was concerned, I was just in the way of their happiness.

I suppose I am luckier than some of you in one respect. MOW was nothing to do with, Hís or our family, social life or Hís work. She couldnít have been more removed which made it easier for WH to keep her in the box and away from me. I never knew her at all, only as some vague name from Hís past. She was never brought to our home Ė and Iím pretty sure that much is true. So I have no triggers locally. I expect she came to spy on me and to see where we live, but Iím not bothered about that. All hotels (cos there are too many to list!) are major triggers though and it is something H simply doesnít understand. We stayed in hotels while he was having the affair, so whatís different?

Itís hard to be philosophical or to have a sense of perspective when it feels so personal.

LostH Ė check in when youíre ready. Hope everythingís ok.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, October 27th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fnf...its nice to hear from you....and i love that card...did you buy it in bulk, so that you can give it to him every year...

lh2..check in with us when you are ready...

dipstick...i think what you are referring to the roller coaster...here at si there is a term for EVERYTHING.....slipper lsope is reserved for those going to the dark side of sex otherwise known as cheating....rollercoaster is what we ride because we have more ups and downs then we probably ever had in between the sheets...

and triggers are just that, they hit ya like you are being shot...usually sending you down the coaster again...

as for my sich...my teenage son has taken things to the next level here, so my rollercoaster has these loopty loop things that just make me so damned dizzy....trying to maintain a sense of humor today, in between of course i have tears...i had a small nightlight moment...not big enough to be the bulb...i was watching the biggest loser and this woman who was voted off had just found herself again...2 and half years ago her husband and 2 precious children were killed in a car accitdent, she lost her way and got fat....somehow she says she feels like she has the light back in her life again, she wants to live again...basically she came through a horrific tragedy, lost the people closest to her, including her children 5 and 9 months old....and she is finding her way....hell i still have my kids, and they are really great kids...even the son who is in some doggie doo doo right now....they are healthy, they are really good people and i like them most of the time.....i will find my light too...and hell i might even find me a penis attached to a man who will, i said WILL cherish ME...

warning tmi coming...i am still incredibly horny...this has not wavered, my sex drive has returned with almost a vengance....i really want a penis...and i want the whole kitankaboodle.....i want the relationship that goes with the sex...and yes i am prime for a slippery slope, my skis are ready... ...o.k. end of tmi...


as always
((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Lost Heart2
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Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 3:52 AM, October 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Tribe
Op went went well or like DOC said, "routine, no surprises" so thats good Have to be laid up for a week which I am NOT good at. Plus a list of donts which includes no sex for 1 month . Sheesh.
H didnt think that would be a problem until I (mis)quoted Dr Phil, "If mama aint get any,aint no one getting any!"

***

Ukg,
Have you found a suitable IC yet?

Re the bday - IMO, plan it like you would any dinner party. I am sure your youngest DS would like some input - get him to get a card. Heck get a cake from Greggs . I guess as the other boys wont be there, it will be a little sad. just do what you can Ukg. DO NOT put yourself under any pressure.

***

I am glad you liked my name. I was going to be old dumbass, but I thought dipstick had more class

***
Miracle,
Cant you "use" PFM for sex?

H and I dont make love anymore - I wonder if we ever did. After ddays and a year of HB, it bugged me. I wanted to be held and cherished and loved. But that didnt happen and I got tired of asking for it.
So I settled for good old fashioned sex, which I suppose on some level meets both our needs.
Sad but it works...on some level.

***

Trigger about hotels...
They stayed in a chain hotel which my family have always used. In fact we still use them as it would be difficult to explain why I dont want to. Nobody would understand. And it would be LH being oversensitive again. He of course doesnt see a problem with it either. So I go along and try my hardest to block out the images. I dont hate it, just feel incredibly incredibly sad.
And i wonder what he is thinkin - is it penitence for him or does he relive happy memories? Ask him and you will get a "I dont remember much. I dont think of stuff like that".

Re resentment- I think we both have a largesse of that.

I wish I knew why he resented me. After all, I did everything he wanted me to do since 19. I became what he wanted me to. and then he called me a spineless wimp (which i agree with). I am trying to grow a backbone and become strong and yet he still resents me. Either way, strong or weak, I fail him.
And somehow it matters less and less with every passing day...

***
Miracle,
Join a gym. Walk. Do yoga. Shop. Get off the slope!


***
((((((fnf))))))

Hi Friendie.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 3:58 AM, October 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn,

are you two in MC?
has your WW given you reason(s) as to why she is not interested?
could it be that she associates sex now with OM, and as such feels dirty and degraded, unworthy of you?

When a M is on earthquake ground, the marital bed is one place which allows us to connect and soothe each other. It is an imperative part of any M. Dont give up, but IMO, your W needs to get her act together as well. She cant hide out. Its not fair on you or your M,and she is also denying herself a way of healing.

Just my thought.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, October 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lh2: its so good to have you back, i missed you...i just wish while you were away you found some peace...

Miracle,
Join a gym. Walk. Do yoga. Shop. Get off the slope!

i already walk every day, power walk...yoga way not for me....slope not for me either, but have no issue with forming a new relationship with another... which brings me to:

Cant you "use" PFM for sex?

this is not an option, he lost that privilege....among so many...i am in this for my kids and i see no reason to to keep myself in a state of aloneness because of his choices....he made his choice(s), and he made them for me, and i stupidly allowed it...NO MORE....i am woman, hear me roar......



seriously i will no longer live a life that is not true to who i am and i am a sexual being....i should not have to give up everything because i am choosing to allow him to stay and fix the damage he's done to my kids....i gave up enough already...of course my adult choices will be private as they should be.....but i have needs and i've put my needs on hold long enough, pretty much my whole damned marriage, and i stupidly had no clue that i was loving a man who was loving another..i loved him unconditionally so i put all my needs away, a year before d-day i finally had had enough for certain needs i was no longer willing to put on hold, and because my sex drive was destroyed i decided that sex was no longer a privilege he had....he was to either step with his foo or sex was non-existant...and it was easy to cut him off becasue i no longer wanted sex, the drive was DEAD...he started to kill it when he turned me into the hole.....well d-day changed everything...i don't knkow why but my sex drive is back, and its back with a vengence...on a scale of 1 to 10 for horniness i am a 20...its quite irritating and freeing at the same time, its almost like i have this need to make up for lost time....like when you havent eaten in days and suddenly you have all this food and you could eat again all you want to do is gorge yourself....however i do not want just sex, i want the whole deal, yet another reason pfm is not an option...

anways i am rambling....must be dipstickitis....

I wish I knew why he resented me. After all, I did everything he wanted me to do since 19. I became what he wanted me to. and then he called me a spineless wimp (which i agree with). I am trying to grow a backbone and become strong and yet he still resents me. Either way, strong or weak, I fail him

first off you may never know why he resents you...only he can tell you and he probably has no clue why, he just does...that lovely subconsious...it thinks when you don't...and i think its time you stopped dwelling on failing him....because you need to be your own hero because you are failing yourself far more....you need to be strong for YOU...put him on a back burner..deal with him later...deal with yourself first, heal yourself because he is incapable of helping you heal...i too have someone who is incapable and it sucks and we have to work that much harder...and then of course we have kids so we put ourselve on the back burner when we have to deal with their issues, or even just being available to them for whatever...but you need to put yourself right back in the forefront whenever your kids are not needing you, they do not need us all the time, they also need to see that its o.k. to be an adult separate from them, mommies are allowed to have a life, its encouraged...it shows our children that this is the way it should be...even when we can't show them a good fuctioning marriage we can show them that its o.k. to be your own person aprat from everybody else...its how we learn to do more then just "survive"....

(((lh2)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, October 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost Heart2.. Happy all went w ok, always scary when you have some Dr doing stuff to you.

My wife and I have not been to MC in weeks. She will go with me if I ask. I know I am very sensitive right now. Do I know why she said No the other night? No I donít. She wanted to talk about it but I just didnít at the time. She said quickly she "didnít mean it in that way". After 26 years, I am not stupid, I know that tone. I let her know how I felt. ďBoy, it sure does feel great to be rejectedĒ

For years, I could easily take a no without it bothering me. When I under my wifeís control of false reality, I believed in Mother Nature... men can plant seeds and get a woman pregnant everyday, but women only once a month. Thus, women just have different desires. I accepted that. But after finding out the reality! I know the fight and battles I made to control my real desires. Iím still bitter and resentful. This is something I am going to work on. I worked on wanting to kill OM and today I donít. I can do this too. Today and into the future, Iím just not going to accept the typical ďNOĒ, and I am not going to accept being with someone that doesnít desire me. I have made that totally clear to my wife some time ago and have reinforced my feelings about this subject. As I have said, this may end our M.

My wife was very sweet to me these past couple days with much touching, kisses and she made me feel better. IMO, I didnít bury my feelings, what I did was not make a big deal about this to her. I did bury the intensity of my feelings and you all received the brunt of it.. Why? I chose to love my wife. Now I think I am ready to calmly asked why she said no. It was very playful and fun IMO. We bet that she could not have a cigarette when we went out. She wants to quit. She smoked and I won. I said I was looking forward to getting home. She was tempting me all night too to lose my part of the bet... all in fun too. Her NO was not because she was upset she lost. It was a NO because she just didnít want toÖ and not a nice NO. I'm going to bring this up again with her.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, October 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone want to take a challenge? Who in our group has the healthiest M? Yes to each that apply's to you TODAY!

The following are things studies show in healthy Married Couples:

1) Have a Share Spirituality which gives meaning to life
2) Have a support system of other couples in strong marriages
3) Frequently Affirm each other
4) Spend quality and quantity Time together
5) Communicate and Listen easily and well
6) Approach Conflict constructively and as a learning experience
7) Have a mutually satisfying Sexual Relationship
8) Are flexible and open to change
9) Have a sense of commitment and faithfulness to one another
10) Have a Unity based on share values and goals
11) Have a sense of play and humor
12) Have a deep sense fo Trust
13) Continue to experience Forgiveness
14) Value service to others.

For me....

1) Have a Share Spirituality which gives meaning to life
2) Have a support system of other couples in strong marriages (YES)
3) Frequently Affirm each other (YES)
4) Spend quality and quantity Time together (YES)
5) Communicate and Listen easily and well (YES)
6) Approach Conflict constructively and as a learning experience (YES)
7) Have a mutually satisfying Sexual Relationship
8) Are flexible and open to change
9) Have a sense of commitment and faithfulness to one another
10) Have a Unity based on share values and goals (YES)
11) Have a sense of play and humor
12) Have a deep sense fo Trust
13) Continue to experience Forgiveness (YES)
14) Value service to others. (YES)

[This message edited by trynhard at 9:11 AM, October 28th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, October 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have to be laid up for a week which I am NOT good at

lh2: laid up for a week...does this mean total bed rest?

if so, do you have books or movies?....

i wouldnt be good at bed rest either...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, October 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostHeart2.

It is good to hear that the Dr was pleased with the operation. Hospitals suck.

I guess it should not have, but that really cracked my up when you said Mircale can't you "use" PFM for sex?

iwantamiracle.

dipstickitis!! You thought you could slip that by me by putting that in the middle of your rambling message? Well I guess I do have a history of being fooled.

Your desire for sex is normal. Put those skis in the closet. You already know this. No matter how horny you are, a RA is not the answer.

trynhard.

That challenge is a tough test.

Your problem with your wife's lack of desire is another. Yes there can be all kinds of reasons, both physical and psychological. Medication can cause a lack of desire. Do not discount any of these. Most of these problems can be repaired.
I hope you can get an answer to this problem.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, October 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Miracle (you are so sweet)

Actually the reason I went AWOL was because I was on a downer. I can deal with things as they come along, but sometimes, it just gets too much,you know? When nothing you do seems right or enough. When you cant see further then your own nose. When the abyss looks scarily inviting.
And I wonder how easy it would be to just give up or run away. Not just life (although those thoughts pass through my mind more often then they should), but from this life. What if I walk out that door and never return? What if I do whatever I want to whoever I want and not give a damn about the consequences. What would it be like to be somebody else? What would it be like to be with somebody else?
What would it be like to have 5 minutes of wonderful?

Sigh.

Anyway, re spending time thinking too much of H usually happens when I am disatisfied with the way my life is going, and I guess thats a PA response. Cos if i am focusing on him, then I am not focusing on me.
Not healthy nor wise.

So its back to the drawing board for me.

And yes, 1 week bed rest. I am already on the 2nd day and its driving me nuts. And trying desp to ignore the washing up and dirty laundry.

***
Tryn,

My wife and I have not been to MC in weeks. She will go with me if I ask.

I am sorry - i dont understand: dont you have a contractual agreement with your MC? You shouldnt be asking your W to MC; it should just be. An hour a week for both of you where you can constructively rebuild your M. She isnt doing it just for you, mate. Thats not how it works.

****
Dipstickitis.
Good one, Miracle.

And Dipstick, I am glad I made you smile.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, October 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Fnf!
Empty your mailbox already.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, October 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone want to take a challenge?

Who in our group has the healthiest M? Yes to each that apply's to you TODAY!

part 1 above...hell no

part 2 above way to many no's...

with a few exceptions, like lovin...none of us have a healthy marriage, there are some of you who are working at it, but it is so not a contest....no one can judge between us to say who's marriage is more healthy then the other...the fact is almost none of us have a healthy marriage period....there are no degrees to it, it either is or it isn't...

sorry tryn

Your desire for sex is normal. Put those skis in the closet. You already know this. No matter how horny you are, a RA is not the answer

dipstick....i will not have an affair for revenge, it i choose ot have arelationship its because i choose a relationship, getting even would have nothing to do with it...


lh2: we need to come up with bed activities for you to do....i know i know...figure out how to accomplish world peace...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, October 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

iwantamiracle.

Once again I seem to have screwed up. I really know you do not want to have a RA. You were expressing a desire to have sex and you seemed to be saying that in anger. Since you were leaving PFM out, the closest definition I could come up with was the RA. I was wrong and I am sorry. Now you can think up another new nickname for me.

I really do love women. Some of my best friends have been female. ( yes, we were "just friends" ) You all can be a real trip. To a simple minded male like me the complicated mind of the female can be such a joy to experience but also a deep mystery to solve.

Like a lot of men, I am pretty much a generalizing type of guy. If I buy X for $28.75 and you say what did that cost, I will say about $30. Ask most women I know this same question and they will say something like this, it was $33.75 with a $5 off sale so it was $28.75.

About right now some MOD is thinking "what does this have to do with lta." Here it is.

For a long time after DD#2 I wondered how my WW was able to get by with the A for so long. Part of the answer is this. I was often not in town. Easy. She was often out of town. Easy. I wondered about the lying part though. Well, she made it easier by thinking like me. She just generalized about things. Half truths and half lies. Since I was a simpleton I did not question any of these stories. She did not ever have to back up her lies with more lies. Easy.

I also often wondered if I could have pulled this off for so long. I know I would not have had a chance in hell of making it past a month.

The first time I tried to generalize something with half lies she would have asked questions. Not easy.
Not easy is when you get caught.

I realize that all of this does not apply to all here. Being fooled for so long is hard to understand. At least I was able to figure out how I was so easily used. When dealing with lying, She changed from her usual complicated ways to my simple ways. I never noticed.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, October 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dipstick: you did not screw up, you just posted your opinion on what you thought i was doing....and there is nothing wrong with that..so you keep on posting your opinions and from time to time i will disagree, and thats o.k.....and this goes in reverse to ya know....

when i first read your post, i was a bit tired i though it said i let pfm out of the closet....i did a double take and started to wonder....oh no, on top of everything else maybe he needs to come out of the closet now... of course the laugh did me good.....

no new nicknames, at least not yet...

Since I was a simpleton I did not question any of these stories

you were no simpleton, its simply put...you trusted her and you had no reason not to...that is how they all got away with their actions for so long....and just because you never questioned doesn't mean she didn't have to add lie to lie, everyday that she let go, everyday that she continued, everyday she told you she loved you...you believed because you had no reason to disbelieve and you wanted to believe...after all isn't that what youre supposed to do in marriage.....this is in no way,, shape or form your doing...all you did was trust...and that is what youre suppposed to do...T R U S T


To a simple minded male like me the complicated mind of the female can be such a joy to experience but also a deep mystery to solve.

ther is nothing simple about you, nor is there anything complicated from what i see, you are a man who loved.....period....and yes we can be joyful experience as are men...and we all posess that innate ability to drive someone totally batty...


uh oh, i am rambling again....that dipstickitis is acting up again



i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 4:08 AM, October 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

part 1 above...hell no

part 2 above way to many no's...

OK, I got a chuckle out of that! I did happen to notice a bunch of No.. some might be maybe... See how much work I have left? That was a Retrouvaille page btw... the call them "building block"... I guess brick by brick.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
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Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, October 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn:

See how much work I have left? That was a Retrouvaille page btw... the call them "building block"... I guess brick by brick.

it should be how much work both you and your wife have left..it takes 2 to make a marriage work...and yes it is brick by brick...and there are days when all you have the energy for is the mortar...but the mortar is what keeps them all together....at the very least if you do not have the energy to do even the mortar, then protect what you have already built...tis a very long process...but to reach the ultiamte goal of happiness it takes 2, and the ws has to put more effort into it then the bs...the bs has to put more forgiveness into it then the ws...but ulitmately there needs to be forgiveness all the way around....she will eventually need to forgive herself...when you achieve that ultimate goal you will both know true happiness...because its when you can both be true to yourselves and then be true to each other that happiness is "true"....

i believe that one can also achieve another state of being...contentment...that i believe can be achieved with acceptance...true and absolute acceptance....

i can be so damned idealistic...which is such a battle with my practical logical side which is so much stronger...

and i am glad to give you the chuckle...laughter is wondrous for the soul...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, October 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

iwantamiracle.

So you thought you read he was locked in the closet. Sounds like wishful thinking to me. It is good you had a laugh.

Your right about the lies. She did have to tell them over and over, but not very many at one time. When the police are investigating someone they do not ask a few questions and then stop. That would be way to easy for the suspect. I know that example is different, she was not a suspect and I was not a cop. However it made it easier to violate my trust.

I know that all the WS change their behavior to hide the truth. This is a woman who can not answer a simple yes or no question without telling me at least 2 minutes of information, and then sometimes I am not sure if I got the answer. I think back and can remember that during the lta, at times, she answered short and sweet like me.

I did not notice then but I would now.

When I say I am simple I don't mean I think I am dumb. I do know that if you ask me a yes or no question I will probably answer with one word. That is simple. I really do think that most men are better at doing this than most women. I'm probably going to regret that last sentence.

It would be nice if some other males would back me up on this. I think they are all in the life boat paddling as fast as they can, trying to get as far away from this shinking ship as possible.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


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