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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Helpful Books for WSes
Hope24
♀ Member
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, December 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for newbies.


She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
grace09
♀ Member
Member # 26808
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Getting Past Guilt - Embracing God's Forgiveness


Me - FWW
Dday 7/09
MC began the week of D-Day, but not yet forgiven

Posts: 161 | Registered: Dec 2009
Dagny07
♀ Member
Member # 16928
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WS Only

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 6:37 AM, February 2nd (Tuesday)]


Me:BW Him: FWH E/A
M: 29 years, together 36 : both guilty of PAs 20+ years ago
CDay#1 Oct 06 (false); DDay#2 Oct 07 (truth from OW's BH)
R: Tenaciously optimistic

Posts: 830 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Midwest
Nelum
♀ Member
Member # 13158
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, January 17th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great thread--deserves a bump.

Posts: 60 | Registered: Jan 2007
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, February 2nd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

a great example of the wisdom and support that Fallen has provided to the WS forum and a great reason that she gets the Mod job!

Bump for the new ones on the site.


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3230 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, February 22nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump again so I can shameless plug a book that I am reading on Forgiveness ... something that I think that every remorseful WS will need to achieve in their sturggle to reconcile the act of betrayal against their self-image issues.

Forgiveness, How to Make Peace with Your Past and Get on with Your Life by Dr. Sidney B. Simon and Suzanne Simon.

I've done a lot of reading in the last year and of all the books, this is the one that is touching me inside more than the others. It really drives home the need to come to terms with your past and achieve some self-forgiveness as the only way to start a healing process.

On a scale of 1-10, this one gets a 12 for have given me some perceptions on my behaviour that are just shy of being miraculous.

I highly recommend this book to any WS who is struggling with the issue of self forgiveness.

HUFI

BE STRONG. BE LION STRONG. ROAAR!


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3230 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
FallenTimber
♂ New Member
Member # 27615
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, March 8th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump for the PeterFox website I found amazing.

Posts: 20 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Southern USA
Wishful Thinking
♀ Member
Member # 27137
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, March 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

double bump!- the peter fox website has tools, exercises, activities, something we haven't gotten to in MC just yet.

Great recommendation!


"To Thine Own Self Be True"
FWW: 38 (me)
BS: 40 (him)
Married 14 years, seperated since D-day. Moved back 9/6/10.
The whole truth: D-Day 12/24/09
Nothing But the Truth: Now, always
Working on me to save us, hoping to reconcile with the

Posts: 303 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: MN
Fallen
♀ Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, March 21st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for atesenaotie's WW.


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23481 | Registered: May 2004
dying in remorse
♀ New Member
Member # 27518
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, March 21st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Currently 1/2 way through Not "Just Friends" by Shirley P. Glass

I am finding it very insightful and it is giving me so much to think on. I have started several of the other books on the list above but this one I can connect with more.

A must read if you are in this situation


FWW 30 (ME)
BH 34 (My Love)
Married 7 years
Together 9 1/2 years
D-day 2-1-10
Children
2 boys - ages 12 & 7
1 girl - age 5

Our abusers may have thought they broke us, beat us, dominated and manipulated us, but they strengthened us.


Posts: 47 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Iowa
CookiesAZ
♀ Member
Member # 20897
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, March 21st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really need to read that book, "Should I stay or should I go". That's where I am. Thanks Fallen.

I've got the book "The Love Dare", great if both spouses are willing to do it together, so I've heard...

[This message edited by CookiesAZ at 3:44 PM, March 21st (Sunday)]


me FWW-40's
him BS-41
M-8 yrs.(together 10 yrs.)
1 dog (my baby) no children
DDay-7-25-08
Came home after 7 weeks, and in R since-7-28-08.

Posts: 1004 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: Arizona
Card
♂ Member
Member # 23667
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, March 21st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best book I've read for helping overcome an A, and a must for both BS and WS (IMVHO)

Surviving An Affair, by Dr. Willard Harley, Jr.

After that,

Fall In Love, Stay In Love, by the same author.

After that,

Boundaries, by Cloud & Townsend

My all time favorite..... The Book of Proverbs, found in The Bible!



WH (me)
BS (her)

D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007

"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!

Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin


Posts: 570 | Registered: Apr 2009
CookiesAZ
♀ Member
Member # 20897
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, March 21st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I personally am not a big reader. I prefer talking and listening than reading, but I have found a few books that have been listed here very helpful.


me FWW-40's
him BS-41
M-8 yrs.(together 10 yrs.)
1 dog (my baby) no children
DDay-7-25-08
Came home after 7 weeks, and in R since-7-28-08.

Posts: 1004 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: Arizona
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, June 1st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

T/J for CookiesAZ

Your right in noting that not everyone is comfortable with reading books. Whether itís an issue of reading skills or perhaps vision impairment, there are a lot of reasons for people to seek out alternative delivery methods.

Amazon for instance has audio books such as the following books.

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis A. Spring

How Can I Forgive You - The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To by Janis Spring.

Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity after Infidelity by Shirley Glass.

Whether is audio or visual or any combination thereof, what is important that we can gain so much knowledge and support from the experiences of others in a variety of formats to suit our needs.

And the good news is that if you purchase anything via Amason.com by using the link to the left, then SI gains some financial support.

HUFI


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3230 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
Iamsooscared
♀ Member
Member # 24319
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, June 1st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The three books I've found to be most helpful are:

Not Just Friends.
Almost a guidebook for both BS and WS to infidelity and dealing with it.

The 5 Love Languages.
I started this book thinking I had no love language, and BH has all 5, but it really clarified mine and his, and I use things I learned in it every day. Serious help.

The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Matthew Kelly.
Just opened my eyes as to what real intimacy with my BH is, and how to make it stronger.

I think these have all been mentioned but wanted to add my 2 cents as to what worked for me.


Me: Forgiven WW (40's)
He: BH (40's)
DDay 05/01/09 - see profile for details.
Kids - DD & DS
Working on R
Character: Its what you do when no one is looking.

Posts: 495 | Registered: Jun 2009
Fallen
♀ Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, June 7th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cookies, I found the audiobooks by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes very helpful- and her voice is so soothing and calming.

Besides Warming The Stone Child she has another good one called The Red Shoes

I've listening to both of those several times- it just felt like someone understood my pain and the fact that they are audiobooks was like therapy. I cried a lot when I listened to them, but that was a good thing. Check them out.


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23481 | Registered: May 2004
BrokenRoad
♀ Member
Member # 15334
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, June 10th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Adding my two cents:

"Get out of that Pit" by Beth Moore. Especially Chapter 3.

See http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=359215
for the explanation of why chapter 3.


--BR


{Him}FBH - 43 (WifeHad5)
{Me} FWW - 43
2 kids 7 & 12
Reconciled :)
Beauty and folly are old companions.--Benjamin Franklin

Posts: 10658 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Midwest
Fallen
♀ Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, June 16th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23481 | Registered: May 2004
wincings_sparkle
♀ Member
Member # 27129
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, July 3rd (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

Posts: 1594 | Registered: Jan 2010
Fallen
♀ Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, July 18th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for new members


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23481 | Registered: May 2004
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