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User Topic: Law Enforcement Officers & Spouses Affected by Infidelity
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, October 9th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think a lot of misconception comes from the fact that police officers (as well as other high stress professions) have a higher rate of divorce than most other professions. This statistic does not mean that cops cheat more often--infidelity is not the only reason people divorce.

When the X was in the NYPD, cheating would not have been tolerated in his house; I can't speak for any other precincts. Now, he's a corrections officer and cheating is rampant in his unit; once again, I can't speak for the other units. Also, this information about the prison is anecdotal based on statements by the X; he could have it all wrong

From my own personal experience, the X is not the only police office in my extended family; there are at least 20 others that I know of, but he is the only one that I know has cheated. I could make a fabulous statistic out of that statement, but I won't...


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19154 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, October 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For Sad in AZ,
Sorry for your situation. You asked for statistics. This is what I have found, but please keep in mind that my pain is directly at a particular person, he just happens to be a LEO. Yes, therefore I see things in a different light and I apologize for that shortcoming.
Info;
http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2010/03/14/how-to-find-the-most-fulfillingcareers
http://boingboing.net/2010/03/10/most-adulterous-prof.html
and a published journal artical;
'The Remains of the Workday', Journal of Marriage and Family, Vol 63 No.4(Nov-2001)p.1052.
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, October 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Funny conversation I had this past weekend in a convenience store with a local officer.
Just asked him regarding his depts code of ethics regarding on and off the job behavior and chasing skirts.
He got very defense and asked me if I was referring to him! lol. Guess he must have some ghosts in his closet!
Needless to say, I did not pursue further and he said, 'I don't like the direction this conversation is going in'.
Left it at that and he left.
Funny
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, October 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy shit, MPB-how would you feel if someone came up to you and asked that question out of the blue?

I think you have some severe boundary issues...


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19154 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, October 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I reviewed your citations, and they are just opinions, not facts. In fact, the last published study just reinforces my statement--cops have difficult marriages because of stress, not infidelity.


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19154 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, October 11th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes Sad,
Cops have difficult jobs, like others in other professions, that lend themselves to higher divorce rates.
How many are due to Adultery on the LEOers part is unknown.
Also, the question I posed to the officer was not an affront to him, just an inquiry.
Finally, I have already acknowledged that certainly not a large portion of LEOers are Adulterers, just that the LEOs I know,and there are many, have told me they all know of someone in their respective depts that behave improperly. Stess yes, no one is perfect.
You cross the line, then you should be held accountable, end of point!
Our social fabric is being ripped apart at the seams. The family unit is under attack.
We don't need people in positions of authority, (Politicians, LEOs and everyone else of the same ilk not be held accountable).
The laws should be changed and morality and virtue reinstituted within our hallowed halls.
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, October 20th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strange silence on this board.
Everyone on vacation?
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 2:08 AM, October 26th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am new to posting on these boards but been reading for about a month now. I just found this one though.

I have been in LE for 28 years, seen it all on both sides, devoted family men & women betrayed and the serial cheaters who can't/won't stop.

I think one of the problems is the schedule & weird hours make it easier to be on either side. I know in my case he had so many opportunities due to my being forced over at work. The OW saw her opening and grabbed it.
I now invoke my seniority almost every time, if I don't that thing in the back of my head - where is he, who is he with - makes it hard to concentrate.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 926 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
survivinglies
Member
Member # 19376
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, February 8th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone have a LEO that became a compulsive liar? FWH says it comes from having to stretch the truth to get answers from criminals... wondered what others thought about this?


BS (me)
WS (him)- ONS 1995, 3 month EA 0708
Married: 18, Together: 20, DS & DD
"Onlies" until ONS
95-98 trickle-"we didn't have sex"
D-day #1 (1/23/2008- EA OW#2)
D-day #2 (5/1/2008- ONS OW#1)
Isaiah 40:31

Posts: 1397 | Registered: May 2008 | From: U.S., just a few miles south of insanity
Alwaysknew
♀ Member
Member # 34808
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, February 22nd (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Surviving~ On my end he was a pathalogical liar before he became a leo. Becoming a LEO taught him how to be better. Have you ever had to "toss" your LEOs car for clues?


BW 32
WH 36


Posts: 199 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: United States
momdaughterwife
♀ Member
Member # 32209
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, February 22nd (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I may have posted here before, didn't check to see and can't remember for sure. My FWH is a LEO. We've been married almost 20 years; the length of his career. He had honesty, alcohol, and boundary issues before his LEO job, however. I believe the years of stress and bad schedules have played a role in his decline. That being said, he loves what he does. I also have a high stress job that relies a lot on playing the numbers game, with low pay as well. Double stress with both spouses did not help our situation. We also come from broken homes caused by fathers who were serial cheaters. As with most people in our situation it's difficult to pinpoint ONE thing. There are so many factors. The stress, low pay, long irregular hours, etc. of the LEO can provide the right environment for an affair, but I believe there are certainly other factors at play as outlined above in most cases. The hard part for me: He has to call and email SO MANY people. It's almost impossible to totally keep tabs. Also, there are a lot of times where he is off and I'm at work, or he is working and I'm asleep. It cuts the ability to communicate and bond down quite a bit. Living this life, the life of a LEO spouse comes with so many unspoken worries. People seriously think they drive around and eat donuts or drink coffee. He could write a book of the scary, deadly, crazy, etc. stories, as most LEO's could. If you try to explain these stories to anyone who is not part of this life, it's hard for them to truly grasp JUST how challenging it truly is. I'm not much for statistics. We are both so sick of the numbers game in our jobs. Be safe out there. Come home to your families. Help people. The rest will work itself out. Peace to all of the LEO's and their families tonight!!!


Me BS
Him WH
2 boys
We've all been through a lot. Our family seems to be thriving again. I pray that will continue.

Posts: 825 | Registered: May 2011
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, March 9th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

motherdaughterwife,
Nice story with a somewhat happy ending, but it wouldn't be the same if you were on the receiving end of a divorce caused, (in part, 50%), by a LEO.
Of course there are stresses in most jobs. There are jobs more dangerous than LEOs as well, but we, as children of GOD, should never, ever forget that GOD gave us the ability to make choices.
These choices have consequences. That is what separates us from the lower animals out there.
Yes, again, we are molded by our environments, our pasts, friends, but most of us have a built-in self defense mechanism that kicks in when we start a family.
That is what is under attack in our society. That and the ease at which conscience becomes a misdemeanor.
I forgive, but I do not forget! Neither should you.
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
exwasacheater
New Member
Member # 18996
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, March 11th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW!! well it was my EX husband who was the dog but i am now married to a good man who happens to be a LEO, he is a honest and loyal man despite his job....the the previous poster it soumds as if you have a HUGE problem with LEO in general....not ALL LEOS are cheaters.I do agree alot are but there are alot who love their spouses and wold never cheat.If you had walked up to my hubby and asked that he would have not been happy either!

Posts: 41 | Registered: Apr 2008
DontTreadOnMe
♂ Member
Member # 35240
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, April 5th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LEOs are not necessarily cheaters. However a lot are broken inside and turn to vices to feel "normal"...whether they be sex, drugs, alcohol, dangerous activities, etc. In reality most just don't know how to cope with such a screwed up life.

[This message edited by DontTreadOnMe at 9:07 AM, April 10th (Tuesday)]


Me: WH/BH, 27 (addict in recovery)
Her: Lost333, BW/FWW, My DDay: 2/19/12, Hers: 9/29/12

Working on myself through IC, NA meetings, intensive outpatient program, and lots of digging. Praying for R.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Midwest
zoebell
♀ Member
Member # 35142
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, April 23rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a trend LEO have regarding the need for adrenaline rush!

My WH told me no big deal! Just wanta to see if he could like everybody else, well he did then said it was just sex!! Oh yeah that made it better!!

I wonder why certain professions don't mandate a sex/marriage counseling program to help these type personalities.

I work in the Medical field where it is also seen among "professionals" to wander. I have not

Guess it's about knowing who you are and what matters

I wish I could understand better why a spouse wanders and what it is about the uniform that makes OW not care if they are married or not


BS-46
WH-47
4 G:2his 2 mine

Posts: 52 | Registered: Mar 2012
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, October 15th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Psychology Today had an article in its August edition, "A New View of Affairs". In it the author claims that the macho cultures found in 'drug enforcement and police work" rank those professions at the top of those most likely to have affairs. "Sheer opportunity" is also a key factor. LEO's have both of these things because of irregular schedules, cop groupies and male/macho work enviorn. My WH is a narcotic officer, he fits the PA profile to a T. His department even has a special code "924" (technically station detail) to denote a girlfriend/not the wife. Anyone else read this? Thoughts? (I would link it if I were more computer adept)

Posts: 541 | Registered: Sep 2012
AgainandAgain
♀ Member
Member # 34835
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, November 11th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Didn't read that article but it makes me sick. My husband tells me all the stories of the guys and the groupies. What's worse is the damn groupies at work. They act as if they have no class and just will screw any officer who gives her the time of day. So many affairs and I don't think any of the guys haven't cheated.

It just makes me sick.


Posts: 205 | Registered: Feb 2012
SecondHelping
♂ Member
Member # 36796
Angry  Posted: 8:22 PM, November 18th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW AP was a LEO (see below). he lied to her and lied to his Chief of Police when I ratted him out.

He told Chief that we were D'ing and there was no physical contact. Both of which he knew were lies.

He used his police account to communicate with WW and said some explicit stuff in the emails. (I saved them and gave them to Chief of Police). He still lied.

I know he got a reprimand, but not sure what it was. Whatever it was, he deserved more!!!!!!!!!


D-Day 1: Feb 1990 (2 yrs into M, Kissing and a hickey)
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49- Me, fWW 43- Her (Amibroken)
OP- Deputy Chief of Police from the town next to us! (Age 37)
Married 25 Years, Together 28
3 Kids (17, 14, 11)

Posts: 462 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
jimbo25319
♂ Member
Member # 31891
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, November 20th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a LEO. At my agency if you were untruthful about aspects of an investigation, you were gone.

Posts: 480 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Maryland
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, November 21st (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice job Secondhelping! I like that you took the initiative! I work in court and see hundreds of criminal trials; alot of cases come down to which witnesses are most credible. Letting a jury know what a good liar the LEO has been to his family and Chief would be very relevant information. I gave a class to a group of new deputies last month and specifically advised that on the more serious cases investigators would contact ex-wives. Police officers who are serious about their careers need to realize that lies in their personal lives can/may affect their ability to testify.

Posts: 541 | Registered: Sep 2012
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