ETA: I absolutely support those in the field. People have no idea how much your life is affected by protecting the community
[This message edited by kluelesskat at 12:45 PM, August 30th (Sunday)]
Brief history - I am the BS of a PO. We've been married almost 25 years, he's been a PO for 18 years, and I found out last year that he was having an A. Through trickle truth, found out he had 4 A's over about a 10 year period. Had a couple of false R's and have been in true R (I think) since the new year.
While I do think some of it has to do with the stress of their jobs, I think a bigger part of it is the KISA syndrome and the adrenaline rushes. They "save" the damsel in distress and the damsel is so grateful she just wants to sleep with her KISA. I also think it's a power trip for some of them.
Alarmingly, there are SO many women out there that will do ANYTHING to be with a cop - badge bunnies. Personally, I don't see what the big attraction is - they work long hours, weekends, shift work, and low pay - oooh baby! But there they are, just hanging out at known cop hangouts ready for any cop who will have them
I'm really sorry to hear that your PO WS chronically has A, sufferingalot. That has to be very disturbing, disgusting and painful (to list a few descriptors).
And this is where I start to REALLY think about what is going to happen to me and my WS. I would say that for being a month outside of DDay, I'm doing awesome (which is still REALLY crappy compared to the rest of the world). But my WS was working the beat less than 2 weeks before he had found someone with which to have an affair. And she might have been very attracted to the Badge but he told her he wasn't married at first so I can't even blame her for being some sort of fowl temptress. And were happy, the vast majority of the time anyway.
Is this just the start of a long and illustrious career of serial A?? He's so sincere about his NEVER going to do it again, but I have no faith and no trust. I believe that he loves me and that he always has, but not having enough love for each other is rarely the issue in matters where the relationship is suffering.
My biggest worry and problem with it is that whether it is OW or someone else down the road I feel like they can always relate to my H on a much deeper level when it comes to his job than I will ever be able to. That is very hard to come to terms with.
Sometimes I feel that some of our discussions about the A have to get postponed until WH and I are home at the same time AND he is not recovering from a 12-hour shift. It's also harder to get that quality time together I feel we really need, and definitely more difficult to schedule MC on a regular basis. When he IS home, the kids are all over him because they miss their dad so much. That sort of leaves me at the bottom of the priority list.
[This message edited by AlongForTheRide at 10:58 AM, August 31st (Monday)]
I completely feel that way. I feel like his job is taking priority over our M and our healing and that is very hard to handle and makes it that much harder to get past this!
My FWS is also a PO and has been for 30 years. Yes, there is alot of infidelity among the ranks, but infidelity is high in alot of professions. The PO work shift work and some even have to work part-time jobs as well. They are overworked and under paid, but most love their jobs and they are there everyday protecting all of us.
Having said that, it is a profession that creates strong bonds between the PO's and alot of stress on marriages.
My FWS also had an A. They met on the job. It started as a friendship, and proceeded from there. It lasted a little over 2 years. Sure could have used a space here specifically for law enforcement, but we still survived, and are in a strong R. Just another victim of the streets and lucky to have survived!
I look forard to reading here and being of help if possible!
I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!
Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27
My story is in my profile.
We were married for almost 4.5 years & dated 2 years prior to that.
It's been 5 years since the divorce. I can't believe it has been that long.
I've made the mistake of still finding info about her....see her on facebook, myspace etc. I don't know why I do it. It just stirs up pain for me.
From her avatar photos, she seems happy & content with her life. She finally got what she wanted...to be 'tough person' & to wield a gun to show her power.
At the beginning, I can definitely see that she was attracted to the uniform. She always was. Her dad was in LE for many years. So I guess that's where it may have started...a little girls admiration for her dad.
I wish her all the worst in life.
At our last day together, she saw me break down like I never have before. She really didn't have any empathy at all for me.
Then I saw her one last time. She stopped by for about 20 minutes. We talked...just small talk. We didn't talk at all about what was going on, the separation... the obvious divorce. Then I saw her drive away in her car.
That was the last time I saw her. It was like a scene from a movie.
What a sad day that was.
I've had so many "red flags" thrown in my face, but was completely manipulated and convinced by him that I was "crazy" for thinking he'd ever cheat on me....
you know what makes me SICK now? He's in a high position in the dept. and COUNSELS new recruits on cheating and infidelity
[This message edited by KLinNoCA at 9:17 PM, August 31st (Monday)]
My H is a correction officer also. We also live in NY. My brother who was an officer in the same jail at the time said, don't be suprised NET when all the guys shake their head for a minute then go about their business. He said it is disgustingly prevelant.
The OW also works in the same jail and has had several jailhouse affairs although I am certain this is my WH's first.
I knew that the job changes people, but I never thought that it would happen to my husband because he had been an officer for ten years already and I had never seen any of the "cockiness" that seems to become part of the CO's persona after about 2 years on the job. However, when the relationship with OW began, I could see that all of the sudden, my formerly mild-mannered husband now had a temper and no patience. Also, he started to lie about things that had nothing to do with the affair. He also started becoming involved at work, whereas before, he never went to anything: ie, retirement parties, xmas parties, etc.
Coworkers knew about the affair and offered ways not to get caught!