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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 4
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 4:20 AM, December 2nd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TT...niiicccceeee.

Actually now that i think about it i have never ever seen any knickers anywhere with a print on them that makes them look like a chasitity belt...could be a market opening there for someone with enough starting capital.

Ive a new one... how about a set of surgical instruments...so that next time she decides to rip out my heart...it wont hurt so much and the scars will heal better.


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, December 2nd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just purchased a Thoroughbred mare, for breeding and riding. She's right off the track, and sewn shut. Perhaps we can get the track vet to give us a group discount.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, December 3rd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ser, can't remember where I saw it first, as but...:

You only need two tools in your toolbox; duct tape and WD-40.
If it moves and it shouldn't - Duct Tape it.

If it doesn't move and it should - WD-40.

That would be Chria - I think he invented it!

Jimi --


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9145 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, December 7th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wish me strength bros.

I'm confronting my wife this evening, her ex bf called when I was out of town, so I only have to use the caller ID as a source, and not give up any other sources.

She has IC tomorrow, too, not that she pays much attention to what other people say, but maybe it will sink in.

And I'm friending the ex bf's wife on Facebook, I have enough details to raise questions without giving sources.

I don't think they have sex, but it's looking like it's only a matter of time until their schedules work together.

I just have to hold on four more hours, until the kids are in bed.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, December 7th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck my man... I know this is killing you having to do this again...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5895 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, December 7th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

good luck lonerider.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I eventually got a confession about the phone call.

I now they've been emailing and chatting, but not very much, a couple of times a week. If it weren't for an email this week saying she wanted to see him and asking him to call I would have been okay waiting, but there's nothing good to come from that.

So I asked her if they've been in contact, when she denied I handed her my wedding ring, saying I want an honest wife who doesn't lie to me and isn't trying to fuck other men behind my back. She got upset, and continued denying so I mentioned his name was on the caller ID, and I went back downstairs to finish typing my oldest's daughters' English paper (yeah, she was up too late, she procrastinates).

I made trips up and down the stairs, explaining how unlikely it was he would call when she was home, and she was on the phone when I called her a few minutes later, but she didn't talk to him and didn't know he called. Eventually we started talking about hypothetical contact, and how I had to assume the worst if she's denying it, that what she has with him must be important and pretty bad if she's willing to destroy our marriage over it. I said if there just talking about recipes or their moms, it's different, but I have to assume the worst. This led to her finally saying they talked a few minutes, finally. She's still denying any email or chatting, but maybe after she thinks about it for while she'll confess.

She's against divorce since she doesn't make much, and our kids are a handful, she'd need me around. I told her I don't want a divorce, but I can't be happy with a dishonest, lying wife.

I don't think that 95% of the time she wants to have sex with him, it's just a nostalgia thing. I do worry that she'll be having a bad, depressed lonely day and he'll be available. She says he's too far away (about an hour's drive) but I know most men would drive an hour for a fuck, especially if they've carried a torch for her for 20 years.

Stay tuned.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need some advice. I hate our mediator. I think he's very biased. He has suggested I fork over part of my eventual inheritance. He has also stated that the child support guidelines in our state are unfair to the payee when it comes to joint custody, and therefore there should be alimony (I don't buy it, not at all). He says these things, and I'm caught off guard and have no good response, but rather I get angry and flustered and come off as a greedy bastard, and meanwhile my wife's expectations just shoot up. I was always willing to be fair, even more than fair, but it really gets my goat that this guy seems to basically be representing her. Rather than getting any kind of credit for being generous, he sets the bar so high that no matter what I agree to I'll be seen as stubborn and greedy.

My dilemma is that I'm the dork who asked for mediation, thinking it would result in a more amicable divorce. If I now state that I think he's biased and I want out, I'd be all but guaranteed a very hostile D process. Also, we're a ways down the road, and starting over with lawyers will be expensive. I *really* want this to go as smoothly as possible; we are going to be co-parents, and I think that a really hostile D process will badly affect our relationship as co-parents.

What do I do? How can I possibly convince my wife that this guy is completely biased?


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
Kuwaited
♂ Member
Member # 5491
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has also stated that the child support guidelines in our state are unfair to the payee when it comes to joint custody, and therefore there should be alimony

What??????

He said this??

Time for a new mediator.

Mediators are supposed to be thoroughly unbiased. And advocate for no one. Mind you...I think no one can be totally unbiased..but at least they can put the effort forth.

Do you have an attorney in the mediation with you?


"For every trip to the vet, there's a car ride.", Satchel Pooch.

"At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost." -- Tad...from Craig's List


Posts: 8446 | Registered: Oct 2004 | From: North Atlanta Burbs
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, no attorneys present during our mediation. The whole idea was to save money. The idea was, once we came to a verbal agreement on a settlement, we would then have our lawyers review it.

How do I disengage from this guy without causing Armageddon? Is it worth trying to convince my wife that this guy is biased and to find a new mediator, or should I perhaps try to have a one on one conversation with him and let him know of my concerns? That's probably bad form for mediation...


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lonerider, It sounds like she still trying to have her cake and eat it too. Are you in MC?


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The bit about the eventual inheritance would be a deal breaker for this mediator for me.

When you unload a spouse (even a non-cheating one), that shouldn't qualify as a lifetime lottery ticket for them in the event you have a bit of good fortune.

For the record, though, I'm a fierce proponent of the notion that 50/50 custody should always and in all cases mean no child support ever changes hands. I don't give a shit about income disparity. 50/50 means you take care of your half and she takes care of hers. You shouldn't be paying child care expenses, daycare, whatever when she's got the kids and she shouldn't pay it when you've got them.

Divorce should mean divorce. We go our separate ways. Your finances become your problem.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lonerider.

Things dont look good from my view.

I am sure we have all been where you are. I sure have. Back then I put the pieces together on my own. I had no direct evidence but the circumstantial case was extremely strong. I confronted. She denied every thing at first. Then when I pressed confessed a very minor indiscretion. I SO wanted to believe her that I did.

Their A went on another 2 years. And their disrespect of me and our family and their violations of our M vows grew worse and worse. Some of my most painful memories are from those 2 years.

I believe you should do 180 and start to show you WW what life will be like with out you. Stop being her safety net. And DEMAND that she give you the complete truth.

I strongly suspect you WW is in a PA. Stick to what you know and do not back down.

I am sorry to say that you probably have some tuff times ahead.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3088 | Registered: Sep 2007
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess my huge unspoken fear is that if things get hostile, she will change her mind about shared custody and fight for primary physical custody. I'd chop off all my limbs to prevent that from happening.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
Kuwaited
♂ Member
Member # 5491
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For the record, though, I'm a fierce proponent of the notion that 50/50 custody should always and in all cases mean no child support ever changes hands. I don't give a shit about income disparity. 50/50 means you take care of your half and she takes care of hers.

My kingdom for a law that actually does this.

[This message edited by Kuwaited at 10:16 AM, December 8th (Tuesday)]


"For every trip to the vet, there's a car ride.", Satchel Pooch.

"At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost." -- Tad...from Craig's List


Posts: 8446 | Registered: Oct 2004 | From: North Atlanta Burbs
Kuwaited
♂ Member
Member # 5491
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, no attorneys present during our mediation. The whole idea was to save money.

I get that. But, having someone in your corner during this process is a good thing...and I think cost effective. In the end...a whole lot cheaper than going to court.

But....you need to be ready to go to court.

In Georgia...mediation is required. I asked my attorney how long I had to stay in mediation before I said "fuck it"...in case things were clearly not going my way. He said: 5 minutes.

I was prepared (mentally) to fight it out.

It seems to me that if you show some measure of willingness to compromise and she does not...when it goes to court that is in your favor.


"For every trip to the vet, there's a car ride.", Satchel Pooch.

"At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost." -- Tad...from Craig's List


Posts: 8446 | Registered: Oct 2004 | From: North Atlanta Burbs
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My kingdom for a law that actually does this.

Your ex-wife already got your kingdom. You got a bridge you wanna sell me, too?


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OnceInALifetime -- when are you going to quit worrying about offending her? This is a divorce you are talking about! It is you versus her!

This is a business deal and you need to protect your assets. Hire a lawyer ASAP and ditch the mediator.

This is not a feel good event -- this divorce carp hurts. Stop trying to circumnavigate the system lest you want to get screwed (again).


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9145 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I gotta chime in and agree with the others - you need legal representation to protect yourself and to stand up for your rights. This will affect you for the rest of your life - don't downplay the significance of it.

[This message edited by SerJR at 12:56 PM, December 8th (Tuesday)]


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you. But what about my fear of her going for full custody? She has agreed to shared custody. I'm terrified of that turning into a battle, a battle that maybe I could lose.

ETA: I do have a lawyer on the sidelines, who will review the settlement before I sign anything. But you know about momentum; if I verbally agree to a settlement that's unfair to me, that puts me at a disadvantage. Geez, I sound like such a wus, but I'm kinda stuck here.

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 1:04 PM, December 8th (Tuesday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
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