SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I thought for a while that I would be happy if she just came down off the fence, regardless of the direction. And, in many ways I am because now at least we can move forward.

But, it's no secret that I do not want this divorce. I firmly believe there was more we could have done. But as they say, wishes are like arseholes, everyone has one (or something like that).

Anyway, I am surprised at the amount of anger and hatred this decision has dredged up in the last day or so (about two days out from the door to R being shut).

Can anyone tell me "this too shall pass" or is this a bitterness/anger/hatred that hangs up a lot of people for a long time?

I completely understand the anger. I feel so helpless and that frustrates me which makes me angry. I didnt want to move out, I didn't want a divorce. But I couldn't force him to change or to R. I had to do what is best for me and DS.

I have always felt it is best to let ourselves really feel whatever it is we are going through. I think the key to not being bitter is by not wallowing in it. It is a decision I have made for myself because I will not let his actions turn me into a bitter man hater.

So yes, feel the anger, feel the disappointment. Find some healthy ways to express it (breaking things, exercise, punching bags) then decide eventually to let it go.

Yes, you will get thru the bitterness and anger. I am a year out of d-day, and I still have some anger, but not nearly as much.

I was also VERY bitter for quite a while, which came out as sarcasm. That too is fading, as I am finally moving forward with MY life, and looking forward to dating again and experiencing new things.

ThriveNotSurvive is correct, you need to allow yourself to feel your feelings and emotions, and try go work thru them in healthy ways, with healthy outlets for your anger and bitterness.

But after a while, you have to get to a point where you decide enough is enough, I don't want to be bitter and angry anymore, this is not a fun way to live, and then start moving forward.

Seems like this is all really fresh for you yet, so give yourself some time, and allow yourself to wallow and be angry and bitter for a little while, because working thru our feelings is so much better than stuffing them, and then releasing them later in inappropriate ways.

For me, it probably took about six months or so until the seething anger and bitterness started subsiding to a point where it no longer consumed me.

I'm a little bit more than two years out from dday, and for the most part, the bitterness and anger is gone. There are still moments when it flashes up, but these moments have become quite infrequent. I don't know it it'll ever disappear completely, but it rarely plays a role in my life anymore.

[This message edited by tamarack at 6:01 PM, July 3rd (Friday)]