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User Topic: Long Term Affair Thread XV
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, August 17th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey brightbeauty...
My wife also had a co-worker A... 8 years. I was in that same funk a few weeks ago.

Is it possible to truly recover and have a happy, healthy marriage?

I think so. My wife’s friend H cheated on her over 20 years ago and they are happily married today… I think they are anyway.
It's really is up to you to make a decision that you are going to be happy. Begin by making the decision to be happy with your life right now. Begin today. You might be surprised if you say it everyday... How you handle your feelings is in your control…
What are the 5 things you’d love to do right now with your life?

For me today… right now..
- a good conversation with my wife every night about stuff going on
- Learn how to take a High Dynamic Range (HDR) photography
- Finish painting the playroom
- Give more to the food pantry at church.
- Get a good a few good 5K runs this week


[This message edited by trynhard at 11:33 AM, August 17th (Monday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, August 17th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It’s an odd thing, this sex within the marriage and the sex in the affair(s). Before WH decided to fuck MOW, our sex life was fine. In fact, more often than not, it was fine during the affair too. I reckon that when the affair was going well (2002,03,05) we were too and when the affair was not so good (04, 06) our sex life suffered. H says not, but when I thought about it after dday (and I thought about it a LOT), I couldn’t find sex as a reason for him to stray. Yes there were times I felt used and no doubt I was used. I think he was going through the motions to alley any suspicions I may have had (I didn’t, but that would be him thinking I did), but he says he was “trying to get back to me” which I don’t believe. I reckon he was pretty happy cake eating. I remember one time when he had been rough with me (I don’t like rough) I pushed him away and the next day was one of his “So you don’t want a physical relationship with me anymore” type of crap he would throw at me. The longest we went was something over two weeks. That’s right, two weeks. It almost turned into a row because I was making the point that he hadn’t touched me for over two weeks.

The affair changed the sex we had. I’ve not really asked about his sex life with MOW, the only time I did, he said she was rough. I like to think that she was trying too hard to keep him.

We never stopped holding hands or cuddling up on the sofa or any of that. I can remember times when I didn’t understand his irrational anger, but I put most of it down to work. One time he picked a fight with me, I walked off to do the shopping and he came after me. He grabbed by hand, I pulled away and he stood in front of me and said “you WILL hold my hand”. I told him I wouldn’t and I did not want him to come out with me. All the anger went out of him and he apologised. Of course, he said it was work. Of course, it must have been MOW on the phone to him.

Well, that’s my ramble re sex and the affair.
********

Brightbeauty, have you not had advice from over in Recon? I guess the answer must be yes. There have been those in the LTA forum (thinking specifically of Borrow Trouble here) who are in a happy and healthy marriage. FWH’s oldest bf had a 6yr affair and left home for a while. His wife rationalised it as learned behaviour from his father and the fact that they were childhood sweethearts from the age of 14, so she waited and took him back. But there were conditions and boundaries. They retook their vows. And they seem happy, she says they are happy, he says they are happy. They are best friends first and foremost and that was what held them together. They never really broke up, the affair came between them for a while.

Tryn’s right here. Find something to focus on and give yourself targets – just for you. And when you are down, have a “smile moment” every day. Find something to make you smile.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3327 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
didnthaveaclue
♀ New Member
Member # 23327
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, August 17th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi All,

Back from holiday and lurking. Hope everyone is ok.
Nice to read all your great advice UKgirl.


Posts: 21 | Registered: Mar 2009
brightbeauty
♀ Member
Member # 22646
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, August 17th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKGirl, yes I have posted in the Recon forum and I know the hurt is bad not matter what but I was trying to see if there is anyone that has been in a similar situation so I figured I would try the LTA Forum since that is what I am dealing with.


Me-BS
Him-FWS,Darkbeast
Married-13years
2 Children-10&3
6 year affair
DDay-March 19-21,2008
RDay-March 21,2008
Psalms 31:10,14-15

Posts: 341 | Registered: Jan 2009
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, August 17th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BB,

Tell us your story, if you would, in a little more detail, especially where you find yourself now.

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, August 18th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi DHAC

How did the holiday go?

***

((((((((((SHIRLEY))))))))))

Buckets of white (and pink) light for this week, my friend.


[This message edited by Lost Heart2 at 11:58 AM, August 18th (Tuesday)]


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Jessy1501
♀ Member
Member # 24483
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, August 18th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi...thought I'd start posting here as well since I learned my WH's A began 3 years ago. He worked with OW...he as her boss. They worked together longer than 3 years...maybe 4 or 5. OMG, three years. We've been together for 6 years...he's been unfaithful for half of our marriage. Makes me wonder if he was ever faithful at all.

We're "ok" at the moment...starting MC tomorrow. I just can't get over the fact that I was so blind and stupid for 3 years. I've been getting trickle truth...I know alot more than he thinks I know. He hasn't actually confessed to the 3 year LTA...he said 2 years. I have my sources that I won't reveal to him, but I know lots. But just knowing it doesn't really matter to me...I want to hear it from him.

How do you deal with this? Will he ever stop thinking of her? Now that I look back, I think to myself...how???? And now I'm always asking myself...is he thinking of her? Is he truly done with her? How do you just let go of someone who you've had a "relationship" with for 3 years?

Ok, sort of a ramble, but just have 20 millioin different things running through my head.


Attempting to give a fuck: ███████████████████] 99% Complete...ERROR!: Unable to give a fuck.

Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: My own fantasy land
REALLY SAD
♀ Member
Member # 23030
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, August 18th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Jessy)))

You've come to the right place, I haven't been here all that long myself but these are a wise and caring bunch.

I wondered all the same things as you and questioned everything. The absolute hardest part for me was the emotional aspect, the memories that he had of her and the two of them. Stupid things like movies they had seen, places they had gone, songs that had meaning to them, I wanted to know if he held her hand like he always held mine....you know, the things that are typically things that are shared with and reserved for a husband and wife. Don't get me wrong, the physical aspect is a horrible thing to have to deal with the coming to terms with the emotional side of the equation has been heartwrenching for me.

That's why the LTA thread and the people are so valuable because it does have such a different dynamic than other types of A's and these folks know there stuff and I speak from experience when I say I really feel like the understand me and care and have my back!

How are you handling the trickle truth are you hoping that he's going to be more forthcoming once you start MC? Are you keeping what you know to be true as your "ace in the hole" to see what he if and when he will be honest with you about it?

RS


Truth whether good, bad or ugly can be dealt with. Hope on the other hand can be devastating!

Me - BS (37)
Him - WS (36)
Together - October 1991
Married - September 2005
DDay#1 - 12/29/08
DDay #2 - 02/21/09
His heart just isn't in it -


Posts: 162 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Canada
ejs5
♀ Member
Member # 24607
Default  Posted: 12:53 AM, August 19th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fairy Friend I appreciated your post...wow I could have written some of it...thanks for sharing. Too tired to write more right now...maybe tomorrow.

Wish me some luck I have to talk finances with wh before our MC on Thursday...one of my issues in the marriage and my homework for the last two weeks...totally procrastinating because I know he will be angry and I hate to fight.


DD June 2nd 2009
Me BW 38
Him WS 40
No reconciliation was all false 2.5 LTA now a couple of months affair...

Posts: 256 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Done
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:28 AM, August 19th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi LostH how’d it go?

Hi DHaC – thanks!

Hugs for shirley, hope you made it through. (((((HS)))))

Jessy - hi and welcome to this haven. You are asking the same questions we have all asked. But please remember you were not blind and stupid, you trusted and believed in your WH and he chose to abuse that; this was his choice and you were not included in the decision making. He is 100% responsible for having an affair. LTA’s often become a cake eating habit. They’ve got away with it for so long, it just becomes part of their routine. For my WH, he would be away on business and MOW was able to join him as her BH often worked away from home. She was “good company” (I hate that phrase ) And yes, in all probability he IS done with her. One advantage of an LTA is that the WS has worked out beforehand who they want to be with and why. They are ready to do without the outgrown toy. Vent, rage and rant here, it can be extremely cathartic. And good luck with your MC. Let us know how it went.


(((((ejs5))))) Holding you in my thoughts.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 2:31 AM, August 19th (Wednesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3327 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
ejs5
♀ Member
Member # 24607
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, August 19th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jessy sorry you are here my husband had a 2.5-3 year affair...the man who is wonderful with dates can't remember the exact starting time shortly after our last child was born, he said it wasn't when I was pregnant. He says he was only in it for the sex...I don't know I think he just isn't ready to admit any emotional part of it to me. Mine has gone no contact much to her dismay and she has tried at least 4 times via text of phone message to get one last goodbye out of him. Sorry you are here and I hope it gets better for you quickly!

Lucky me I got hpv from him so tomorrow I get to go for a pap once again as my last two were abnormal...sometimes I wonder how he will feel if I get really sick from his affair...I still think there is a bit of fogginess in my husband but it is getting harder to tell.


DD June 2nd 2009
Me BW 38
Him WS 40
No reconciliation was all false 2.5 LTA now a couple of months affair...

Posts: 256 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Done
mgmd
♀ Member
Member # 16826
Default  Posted: 1:00 AM, August 20th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I spend 9 years not knowing about my husbands affairs. One was 5 years. Can you believe it? The other was 2.5. And if it was not for the second woman giving me a video of them in bed. I would not have believed it. I still can not believe it. 2 years after the video. I wake up every morning thinking, did this happen to me? No way.

Reality hurts. Reality is he chose to put me aside, he chose to allow her into his life not only once or twice but over and over again for many many years. Come on get out of the F****N fog already. It was not until I told him to leave. It was not until I found someone else that he was begging me back. Reality hurts both of us. But I am hoping time will heal us.

[This message edited by mgmd at 1:01 AM, August 20th (Thursday)]


Posts: 153 | Registered: Oct 2007
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 4:03 AM, August 20th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Jessy
How do you just let go of someone who you've had a "relationship" with for 3 years?

Surprisingly some WSs find that easy. In fact some even find dday a huge relief in that they are "forced" to give up that deception.
My H told me that whilst he did miss talking to OW#2 for a short time after dday, the further he went w/o his fix, the easier it became. However with OW#1, he just totally blanked her (and he had "been" with her for some 14 years!).

***
Hi Ukg.
Lisbon is a beautiful city and the chn had a lovely time. Unfort I am going through something (I dont know what it is) but it has just bogged me down such that I cant seem to feel much joy; I just want to be left alone with my books.
I know I am hiding in my books but I dont know what/who from.
Last night, after a long long time I had a little meltdown. And I cried (which I dont do anymore either). In fact, my emotions have been pretty thin, so I was taken aback by this.
I think I am scared that this is it - this is the life I will lead till I die, a life where I dont trust/respect/love/like my H (and vice versa). I am afraid that knowing this and still staying means that I am a big cowardy cat, and I am going to hate myself more as time goes on. I am terrified that I will never move on and will become a bitter angry old woman whose chn would scorn her and whose grandchn would avoid her. And most of all, I am sad that I will never know what it feels like to be truly loved and cared for.

Or thats what I think I am going through.

***

EJS5, thinking of you for tomorrow. The tribe will be standing there with you.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 4:19 AM, August 20th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did something I am really ashamed about yesterday - I told H that if he was going to have another A, to please let me go first, as I dont think I could survive going through this again. I told him that he should rather just kill me first. He broke me down with dday1, he shattered me into zillions of pieces with dday2; its been almost 3 years later and I am still struggling to put the pieces together. I cant find some of the matching ones and i think maybe he had hidden/thrown away some of them so I will never be whole again. A person can only be resurrected once, right?

H's response:
He cant keep living like this with me being suspicious. He is clean and not doing anything. He will not cheat again and if he feels that inclination, he will call off the M first. He thinks I need t move on and accept the changes he has made and let the past go, cos I cant keep using what he did as an excuse for not being happy. Whilst he doesnt know why he did what he did, he just knows that he will never do that again.

is it that simple? a person who has lied and deceived all their adult life just decides to stop... and it stops? And as he will not be unfaithful anymore, does that mean everything would be better? That all I have to do is move on and we will be ok. Thats what he thinks.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 5:31 AM, August 20th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{LH2}}}

I did something I am really ashamed about yesterday - ... its been almost 3 years later and I am still struggling to put the pieces together. ...
is it that simple? a person who has lied and deceived all their adult life just decides to stop... and it stops? And as he will not be unfaithful anymore, does that mean everything would be better? That all I have to do is move on and we will be ok. Thats what he thinks.

I wish I had the answers for both of our sakes LH2.
Only I haven't been brave enough to confront FWH with my thoughts that run along the same line as yours! I'm not willing to rock the boat and spoil the good times with our dd and gs but often find myself (like now) awake and pondering my existence. Seems so superficial... I wear a mask that makes me so uncomfortable but I don't have the strength to face my fears head on.

I think my H feels the same way as yours. "Whilst he doesnt know why he did what he did, he just knows that he will never do that again."
It's a daily - sometimes hourly - struggle to accept this as truth and trust in his words. Esp. when he speaks to me with sarcasm for no apparent reason that I can fathom and doesn't seem to realize he's doing it.

sorry to make this about me. your post just resonated and brought my feelings out which I've been holding in and not sharing with the tribe.

{{{LTA}}}
I'll try to get some sleep now.



Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, August 20th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Lost Heart2
I did something I am really ashamed about yesterday
try not to be ashamed... This is how you feel and he needs to know it. Think about this... why couldn't he had just said... I love you and made a mistake. I won't do it again and I will show you everyday... I'm starting to see how manipulation works.. In other words, He says... if you don't get over this then I'm leaving!

I may be wrong but it seems you guys are where my w and I was… Don't be ashamed because all of us in these situations need to learn how to communicate... My wife would have done exactly the same to me… it has happened.. Same identical thing. But we are working on different ways to talk to each other.. See your feelings are the same as mine... I still feel some sadness over what has happened. I still feel frightened that this will happen again and the unknown. I want these feelings to go away.. but they are here… I work on mine because I force my mind to think about what is happening today.. my wife is laying her head on my shoulders every morning… I think about that and also say a prayer. I know I am improving.

If he would have responded with just his feelings.. He is in fear too. I assume “I'm scared your feelings will hurt our relationship, I hurt inside because I hurt you so bad” I feel a deeper love for you today and much regret.. etc... Instead, he responds with manipulation.. I'm gonna leave... if.. blah blah.. and that is likely his mask!

Why is it we are all so scared to share our feelings with the one person that is the most important? And then just leave it at that… no threats... feelings are just that… no right or wrong.

For so long I was wearing a mask too, afraid to tell my W my feelings because I thought she would THINK this or that... and same for her. She always thinks I think something different. As we continue to share our feelings everyday, it gets easier to say things that you really feel and all seems not so "Attacking" "silent" "manipulative"…


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, August 20th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why is it we are all so scared to share our feelings with the one person that is the most important?

Tryn, I dont want to make myself vulnerable again.You see, prior to dday, H and I hardly shared our feelings. He just didnt know how to and I learnt early in the M that that would bring down his scorn, sarcasm and disdain - so i shut up. After dday, I started opening up but then as time went on, he began using that info against me as he now had my weak points pegged! So i shut up again and worked instead on sharing my feelings with myself ( ).
H also started opening up after dday and to be honest, I was horrified with what I learnt about him. So v different from the image he portrayed all those years.
I too have used that info in our fights making him also wary about sharing his feelings. Shit - its so darn hard listening to your H talking about his feelings for the OW, the things they did,hoped,planned - whilst I was the good lil wifey keeping the hearth warm. I still find it hard looking into his eyes with gulping down some bile.

Yesterday I wasnt ashamed for my feelings - i was ashamed for sharing them with him of all people if you KWIM.

Tryn, you and your W sound like you are taking huge steps in your recovery. Good for you!

***

((((((((lostsuol))))))))

What does he say that is sarcastic? Is it in response to you voicing your feelings?

yesterday I asked my H if he had been inappropriate with women other then the ones I know of - he replied that he cant remember. he might have but due to his poor memory, he cant remember. My response was how could you not know if you tried to get it on with someone whilst you were married? His response "Why dont you shut up, you stupid fuck. This conversation is over. Get lost.", and I felt like he had punched me in my stomach. I felt so impotent, so cheap and disrespected and it brought back all those feelings of the times during our M. I did leave the room (which is an improvement on previous behaviour where I would launch into a full attack).
I hate him so much sometimes.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, August 20th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((LH2)))))

I usually just read the posts since I am doing so much work on myself right now (IC, 12 step program, excercising, etc.)

But I had to jump in on this...

Is it that simple? a person who has lied and deceived all their adult life just decides to stop... and it stops? And as he will not be unfaithful anymore

NO, it is NOT that simple. Trust your gut and continue to speak the truth. After my first dday, H did IC and MC with me and went for years of being faithful until dday2. When he essentially quit going to IC the first time I did not think he had worked out all his issues, but he *insisted* that he had, that he figured out the "whys" and he just "knew" that he would never do this to me again. He was sadly mistaken, and it cost us dearly. IMHO if your H does not truly look inside himself to figure out the whys then you are at continued risk.

Also, for him to be name calling at you is verbally abusive. My friend, I can relate to so much of your life, your posts. Please, please, please have confidence in yourself and don't let him persuade you that you are off mark.

You know in your heart what is right. If he won't do IC, is there any chance you can do MC and get some of these issues on the table with some third party to support you?

Hugs, friend,
Hang in there. I'm at a down period right now, too, so I feel the blues right along with you.

HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
kalamity
♀ Member
Member # 21802
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, August 20th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle: Hope you're having a great time with family! Why are you opposed to having both your ICs together? I think it's a great idea.

tryn: I so wish Retrouvaille was an option for us - nothing close enough. LOVE the bird stories and photos. You're right, it is so important to share our feelings. Why is it that we tend to hide them from the one person who could and should help us make sense of them? We're really working hard on that.

RS: I agree with tryn - S is contrary to the hope for R. On the flip side, it is extremely important for you to take care of you right now.

ejs5: I agree with everyone that your FWH should be the one to write the NC letter. In our case, H did this with a phone call in my presence..."I don't ever want to have any contact with you again - no phone calls, no texts, no emails...nothing." He did feel like he wished he had that "one last goodbye" for a couple of months afterward, but has since admitted that the way it happened was the best way for it to happen. He was also resentful about being restricted from visiting other female friends, but he seems to be over that now as well. He truly understands now, that any and all friends MUST be friends of our marriage. I can't imagine being married to someone who didn't say ILY at least once a day. Tryn's letter was good - give it a try. My H's memory is not so hot either when it comes to when they entered each new stage of the A. I would be willing to bet my life that OW knows the exact date they first hugged, first kissed, first fondled...UGH! I choose to be glad that he doesn't [fondly] remember.

fairyfriend: I'm with on the waning desire due to hormonal changes. Sucks! Also, I think there is nothing sexier than a man that is 100% into his woman. So I'm a little emotionally detached from desire as well. For us, sex was almost non-existent during the PA. Miscommunication - each of us thought the other no longer had desire. We're working on that.

UKG: OMG - two whole weeks without sex! I should have that problem. lol. We were always very cuddly and affectionate as well. I think you were right in that, while H had this other relationship, he always chose me - never considered being without me. ???

((brightbeauty)) We have to believe!

Jessy: Welcome. You were not blind and stupid. You were exactly what you were supposed to be - a wife who loved and trusted her husband. UKG is right - often a LTA is a cake-eating habit. LH2 said, "Surprisingly some WSs find that easy. In fact some even find dday a huge relief in that they are 'forced' to give up that deception." This is what my H expressed and still maintains after a year.

((mgmd)) Yes. Reality hurts sometimes. All we can do is work to create a new reality.

LH2: Every day each of us needs to choose where we want to be. Somtimes it comes down to the best of simply lousy choices, huh? I try and put myself in his shoes. I wouldn't want to continue in a relationship with someone who holds my past behavior over my head.

LS:

…he speaks to me with sarcasm for no apparent reason that I can fathom and doesn't seem to realize he's doing it.

OMG, my H used to do this ALL the time! It is one of the things that I told him I would not stand for after d-day. I must say, he's been very careful not to do so in the last year.

DHAC: welcome back!

We're leaving today for a short getaway. Actually going to a car show in the South Dakota Black Hills, but staying at a little cabin beside a mountain stream - same place we went last year a month after d-day to reconnect. The down side is that OW and her H will probably have their car at the show. We have agreed that if we run into them, we will both look her straight in the eye and show no emotion. She's still in la-la land - poor thing...

Have a good weekend all! (((tribe)))


When it feels like your life is falling apart, perhaps it is falling in place.

BS(me)-56
WS-59: LTA (22+ years)
MOW-54: H's old girlfriend
D-day 08/11/08 (3 days before 25th anniversary)
Working hard on R


Posts: 104 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Nebraska
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, August 20th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kalamity – have a great time sister!! Thanks for dropping by with your words of wisdom and kindness. You sound in a good place, bring some of those vibes back with you when you check in next! As for the MOW, let’s hope her life is not going so well!

mgmd – are you posting in here b/c you are considering R? Are you looking to be healed for yourself or for you as a couple? I am doubtful if any BS ever really gets over a LTA. What they did was not an aberration or fling or a brief MLC about aging, it was deliberate, calculated and continuous deceit for years. Inevitably, we wonder about our judgment and intuition both about others and ourselves. Did we ever know them? Who the fuck were we married to??? I read on your profile that you are getting D’d. Hello anyway!


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

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