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User Topic: Long Term Affair Thread XV
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, August 13th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

rs: you can answer your own question....

has he ever made it about you? for how long? and what were the circumstances?

are his waverings about him or you?

without hearing your answers i have a feeling that you will answer that its always about him, including his waverings.....

i can definitely relate because thats been my entire marriage....with one exception and that was the death of my dad, 3 years ago....every other death, all illnesses, my childrens illnesses, my childrens births, birthdays...pretty much everything....and the fact that i don't have a before doesn't give me much reason to stay married...except that i have 3 teenagers....but married for me...hell no....i will never settle again....NOR SHOULD YOU.....you are in a remarkable position....if i understood correctly you have no children...so no binding lasting ties...ending your relationship at this point will be easier because you won't have to deal with him for anything once your house is sold.....that is of course if that what you want to do.....

waiting for the ws's who truly do not get it is a waste of valuable time....there is no guarantee that he will get it, EVER........and if he does not acknowledge his issues he cannot change them....

reallysad...please keep in mind we offer advice but we are not in your shoes....you are the one who has to live with your choices....having said that, if there is something that one of us or all of us say that strikes a nerve or rings true to you, then yay for you....because then thats your truth....your inner truth is what you need to follow....not your heart but your truth....and try not to let your ego get in your way....that is usually what happens to ws's, the ones who don't get "IT"....their ego defines them....their ego's and their fears....and it really is sad for them....

((((reallysad))))

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 3:28 PM, August 13th (Thursday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, August 13th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey REALLY SAD,
When my wife and I agreed to R, one of my conditions was if we S, I will file D. I was not going to sit around thinking about her being with some other man… whether she was or not. I don't like the S myself and think you might as well D. I think it takes you away from any chance to R... does not bring you closer… It doesn’t help you get through the tough times for a true R.
After looking at some of the things he’s said to you… He may be stuck between fear of losing you, scared he won’t find someone as good as you… He does love you. You cannot just fall out of love after being with someone 18 years… yet may think he wants, needs, that feelings of lust (or whatever) the A gave him. I have no doubt he thinks his error is fatal… that fear is huge with the betrayer. So huge you can only know the feeling if you are in his shoes. Unfortunately, I had a chance to know somewhat that feeling. I physically abused my wife June 30th this year. I have not hurt another human being … EVER. I was ready to call it quits in my M after that… and I was about as low as you can get. I could then relate to how my wife felt. I apologized and apologized… but never felt it was enough…. my wife hung tough with me, and forgave me… I prayed and prayed… and I now forgive myself. I know that feeling of being the betrayer… It hurts as bad or even worse.
In today’s society, it’s seems so many people just give up rather than try and find the love, friendship, caring you once had for one another.

Taking care of yourself is what you need to be focused on….Part of that is knowing exactly where you stand with him right now in time…. Feelings can change. It will be worth the chance and the risk to try and asked him if he wants to R… The hard part is how to communicate without getting angry and accusatory. It seems the 180 is often a way of manipulation around here… (not that It’s your game RS), but the truth is that the 180 should be about taking care of yourself. So it’s important you really know how he’s feeling about you. You are going to have to be very direct. You do not want to regret not trying again to R if you want. But if he truly feels like he’s uncertain, then take care of yourself and asked him to help you fall out of love with him. A real R to stay M is not about uncertainty…(thank you iwantamiracle and UK for helping me with that). If uncertainty by him.. Take care of yourself by asking him to leave the house and NC. Don’t let any money stand in the way (excuse) of your seeking happiness! Get that new bank account, meet with banker on the house (or sell it), do your budget; set yourself up on friendly coffee with other men friends… see the attorney… be firm in seeking your happiness… insist on it!

I’ll tell you this… I have pages and pages written since day one… I quit writing so much once I found this site, but after 11 months of some literally brutal stuff… I can truly say I think we are going to make it… we have been through all that you are going through… trickle truth, fog, real physical sickness, alcohol abuse, physical spousal abuse, mental abuse, wanting to murder, commit suicide, AD’s, MC, IC, sex issues, visions… but at the same time I can honestly say we have also had some of the most caring, loving, special times too in this past year. We both committed to R from dday… It has been so hard. It has been the hardest most up and down emotional feelings I have ever experienced but I can honestly say, today I wish no ill will toward the OM. I have a happiness returning to my heart. I am closer with my Wife and closer with my kids then at any point in my life. I forgive my wife. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but I will deal with that when it comes. All this come by my choice and my wiliness to take a risk at being hurt again.

I now know there are single days that you will be blessed and touched… last weekend at Retrouvaille, that happened to us… After all our hard work… I finally felt my wife reconnected with me… It was exactly 11 months to the day… may she was trying all along but we just didn’t know how…. Maybe it was that bird… lol.
I so wish you happiness RS… I pray for have strength... a pic for you!

[This message edited by trynhard at 4:21 PM, August 13th (Thursday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, August 13th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle, I remember you kicked against the idea of MC. What you can do by agreeing to pfm’s request is to take something from the session for you. Sometimes all we need to do is say yes once in a while. Look at any benefits you may get and just say yes. I can’t see how it would work against You’ve put this huge wall up around you, but you forgot to include any doors or windows. Just sayin’....

RS, generally the only way to deal with a cake eater is to take away the cake. Mixing my imagery here, you also have to hold up the mirror to him. When he gets all pissy and accusatory, you have to respond with things like “now what has made you think that”, “how do you think I have influenced your decisions”, “what are your next plans”, along with the platitudes of “that sounds good for you”, “I’m glad you’re making progress”, etc, etc. when you want to finish the conversation. He has to see and face up to the man he has become. It is not a pretty sight.

Tryn, glad you are still in the Retrouvaille glow. Hope it carries you through to the next stage of your recon.

Night tribe

ETA
RS - you might find this useful. I know it's under S&D but I gave it to a friend of mine to help her cope when her H upped and walked out.
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/divorce/no_contact.asp

[This message edited by UKgirl at 4:56 PM, August 13th (Thursday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, August 13th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ukgirl:....i have no objection to attending one of his sessions, and have said so....but i don't think its necessary for my counseler to be there...his counseler has had us both before and is more then capable of having us both again if that is what pfm wants and if his counseler is o.k. with it....and if his counseler thinks that it would be abenefit for my counseler to be there then i would do that too...both counselers work out of the same office...so far the only one requesting this is pfm....

tryn: the way you capture that bird in the pix is beautiful....

and its really good to hear you speak of your wife and marriage since retrovaille....it does the soul good....

as always
(((((tribe)))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, August 14th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey iwantamiracle..

I didn't take that pic, but I love it... I have a bird fetish right now I just figured RS needed to see what I thought of her, or want to think... a beautiful person spreading her wings into the near future of colorful happiness!

And yes... I am happy right now... my wife made a commitment last weekend to me. She wants to be with me the rest of her life... something she has not been able to do for 11 months. She also finally started the process of forgiving herself. And for some odd reason, maybe the AD's.. This whole week, I can now put a stop sign up when I start thinking about the things that hurt me? MY IC has been wanting me to find something I can vision that changes my thoughts when I go down that wrong path of thinking... I finally have something that works. It has taken me over 3 months to find something meaningful and real.

Here is something for all.. it is a safe file...

http://retrosj.securespsites.com/CORE/Retrouvaille%20CORE%20Presentation%20(March%2013%202009).ppt#9

This was mine...

[This message edited by trynhard at 6:44 AM, August 14th (Friday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, August 14th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey tribe:

its a beautiful day here finally...

went for my power walk this a.m.....and i saw the crane again, today it skated a bit on the water...then flew away, i got it on my camera phone, you need a magnifying glass though....need to learn how to work with zoom.....but of course had no glasses with me...so i cdidn't know what i got til i got home....

then i had to duck and cover because 100's of geese were running and taking off and headed right for me....thats when i saw the dog chasing the geese...part of the geese peace prgram has dogs that chase them like a dog herds sheep....but today this dog got one of the geese, took him down...the dog didn't hurt the goose but totally shell shocked him....it was certainly sight to see.....

i enjoyed my walk today immensely...between the mini-adventures, the people the gorgeous weather....a really good way to start my day....

so tryn....one crane, skating by....flying off....kind of sounds like me...

the one goose, getting pinned down by a dog, shell shocked into immobility....again sounds like me....

then when i got home, i think it was a gray dove sitting on my roof at the tippy top....i hope that means peace...the everlasting kind would be a nice change too....that is of course if it really was a dove, it could have been a pigeon....although we don't really get that many pigeons here on the island, in the boros by the ton, but not too many here that i have seen anyway...

i hope the rest of this wonderful tribe and pretty much everyone here at s.i. has a beautiful day.....


as always
((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
REALLY SAD
♀ Member
Member # 23030
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, August 14th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn: thank you so much for the photo and the kind words and thoughts that went with it... "I just figured RS needed to see what I thought of her, or want to think... a beautiful person spreading her wings into the near future of colorful happiness!" Those are awesome words Tryn...thank you!

All you guys UKg, Tryn, Miracle...thank you so much for your advice and thoughts and words this week...it's an awesome feeling when people have got your back and that's exactly how I felt this week and I again, I can't thank you guys enough. I just hope one day I'm in a place that I can return the favour or pay it forward.

You guys are an awesome "tribe".

I'm going to try and have a good weekend, spend sometime with my Mom and my siblings and finally enjoy some nice weather. WH will be out of town come Sunday for at least a week so it should be peaceful.

I still have a lot to think about and sort through on my end...but I'm sure that will come!

Have a great weekend all!
RS


Truth whether good, bad or ugly can be dealt with. Hope on the other hand can be devastating!

Me - BS (37)
Him - WS (36)
Together - October 1991
Married - September 2005
DDay#1 - 12/29/08
DDay #2 - 02/21/09
His heart just isn't in it -


Posts: 162 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Canada
ejs5
♀ Member
Member # 24607
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, August 14th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well my wh admitted to her trying to contact him(didn't do it right away because we were getting along so well, imagine his surprise to the anger I voiced about not telling me right away) he said he didn't answer and she did leave a message stating she wanted to say goodbye...what does that mean is that code for bj or sex...at any rate I sent a nc request via email to her today, if that doesn't work my plan is to contact her adult daughter or mother via facebook to put pressure on her to cease all contact...we will see what happens now. We have counseling next Thursday what a doozy that will be!


DD June 2nd 2009
Me BW 38
Him WS 40
No reconciliation was all false 2.5 LTA now a couple of months affair...

Posts: 256 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Done
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, August 14th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ejs5:

did he ever send her a no-contact mail, text or e-mail?

if yes then ignore everything she sends....

if no, then he is the one who needs to do just that...its needs to be short and simple...

"i no longer want any contact with you of any kind, now or ever. i love my wife and i am committed to my marriage"

coming from you means nothing to her....

and if its is in place ignore, ignore ignore....no contact means no contact....and that goes for you too....


reallysad...you have a good weekend too....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, August 14th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i posted in general...had a bit of a meltdown...the day started out so damned good....

can i get off the rollercoaster now?


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:59 AM, August 15th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ejs5 – This is really, really REALLY important. The NC letter or email needs to come from your FWH. And he needs to send it yesterday. And as miracle says; short, succinct, to the point and curt. And that all future attempts will be reported to you and then deleted without response. He loves you, not her and he wants to work on his marriage.

Get him to do it forthwith.

Have a peaceful weekend. (((((Tribe)))))


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 5:21 AM, August 15th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey ejs5... It really needs to be a breakup, not a "one last goodbye"... Your dday is very fresh and your brain chemicals and emotional state are not right...

my thoughts are the same as iwantamiracle... You will not be able to control or manipulate what he wants to do.. or not... nor OW. If she wants to contact him, she will. If he feels the need to listen, he will!

I think it is a very good he told you about the phone calls. I think he needs some words of affirmation for telling you.

It is so hard to think and focus on ourselves through all this... I'm sure you have heard this over and over.. "this is going to take some time" So be kind to yourself and take it but be kind. I think LTA take the spouse several months and OW some time to come out of the "fog"... I think it took my wife about 3 months or so and women seem to get more attached then men.

Open up your heart a bit and listen to him.

I turned him away too many times
Well did you? He may not be trying to tell you the A is your fault, but that his "language of love" is physical. Did you read this book? The 5 languages of Love? I felt the same way with my wife. I never got enough sex.. meaning quantity and definitely not much intimacy. This goes way back years and years. I coped differently without having an A. I coped with fantasy.. then, as my wife’s A got more frequent, I coped with porn. Why didn’t I know intimacy? Why didn’t I see what my wife needed? Guys don’t read books, talk about, watch Oprah, read beach trash, soaps… we just don’t know. We know how to give flowers, says some stuff, but true intimacy as a women knows… we just don’t know how to do it without learning. We think have sex is intimacy…

It is up to our spouses to help each other in this area… Think about how you can help each other fill that intimacy… My wife was giving me “duty sex” because she wanted to.. for me! She is working on herself right now… to teach me what she needs. I am working on greater intimacy by doing things like…

- Accepting the way she loves me… More quality
- Accepting the times we love… when she is not tired or rushed
- Not being offended or hurt when not in the “mood”
- Accepting the fact she wants to give me a physical release.
- Accepting that she is not much of an initiator.

other things too… My not verbally abusing my wife… focus on my feelings about the situation, not projecting what “I Think” she’s thinking… I working on improving myself and not trying to “Fix” her in any way. This is very hard to do.

I can sit here and say this yet also know it could take months and months… and it’s easier said then done… I know… but you are going to have to stop think about some things going forward…. Start now working on yourself. You have to stop saying stuff like “her giving him one last BJ”.. kind of stuff. Know you will explode again and accept that it is going to happen but try real hard not to…

Why can’t he see his friends? He is resentful that he can't see friends… Do these friend not want you in his life? Don’t want you to be married to him? Then I can understand that…

[This message edited by trynhard at 5:25 AM, August 15th (Saturday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 5:29 AM, August 15th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RS and iwantamiracle... Peace!

UK.. You do'n good too?

[This message edited by trynhard at 5:30 AM, August 15th (Saturday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, August 15th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey tribe.....last nites meltdown is over...yay....

i ended up posting on pfm's post last nite....i really needed to ....

tryn:...saw that crane again today....and when i got home...yay i got a picture, when i take some time out and figure out how to post i will....while i was looking thru the phone lens, i spotted a turtle, and almost like he caught me looking he ducked under the water....then a beautiful butterfly flew right over, it was such a surprise, i got startled and dropped my phone.....

i think i may have to name this bird....

i hope everyone is having a good weekend.

i leave in 2 days for hershey with the family....i wish i could look forward to these things....i feel as though he has sapped all my joy.....motivation is quite low....i seem to have to force myself to do anything and everything....

as they say..."fake it, til you make it"....i look forward to the day its not faked anymore....


as always

(((((tribe)))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
ejs5
♀ Member
Member # 24607
Default  Posted: 12:45 AM, August 16th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trynhard thanks for the advice...you are right he did share the info...but not before he had erased her message and the fact she had called...missed/unanswered calls don't show up on bills and it had happened at least two weeks ago.

He can see friends but the one in particular that he wants to see is a guy he worked with that lives about two hours away(and he used him as a cover to see the other woman) Because of this I don't feel comfortable letting him see him without me...he thinks I will be rude and will ruin his fun with his friend(oh and he would most likely spend the night as he will be drinking) No way at two months out do I feel comfortable with him having an overnight at a friends house. He keeps throwing it back in my face though that we might as well end it as I will never trust him and it isn't fair...
I have been trying extra hard to be more intimate with him and accept that he needs to have it more frequently.
The hardest part for me is he hasn't told me he loved me for around 6 years but he says it on the phone to relatives and another mutual close friend...it makes my heart break that he can't do it for me and I'm not sure that I can handle living in a loveless marriage...Uggh this is so hard...Thanks for listening!


DD June 2nd 2009
Me BW 38
Him WS 40
No reconciliation was all false 2.5 LTA now a couple of months affair...

Posts: 256 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Done
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, August 16th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey ejs5...
he hasn't told me he loved me for around 6 years... he can't do it for me
You gotta be kidding!

Ok... Let me tell you what I would do based on some things I learned at Retrouvaille if I were in your shoes and talking to my W... here goes...

Dear W,
I feel very strong love for you... I can say it today right now and I will always love you. I love you so much that my body is effected. My stomach turn in a knot because I'm so hurting over a feeling I don't hear you say you love me.(Something physical with your body) When anyone tells me how they care about me, I feel like that time we were on the beach holding hands or that time we snuggled at the drive in and kissed (a time in your past). When you used to tell me you loved me, I felt like that feeling you might get after not eating all day and you walk in Panera Bread, the smell of bread is so good.(A situation you have been in) When someone tells me they love me... it feels like I'm the best employee at work. If it was an image, it would be hot air balloons launching... a high. (Describe an image) When I hear someone loves me... the meaning to me is 10 out of 10. (give a scale)
Love me

Express only your feelings and never what you THINK, his are... and listen.. and watch... might have to do this a few times.

He loves you E, or he would be gone...

I so hope you can find peace much quicker then I....

btw.. I'm sure I'm gonna need help with the qty sex thing too....

iwantamiracle... Post that pic.. open a flickr account and upload it.. then here place this "[ img ]http location[ /img ] (without spaces) and we can see! have a good day!


[This message edited by trynhard at 7:21 AM, August 16th (Sunday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, August 16th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn:

o.k. i will post that picture as soon as i learn how to get it from my phone to the computer.....eventually

this is one of those things i keep saying i will learn how to do.....

so many things i want to do, and then when the time comes, i have no motivation....

motivation seems to be an issue i have yet to conquer....

and he was there again this a.m.....i find myself taking time out from my power walk just to watch him....

later...

as always
((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
fairyfriend
♀ Member
Member # 11208
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, August 16th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

trynhard wrote an excellent post about not feeling loved and not having enough sex with his wife.

My H said a big part of his A was to have sex. He, too, felt we didn't have enough sex. Prior to and during his A, he would ask what I wanted, but he never REALLY listened to me. I was in a lot of pain because my mother, my father, my grandmother-in-law, and two of my brothers (one by suicide) all died in an 18 month period. My H acted very callously about my pain and didn't seem to understand how much I hurt. His coldness certainly didn't make me feel close to him. Furthermore, he did very little around the house to help either with chores or with our kids who were early grade school at the time. When he did anything, he bitched, moaned, complained, and stormed about so much that I stopped asking. Believe me, his refusal to step up and help did NOTHING to aid our marriage in general and intimacy in particular.

When he asked what he could do, I told him: help out with OUR kids, help out with OUR house. But he ignored me.

During the years of his A, our sex life stank! He felt rejected, but never thought that I, too, felt rejected. When we were intimate, I ended up feeling used, not loved. What woman wants to feel used--especially by the man she loves???

By the time H's A ended, I was perimenopausal, and my hormones weren't what they had been. So my interest in sex was waning just from that cause. Throw in the huge feelings of rejection caused by feeling replaced by another woman, and there is the recipe for not wanting to have sex. For a long time, I was very angry about this because I felt like my H COULD HAVE been having good sex with me if he hadn't been having an A, and so he robbed us of good years of sex together. And for what? In his own words, about the worst sex of his life with OW--and then ONLY five times over a 4 1/4 year period.

I totally agree that learning what each other's love language is very important. It is also noteworthy to know that men's and women's bodies cycle differently, and that men tend to cycle up and down over about a week's span versus women's one-month cycle. It is not surprising, then, that in general, that many men feel a more frequent urge to have sex than many women may feel.

After many years of IC and MC, my H has come to understand the unhealthy role that porn played in his life, and that he equated sex with his self-esteem. Today we enjoy sex, but he no longer ties his self-esteem to it, as he did in his younger years.

He has also, thankfully, become genuinely helpful around the house, doing chores unasked and cheerfully. Hooray! He has a much healthier attitude about his life, our marriage, our kids, his job, etc.

Would we both like more sex? Yes, but when we are overwhelmed with life, we know longer get upset if we don't have it. We relish our time together regardless of how it is spent.


DDay 1--Feb 99
Crappy IC, false R--spring 1999
A ended around April, 2003
DDay 2--September 26, 2004
DDay 3--September 26, 2005 when I found out the REST of the truth
8/8/09--Doing very well due to hard work on my and H's part

Posts: 1607 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: far north Chicago suburbs
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, August 16th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just want to drop in and wish all well for the week....i will be away with my family til friday....we are off to hershey in the a.m......

so hopefully i will have a good night's sleep and you won't hear from me til then...

we are not bringing a computer...so it will be cold turkey coming off s.i.....lol

no fix from my beloved tribe....i am taking xanax with me though, just in case...my goal is to leave it untouched though....


as always
(((((tribe)))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
brightbeauty
♀ Member
Member # 22646
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, August 17th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK so I am jumping in here now. I actually thought about giving up on SI but I deep down I know I need it.
Quick version of my story. My WS(Darkbeast) had a 6 year affair with a coworker and friend (at least she pretended to be). They were caught by her husband while DB was at work. DB had to quit his job and she began to stalk us. She physically attacked DB in a parking lot and we were finally able to get a restraining order.
Darkbeast is remorseful and is trying to do the right things. I forgave him and want things to work out. I have 2 children and I want them to grow up in a happy home.
I have been very down lately and I am not sure what I am feeling about anything. I am at a point that I do not want to feel anything. I do not want to love or hate. I want to feel nothing.
Is it possible to truly recover and have a happy, healthy marriage?


Me-BS
Him-FWS,Darkbeast
Married-13years
2 Children-10&3
6 year affair
DDay-March 19-21,2008
RDay-March 21,2008
Psalms 31:10,14-15

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