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User Topic: Long Term Affair Thread XV
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he missed her. How stupid was that??!?

my wh said the same thing:

not stupid...SAD and makes me want to scream,,,,if you miss her so much go after and she can have you......

and even sadder that he never missed me, and if he did, never enough, never enough

ukgirl...i am trying to approach this weekend with the idea of some major league self repair....will take my xanax as soon as i no longer have to drive the kids back and forth to exams this a.m.....and i am also hopin that he also get some major league self-repair...he still the the dad to my 3 kids and they deserve a dad who is "real" and "true to them", not the disconnected, selfish, emotionally abusive father he was and still is....he still doesn't get "it"...for my kids i hope he gets some of it, enough to learn to back off from their mother, so that she can have some peace, which in turn will give us all some peace...

i think i am having hard time because today is the 6 month mark, the mark i gave myself to make a decision about my marriage, and its funny i made the decision based on his choices once again, because he still chose to lie, and commit deal-breakers...so once again he didn't love me enough...and that still hurts.....but i will THRIVE , I WILL SURVIVE AND THRIVE....if i keep saying it, it will become MY NEW REALITY, MY NEW SELF-INFLICTED REALITY

will try to check in again before i leave...need to pack now, must not forget those handy, dandy little pills


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
brooke4
♀ Member
Member # 13581
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


DHAC,

I'm so sorry about all of it, but the story about your son is heartbreaking. I agree that he's too old to force into counseling. My advice would be for *you* to see a counselor about him. They might be able to help you with some gentle strategies to help him through. I think getting him to talk about it might be particularly important. My brother was a first responder at a disaster and didn't want any counselling. I think he internalized a lot of horror and it's taken a long time to work through it.

iwam,

I think UKgirl has hit on a good idea about carving out some healing space for yourself in the weekend. I hope it goes well.

LH,

You keep getting better and better. Just keep at it, you're doing great. And hasn't the hay fever been miserable this year?

FNF,

Good thoughts for your sister. How's the baby?

About cards- you know, I'm so over them and just don't give a crap. Is that wrong?


Me: BS, 40, Him: WS 41
Married: 15 years
3 children
D-Day: 10/2005

Posts: 1483 | Registered: Feb 2007
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DHAC,

The most potent lingering pain of the LTA for me is the effect that d-day and its aftermath have had on my children. I don't know what to suggest for your DS2 since he won't do counseling, but I don't think you should allow his perceptions to dictate your actions regarding your marriage. Those decisions really need to be yours and yours alone. I think we as parents sometimes give our kids more decision-making power in their lives than is good for them. It's a burden to make decisions that you're not developmentally ready to make.

Feeling for you.

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ok. tribe i am off for this weekend....

please send some mojo/prayers my way

((((((HUGS))))))

to all, hope you all have a good weekend....

peaceful at the very least


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle, I'm in the suitcase ...


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending good thoughts for your weekend, IWAM.

Just home from 2nd therapist apptmt... she wants to treat with CBT but we haven't got to that yet. She'd like to see FWH alone if he is willing, then both of us together.

I didn't sleep well last night (jet lag and CFS/FMS maybe) and I was upset after we had a conversation this morning that made me feel insignificant. although he called back shortly after and apologized I wasn't able to put it aside so wasn't in a good place at the Dr.'s. I doubt that my vent was beneficial as I'm in knots and don't know how I'll react when FWH gets home.

Do I attend the business social function with him tonight despite being hurt & angry or stay home causing more strain between us rather than putting on the 'happy face' for people who respect him and have no idea of our personal situation? I'm so tired of dealing with this... having these doubting feelings about myself, about him... not trusting my own decision-making...

My head is spinning. I don't know what I want or what to do. I want to go to sleep - no dreadful dreams - and wake up to find this never happened to me - or maybe not wake up at all which I know is not the answer.

Hello weekend. What is there to look forward to? I need to stop looking back but I'm in such a rut. and I don't have the strength to climb out today...


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. I meant to send gentle hugs and healing thoughts to FnF's sister and all of her loved ones.

{{{LTA tribe}}} wherever you are


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and good wishes for my sister. They must be working because she was released from the hospital today I appreciate your concern so much. Some days can be so scary and it helps to know that so many people care.
Miracle - thinking of you and hoping this weeked gives you some hope and peace for your M and your future. Sending lots of mojo your way.
Lostsoul - please let us know how we can help. I know that feeling of being in a rut and we all have been there. Let us help you as you attempt to climb out. We'll be here.
How's the baby?

Brooke, since you asked she is doing well and as my DIL said today in a text, "she is an angel and likes to be cuddled a lot." I just loved that she sent that to me today. My first thought was, ah, the words of a mother who has fallen in love with her child. It made me remember those wonderful years when my children were babies and that amazing feeling of love that overtakes you when you hold your newborn in your arms. It gave me such a warm and fuzzy feeling to read this from my DIL - she is such a sweet young woman. I am so blessed to have her for my DIL.
I look back on those years and remember how protective I was (and still am) of my children and I find it so hard to imagine how my H didn't have that overwhelming protective feeling for our children. How is it possible to ignore the potential damage and continue in such destructive behavior and for what, a piece of ass, an ego trip????
Why is it that women feel such a strong, protective bond with children and these men seem capable of shutting this off? Like BT said, "The most potent lingering pain of the LTA for me is the effect that d-day and its aftermath have had on my children." How is it possible that our H's couldn't foresee this? These beautiful, innocent victims whose lives are altered because their fathers chose to consider their needs only.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 3:01 AM, June 20th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostS
One of our H's "amazing" ( ) abilities during the LTA, was the ability to compartementalise.

I think its an ability that we could learn a little from. We need some respite from the LTA land. We need some time off to just be ourselves and not a LTA BS. We need some time to interact with loved ones and friends without feeling anxious and suspicious. And thats where this ability comes in handy.

For tonight:
Re the evening tonight..this my opinion.
Have a good soak before hand; dress up really nice and go there with the attitude that you are going to have a great time. No LTA. No H crappiness. Just block them all out. Yes, it will feel fake in the beginning but then as you get into, you might find your self enjoying it. Pick out the people who you like and you know to be a light, friendly, easygoing bunch..and stick with them. Dont get drawn into any heavy conversations about anything. Just keep it light and easy. And for a few hours, make the LTA Land go away.
If something happens to trigger you, acknowledge it and move on. I have often used the analogy on being in the tube and just passing the different stops (issues)by, KWIM?

But if you really dont want to go, then dont. After dday, I will be hard pressed to do anything or please anybody I dont really want to. I am learning to honour myself.

***

FNF,
I am so pleased about your sister.
As for little Julia, she sounds a right darling! Can you believe just another 2 weeks till the meetup.
DHAC might be joining us too!
Anybody else??

***

Brooke,
Yes the hayfever has been really bad this season. Did you read the article about the temperature soaring in a few decades. Makes you think about moving to the Midlands, doesnt it? ...or maybe not!

***
LostS,
Whats CFS/FMS??
Sounds scary...


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, June 20th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The most potent lingering pain of the LTA for me is the effect that d-day and its aftermath have had on my children." How is it possible that our H's couldn't foresee this? These beautiful, innocent victims whose lives are altered because their fathers chose to consider their needs only.
This was written 7 or 8 mths after his first contact with MOW, Apr/May 2002. I didn’t find this until some time after dday, the unseen part 2 to a “love letter” he wrote to me just after he hooked up with MOW – and I fell for it.
“For certain periods of time I have been relegated down the pecking order (in terms of your love and attention) and felt that I was propping up the table. Last in line. And I have been. And for most of the first quarter of 2002 that’s where I have been. I’m old and wise enough to accept that these situations arise, and to learn to cope with that feeling of being emotionally relegated that accompanies them. Right now you have a lot on your plate and, quite understandably, you’re expressing yourself in this way. [DS3] is currently draining you emotionally, and there’s not a lot left for me. So, my reaction is to build up interests outside of you directly, by getting out of the way, by throwing myself into the job (how I wish!) or golf, or almost anything else that helps me to deal with the sense of being undervalued, underappreciated.
It’ll pass. You will return to your former self. I will need to readjust to your change in behaviour.”

This was my reply after finding it:
“YOU PUT YOURSELF THERE. This is not about you being relegated down the pecking order. You had already started on your affair – a full sexual relationship with some one who was giving you all her attention which made you look at me and wonder why I wasn’t doing the same. You turned it into a “ My wife doesn’t love me syndrome” How dare you say that even to yourself? When you wrote this, you were already gone and probably looking for a reason to leave. This was your excuse to withdraw from our marriage and go to her, making yourself feel “valued” and “appreciated””

His justification for the affair. Poor baby couldn’t cope with his children’s demands on their mother.

"How is it possible that our H's couldn't foresee this?" I wasn't supposed to know.

ETA - He was really fucked up, wasn't he?

[This message edited by UKgirl at 5:17 AM, June 20th (Saturday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Lost Heart2
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Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, June 20th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He was really fucked up, wasn't he?

As were/are our LTA WSs, UKg.
It takes a really strong person to challenge the person(s?) they were, and I take my hat off to WSs such as Shirley's H and Maia. Imagine pulling off crap like this for years, hurting so many people and then trying to fix it. How much easier it would be to make a few token changes but then just carry on per usual?

Ukg, my H told me after dday that ever since my DS was born, I had forgotten him; and that with each subsequent child, I became further and further apart from him; until it led to him being "forced" into having the LTA#2. he said that its a wonder he had only had that one A, gievn how much temptation was out there and how lonely he had been.
I remember feeling absolutely gutted when he told me that; taking full responsibility for that LTA.

However, come dday#2 when LTA#1 came out; when I found that THAT LTA actually started BEFORE my M....
Sheesh. The stupid ass justifications they come up with...

***
I spent an hour with my mum on the phone today- she was v upset about an argument she had with my dad. It took awhile for the core reason to come out which was that he had told her that she was "looneytunes" meaning crazy. She said that he and his OW used to say that about her all the time during their LTA,and when he said that yesterday, it broke her down, bringing all those memories back. Her dday was in 1988 and she didnt know they resumed again not long after till 2002, some 12 yrs later.
I have encouraged her to take up IC but she refuses to, saying that she is too old (54) and that she has to let the past just go. I think she is also scared of what IC might dredge up re FOO issues.
It just my heart sore for her listening to her.

But it also made something a lttle clear to me which i am going to explore in IC.
I have this "fear" that I am crazy; loony; mad. I have had this for a long time and my behaviour post ddays comfirmed this. Of course H over the years reinforced calling me "nuts" or crazy whenever I challenged him on anything. Every now and then I ask IC if I am crazy as if looking for affirmation that I am not. So when H says anything remotely like this, I know for myself that my IC said I am not, after all she is a trained professional. ha!

[This message edited by Lost Heart2 at 3:35 PM, June 20th (Saturday)]


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
didnthaveaclue
♀ New Member
Member # 23327
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, June 20th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi All,
It seems that most H are the same when it comes to the children, feeling last in the pecking order. They seem to forget that they do the same thing to us only the excuse is usually work so we are expected to accept that as they are trying to provide for us.

Funny how the rules change.

DS2 is off the girlfriends Leavers Ball tonight and is very chirpy.

DS1 has come home for the weekend to day to see a friend and help his Mum out for a few hours on Sunday. It will be nice having all three boys together for an afternoon.

WH is out of the country so we don't have to worry too much about Father's Day. A cars was sent by DS3 but the others refused. They sent one to both Granpa's, I forged DS1 signature, he was too far away.

WH had the nerve to say that he is disppointed that the boys are angry with him and not sure they want him back home. WH said that it has nothing to do with the boys. He just doesn't get it!! The boys (1 & 2) feel lied to, he didn't just hurt me. Why can't he see that?

He is also putting pressure on me to give him an answer long term, which I am not ready to do yet. It is almost as if now I know let's move on.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend and enjoy the longest day tomorrow.


Posts: 21 | Registered: Mar 2009
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, June 21st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last in the pecking order? Looking back, I put myself last in the queue for anything and it would seem he put himself first. How about the support I might have needed? Oh no, leave it to Mrs Can-Do while Mr Can’t-Cope went off got his ego stroked with MOW’s undivided fawning attention. Sorry, but I just hate him right now.

Well, LostH, they seemed to have forgotten that having children was THEIR responsibility too! If they took a bit more of the load, they might have found that they got more in return. Prats.

Fact was/is that WH wanted the appearances of a happy successful life, but didn’t want to deal with the realities. Maybe that’s why he chose to marry me in the first place – someone hands-on practical. He did fuck all around the house. When it came to diy, even that was MY job.

No wonder I fancy having an affair myself. Be nice to escape and bask in all that attention.

LostH, your mum would benefit hugely from IC. She must have been very young when she got married and when she had you. She was forced into a square hole with no room to move. She wasn’t even properly grown up. She wasn’t crazy and she hasn’t passed any “craziness” down to you. These are just nasty belittling put-downs. It’s bullying and meant to browbeat her into a submissive state. It is not healthy in any way. As for 54 being “too old”, no one is “too old”! She can still let the past go, but learn some things about herself on the way to letting them go. As to the FOO issues, she can go just as deeply as she is comfortable and then stop. She sounds as if she feels she isn’t worth the trouble. That’s not right.

DHaC, better tell your H that a Long Term Affair = Long Term Recovery. And as he spends a fair bit of time away, reconciliation will be even longer. And that in itself might be a good reason to get into MC. Don’t get pressured into making any promises about anything. Doesn’t sound like he “gets it” yet, esp if he thinks the boys should be unaffected by all this fall out. This is HIS shit, time he owned it. Meanwhile, work on you.

Still in a bad place. I hate this time of year because of what it means. And DS3 will be 21 next week, I’ve not even bought a card yet, or gone to get his present. I have to get some stuff for DS4 who goes off to Europe on a school trip on Tuesday. I’m just in a pit of apathy. I want to get in my car and drive off. Instead, I have to get something together for dinner.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 1:55 AM, June 22nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey tribe,

i am back home, i did a bit of reading on here, trying to catch up with all of you.....will finish catching up tomorrow

this weekend for me was very insightful, i have some peace, i am clearer, and more "me"....the wh was good with his talking, he didn't...yay, and then when we got there they extended the workshop through sat nite....on top of that, the leader of the workshop put us on silence outside of workshop hours...which was a blessing, and wh repected that as did i, we both worked really hard in the processes which i will get more into at a decent hour since it is almost 3 a.m. here in ny,

i wanted to thank you all for the prayers and the mojo, the icr, lta si tribe has come through again....

i hope that the lack of activity on the site meant that all were doing o.k. and finding some peace.....

and those of you who are not...sending some of that mojo right back at ya...mixed in with some prayer.....a dash of karma......and topped with peace....

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 1:58 AM, June 22nd (Monday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, June 22nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No wonder I fancy having an affair myself. Be nice to escape and bask in all that attention.

You know, this never crosses my mind. Yet when I do fantasize, I fantasize about starting a new life with someone who really cares about me, someone who could never hurt me, someone who has never hurt me. I was at church last week and directly across from me was a man around my age, nicely dressed and seemingly very devout. He was alone too. I kept wondering what my life would have been like if I had married a good man, someone whose faith never would have allowed this to happen. I sat through most of the service thinking how great it could have been if I had married a decent, moral, faithful man.
When we're young, we aren't really thinking who is best for us, we're reacting to our raging hormones, at least I was, when everything I was seeing was shouting at me that this man had a completely foreign set of values from my own.
I was watching Jerry Maguire and there was a comment that seems pretty basic but it keeps going around in my head.
I'm paraphrasing here, "If there's nothing in the heart, it doesn't matter what's in the head." I was thinking how some of us were so impressed with our H's intellect, their drive, their success, etc., but I know from my position anyway, I didn't see that his heart was cold. I mistook his passion for a warm and caring heart. How could someone with such an intense passion not have a loving, devoted heart?
I don't know how many of you wonder this but I frequently do, how much of the effort they are putting into R is really about us and how much is really because they don't want their life to be screwed up? All of my married life my H would say, "you can't change a tiger's stripes." Now he wants me to believe he has changed. Yet as you know, I see a little too many of the old habits slipping back into our lives and I'm running scared.
Maybe my tiger hasn't changed at all, maybe he's just been acting the changed man until he feels safe enough to start showing his old stripes.
I was at my sister's over the weekend and we were looking at some new pictures of the baby and my sister called to my H and asked if he wanted to see them. He glanced at a few and literally turned his head and went on watching television as if this child was not the beautiful daughter of our only son. My sister and I just shook our heads in disbelief. I will have to have a talk with him before visiting our son because this would really hurt him if he saw this.
Last week my DD was over with my grandson and my H literally gave him about 2 minutes of his time and occupied himself doing everything except sharing time with his only grandson.
WTF????
I am rambling and I'm sorry. I have been so down with worries about my sister and all of these little signs from my H are pulling me down even further. It was so hard yesterday to "celebrate" the father that he is. I read on another forum that we are not celebrating the H's that they were/are but the fathers that they are. Well, fuck, do we even want to go there? If we think about the number of hours they spent away from their children so they could get fucked by some low life, will someone please tell me what I'm celebrating.
OK, I'm going to end this rant because I'm making myself nuts. I think yesterday was such a sham for me and I went through the motions for the benefit of my girls but an anger was stirring that I've got to get under control today.
Thanks for listening.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, June 22nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I lost my post!!!

BBL. Tsk.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, June 22nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((FNF))))

Yet when I do fantasize, I fantasize about starting a new life with someone who really cares about me, someone who could never hurt me, someone who has never hurt me.

I think the same thing all of the time. I, too, was very young when I met my H and was definitely way too swayed by the hormones. Look where it got me. I never stopped long enough to wonder why the words and the actions never really lined up. It didn't hurt that he was a master gaslighter. Somehow I felt like the action were my fault. Now I know to watch the actions. Nice words are nice but don't mean anything if the actions don't back them up.

It sounds like your Hs actions are waving a flag. Not a flag about an A just whether or not he has changed enough to keep you safe.

He glanced at a few and literally turned his head and went on watching television as if this child was not the beautiful daughter of our only son.

If this is the action that has you worried, I wouldn't. Some men seriously are just not that into babies. I see it a lot (especially with men of a generation older). My dad who has a heart of gold and worked his ass off to give us all whatever we needed only held his grandkids when asked. I think that generation was raised to be "hands off" and that "the women folk will handle it". They know their place as the breadwinner. Do you think you might be reading too much into it?

Also, I think every time a child is born it makes us review and assess our life. In the LTA survivors case that's not much fun.

As far as Father's day, we didn't really celebrate at all. The girls wished him a happy day, the youngest gave him a hand made card and an art project she had done at school, the middle dd did an amazing film on her laptop for him, we let him pick dinner and that was it. Watched some world cup soccer on the tube. He thanked me for being here.

Keep watching the actions to make sure they match the words.

(((((FNF)))))


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, June 22nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH2-

You are not crazy, you were being gaslighted (btw, a term borried from a movie about a guy who purposefully drives his wife crazy gaslighting her!!!). I am sure your mom went thru the exact same thing.

I have encouraged her to take up IC but she refuses to, saying that she is too old (54) and that she has to let the past just go.

Um, well, no 54 BETTER NOT BE TO OLD!!!! You better hope that some of our "older members" don't read that. Hon, I am 48 years old and don't think that 54 is too old for therapy. Jeez, with the crap we put up with, therapy will be in all of our futures forever. You are a pretty good armchair therapist. Do you think you could help her out?


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, June 22nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IWAM,
I am glad that the weekend was good for both of you. Is there a followup session?
I will look foward to hearing more...when you have recovered.

***
Shirley,
YEsterday was also quiet day here but in a nice way. Got him little practical gifts which he liked.The kids as usual were more excited then the adults, so that was good for them.

At the end of the day, he said it had been a nice easy day. And thats ok.

Um, well, no 54 BETTER NOT BE TO OLD!!!!

Shirley, I KNOW thats not old..but thats how she feels. I think she also very tired. She told me that seeing as she only has a few years left (in 2006 she was told that she had about 5 years left), she doesnt want to spend it dredging up the past - she wants to enjoy what time she has left; her grandkids and her daughters.
What can I say to that?


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
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Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, June 22nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think yesterday was such a sham for me and I went through the motions for the benefit of my girls but an anger was stirring that I've got to get under control today

((((((((FNF))))))))))

What behaviours is your H exhibiting and how have you been responding to them, Fnf?
Is it the sameold sameold stuff? Can you see a pattern?

I am unsure if your H has been diagnosed with some sort of Narcisstic Personality Disorder, but I think you came to that conclusion yourself?

Because their inner life is so restricted and essentially dead, it doesn't contain images of how to live a full life

That quote came from an article
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/index.html
She does an easy article on NPD although be warned: I thought she came across as being quite pessimistic.

Fnf, what she did say though that made alot of sense to me, was for you to keep an emotional distance more so to protect yourself, as the change in temperant came be hurtful and bewildering.

I am sorry you are hurting my friend.
Big big hugs.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


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