It IS possible to love OC like your own. I do. WHen OW took off with her, it was like part of me has been ripped away. My heart is not whole without her here :(
I agree with you Beajus, the OC are now my family, if they were no longer with me, I would not know what to do. ((Altered))
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 11:52 AM, December 30th (Wednesday)]
Thank you for your post. I need to hear a strong individual like you today. I, too, want my marriage and my WH. And if welcoming OC into my family takes that, then I am willing. Will it be easy, no. But if WH and I make us a priority and be united through this...we can.
Thanks to all for the support and inspiration. This week has been tough.
[This message edited by Finesse026 at 2:24 PM, December 30th (Wednesday)]
filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011
I feel the same way, with not being able to have my own, I have welcomed all children that have entered into my life. I married my FWH when his son was only three now he is 27, however we are no longer close. just today he told me that OW is more of a mom than I have ever been, because she calls more to see how he is doing. And my grandchildren no longer have a NANA only a PAPA, mind you this is the grandson I raised the first 18 months of his life while step son was in prison, and helped him custody in his divorse which we paid for.
But like you guys and I have put it "it is what it is"!!!
I guess it just pains me so, that after 24 years of marriage and as I thought the perfect family unit, has been shattered, and not by my doing, and I'm made out to be the bad one in it all. I lost much more than just my marriage, and myself in this whole ordeal. I am working on the marriage again, and myself is better, no perfect yet, but better. But the family I have lost on the husbands side, as well as some drifting on mine, is sooo sad at times. Maybe it's just the holiday season, without the family together it just is not there.
I have no problem with OC once so ever, I believe they are innocent beautiful children, and deserve as much love and respect as they can recieve.
But what the hell 2010 is going to be a perfect fresh start, I can already tell..
FWH spoke up to his son today, and is returning personal items back to OW tomorrow morning, so FWH is showing progress in what helps me heal, as well as being so flirty and effectionate (think that is the guys way of showing sorrow for their wrongs and expressing their love) but what do I really know, on how a guys mind works, can't figure that out still. LMAO
Have a blessed New Years Ladies.
dreamer; Although I haven't been with my H nearly as long as you and yours, I feel your pain with your step children.
We have been together almost 9 years, and before OC was born (when H and I were split due to the affair, and he was living with OW) my oldest stepdaughter, then 18, stopped by my home to see me and assure me that I would always be her step mom, she would always stay in touch, etc. (They younger two, 14 and 16 at the time, never contacted me).
Once OW came out as pregnant (
H and I had reconciled) my step daughters instantly wanted my H to go back to OW. When this didn't happen, they decided to stop seeing their father. My H to this day has not even met his grandchild, born 3 weeks after OC. However, OW was there at the birth.
My inlaws were at OC's birth, baptism, first birthday, etc. They have yet to even meet our daughter, conceived after reconciling.
My stepdaughters claimed that OW was more of a mother to them, despite everything I and my family have done for them. OW is 1 year older than my oldest stepd, and furnishes all of the alcohol. Her myspace is full of pictures of her and my stepds (all 3 of them) drinking together (oldest stepd also lived with OW). Their mother condones this behavior.
So yes, my H's affair cost him his daughters, and my daughter her sisters, grandmother, grandfather, aunt and cousin.
Here's to a better 2010 for all of us!
2010 HAS to be better!!!!
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 11:46 PM, December 31st (Thursday)]
Happy New Year my friends! Here is to 2010, another year to continue healing and getting stronger.
Wishing you all the very best!
Happy New Year to my new found friends!
OW posted on her myspace page
(Note to you, He's all yours...)
I could not help but laugh, as if ever he wasn't...
The mind set of these people never seems to amaze me. LMAO
Just thought I would bring a chuckle to you all.
Yeah, we gotta get our giggles where we can. Like when OW gave birth with OC, she had contractions off the charts after the drugs wore off, and had him too fast for an epidural.
FWH said that while she was screaming, he thought I would have gotten a sense of justice out of it.
Also, OC has colic and she has not slept. OW still does sympathy ploys and sulks when FWH does not fly to the rescue or cry puddles over her. Welcome to single motherhood Ms "I can do it on my own".
Guess I still have a little work to do on empathy huh?
Talked to WH this morning....we talked about all kinds of things. But the one thing that he told me was something that the whore told him.
That she doesn't want me involved with the OC?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK!?
OH! I am sorry that YOU, WHORE, came into MY FUCKING MARRIAGE, knowing WH was married, and FUCKED MY HUSBAND?!!
I didn't want YOU IN MY MARRIAGE?!
I would be an AMAZING mom to this OC. WH knows it. Whore is pulling all the punches! I KNOW that the next "threat" will be that she'll move or live with her parents in another city, or block him from seeing OC. BITCH! C*** UNTENSIL!
Why do they do this?! I didn't cause this to happen?! What the F have I done to HER?! I am so pissed and upset right now! Whore.
Anyway, WH knows that she can't keep me away. WH also knows that if he wants to fight for custody, that I will stand right there with him....I have been keeping notes.....
I am just so frustrated that the whore would have the NERVE to say such a thing about ME?!?! I am not the slut! I am not the one who tried to break up a M! I am not the one who PURPOSELY got pregnant! FUCK HER!
Sorry....needed to get it out.....
FUCK THAT WHORE!
They still want to control things.. and the dumb bitches shouldn't have lain down with a man who already had a woman if they didn't want that woman involved with their kids.
OW told me (right before OC was born and her and I sat down and talked) that her greatest fear is that i would take my hatred of HER out on OC. I told her I understood that (and I actually did), but that she'd have to trust me and have some faith in me that i'm NOT that type of person (I'm sure there ARE some women out there who would do that), but i wasn't one of them.
any lawyer will be able to get you guys visitation and she cannot bar you being there....
Thanks for the comments...I just needed to vent!