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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only (next thread)
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, December 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(HUGS)

It IS possible to love OC like your own. I do. WHen OW took off with her, it was like part of me has been ripped away. My heart is not whole without her here :(


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, December 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agreed Altered, it is not the end of the world. Just remember to put your relationship first. Do not let OW control your lives.

I agree with you Beajus, the OC are now my family, if they were no longer with me, I would not know what to do. ((Altered))

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 11:52 AM, December 30th (Wednesday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, December 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Altered....

Thank you for your post. I need to hear a strong individual like you today. I, too, want my marriage and my WH. And if welcoming OC into my family takes that, then I am willing. Will it be easy, no. But if WH and I make us a priority and be united through this...we can.

Thanks to all for the support and inspiration. This week has been tough.

[This message edited by Finesse026 at 2:24 PM, December 30th (Wednesday)]


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, December 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Altered, thank you as well.

I feel the same way, with not being able to have my own, I have welcomed all children that have entered into my life. I married my FWH when his son was only three now he is 27, however we are no longer close. just today he told me that OW is more of a mom than I have ever been, because she calls more to see how he is doing. And my grandchildren no longer have a NANA only a PAPA, mind you this is the grandson I raised the first 18 months of his life while step son was in prison, and helped him custody in his divorse which we paid for.
But like you guys and I have put it "it is what it is"!!!

I guess it just pains me so, that after 24 years of marriage and as I thought the perfect family unit, has been shattered, and not by my doing, and I'm made out to be the bad one in it all. I lost much more than just my marriage, and myself in this whole ordeal. I am working on the marriage again, and myself is better, no perfect yet, but better. But the family I have lost on the husbands side, as well as some drifting on mine, is sooo sad at times. Maybe it's just the holiday season, without the family together it just is not there.

I have no problem with OC once so ever, I believe they are innocent beautiful children, and deserve as much love and respect as they can recieve.

But what the hell 2010 is going to be a perfect fresh start, I can already tell..

FWH spoke up to his son today, and is returning personal items back to OW tomorrow morning, so FWH is showing progress in what helps me heal, as well as being so flirty and effectionate (think that is the guys way of showing sorrow for their wrongs and expressing their love) but what do I really know, on how a guys mind works, can't figure that out still. LMAO

Have a blessed New Years Ladies.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
mamabear3
♀ New Member
Member # 26951
Default  Posted: 12:53 AM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you for the support I followed all your advice I saw a lawyer today everything was positive. I opened up more to my husband I feel better thank you for all your advice it helped TREMENDOUSLY

Posts: 7 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: arizona
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mamabear: Glad you found everyone here. It is such a help to have somewhere to speak freely to who has gone through the same thing.

dreamer; Although I haven't been with my H nearly as long as you and yours, I feel your pain with your step children.
We have been together almost 9 years, and before OC was born (when H and I were split due to the affair, and he was living with OW) my oldest stepdaughter, then 18, stopped by my home to see me and assure me that I would always be her step mom, she would always stay in touch, etc. (They younger two, 14 and 16 at the time, never contacted me).
Once OW came out as pregnant (
H and I had reconciled) my step daughters instantly wanted my H to go back to OW. When this didn't happen, they decided to stop seeing their father. My H to this day has not even met his grandchild, born 3 weeks after OC. However, OW was there at the birth.
My inlaws were at OC's birth, baptism, first birthday, etc. They have yet to even meet our daughter, conceived after reconciling.
My stepdaughters claimed that OW was more of a mother to them, despite everything I and my family have done for them. OW is 1 year older than my oldest stepd, and furnishes all of the alcohol. Her myspace is full of pictures of her and my stepds (all 3 of them) drinking together (oldest stepd also lived with OW). Their mother condones this behavior.
So yes, my H's affair cost him his daughters, and my daughter her sisters, grandmother, grandfather, aunt and cousin.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1957 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to us all! It is a tough time of year!

Here's to a better 2010 for all of us!


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy new year friends :)

2010 HAS to be better!!!!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy New Year my friends! Here is to 2010, another year to continue healing and getting stronger.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 11:46 PM, December 31st (Thursday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy New Year my friends! Here is to 2010, another year to continue healing and getting stronger.


Fingers crossed!

Wishing you all the very best!


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
shockdbyndbelief
♀ Member
Member # 21286
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, January 1st (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Happy New Year to all!!!

Posts: 145 | Registered: Oct 2008
HowStrong3
♀ New Member
Member # 26721
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, January 1st (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, I am so ready to say goodbye to this decade and hello to a brand new one! I am thankful for the lessons I have learned in this decade as they have made me who I am today, and thankful for my 3 beautiful children who were born in this decade, but I am ready to start fresh and make the future what I WANT it to be. Nothing is impossible, the possibilities are endless :)

Happy New Year to my new found friends!


Me: BS
Him: WH
3 Beautiful Daughters
Ages 8,5 and 3
OC:Age 2

Posts: 22 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: NY
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, January 4th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought I would share.

OW posted on her myspace page
(Note to you, He's all yours...)

I could not help but laugh, as if ever he wasn't...

The mind set of these people never seems to amaze me. LMAO

Just thought I would bring a chuckle to you all.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, January 4th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LMAO!!! You can tell she's hurt... GOOD!!!!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, January 5th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh OW's are such martyrs, done wrong by the married men they set their sights on.

Yeah, we gotta get our giggles where we can. Like when OW gave birth with OC, she had contractions off the charts after the drugs wore off, and had him too fast for an epidural.
FWH said that while she was screaming, he thought I would have gotten a sense of justice out of it.

Also, OC has colic and she has not slept. OW still does sympathy ploys and sulks when FWH does not fly to the rescue or cry puddles over her. Welcome to single motherhood Ms "I can do it on my own".

Guess I still have a little work to do on empathy huh?


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, January 5th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thread in general about OC

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=334252


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, January 10th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay....


Talked to WH this morning....we talked about all kinds of things. But the one thing that he told me was something that the whore told him.

That she doesn't want me involved with the OC?!?!

WHAT THE FUCK!?

OH! I am sorry that YOU, WHORE, came into MY FUCKING MARRIAGE, knowing WH was married, and FUCKED MY HUSBAND?!!

I didn't want YOU IN MY MARRIAGE?!

UGH!

I would be an AMAZING mom to this OC. WH knows it. Whore is pulling all the punches! I KNOW that the next "threat" will be that she'll move or live with her parents in another city, or block him from seeing OC. BITCH! C*** UNTENSIL!

Why do they do this?! I didn't cause this to happen?! What the F have I done to HER?! I am so pissed and upset right now! Whore.

Anyway, WH knows that she can't keep me away. WH also knows that if he wants to fight for custody, that I will stand right there with him....I have been keeping notes.....

I am just so frustrated that the whore would have the NERVE to say such a thing about ME?!?! I am not the slut! I am not the one who tried to break up a M! I am not the one who PURPOSELY got pregnant! FUCK HER!

UGH.....

Sorry....needed to get it out.....


FUCK THAT WHORE!


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, January 10th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((HUGS))

They still want to control things.. and the dumb bitches shouldn't have lain down with a man who already had a woman if they didn't want that woman involved with their kids.

OW told me (right before OC was born and her and I sat down and talked) that her greatest fear is that i would take my hatred of HER out on OC. I told her I understood that (and I actually did), but that she'd have to trust me and have some faith in me that i'm NOT that type of person (I'm sure there ARE some women out there who would do that), but i wasn't one of them.

((HUGS))
any lawyer will be able to get you guys visitation and she cannot bar you being there....


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, January 10th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know she couldn't, it's just the fact that she said that!! I would love OC as my own! WH and I would give OC everything! I hate that she thinks she is superior! Ugh!!!

Thanks for the comments...I just needed to vent!


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, January 10th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Finesse)) this is their ultimate power play. If your H didn't leave the marriage as she had hoped, than they used the child as a weapon. Honestly, it has nothing to do with you personally, this is her way of trying to control a situation that she has no control over. What OW fail to understand is that when they attach the father title to their child, they lose some of their parental rights and are not able to keep the child away. So unless she can prove you are a danger, she has little luck if any in keeping you away, but it has to be handled legally.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
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