Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: saveme25 (43179)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only (next thread)
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, December 22nd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((HUGS)) altered!!

You're dealing with this, with so much class and grace hon! Just don't ever let your guard down around OW.

((HUGS))


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, December 22nd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It bothered me too, to see OC being snuggled by fWH. Taking away time from fWH's busy schedule that I felt should belong to our toddlers. He'd hold her while browsing the internet & she'd sit quietly for however long it took. She so loved her daddy....but, it hurt me to see him being affectionate w/someone else's child (heck, it even bothered me when he would hold our niece before we had any kids @all).

MIL/FIL had never been very warm toward DS10, as I think they believe I tricked fWH into having him (they didn't know about A#1 w/OW, which was pre-DS10's conception during HB). They never hugged on my son, never wanted him to just be "brought up" to see them like they'd done w/DS13. They probably only saw him <8 times the year he was born & they live next door.

I have video to prove it....that MIL held OC (a girl) during the whole opening presents thing of Christmas 2001, helping her open...and, fWH & DS10 sat over against a wall...opening presents together & I sat w/DS13 opening (DS13 was 5 & DS10 had only just turned 2 on OC's first Christmas w/us - she was 11 months).

It really hurt, to see how MIL acted toward OW/fWH's daughter, when she'd never been that way w/my son. I guess I thought that COM would matter more, than COA. I honestly think, that my ILs believe that he's not fWH's son or something, because they knew we were having marriage problems. OC & DS10 could've been twins they looked so much alike....I don't think they much liked DS10 & they only took care of him in 2005 because fWH was hospitalized for 6 weeks & they ran my mom off (they were remodelling the house so fWH's wheelchair would fit doorways & adding a ramp to the porch). I will never understand why, they acted nicer to OC than to my child. Maybe I am the stumbling block that keeps fWH from having WHO he wants or they think OW would make him happier. I think they've always thought badly of me, for wanting a career & actually finishing high school & getting a degree (B.S.). They are old-school & think a woman's place is in-the-home. WHAT would their precious son have done, if I'd been SAHM & he got hurt and was on 60% pay for short-term disability? How on earth would we ever been able to support ourselves on the small amount of savings we had aquired? Much of what would have normally gone into savings (before OC), now went to child support & the added expense of having OC w/us 3-4 days per week. We only missed 1 payment the whole time fWH was on std (6 months & that's because OW told us not to send one).

I refuse to be nice to OW again....I let my guard down for so many years...and see what it got me? EA/PA#3!!!!

Oh, BTW. Incase I didn't mention, both fWH's STD screenings in Dec08 & mine last month were good. No STDs for me & no sign of HPV. Even my very first mammogram was good. Pesky high cholesterol that didn't even go down w/losing 35 lbs. though.

AND, I snuck a peek @my Christmas gift. I asked for in-expensive diamond earrings to wear on date nights (few & far btwn).....he spent most of his MAD-MONEY he had left from his layoff. The diamonds are even bigger than my engagement ring he'd bought when we were only 17 & 19-years-old (poor guy made regular payments every paycheck until he got out-of-layaway/////you know, when we were young, honeymoon part of dating, stupid, before all this CRAP ever started, when I was still on my pedestal wearing my halo).

I AM TRYING TO BE A GOOD CHRISTIAN STEPMOM...sometimes, I am the wicked stepmother in OC's eyes, like when we ground her for backtalk/misbehaving & take her TV cable (even moved the TV out last week). Just pray for us, is all I can think.

I think about your struggles guys, if A#3 had never happened...I was feeling comfortable w/OC's existence (after almost 8 years). Stupid husband....I'd never have needed SI & OC support. Being around OC & OW, just became much harder last year. It's not OC's fault, but it happened.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 1:47 AM, December 23rd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Posted a thread/vent in general about OW

It's been 7 hrs and i'm still so mad i shake on and off...


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, December 23rd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry BEAJUS, is there by chance a security video nearby? Would be great to bust her & have her on-books w/some charged...would help once he goes for joint custody (or full custody).

Hug the boys on Christmas & tell yourself, no thinking of OW today!


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, December 23rd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stupid OW, calling the house again while I'm @work. Didn't even bother texting me about it. Somebody called her & said a child w/OC's name posted a letter-2-Santa in a local paper. Wondered if it was OC & if we'd gotten her ROCK BAND for Christmas, because that's what she was asking for. All the RockBand games (except the DS version) need additional instruments etc. OC never said anything to us. I'm hoping it was somebody else's kid (her first name is VERY common the year she was born)...plus, we have a the generic last name of JONES. I called the newspaper & it's 1 town over & I'd have to drive there to get a copy...they said you have to be a subscriber to get a copy over-the-web....darn.

Anyway, I'm mostly pissed because she's using OC to get to fWH yet again. She's supposed to call me or text me, unless actual emergency!!!!

Why can't she just go NC...it was going so well until ballgames started. Why couldn't she have texted me????


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, December 23rd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fucking whore just sent a child support summons in the mail from the state.

I've puked, screamed cried etc etc etc.....

Merry fucking christmas to us


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, December 23rd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Beajus)), I am so sorry but I am not surprised. You already set you CS up didn't you. Either way it is going to be hard, but she can't keep her away from your H now that is if you can find a way to get the custody straightened out. I am so sorry.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, December 23rd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No unfortunately CS wasn't already set up, we had an agreement that I'd watch OC while OW worked in leiu of CS. FUcking whore.

Go to general to see what she's gettin for christmas LOL


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, December 25th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just felt the need to post through my tears..

Merry Christmas OC, wherever you may be..I hope your mother did something special for you and made this a great first christmas for you if she can ever see past her own selfishness.... Your brothers asked soo many questions the past 48 hrs. about you..... we really really love miss you baby girl!!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, December 25th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Beajus)))


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, December 25th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Beajus)))


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
HowStrong3
♀ New Member
Member # 26721
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, December 26th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, so a lot has happened in the past couple of days. Up until now, I have not seen the OC since she was an infant (she is now 2). Everything between me and H was not open and honest, mostly because I never really asked him any questions because I felt like he would only lie anyway. We were basically living together and being the parents to our children, while standing on the opposite sides of the earth as far as emotions go. We were friendly with each other, we actually seemed more like friends than a married couple. On Tues. when I came home from work, the kids were in the living room and we were both in our bedroom and all of a sudden we just started talking and it turned into this really long conversation of the both of us totally opening up to eachother. He told me that OW texts and calls him on a regular basis and asks him to come over to her house to "come and see OC" and he said that he keeps telling her that he cant do that and wont do that and she in return says that he can not see the OC. This bothers him because he wants to be a part of OC's life. He said that he keeps asking if he can come over and pick her up and take her out for the day and OW refuses to let him. He said that OW is always turniing the conversations around to be about the two of them instead of about OC and he tries to keep the convo about OC. He said that she drove up to his work about 2 months ago without him even knowing she was going to do that and said that she wanted him to see his child. After he told me all of this I was so angry at her that I wanted to call her and tell her to meet me somewhere so that I could punch her in the face (not that it would have solved anything, but it would have felt GREAT!). But I could tell that H was feeling very vulnerable and I knew that I couldnt react in an angry way or he would not want to open up to me again. I just tried to stay as calm as I could and I told him that I would NOT go for him going over to her house and visiting with the OC there, as that is what OW wants so that she can try to manipulate him. I told him that he should try to put his foot down and say that he wants to see his child and be a part of her life, and that if she wont let him come and pick her up and spend time with her then they will never have a chance to bond and it will be her fault. So, while I was sitting right next to him, he sent her a text asking if they could work something out so that he could see OC for xmas. She sends a text back that says that he will have to come to HER house and deal with being around her the whole time. He sends one back asking if he can come pick uo OC and take her out to get some gifts. She replys that she does not feel comfortable with that idea since he has never had her alone before. (Because she wont let him!!) Although I find it funny how she could send her kid to a daycare full of people she didnt even know. He then tells her to call him. She calls and I was sitting right there and had to hear her telling my H why he had to go to her house to see his kid and why he could not pick up the OC. She had a list of reasons like "you dont know what she likes to eat, what if you dont have her wash her hands and she gets sick, what if you dont put her hat on and its freezing out, she doesnt really know you well enough, she might get scared, etc." I knew the whole time that it was all just to get him to go there. After a long time of going back anf forth, he actually got her to agree to let him pick OC up for a few hours the next day. She did not know that we both had the next day off, not just my H. So I was happy for my H, but my stomache was in knots all night. She would not have let him take OC if she saw me in the car and I knew how much it meant to my H to be able to pick her up, that I let him go alone to her house to go pick OC up. I was a wreck. I put my ipod on and ran for 20 min. (I can usually only do about 5 or 10 min. lol) It takes about 20 min. to get to her house and he was back in less then an hour, so that meant only about 10 min. at her house. My heart was pounding as he walked into the house. I had not seen this kid and was not sure how I would react. Our youngest daughter was home (she is only 3) and I told her that daddy was bringing over someone for her to play with. She was very happy. He came over with her in his arms and she was actually really cute. She has these chubby cheeks and had these little pigtails in her hair. She was nervous at first, but she started playing with our daughter and everything actually went really great. We took the 2 girls out to lunch, and had a great few hours. He had to have her back right at 1pm, and once again had to go by himself. But was only gone about an hour again. When the older kids got home we told them that daddy had brought over a friend since our youngest one kept talking about her friend. We did not tell them that it was thier sister. I am not ready for that yet. I think overall it brought us alot closer and we had a great Christmas together. I am not sure if it will turn out to be a good or bad thing. He told me that when he went to drop OC off, OW made a comment about him wearing a ring (we did not wear rings after everything came out about the A and I still do not wear my ring, I just cant bring myself to do it yet) so I know that she is not going to let us be a happy family and that she is going to try to make this as difficult as possible for him and I and I worry about him falling for her manipulation. This was a huge step for us though!


Me: BS
Him: WH
3 Beautiful Daughters
Ages 8,5 and 3
OC:Age 2

Posts: 22 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: NY
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, December 26th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YAAAY for you guys!!!

Now it's time to get a lawyer and legally enforce visitation!!!

((HUGS))


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
scorpio1
♀ Member
Member # 6445
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, December 26th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH said the worse thing to the two older kids that had them reeling.

WH is visiting for the holidays and he and older daughter got into it. She really let him know how she feels about everything he did. And she mentioned that WH loved the OC more because WH moved out of state to be with him. Son said something hurtful to WH, so WH turned around and told them that he does love the OC more.

WH acts like a little kid in that the kids said some hurtful things to him, so he responded the same way. He's always spouting the bible so I asked him what God would expect of him. He couldn't answer. I told him that God would expect him to lead by example.

The way he is with the kids turns them off and causes them to dislike him. I mentioned to him that if his intention was to inspire hate, he was on the right track. And that whether the statement he made about OC was true or not, it was the most hurtful thing to say. He told me that it wasn't true, but how can you trust an established liar?

He wants to come back, but I am to the point that I can do better without him. I just graduated last week on friday and have one more year for my Bachelor's Degree. I definitely don't need the hassles that WH comes with. I don't believe that affair partners should be in contact with each other. WH mentioned to me that OW told him she still loves him. Now if you are only talking about the OC, how could that come up in conversation?

You guys who deal with this situation when there is contact are very brave. But don't you get tired of the bs after a while? My kids wish the OC well, but they want nothing to do with him. I realized that I don't need WH living here and leaving to visit the OC and bringing hurt down on my kids. I have to do what is best for me and the kids no matter what.


If a situation requires a lie, you are standing on the wrong side of the issue.
Me-BS 41 years old
STBXWH-37 years old
3 kids D-18; S-15; D-5

Posts: 1891 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: South Florida
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, December 27th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But don't you get tired of the bs after a while? I realized that I don't need WH living here and leaving to visit the OC and bringing hurt down on my kids

FWH never left us to visit OC it was Al done at our home, so we all had a chance to bond. My kids are little though. They are used to having baby siblings LOL So OC was no big deal. As they get older things will get tougher as will their questions though.
Yes i am very tired of OW's BS. But i love OC so i'm willing to deal. Not put up with but deal with her through the legal system. I put up with her bull shit for a while and when i stood my ground she took off with the baby. I'm soooo angry at her for hurting my children. i think that is the toughest thing. She didn't just hurt me, she hurt my children and OC!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Concerned  Posted: 12:07 AM, December 28th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I need some help or support or something!


Did any of your WH try to make it work with the OW for the sake of the OC? Or where they committed to you the entire time?

When WH told me about OC, I was willing to work it out with him IF he was still committed to us. Of course, he was a fence sitter AND cake eater. Then I took the cake away...anyway...he was telling me that he was trying to do the right thing for the OC by trying to make it work with OW.....he realizes now that he can't and doesn't want to. That he can't let go of me. That he wants me in his life.....I just don't know now. SO MANY LIES! SO MANY BETRAYALS....

Did anyone deal with this???


I am so lost right now guys. I don't even know what I am doing...Please. Any insight will help.


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, December 28th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((finesse)))

fWH was trying to be "friends" afer A#1 (then had A#2). He was trying to remain polite w/OW for years & years...see what that got me, A#3.

I completely believe in our situation, NC is the only way. Even the limited renewed contact for OC's games, have started the calls over again from OW. On Christmas day, OW's toddler daughter called fWH through her sister OC to say "Thank you Caity's Daddy for the Christmas presents." We always get OC's sister something small. How come she didn't call me? I was the one who picked it out!

Oh, BTW! I completely over-reacted about the Santa letter phone call last week. It wasn't OC's mother who called...it was fWH's mother (MIL). I think I just had been expecting her to call yet again (because her call on that Monday & insisting in talking to fWH while I wasn't home)...that I was just freaking out when he said OC & mom/mother.

Christmas was good.

Weird thing happened @park during pickup on Christmas Eve:

Wednesday evening (4:30pm). I showed up @park to get OC from OW (BH#2 & toddler). There was a man & two young kids (boy/girl) with the kids riding bikes & playing on swings & climbing equipment (figured it was maybe their Christmas gifts & maybe a single dad w/joint custody or something). While OC was jumping in the van, the man & his kids loaded their bikes in the truck & the two kids got inside the truck. OC & I started to back out. The man walks into the middle of the parking lot, up to my car. I was concerned that maybe they needed my cell or something (thinking maybe a dead battery, since his truck door was open & the kids inside). I didn't see a weapon. I rolled down the window & asked if he needed something. This isn't word-4-word, but this is what he said sorta:

GOD is working for you. He knows your need and he is working on it. He loves you. Do you know GOD as your friend? He hears you and hasn't forgotten about you. As you pulled in before, I felt a coldness come over the park. I just felt guided to tell you that GOD loves you and is working on your need.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, December 28th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat....

May I ask, are you still with WH?

What kind of boundaries do you have with him now?

It seems my WH while he was kicked out of the house, was trying to see if he could really be with OW for the OC. He didn't want his OC to have a broken home. But he couldn't give me up and NOW wants to give me everything I want for our M and to R.

I am just so lost. We don't have any children of our own, I don't know what I am doing!? Why do I want to put myself through this when I don't have to!?

Damn love it strong.

Please help, guys...you are the only ones who truly understand at this point.


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, December 28th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Darn OW. I told you she's starting bull-crappy again. She called fWH @home (knowing I'm working) and asked if I could get OC @5pm today instead of 6 p.m. She KNOWs she's not supposed to talk to fWH. She is supposed to text (which we now know her she has the cell back from her Mom's account) or call me. She called fWH from her house phone to our house. SHE is breaking NC yet again! I knew that bliss of not having her calling was too good to be true! But, out-of-respect for me, fWH asked me to call her back instead of him calling her. Kudos for fWH.

Finesse:

Yes, I am still w/fWH. I had been dealing w/OC all these years, but I'd mostly been pickup. No calls etc, unless place/time/person had changed. BH#2 & OW separated for a short while (not related to fWH issues) & that's when EA#3 started. fWH was calling to check on OC & I think it continued even after she moved back in w/BH#2. BH#2 never knew that OC was related to multiple months of As until I told him when I suspected A#3. @some point, EA#3 turned into PA#3 & all the lovey-dovey stuff.

D-day week, he admitted to sexting & sending nudes to/from OW. I started thinking about divorce & had even contacted my brother to ask to borrow money for downpayment on apartment, but I hadn't planned on filing yet. That Thurs, fWH was supposed to go "4-wheeling" w/the boys. He stopped by my work before & hugged & kissed me (very odd) and didn't leave until 10am or so. He called around 12noon & said he was home (left 4-wheeling early). That his mom was cooking dinner for us, to stop by there on way home. He was passionate that night, like never before in years. Telling me how much he loved me, that he wanted to work things out, that he'd never have anything to do w/OW. I was happy. I wasn't thrilled about the sexting etc, but hoped the PA which I suspected, hadn't gone that far.

Well, OW texted me next day. That BH#2 kicked her out, that it'd be easier to be w/fWH & that fWH loved her. I was completely broken. I called fWH & he confirmed my worst fear...that they'd been having EA/PA again. I called my brother, he took $$$ from his checking account, took it to lawyer for me, & they faxed me a retainer agreement. I called fWH & told him I was filing for divorce & had appt. that next week.

Needless to say, fWH came 2 my work, crying, bawling, begging. He's never done that b4...not even when OC was expected. I left work early & went home after I got DS13 from school @3pm. He begged, bawled, sobbed, held his chest in panic attack. Asking me to not leave him, that he didn't realize how much he loved me until I said the D-word. That he'd broken up w/her the day b4 & that's why he made love to me so passionatly...that he could not imagine losing me, after being together for 19 years. Our 15-year anniversary was the next month. After a moving sermon @church about family & being in w/the pigs & still having a family welcome you back. I decided to try. It has not been easy. I learned things about the first 2 affairs & OC being a planned pregnancy (on both parts). Everything that I'd been lied to about, makes R#3 much more difficult. I still don't know some days if I made the right decisions. OW harrassing me @ballgames last year almost did-me-in.

I stayed after A#1, thinking that since he blamed me for being uninterested in sex, that it truly was my fault. I wanted 1 more child w/him, because I believed he is/was a good father & I want all my kids to be his (as I was planning on getting tubes tied after 2 kids). I believed that DS10 was fWH's second chance with me. Unfortunately, OW would not go away. fWH insisted on remaining friends w/OW during my pregnancy (after a short period of NC when he broke-up w/her). I should have put my foot down. OC might not have been here, or he might have left me instead. I do really love fWH, but sometimes, I'm not sure there's enough of me left....I'm not the happy-go-lucky person I used to be w/fWH. I am a bitter woman, untrusting, holding grudges, cannot give myself completely to him. My mom & best friend tell me, that until I forgive him for the 3 affairs, I will never be happy w/him. I am trying...but, the fact that he has no real remourse for A#1/A#2, gives me no incentive for forgiveness. That he never forgave me for the online sex b4 we got married, makes me wonder why I should forgive him.

For the most part, fWH is trying. He was trying very hard until his layoff & is depressed, I think now.

fWH & I have gone through many things (Jan1 will be the anniversary of his accident & his paraplegia)...I just don't know sometimes, if staying...trying to be stepmom to OC, dealing w/OW...is worth it. I feel very fortunate that I have a nice home, two loving parents for my sons, & a great job that I usually enjoy. I guess, I have grown accustomed to fWH being around after 20 years...and don't really know how to NOT be with him.

P.S. there were lots of tears etc. this time...as I didn't feel like I even cared to hold back for his sake & the kids. They saw every blubbering, bawling, red-faced, minute of what I felt. They saw fWH crying & such over me also on D-day. DS13, remember is very well and felt like fWH is sincere. I hope so. I still have a retainer in-place w/the best lawyers in the county...but, I don't want to have to ever use that $2500 retainer. Just knowing it's there, makes me feel like I have more power over my situation though.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, December 28th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Finesse,

My H tried to be the OW's friend before I found out about the A and the OC. Trying to be somewhat of a good father is what kept him in the relationship for so long. It was finally him that told me the truth because he was sick of living the lie. Once we began to R, it took sometime but my H realized that he couldn't be nothing to the OW, not even her friend, and after founding out all the shit she had done, he now wouldn't want to be.

Your marriage can not survive with him having any kind of contact with OW unless it is contact that you are involved in and it is control on your end. Children are born into broken homes everyday and there are children whose parents are divorced. They have issues yes, but it can be overcame. There is no excuse for him to be more than a parent to the OC unless he wants more.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 12:31 PM, December 28th (Monday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.