I just looked at the place we got ours from
and they now offer 3 days testing and marked down the price too!!!!! They only offer $100 towards a court admissible one now though!
Good luck hon
You know, when fWH went to file for disability, OW had not given SS the revised Birth Certificate w/OC's new last name or her father listed. He had to take the original BC over to SS dept, before he could file for extra $$$ on his disability for having OC 50/50. Even then, they warned us if OW counter-filed, she would most likely get the $266/month instead of fWH (even though she's w/us same amount of time). They said, if we wanted to, we could fight OW in court for it...but, they wouldn't get involved.
I'm actually a little worried about CS situation. fWH no longer pays (after everything was official), but OW is SAHM now & except for the Avon sales & the small amount of $$$ made cleaning Ford Dealership (before BH#2's dealership closed), she didn't have any income last year. I think fWH needs to call his lawyer & see if he needs the CS stuff recalculated (even though she's quite capable of holding down a very lucrative job - which was proof before of her potential income & why CS was supposed to be paid to fWH). fWH was laid off in March & on unemployment for ~6 months, then started drawing disability. Somebody told me that disability doesn't figure into CS $$$, but I'm not sure. I kinda feel sorry for OC's other family, but then I don't because OW could make $70,000 annually easy...if she'd just go back to managing restaurants. They got their car & truck repo'd & bought a cheaper one (probably cash from a relative). I don't know if I could let my family struggle so, if I was fully-capable of working & there are so many jobs out there available (even her old one @LC Pizza was advertized in paper for months).
we verified w/OC that her sister (OW & BH#2's 4-year-old) was in a Christmas play @church last Sunday. They never even asked if fWH would let her come back early to see her sister in play. fWH would have let her too. I just cannot understand. Why would they do a family thing w/out OC...when it's something important for her sister? Almost like they don't want people to know OC exists. We never do family stuff w/out her. I resent sometimes that fWH has her, but I try my damned best to include her in things. I was the red-headed stepchild (literally), but I don't want her feeling like that. She goes to church there on Wed nights...wouldn't everyone ask why she wasn't @the play?
AND, we figured since last Thurs night was OW's, but we got her (per court agreement) because it was DS10's b-day, that OW would want her this Thurs night. Nope. AND, we'll have her again next Thurs night (Christmas Eve usually @6pm, but we're getting her early)....plus OW said not 10am Christmas morning, but 11am. What gives? Are they slowly phasing her out of their family or something? It kinda hurts my feelings...for OC. That's 4 Thursday nights in a row for fWH (supposed to alternate).
I knew that "I'm a good Mommy" act...was just that. She cannot even keep it up for 1 whole year. OC had a thing @school yesterday (craft making & such). OC asked fWH to go. He verified w/OW...that she could go instead...but she said she wasn't going. fWH was @school for about 2 hours...helping w/wrapping glass jars filled w/rocks & some sort of flower bulbs they'd been growing in-class. It broke last night (cats knocked it off counter)...but, I'm not sure if she intended it for me or OW as-a-gift. Today is Christmas closet...let's see if she buys OW & toddler gifts (like last year) and doesn't spend any on DS13/DS10. fWH was angry w/her last year for spending it all on her mother & sister, because he'd told her to spend on 2 brothers & sister. He had ended up giving her extra $$$ last year, to use next day on brothers. DS10 had been upset, because he'd gotten her a gift & she hadn't gotten him any.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 7:35 AM, December 18th (Friday)]
We are meeting with a lawyer on Monday. My H did not want to be a part of the OC's life. He had made that decision for us as a family. We want to move out of state in the next year or so. We want to make a fresh start together. At least I think we want to. I am having thoughts of D pop into my head a lot. I just don't know.
[This message edited by Chandler at 7:45 AM, December 18th (Friday)]
Even if they have to repeat the test for CSED, at least we will know. If it is negative, FWH does not have to pay for the CSED test. If it is positive, then he can put the results with his CS application and they can get it done faster, so he won't owe back CS.
This really is what's best for us, I think. At least we won't be in suspense for 6-8 weeks. We are over the 1st 2 hurdles, I am ready to move to the next one.
I have never met my father, so yes I feel like you do. Guilt if he's not contacting OC. I hate to see ANY child raised without their father.
Sounds like this entire situation is causing some mistrust (i mean obviously LOL) But it sounds like OW is calling the shots and that is NOT cool.
YOu guys need to get to an attorney like yesterday and get something in writing set up, even if it's for NC or for visitation.
If she and he have something in writing then she cannot dictate what he does with the child. Even if YOU don't want contact, but are ok with him having contact he could get OC and take to McDOnalds play land and stuff. NO need for him to be around HER. The fact that you don't know if he's seeing OC behind your back raises red flags hon.
Has here been DNA done? Has there been child support set up?
back on page 38 there is a couple posts you should read.. This is one of them
Yesterday my H got a notice to appear in court because the OW that had his OC is suing him for child support. During our seperation they had some issues and had come to the agreement that she really didn't want him in OC's life and he said fine then Im done dont call me. She said I will be fine on my own. He asked her point blank are you going to come after me for child support? She said no I wouldnt do that to you. Effin LIAR!!!
Those wenches can't tell the truth if their life depended on it!
IF you do ever decide to leave.. you can get state assistance with daycare costs.
Whether you know it or not you are living your life based on what the OW will or will not do. You must protect your children at all costs. Find out the laws in your state about filing for CS yourself before she does, because if a court order comes thru for her first, your kids will get the leftovers.
I have heard so many sad stories hear about how the children of the marriage don't have enough money to get a pair of shoes while the OW is getting as much as $1500-$2000 a month for CS! (an example)
I know the how hard it is to deal with this, but it will not go away. Please protect yourself. (Hugs)
The boys fell in love with OC immediatly. They are heartbroken and crying several times a week since OW took off with OC. It's times like these i wish I hadn't told them and we'd went no contact. I love OC too just as much as I love my boys. OW is a crappy mother though. If she'd been a good mom we all might have felt more comfortable with things going the other way (no contact).
I had the same concern as you - that if I stayed and tried to work things out, but then decided that I wanted to leave, her CS order would be so much that I couldn't afford to leave - or more accurately, he couldn't afford the child support that I would need to live alone. I am just so sick of him making all these horrible decisions for me, that I felt I needed to protect myself and my children first. Reconciliation, if possible, can happen later.
Best of luck to you...this is living hell.
Of course these days the part of my situation that makes me the most angry is that he didn't tell me about the affair and the OC before we decided to have another baby. Really I should say "he decided" not "we" since he was the only one with all of the relevant information, and was therefore making life-changing decisions for me. I am so pissed about that.
Last week I was really angry about his lack of condom use with OW and potentially exposing me life threatening STDs. Given the timeline of everything he also put both of our children at risk which makes me a million times more angry.
That brings me to my next question:
How did you emotionally deal with or get over with your WS having unprotected sex with someone else? I'm assuming that most of us are here either because our WS didn't use a condom or it broke.
I keep thinking - it is one thing to have no consideration for my feelings or our wedding vows, but how dare he risk my life just to have sex with a practical stranger? Especially when he easily could have had sex with her and not risked my life. Just one of his many behaviors that makes me sick.
I did however find out OW contracted Chlamydia after FWH broke it off with her. After OC was born they were putting a bunch of stuff in her eyes (more than what a reg. newborn gets) and FWH asked in front of OW and OW's mom what was with the goo they were putting in the babies eyes and nurse said you'll have to talk to OW. So dave asked her and in front of her mother admitted after FWH broke up with her she had a ONS with some random guy and contraced the chlamydia and had refused treatment while pregnant so they wanted to make sure OC's eyes and such weren't affected.
WHen he told me I said, "GEEZ WE ALL dodged a bullet didn't we"???
After a few months i let it drop. Before that anytime he'd say I love you or I love the kids I'd say.. yeah love us enough to expose us all to nasty skanky diseases. The pain eventually fades somewhat.
What kind of rationale can you have for not getting treated for Chlamydia while pregnant?!?
That situation combined with the twins not being his, sealed her fate, he can't even stand to say her name less enough think about her. Sometimes I trigger when I see a pregnancy test commerical about determing when you are ovaluating. I really beleive that OW did that to keep my H by have the OC. It is crazy how sometimes it just pops up in my mind, I was cleaning the stove the other day and it just popped up out of nowhere. I don't think it will ever completely go away.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 12:32 PM, December 21st (Monday)]
Had to speak 2 her after game OC had been feeling ill & I had to tell her what meds I'd given her & hand her OC's earrings.
NOW, OC has strep (I'd told OW she could take OC to Walgreens Clinic 'cause we'd already had her signed in there b4 when she & DS13 got swimmer's ear from the hot tub on vacation in May). I was just hoping OC's throat was sore from the cold OC had (runny nose etc). TODAY, while she knows I'm @work, OW calls fWH @home to tell him (gets OC to call, then talks to him about the "paperwork" from Walgreens). Can't she just text me? She is starting CRAP again, I just know it!!!!
fWH got me a really nice Christmas gift, but I feel like I need to rant/rave about OW again. When we rolled up to them after ballgame, BH#2 didn't even look @fWH (doesn't he deserve to be cussed or something?) I told fWH that I just hated talking 2 her like we were civil! fWH said "I guess BH#2 thought the same thing about us." From all the lies OW told BH#2, he probably thinks I'm a big liar, instead of his wife (like I'd thought about OW's lies about planned conception w/fWH being in-on-it).
Uggghhhh! I so refuse to let OW ruin yet ANOTHER Christmas for me & my kids!!!! Can't she just quietly disappear????? I was actually feeling a little holiday spirit, until fWH called & told me. Now, I hope DS10 doesn't get sick...he is so susceptible to strep (I accuse him of licking tables & kissing girls everytime he gets strep). He HATES girls right now, they're gross.
I held OC, he was pretty cute. It hurt for FWH to hold him. It hurt when FWH's parents sent presents for OC.