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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only (next thread)
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, June 20th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with you also dreamer. For my H's first Fathers day after D-Day, she wanted to send a framed picture. I told her to do what she wanted but she was just wasting her money because it wasn't going up anywhere in our house. She got mad and said that she wanted OC to know that she at least tried. But she didn't send it.

Personally, I would return it if the tags are still on it. I'm sure I could find something to buy myself.

anobligation - while she may be the first to file, you can still file and receive CS if you aren't sure what your relation status is wiht your H. I'm sure it varies from state to state as to how important the order of filing is.


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, June 20th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW asked a couple weeks ago what FWH would want for F-day. I told her a Barnes and Noble gift card. She said oh has he been wanting a certain book cause i'll just get the book fo rhim and i was like umm i don't remember the name (i really didn't). SO we'll see tomorrow what she decided to do. I am worried she'll get him something and make like it was from her, not OC.. ya know like put an inscription in a book or something.... if she gets him a shirt or a framed pic of OC or something like the gift card with no sentiment attached i'm cool. Anything else and well i'm liable to freak LOL


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, June 21st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She got him the B&N Gift card so we're cool LOL

She put OC in an outfit that said Daddy's little Princess on it, my feathers ruffled for a sec. but i think my mom was much more upset than I was LOL.

It's turning out to be a good day :)


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, June 21st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((everyone)))))))


Sorry to all of you who are having Father's Day issues. I guess we got lucky, OW has never been stupid enough to try and give my H anything for Father's Day.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, June 22nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone..


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
overcomingthepai
♀ New Member
Member # 24449
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, June 22nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, so I'm really confused. The OW is INSISTING she is preg, however, she should be 25 weeks and is showing NO signs of being pregnant. My SIL's saw her last week and a friend of mine saw her on Sat night and they all said she isn't wearing maternity shirts or pants. The outfit she had on Sat night was a long tight shirt and tight pants. Her breasts have not grown and her stomach is flat from her breats down to her belly button. From her BB down she has what looks like a fat roll, there is no roundness to it whatsoever. So either she is lying or the baby isn't my H. Not sure what to make of it. If she isn't preg, why is she is still pushing it?

I feel like I'm a yo-yo being tugged up and down. I guess I should just assume she is preg and prepare myself emotionally just in case vs believing she is lying and being crushed all over again. The OW's sister is preg also and they are 2 months apart and she is HUGH. The OW should be showing SOMETHING by now. Ugh, I hate this!


BS 28 FWH 28
M 4 Years
DD # 1 10/08/08
DD # 2 03/01/09 (Found out OW is pregnant)
DD # 3 09/28/09 OC was born

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: PA
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, June 22nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get real pissed when OW try to include your H in their father's day plans. It is like they are just putting another nail in the coffin. Some may say, they just want the OC to have a father's day too, that may be true if the OC is old enough to understand, but the 1 yr. olds PLEASE! I would burn the shirt and mail to her! JMO!

sorry to everyone who had a hard father's day. Lynne01, like your tag line, proud of you!

Beajus, I know you think you are ok with OW, but I feel that was a little tacky of her. JMO

Overcomin', it is hard to tell at this point. My son's baby's mother to be is not showing yet and she is 5 months, I am going to look at the sonogram early next month. Unfortunately it is the waiating game to see if a baby is born. I don't know what is harder, waiting that out, or having grown OC come into your life. Both are so hard.

Hugs to you all.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, June 22nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beajus, I know you think you are ok with OW, but I feel that was a little tacky of her. JMO

I agree LOL Maybe i'm compartmentalizing because I don't feel like deeling LOL


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
overcomingthepai
♀ New Member
Member # 24449
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, June 23rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks BMC415. Even though this is extremely hard, my H's family is being supportive and that helps. They can't stand the OW either.


BS 28 FWH 28
M 4 Years
DD # 1 10/08/08
DD # 2 03/01/09 (Found out OW is pregnant)
DD # 3 09/28/09 OC was born

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: PA
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, June 23rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't show at all with my first until the 7th month and only put on 8 lbs the whole pregnancy. So your OW could really be pregnant and be that far along. Does she have other kids? You show a lot sooner with subsequent children.


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
overcomingthepai
♀ New Member
Member # 24449
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, June 23rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is her first child, she told my H she couldn't have children. Surprise, surprise!


BS 28 FWH 28
M 4 Years
DD # 1 10/08/08
DD # 2 03/01/09 (Found out OW is pregnant)
DD # 3 09/28/09 OC was born

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: PA
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Angry  Posted: 9:16 AM, June 24th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H came by last night about 2 in the morning begging and crying to come home saying he can't sleep nor eat he miss his family!!!! I told him no until he can.
1. He realize it's only two people in this marriage!!

2. Go to rehab (said weed not a drug)

3. He is not to buy pampers,milk,nor clothes for OW. Court order states that we have to take care of OC when he is in our care which is every other weekend and full time in November 09. No more buying things for both houses for OC. OW decided to have a baby now let her take care of him.

4. No more her calling with her problems. Her problems not our problems. You didn't destroy her life she has 4 other kids with no father in there life she will survive.

I am proud of myself because all I wanted to do was open the door and let him in but I love myself and don't have to live with this mess. I did nothing wrong. I still in shock that I closed the door!!!
I guess OW must call him today asking for something and he told her no because OW sister called me saying that the baby needs things and OW don't have much money and needs help. Well I guess h didn't tell them that it's a new me??? I ask OW sister a few question?
1. I ask her did she call all of her sister kid father?

2. Do she encourage her sister not to keep having babies when she can't afford them!!!!

3. What would she do if her h had a baby by another women.

I didn't let her answer any of the question told her if she every call my home again she will be sorry and hung up.


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, June 24th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whew Lynne01, where have you been!

I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself. And actions speak louder than words, let you H show you the changes not just cry. Good for you for putting down boundaries and what you are willing to accept and not accept. It feels so much better doesn't it. It is not a revenge thing, but it is what you feel that you deserve thing.

High-five!!


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, June 24th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC0415
You are so right it feeeel good but yes I need to see change not tears. H has call me atleast 10 time so far today and I am just holding out because I do not want old habit resurfing........


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
overcomingthepai
♀ New Member
Member # 24449
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, June 24th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lynne01

That is awesome!!

I hope I have your courage someday!


BS 28 FWH 28
M 4 Years
DD # 1 10/08/08
DD # 2 03/01/09 (Found out OW is pregnant)
DD # 3 09/28/09 OC was born

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: PA
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, June 24th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

overcomingthepai
You will!!!! It took me a while OC is 7 months old!!!!!


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, June 24th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lynne I am so proud of you! That was great!!!


Happy Happy Happy Day, OW emailed me today that they got the court date and adoption will be final August 13th!!!!!!!!!!!!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
overcomingthepai
♀ New Member
Member # 24449
Frustrated  Posted: 3:38 PM, June 24th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you ever start to feel happy again? I'm finding it hard to find joy in things. Yes, my marriage is going great, but I can't stop thinking about the OW having my H's child. I always saw myself as special cuz I was the only mother of his children, that he choose me especially for that reason, but that is true no longer.

Here I come to find out that the OW had been planning and plotting to break us up from the day we were married. She has been hovering around my H waiting for the opportunity to jump when he was weak and vulnerable. Yes, he definitely has responsibility in this, but for some reason she had some kind of hold on him. She knew exactly what to say and do to get what she wanted and to play on his emotions.

My MIL keeps telling me to look at the OW as an egg donor and that when the OC is with us that he/she is our child, but right now that is very difficult. How can I invision the OW that way, when she texted him stating they were a team when they were "making this baby" and he needs to stop walking away from his responsibilities. She also had on her myspace "Happy Father's Day to all the responsbile fathers out there." WHAT!! My H is a great father and VERY responsible. SHE knew he was married and did all she could to get rid of me and she plays the victim!

Luckily most people see thru her. She has no friends cuz she always stabs them in the back.


BS 28 FWH 28
M 4 Years
DD # 1 10/08/08
DD # 2 03/01/09 (Found out OW is pregnant)
DD # 3 09/28/09 OC was born

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: PA
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, June 24th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lynne01, GREAT JOB. WOW, you are my idol..

Auntics, This is great, not much longer, than we break open a bottle of bubbly.

Last night I eneded up in a huge fight with FWH about boundaries, I started packing my shit, I was sooo HOT. Yeasterday OW called FWH at work to tell him happy b-day. The oc's b-day was yesterday, and she just wanted to say happy b-day to him for their boys. . WTF. I was very pissed off that my FWH does not see thru her bullshit. Like the shirt for Fathers Day, the showing up at his work, calling when shee feels like it, the call yesterday, I know he is trying to stay civil with her tell he has his rights granted through the courts. But damn. Part of my problem is I let her get to me, she does not know this, but it does. I try to send out vibes that my life just can not get any better. But her being able to do as she pleases and me having to be behind the sences right now is driving me freaken nuts.

Her little stabs at me, on Fathersd Day went to in-laws and OW sent them a b-day invite for this sat. our party is planned for sun. Why the F*%k send invites to our immediate family, that is not her place, and how do I get FWH to see things this way, he does freaken nothing, to make any of this change. I just keep hearing wait tell court, when I have court papers then I will have things change. Well dam the OC turned 1 yeasterday, how much longer does all this take. Courts are slow I know.

Sorry but needed to vent, this stuff just pisses me off to no end.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, June 24th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YES AUNTCIS!!

Overcomi, it will get easier with time. My stomach was in a knot during the first almost year after d-day. And when the OC came to live with us, whew may times I went to my kids room and cried. But your MIL is right, the OC are my kids in everyway that counts. As far as the OW, you will drive yourself crazy reading everythign she write and hearing evervything she says, that is why it is best for both you and your H to go NC right now. What worked for me is I treated like a business arrangement, no personal feelings involved, that help me get thru the pain that I was feeling.May not work for everyone, but it worked for me. Take care it is going to be a long road.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
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