Yea. It kills me when OW acts like it's acceptable to even SPEAK to me in public.
I, unfortunately, saw OW Friday (just returned from vacation w/family including OC who was still @our home). I saw her (as I was checking out) and texted WH that OW was there. He called & said "did you say hi & show her your new slimmer body & nice ass?" Of course, I didn't. She must've seen me also (she was browsing around the cheap-o items @end of checkout aisle w/her toddler from BH & had nothing in their buggy). She texted about 1 hour later to ask OC to call her. We tried her home & no luck, so had to call her cell (which is a Hawaii number her dad sent her a touch screen phone from where he lives). I ended up spending $$$ on long distance call so OC could speak w/her. Why didn't she just wait until she got home for evening & call OC from her home phone?
When she & her family aren't tormenting me at OC's basketball games by sitting near, she has enough nerve to come up to US and speak like we're social. WTF? She & I have never been friends & I have been very tolerent over the past few years since WH's accident limited him being the dropoff person for OC (until last year when he started being dropoff again & then had EA/PA#3 w/OW).
Be strong. I don't really know if OW is being stupid not thinking that type of behavior is hurting me...or if she's intentionally trying to hurt me & also break NC w/WH because she misses him. Sounds like OW in your case is still trying to be "friends" with WH. That didn't work out for us. WH can't be OW's friend in our case...they just start up PA's again when emotions get high & marriages aren't working out well.
I guess, having OC w/my husband makes her think she can do whatever concerning me or WH. We are still working on boundaries, but it did get somewhat better after D-day#3. WH agreed to many more limits & NC than he's ever allowed before. He seemed to think that he had to be friends w/OW for OC's sake....that's not really true. He needs to be polite about OW & not say bad things to OC about her mother, but being social or being "best friends" really isn't necessary. It should be more like a contracted business deal with rules/regulations/expectations/financial obligations.
What is really bothersome is when OC is old enough to recognize you in public & you feel obligated to be polite to OW, because OC wants to hug/talk to you in the store! You don't want to make OC dislike you or hurt OC's feelings, but you feel really about having to even stand near OW.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 8:34 AM, June 2nd (Tuesday)]
I just don't think those sort of FOGGY friendships w/OW due to OC is very productive. At least, it hasn't been for us. The only benefit which I saw was that WH got OC anytime he wanted her because OW didn't want the responsibility of caring for newborn/toddler/young child.
Maybe WH will come to your way of thinking to save M. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Do you think that is just a scorned OW, I dont, why say things like that to my son?
And to say I have tear the family down, our family was perfectly ok before she stepped in, ya maybe there was not happiness inside our marriage, but the rest of the world or family did not know this, everyone thought we were the perfect couple, and even had mentioned they wanted a marriage like ours.
This bullshit is just so freaken hard, and the drama just never stops. SO after tonight it stops one way or another, I just cant do it anymore.
Any good advise for me for how to convence my FWH/WH, who the hell knows.
Things stop going this way when you make a stand and that sounds like where you are headed. Your H is actually sitting on the fence having 2 families and both you and OW are accepting a piece of him. UNACCEPTABLE!!! Why is this bitch talking to your son? And why is she allowed by your H to say negative things about you? My suggestion, if you can get a copy of "Not Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass.
It has some very good information about boundaries in there and how as a couple you need to keep OP outside of the "marital wall". Right now OW in your situation is on the inside and your are looking thru the glass. If your H can not make the changes that he needs to make you comfortable in this situation, it is time to look at what you want to do. I will never forget when my H said " I know how to stop being her lover, but I don't know how to stop being her friend". I said "Do you know how to stop being my husband?" cause you don;t get both.
Yes sometimes there are scorned OW out there making up shit, but sometimes there are things going on giving them that reason to believe. Him having visitation without you is not helping that. Also go back a couple pages and review the "OC handbook" I reposted and see if there is anything helpful in there.
I had a situation where the OW saw my 19 yr. old son on the bus and had the nerve to hug him like she was an old friend. My son was embrassed to say the least and even the twins were mad abotu their mom trying to talk to their "brother". I told OW my gift to you is that I let you live. Now continue on with your pathethic life and stay the hell away fom my family!
I have not seen her since and she knows that I will make her life a living hell if she keeps trying to be #3 in my marriage.
So good luck hon! Chandler, I suggest that book for you also, I will be thinking of you both.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 11:08 AM, June 2nd (Tuesday)]
Yes you are right, I do feel like the outsider so much, and with court things still going on, he is so worried that he wont get rights as he says anyway, and I bite my tongue cause of the fact of her having control over the boys right now.
But this does have to STOP right now, cause i can not go on with this stuff like it is. I will break!!!
I am going to have him even put his hand on the bible tonight before our talk, hopefully he will not lie in the name of God. I would not tolerate that at all. But it is the only way for me to try to believe he will not lie to my face. He is good at that. I have been believing everything, and it felt good, but not sure if it was truthfull, KWIM
Chandler good luck to you as well, and all you on here, this is such an awfull situation.
The A, i am over, just wish that it was easier to put it behind you, as if the OC never happened then there would be no need to talk to OW or have contact. But I guess thats the decision we made when we decisded to stay with our men.
In the court order, it basically says a public location if not @park. I wish it said WH couldn't be there, but OW had to be there.
These OW kill me with the kumbaya? shit! We are soul sisters because we screwed the same man. The OW actually tried to relate to me that way. I had to sit on my hands to stop from throwning her down the stairs!
We are soul sisters because we screwed the same man
OW used to try and pull that shit with me and she would say thing's about FWH like "oh, you know how he is when it comes to these thing's" and when talking about OC she would say thing's like "oh, she must get that from T*****, cause he does stuff like that".
You had sex with him 6 times over the course of 1 month and you dated him when he was 15 years old for a couple of weeks and you think you know him so well!!!! She knew and still knows NOTHING about my H and for her to try and relate to me through him makes me sick!
New here and reading what you all are going through just kills me.
My WS's OW is pregnant. They had a short term PA. According to my H, they didn't have intercourse until after she found out she was pregnant. If I am to believe dates, it coincides with her myspace posting as well.
When she found out her due date last week it puts my H '3 weeks in the clear'. I am not comfortable with 3 weeks. She is adamant this child belongs to her H. She says there is absolutely no way it can my H's child.
She has one more test because her doctor thinks her hormone levels are too high and she is measuring too far along for 10/11 weeks. He has said she might be as much as 2 weeks further along. But how can I trust what an OW says?
How has everyone handled the question of paternity early in the pregnancy. Do we go with what she says and the 3 week buffer? Do we wait until the C is born and then hire an attorney and test?
**heavy sigh*** I am 4 weeks into discovery and with this over my head I spend most my time
I had a question for everyone else on here. H and I are going to pay his cs fee, which is a huge amount, at the end of the month. Now I know we send the payment to the state, but how do they reimburse that to ow? Does she just get one lump sum? Or will they send it to her in increments?
Dust, with us with we had 10 months of back support to pay cause OC was born in April and court and DNA testing and all wasn't done until January of the following year What they did was begin garnishing my H weekly paycheck for the current amount plus an extra $100 a month towards arrears, which the state kept in an account and then sent a deposit to OW bank account at the end of the month. They also took our entire tax return that year which OW got in one large payment. So I would say that if you and your H are paying arrears in one lump sum that is how OW will receive it, not spread out over time.
Whew now that I got that off my chest!
I want to tell everyone of you here how much strength you are showing everyday dealing with this situation. Unless you go thru it, it is a pain that no one can understand. It is like someone repeatly stabbing you in the heart and everyone of you are handling this with as much grace and strength as you can muster.
Fleury, welcome and I agree with Dust and AuntCis don't go on assumptions. In fact I would go NC with OW until OC is born and then get DNA testing immediately it will save you some heartache in future.
Dust- my friend whose SO was just sued by the State for retro CS that his child's mother decided that she wanted after 12 yrs., had both his taxes returns garnished and he had to pay additional monies to the tune of $7,000. She called to brag about how they had gave her all the money at once and then the bitch had the nerve to ask him to buy shoes for the child!! Some Women!
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:45 AM, June 3rd (Wednesday)]
And as for the CS, OW gets a credit card sent to her in our state and when the CS is taken from his check and sent to the state $2000.00 a month, and that does not have any rears attached, that is the set amount he has to pay everymonth, plus we also have to carry insurance on the twins. But wants the state recieves it they put it on her card all at once.
Well I thought I would feel you on our talk last night, it went better than I expected, and my son did find out that I did use his page for contacting the OW, and called FWH and said something, but as far as I know he is not to upset, and OW figured out it was me, because her and DS were talking on the phone as he is coming to town and wanted to see the boys. So everything she had said directed to my son was actually directed with her knowing it was me. FWH was not upset with me for doing this.
My new moto is killing her with kindness, and avaiding myspace as much as possible, I think it will piss her off more, if I act all nicey, nicey Don't play games with a girl who can play them better.
Gosh I dont know what I would do if she started to think she was my friend, and act like she knows so much about my FWH. I would really have to watch myself then, that I don't use my mixed martial arts training on her, that could be a bad situation.
Well for now a couple more weeks I will not go with FWH to pick up OC, until things cool back down for a bit. Then I am going, told him that if she thought she could get a restraining order against me go ahead, I would fight her on it, cause how can a judge issue an order for her. " like judge I want an order against his wife so that I can have an affair with her husband" Ya right. And she would have to prove that I am going to harm her or she is in danger, go ahead just try. She just does not want to see me face to face, thats to bad, I really dont want to see her either.
Hope everyone has a better day today. It does seem like maybe there is a weird retrograde going on in the universe right now, stirring up emotions, but that will pass, always does.
I am torn. If this turns out to be my H's C, I don't know if I could live with that. I don't know if I can begin to R, and do MC with this hanging over our heads. This is so, so new.
Guess at this point, I can only hope the doctor tells her it is actually two weeks earlier and then it will be fairly clear. I do know that she is showing enough to have people ask her when she is due and she is only supposed to be 11/12 weeks along.
I will check back if I get updates....