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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Npd Thread Part V II
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, June 29th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sofresh: Hitting is pretty much one of the things that's typical of toddlers, even though it's undesirable. I agree that you consistently telling him no, then trying petting, then placing him in time out for 1 minute is probably appropriate and more likely to get results. That 1 minute can also help you to refocus.

Mine used to pull earrings, glasses, etc. My daughter who is 3 tends to hit when she doesn't get her way (she only does this with family -- she is very good at school). The only thing that works every time is time out, because she hates being away/apart from us. But you have to do it EVERY TIME. Even if your son will not stay in time out per se, IMMEDIATELY put him down if he doesn't respond to correction, and make it clear that you will hold him again conditionally.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Dazed In Dixie
♀ Member
Member # 21178
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, July 2nd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a thread in the D/S forum I would like y'all to read if you haven't already.

Then explain how in the hell this is happening to me...seriously.

I spoke to a local psychologist who has been an expert witness in our local court system. He said that he needs to do a complete psych workup on us both and then interview the kids, watch each of us with the kids and then he can determine parental alienation.

It's expensive...but if it's going to help me with my kids, I don't care how much it costs.

I asked him would he be able to see through STBXNPD/BPD's games and attempts to appear normal and he said yes, the tests are designed so you ca tell if someone is lying plus he's had enough years to spot an NPD.

I don't see any other options. Now if I could just talk to my freaking attorney maybe I could get somewhere.


1-26-10 DIVORCED FINALLY
"Infidelity is like cat pee in carpet. And no matter how hard they try, an affair couple will never ever get that stink out. It will always follow them." -DCK

Posts: 742 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Atlanta
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, July 7th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crap I have to serve nutjob papers again. I hate doing it with a passion. He completely flips out when he gets served.

If using a process server was not so expensive I would do that.

Wish me luck. I am going to need it.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, July 8th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Need some advice please. My 8 yr old son is wanting to tell his dad how he feels about the crap he's been doing and how he feels about the OW. They live together and we're just recently divorced. I tried to tell asshole to chill on trying to force her on the kids. It's about to backfire on him.

We exchange the kids at the sheriff's dept. My son wants to talk to him when I pick the kids up at the sheriff's dept. My son said that he's afraid to do it any other way.

This kinda caught me off guard. He doesn't ever confront my XH about anything. Has always said he's afraid to. I have raised my son that he can always come to me and talk to me when he has something that needs to be said. It was always like that with the XH until our seperation. Now the kids are afraid to piss him off.

I told my son that I wouldn't stop him from saying anything to his dad but I wasn't sure that anything he said would change anything. I told him if he was doing it just to get everything off his chest that was fine but just don't expect too much.

Did I do the right thing? He caught me by surprise. I wasn't sure what to say.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, July 8th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((dazed))): I don't have much advice to offer you, except to pursue the psychologist/lawyer route. Get the lawyer on a bias case ASAP!

lied2: ugh! mine right now is being SOOOO NIIIICE because he has still convinced himself that I will turn this around. He went on an $800 vacation with the kids (first time ever) and bought himself a bluetooth stereo for his truck. He seems to be having less breakdowns after I told him I knew his crocodile tears were an act, so I guess he's abandoned that, but he also took *my* (yes, my, I paid for it) marriage license out of my car. I had planned on burning it ceremonially, so naturally, I couldn't have it! They get so freaked out by being forced to do the right thing and being reminded of their freakishness! ugh!

peridot: you're doing so fine, and it's obvious that you raised a good kid who knows his (and his father obvious) limitations. he's looking out for you, too, which must make your heart proud.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, July 8th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh here goes

I am so beyond pissed of my fucktard I have to get it out before I blow a gasket. The asshole dodged service last night and twice today. Flat out not answering the door. I gave up and went to court office and found out what other options I had other than serving him. I was only trying because I need to get my youngest son's medication back from him. I have already emailed and he just ignores me. The last time he did this he conveniently lost it and I had to get new stuff (paid for but wasted my time and son's time with the doctor and pharmacy.

Don't they get that dodging serve only delays the inevitable. This is not going to go away no matter how deep in the sand he buries his head.

I had to pay someone to serve it to him and now I still have to deal with him to get the meds back. I should have not bothered trying to connect with him and just paid for it to be served. The lady at the court office didn't tell me I could use a courier to do it. I will use that method from now on. Jerk isn't worth my time and effort.

I am definitally going to play hardball now. He told me when I filed "this is war". The thing he doesn't get is that he doesn't have a leg to stand on at all. The lawyer I talked to yesterday laughed when I told her what he had filed. He screwed up his filing in a major way (I messed up mine as well but mine will likely be ok once the judge approves my request to amend.) I had the option of asking the ex if I can refile it but we all know what that answer will be. I am sure the judge would be far more understanding.

Peridot my concern with your son confronting his father is that he may get alot of rage from his father. My ex will rage at my kids and they have every right to fear him. The won't tell him how they feel either because he will go off on them. I don't thin confronting him and then having to go on a visit with him is a good idea because it gives your ex lots of time to go at your son for the things he has said. It might be better to arrange that conversation at the end of a visit rather than at the beginning if possible. Scary stuff.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, July 8th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I talked to my son tonight and he decided not to confront him. His dad has already gone off on him and it was because I had something about the conditions of his house.

He started hounding my son about it as soon as they got in the car. Just totally flipping out on him for something I said.

They go over to his parents house now and I think he pulls his shit on the way over there or on the way to dropping the kids off. I don't even think his parents know half the shit going on.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, July 9th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I just got the bill for his psychologist. He IS going. He's got to be a sociopath...I sure he has her convinced that he feels aweful for what he's done...gee. He probably has her convinced that he's not with ow!
The therapist is obviously NOT working...not a surprise with a sociopath.

OW bought the bastard a CAR!!!! And he claims his POS 93 HONDA on his statement of net worth!!!


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, July 9th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why am I so scared!!!
I just talked with some people that he works with, they confirm that he was still sleeping with his ex before me, while he was with me.
I don't know why this hurts when I know he's a cheater.

Now, I have a duplicity of hating OW and not wishing this on anyone.

I am scared for DS. I suppose I am over-reacting. I don't want XP to control via DS or ruin DS emotionally/psychologically or make DS turn on me.


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, July 9th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

peridot: it's a good thing your son changed his mind! I guess I was just thinking of the location -- not that the boy would have to spend all the time with his father afterward. I do think his intentions are good -- your son's, that is.

sofresh: it takes a while for the hair-trigger lifestyle that you've been living under to go down. I started detaching from my NPD a couple of years ago, but I still have those hair-trigger panic reactions at times. Calm down, take a deep breath. He's going to a psychologist which means that they may or may not see through him. Psychologists are trained to deal with lifestyle situations, and he may very well have her bamboozled. Mine made the fatal error of bringing me to his joint session, where, since his counselor was being sooooo nice to him before, he thought the two of them could gang up on me and teach me the error of my ways. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! That poor woman looked shell-shocked, right up until I told her that I had already filed for divorce! THEN she got a big smile on her face. So don't worry about his psychologist; he'll do himself in with his actions. Focus on calming yourself down and being a centered parent for your child. THAT'S what he needs most. If you try to go into the system guns blazing to take your child from the evil man, they're going to laugh at you and mark your card as being bitter, vindictive, etc. You have to establish a foundation first, and part of that foundation means being a rock for your son.

lied2: Whenever I used to kick mine out of the house, he'd run away and wouldn't tell me where he was staying. He bought a house (or at least, it's under contract) and I have no idea what address it is because he wouldn't tell me (he'll have to in the divorce, but anyhow). I can't count the number of lies he's told me while pretending to want to reconcile properly. They just don't get it -- they will eventually have to face the music!


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, July 9th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We were going to MC even though we were seperating and divorcing. Silly me thought seeing a MC would help and maybe my marriage would be saved.

I was shocked when he agreed to go. When we were together he would never agree.

Then on the way to the MC session, he told this is good because now we can fight in front of someone and I can get all my bitching out of the way. What a start!

So we get there. I told the MC that I had filed but I wanted to try and work things out. I also told her that we were constantly yelling and fighting.

She had us do this exercise that involved a pillow. Only the person who had it could talk and we couldn't yell at each other.

So things start to get heated. We're discussing his problems.

I have the pillow and he starts yelling, raging at me. The MC goes off on him for it.

Then on the way home he's driving iratic, almost got us killed. He was staying with a relative. When he gets out of the car, he hits the window and kicks the door. We had been fighting all the way home because of the stuff that came out in the session.

Anyway, something clicks and I told him I couldn't do this anymore. I called the MC. She seen through his shit. Told me she thought I had made a wise decision.

What I am getting at is don't be so sure that the IC won't see through his bullshit.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, July 11th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IC do see through the crap, but it is harder because you don't have the dynamics of the other party to counterbalance the behaviours. I think it is alot easier for them to fool an IC and the IC is invested in trying to help them so they tend to believe their clients and take them at their word. If they didn't they couldn't work with the client at all.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, July 11th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sofresh,
Don't worry about the psychologist. Sometimes they are simply "building trust" with their subject. In the beginning it may seem like they are being agreeable, but it is really just to make the NPD feel more comfortalbe and will to continue coming to the sessions. If she/he jumped right on his case and called him on his shit right from the get-go, he'd leave and never come back. She/he needs to play his game for a little while.

I worried about this too, but it turned out to be okay. The therapist knew what he was doing all along. I have a feeling yours does too.

Hang in there.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7925 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, July 11th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's getting worse. I can't believe he wants a foresic psychologist to interview both of us.

I would hope she'd see through it.

He is also using the fact that I let him see our son as proof that I don't think he's an unfit father, which I am trying to prove.
So can't I just say he can't see him anymore.


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, July 13th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Being able to have visitation with a child and being able to have custody and raise a child are 2 different things. Anyone who deal with stuff like this knows that.

For example, my kids have vistation with their father but the child protection worked who have been involved with our case have said a few times that if was to get cusotdy for some reason they would be seriously concerned. He is not a fit parent and can't handle my kids for any extended period of time.

Hopefully the psychologist can see through what is going on with your ex and can help rather than hinder.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
HappilyUnMarried
♀ Member
Member # 21299
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, July 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a basic NPD question. Is it possible that 2 NPDs (ex and OW)can maintain a long-term relationship? They both right now are feeding from the other's narcissistic supply. It's been almost 3 years and they are together. My ex-NPD now constantly gets told what to buy and what to do for his OW-NPD. She feeds his ego and he buys her stuff or takes her on trips.

Can this model actually work? Or do you think it is destined to blow up eventually. Any insights???


True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy

Posts: 1291 | Registered: Oct 2008
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, July 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happily
I wonder that myself, but my ex has a parasitic R with OW. He has nothing other than charm and sex to lure her and he's already cheated on her with me and contacted exGF while with OW.
I am sure he is or will soon cheat on her.

She feeds his ego and gives him money, there is really no reciprocity there...he's an illusion and frankly there are times I feel sorry even though she's a homewrecking whore.

On another note If guys haven't yet, check out lovefraud.com its' a site about disordered individuals like NPDs APDs and sociopaths/psychopaths


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, July 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lied2 and sadtoo

I worry so much because the psych is a female and I know he'll con her, men see through it. I think that is why my STBX always said he didn't have many male friends (his excuse was sodomy, but now I wonder if even that was true).

Also. I just saw a survey about protective parents and they cited that mothers often LOST custody because of parental alienation even when ABUSE was founded because it could not be significantly proved...
and just how do you PROVE emotional abuse?!


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, July 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You prove it by its effects on the kids.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
HappilyUnMarried
♀ Member
Member # 21299
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, July 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As far as "proving" emotional abuse: A friend of mine here went to court with her sociopathic husband. The court ordered psych evals on both and Guardian Ad Lidem visits.

He tried to "con" his way through the tests, but the tests didn't lie. Based on the test results he was "diagnosed" with NPD and she was diagnosed with "Batter Womans Syndome". She was the victim of emotional abuse. The tests they administer did work.

With the results of the psych evals and the Guardian Ad Lidem visits presented, the judge awarded her sole custody of her kids.


True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy

Posts: 1291 | Registered: Oct 2008
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