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User Topic: Npd Thread Part V II
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, May 30th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I called a halt to the negotiations, requested my lawyer postpone the court date so we can present my very compelling evidence to the judge and let him decide.
My STBXWH was livid!

YEAH!!! Now that's what I'm talking about!.
My X was a total asshole back in '06 when I first found out about himn and his OW's.
We had been fighting like hell after I found all the stuff on the ph bills and the CC bills.
He sure didn't like getting his D papers served at his mother's house!


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, May 31st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I am about to start a war here as well.

I got a blurry copy of one of the pages of his income tax assessment (he is supposed to give me the whole assessment and a copy of the return not the selection of lines he wants me to see) and it looks like I can fianlly ask for an increas in CS. He threatened last year that if I tried to get more he would stop paying. I'm going to take my chances since he has an increas in income and has not give me the full information. (not to mention I make less than in previous years)

I know I am asking for the war and stress. At this point I say "bring it on".

Cerise I don't know what to say. I went through something similar in Nov when my ex hit my son and he flipped out. They investigated and noone did anything.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, May 31st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I swear, I wish that the asshole would just disappear. He's not supposed to bring the whore around the kids, he knows that. He has told my son the last few visits that him and the whore are getting married, then the kids can be around her and her kids. I don't think so. That's not what the decree says. Asshole told my son he wants the kids to attend their wedding, again, I don't think so.

He's fed my 8 yr old son with a bunch of lies. I hadn't said much of anything to my son other than she's not to be around them and for him to tell me if she ever is.

Well my asshole XH forced me in a corner and I told my son that the whore doesn't have her kids, not even sure if she ever sees them(her kids). They certainly don't live there.

My son's been asking all kinds of questions ever since asshole brought all this shit up. He asked me why he can't be around her. So I explained why. I was honest, didn't say anything that wasn't true.

Well asshole has been telling my son a bunch of lies. My son came home crying and rolled himself into a ball on the couch. I asked him what was going on and he told me what asshole said. My son said that he didn't know who to believe.

I told him that I wouldn't lie to him. That he could trust me. That I hadn't said much about anything that has gone on in the past year because I didn't want him to get hurt.

Then he starts to tell me about the condition of my XH's house. It has roaches and rats. There's no a/c. Not even window units. It's near a 100 degrees here.

His dad moved him into the garage, it's packed with shit and he has a sofa to sleep on. Said her kids, who aren't living there, are taking over his room.

My son doesn't want to go back over there. He said that he would rather stay at his grandparents house. So what the hell do I do? I don't want to have to force my son to go back to his dad's house.

Then I get told he fed them old yogurt.


My daughter, 3 yrs old, tells me she's afraid of her dad and his car because he follows us. I told her there's no reason to be afraid of him, he would never hurt them.

I hate this shit. I have to lie to my kids to make them feel safe when I don't believe a damn bit of it. I don't believe they're safe with him myself. The courts don't give a shit about anything. Only that his parental rights are being protected.

Oh, and the child support is late. It gets garnished by the state. I'm hoping that it's only late and he hasn't quit his job.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, May 31st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

L2, go for it.I know it's going to be rough.

Peri, that just absolutely sucks.

The damage it's doing to the kids must be horrible.
Can the courts do anything?
Or Child Services Protection?


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, May 31st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think the courts give a shit. I've already been down the CPS road. The asshole that came out just seen me as being vindictive. The state doesn't give a shit about the kids, only his fucking parental rights. He never should have had unsupervised visitation to begin with. I'm just about at my wits end. I don't know what the hell to do anymore. It doesn't matter what the asshole does. He just keeps getting away with everything.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 12:45 AM, June 1st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is the hot weather making them play up or something?? The whole situation is appalling for you Period - I totally understand your disillusionment with the courts etc. Why do they insist on protecting the rights of the father when these men lost any rights a long time ago. I know the courts listen to the kids at about 11/12 years old...can your lawyer do anything?

My freak is getting married in August so we have got a wonderful "show" going on in this part of the world.
The kids have decided to go to the wedding and he is doing his ususal bullshit of buying them nice clothes, fancy haircuts etc. He provides nothing any other time.
He asked my dd11 if she wanted to bring a friend. She does (a nice girl whose mom is a good friend of mine) and he said to my daugher that he will contact my friend to see if she will bring the kids back (mine included) at the end of the evening. This may sound minor on paper but in reality this is a bloody nerve. He says he wants to protect my feelings so I don't have to pick up my own kids from their fathers wedding. How manipulative and since when did he care about my feelings?? When he was screwing the whore in my bed??
After all this time I am shocked by my anger at him. At what may seem a trivial matter. I hate him. I hate his lack of thought for anyone but himself and how he dresses up this pathetic image of himself as being a kind thoughful man. Its his third wedding for goodness sake. His own brother has refused to be best man as he has already done it twice.

Do you understand my feelings? They look ridiculous on paper but you all now about the underlying manipulation that goes on. Am I being over-sensitive?

I know I have issues with it being unfair and I am feeling a bit sorry for myself today.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, June 1st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally understand your feelings and NO, you are not being overly sensitive.

The ironey (sp) and my freak trying to project himself as a "good caring person" would infuriate me too.

He says he wants to protect my feelings so I don't have to pick up my own kids from their fathers wedding.

That sort of thing would have sent me right into orbit. You're absolutely right! Since when does he care about your feelings??

What a JACKASS!!



It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, June 1st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex is asking why I am making a fuss about the partial income tax info. Uhmmm maybe because I can't read it and because you owe more CS.

Are they seriously that stupid?


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, June 1st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. They're not stupid. They're sneaky, underhanded, slick, glib, phoney, all of which can come across as "stupid". But make no mistake.....it is all an act to manipulate you, keep you off balance and off track.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, June 1st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lied2, my XH did something similar with his retirement. He only provided this years information. I guess he forgot that I knew more about his retirement than he does. He thought I didn't know that the amount starts over every year. There's a hell of alot more in that account than he is showing. The only way there isn't is if he took it out.

He was told to provide all his pay stubs for the past year to the court. He brings a few and none that had overtime. Luckily, I managed to get my hands on the ones that did. He was trying to keep from having his overtime used for CS.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, June 2nd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I filed the papers and serve them on the wife and will follow with more copies in the mail. Now the waiting.

I was nasty and asked for the order to be back dated. Apparently here that is done often since the income is from last year and he likely continues to make more than previous. I can hope. It would really help.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, June 2nd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I pissed him off. LOL

He called tonight screaming and cursing at me. I hung up and he called and my son answered and he let his father badmouth me for about 15 minutes. Son had homework that he was working on so I got him to get off the phone. Ex calls back another 3 times cursing and screaming. (2 went to the machine) I finally told him if he didn't stop I was calling the police.

He threatened to call child protection on me, told son I am a leach and lazy, prevent him from seeing the boys etc.

Apparently the wifetress lost her job.

He had apparently give the oldest a clear copy of his income info. I guess he figured that would keep me from asking the court to have him pay what he should be paying. I guess in his mind if I had a good job I would not ask him for the $$ and I am lazy because I am having a hard time getting a job in my field. Since I am not "working" in his mind then I am lazy and a leach. Darmed if I do and damned if I don't.

Kind of tickles my britches that it pissed him off.

I just looked at the papers he gave me. He actually pays more in church donations than he does in Child support and he is ranting that I am asking him to pay an appropriate amount of CS. Forgive me but that just seems a little off.

[This message edited by lied2 at 9:54 PM, June 2nd (Tuesday)]


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, June 3rd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am tiptoeing lightly, but I think I am finally going to start seeing some light at the end of this tunnel. Mine alternated between bullying and crying for a while, but now that he has found himself a house that he thinks he can afford, he's happy. Still pretending to be desolate, but determined to hold his head up and move on

After 20 years, he STILL is lying and sneaking around -- but wants me to accept that. He refuses to acknowledge the adultery, or that his relationships with other women are completely inappropriate for a married man. And that would be the only thing I would listen to from him, because it would show that he accepts responsibility for his actions and a sincere desire for change. Like I said, NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

In our joint session, his therapist, who had probably only seen the meek, beleagured him, looked mainly shell-shocked at all the stuff I was telling her. When I told her I had already filed for divorce, she looked RELIEVED, and she smiled for the first time during the session.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, June 4th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I was certain he was a sociopath, but my therapist says he's certainly NPD.


Did any of you get the multiple false R's I mean they were SO covincing. This last time he rented a U-haul took his best friend and they tOOK everything from her house. Then he was totally NC for 4 days (that's his record) and then they were seeing eachother while we were cohabitating "It's best for DS." he said.
He denied it although I had proof through keylogger. Then the NPD Mother-f'er brought her into my home and F'd her. When I played VAR he gaslighted. WTF!!!!!

I thought after all these months, his flip-flopping, crying , IC that he'd finally be coming more OUT of the FOG, but this Shit is DEEP!!!


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, June 4th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I left my ex 3 times over the years and he would change a bit and then go right back to the crap.

Heck he is married to her now and he is as bad if not worse than he was. He is sooooo selfish and nasty (not to mention abusive). He certainly has not changed.

I am so happy he is not here wasting my life and my time. IMHO it is better to be away from their insanity for the kids and for yourself. They make us crazy and that does nothing for our parenting skills either.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, June 8th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? This is worse than NPD, this is sociopathy, but I wanted to share and get your point of view...I need all the support I can get thanks so much


SF,

I would like to first thank you for sending me that e-mail on 06/07/09. I
was a little taken back at first. One because you got ATTORNEY involved,
and two you always stated that you were not a materialistic person. So
therefore I didn’t give a response till now. I woke up at 3am out of a
dead sleep saying to myself “what do I say”… (Too your e-mail) and saying to
myself “I got it”…

Where to start…. Well ATTORNEY nice too meet you, and congrats on being a
Lawyer. I would like to share a little of my side of the story. Take it as
you please… SF and I met and it was love at first sight. I met her parents
and it wasn’t so “love at first sight”. The 3rd visit I do believe her
mother stated “SF what are you doing with this guy” “what are you doing”
what a great start that was. Anyway despite what they thought I was not
going to stop feeling for her because the way her mother was. So in short
from that day forward things were awkward for all parties. ATTORNEY mind
you my childhood was far from great… My parents always put me down told me
that “I will never be what I wanna be”. So now I have her parents thinking
like my parents did and still do… Not a great feeling. So I stayed
headstrong and said to myself “I’ll show them”. So I’m thinking I can do
this, mind you this is not the first time parents have done this to me. But
the last time it did happen, I let her go. Once again I was not good enough
for their daughter. Sounds like a pity party doesn’t it… Well ATTORNEY
just trying to give you some insight of what has happened to me in the past
to give you some idea on why things went south.
Then SF and I got married
on 07/07/07 what a perfect day for a great occasion. Then SF became
pregnant approximately 3 months after our wedding. Carried our son for
those long 10 months and then gave birth to DS on
06/12/08… What a day that was. I was so proud of her, and what she did.. SF
is one tough woman and I really look up to her for that. Anyway… During our
relationship and our marriage SF would do the things that would make me
feel “not good enough” like her parents my parents and other parents did.
Like constantly saying to me “go to college” but I kind of knew that was
her mom in her ear… Or telling me to find another job. I was feeling like
wow what about me! I’m me WH hello… I just wanted to be loved for me.
Not money or for what I did for a career, or for not speaking right. SF
hated that my English is not always proper. When I spoke slang our I didn’t
pronounce words correctly she always reminded me of that. Have you ever
been in a room and you’re talking and no one is listening, well that’s how
it was. I would talk and it would be like “ya right” blah blah blah… I felt
so distant and alone. It didn’t help SF never really stood up for me
either with my mom or her own. Say hay look you need to stop he is my
husband.

Well I completely agree with what you’re thinking “SF doesn’t deserve to
be cheated on”. I agree 100 %. What I did was wrong, very wrong. But I
can say I was honest and came forward. As far as me going back and forth 4
times, like we all haven’t been in a situation where no matter what you did
was wrong. I wanted so much for SFbut didn’t know how to give it after I
did what I did. I came back and forth for her and my son. ATTORNEY I
don’t know if you have children but, I love my son very much. By me being
hurt and confused for my wife has nothing to do with me loving my child. Why
is it that when parents are in this situation the “HURT” or “VICTIM” will
put the kid in the middle like this situation. My son does not deserve to
be away from me because of my decisions. I have never and would never hurt
my child. I have ruined my marriage yes, but not my relationship with my
son. So SF all I’m asking is keep our son out of this. He is the innocent
one in this. Remember people act out when they are hurting and don’t know
what to do or say. I have never and would never put SF in the middle
never. He deserves a Mom and a Dad. Just because we didn’t get along or
stay together doesn’t mean one should suffer more than the other. SF also
threatens me with I’m being “manipulative”. How about that I’m confused,
hurt, scared, ect. I can’t be a Dad because I’m manipulative! So I take it
that she would be a good Mom for taping my conversations, and when she hears
something she doesn’t like she can walk in a bedroom punch me about the head
and face. Is that safe for my child to around. So when DS does something
wrong does that mean SF has the right too hit Noah in the face several
times. NO ONE deserves to be puched about the face for any reason other then
to defend thereselves. Anyway the whole matter of this is, SF you can
have all of your belongings. I see how much energy and time you have put
into getting them back. Copied receipts, e-mailing everyone. But you have
our son, and you put him in the middle…. How fair is that. Your too consumed
by your anger to think about what you’re doing to Our innocent child!! SF
while you’re at it Can you put a price tag on our son? DS is our son, He
is my first thought, and your worried about a lamp, a bike, and a buggy..
Anything else you would like! I don't want this to continue. I would like to
be adults and work this out for our sons sake. So please stop and think.
Once again for the record I am very sorry for what I have done to you. I
can't change it, but one thing I will do Is take care of myself and our
son. I hope you can get past this too.."


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, June 9th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear a definite "ME, ME, ME . did I mention ME" all through that piece.

I especially liked the part
"My son does not deserve to
be away from me because of my decisions. I have never and would never hurt
my child. I have ruined my marriage yes, but not my relationship with my
son."

Nope crap for brains you messed up and hurt your son's life to day and for a long time down the road.

{erhaps he should look up manipulative in the dictionary because his letter does sounds that way.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, June 11th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really hope it reads that way in court...can you believe he sent this to my att?!

I am so scared of this man..not physically, but this letter actually hurt me in some way...just this small part of me has a thought like..."I could've been a better wife, I could've prevented this."

Last night he told me if he had never confessed "this" would never had happened!!!

WTF I knew about the EA for months and begged him to stop the R...then he finally confesses and you know what he chooses to do....leave at 4 am while my parents are sleeping in the next room, and drive an hour to OW house and F her!!!!!

I am so depressed.


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, June 11th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sofresh,
Don't be afraid. That letter makes your STBXWS sound like the loon he is.

I remember going through your same feelings. I thought that my XNPDH was going to schmooze the judge and somehow win everyone over.

Believe me, the best thing to happen is to have your STBXWS write letters, talk in court, testify, tell his side of the story, etc. The more he talks, the bigger idiot he looks. He will be the best player on YOUR team.

These NPD's go on and on and on and think that they are SO SMART. They are going to fool these judges if they can just tell their side of the story. They will usually INSIST on speaking if it is possible. Don't be worried if this happens.

My XNPDH insisted on speaking at every hearing for our divorce. We also had several criminal trials along with our divorce because of his criminal conduct. He INSISTED on testifying at those trials too. He made a complete ASS of himself each and every time. He would ramble on and on thinking he was looking really smart telling his version of rewritten marital history and how horrible, mentally ill, etc, I was. It just made him look worse.

Trust me. Don't worry.

**edited to add**
He was convicted in every criminal trial. And he came out of our divorce with the VERY short end of the stick.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 10:36 PM, June 11th (Thursday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, June 12th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you are right. My pastor says to pray and leave in the hands of the Lord above.


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
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