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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Npd Thread Part V II
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, May 10th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah! Happy Mother's Day BoB!
LOL!
(((Tribe)))

Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, May 10th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Mother's Day!


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
Chipmunkie
♀ Member
Member # 21653
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, May 15th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay!
The douche didn't bother to reply to the latest legal filings. His thirty day window has expired. Whoo hoo!
I can go get my daughter out of the safe house and we can be together again. Still not divorced but this is a huge victory for us. He can't flex his legal crap on us anymore.
Guess what douche? We can stay legally hidden from you forever. No more of your abuse. No more of your threats. No more of your anything. Finally at long last you are legally handcuffed.
Now! Now we can begin our life without the threat of you looming over us.

To anyone beginning this journey. Don't give up.
Good things do come. Maybe not when we want but it is possible.
I'm still scared, probably always will be at some level.

But, that is for tomorrow.
Today I am rejoicing. My child is safe and will soon be living the life she deserves.

As a mom there is nothing that could possibly be sweeter.


Me: BW
Him: Irrelevant Bastard

About ~C.? I hear she even keeps a bottle in her desk at work. Not in an alcoholic way but in a kick ass Humphrey Bogart kinda way.


Posts: 494 | Registered: Nov 2008
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, May 15th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Chipmunkie)))

Awesome !!!

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, May 16th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I learned a new saying today that totally fits dealing with an NPD.

"Its their world we are all just vistors."


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 2:35 AM, May 17th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good news Chip - I am really pleased for you. Now you can start living a peaceful existance. Good for you.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Dazed In Dixie
♀ Member
Member # 21178
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, May 17th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My pet seems to have unduly influenced our GAL and now I'm having to try and undue the damage legally. It's going to be a very long haul!


1-26-10 DIVORCED FINALLY
"Infidelity is like cat pee in carpet. And no matter how hard they try, an affair couple will never ever get that stink out. It will always follow them." -DCK

Posts: 742 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Atlanta
mommyblonde
♀ Member
Member # 22548
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, May 18th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just curious as to the following: for those of you with an NPD spouse/SO (whether past or present), how did he or she react when you found out about the affair?

I ask because my WH just completely went nuts when I confronted him with my knowledge of his EA. The rage was out of control and it was and still is very upsetting to me. He blameshifted, etc. Above all, it seemed as if he was mad that I got into his phone/e-mail and found the evidence. Also, when he found out that I had told a couple of people about the A, he got really mad also - said I was trying to humiliate him. But, then after about a day or two of this he started acting like nothing had happened. So strange. Then, a couple of months later he would be talking about how he made the worst mistake of his life, wanted to be with me, hurt someone he cared about so much - only to find out he had been in contact with OW the entire time.

I have recently started to suspect NPD or some form of N - but I am not completely sure. WH does hold a prominent position in the community. So, I feel this pressure to protect his reputation - no matter what he has put me through. I guess that is the codependent in me coming out.

I just wondered if this was a common occurrence with NPD spouses/SOs - I read about some of the WS who just start crying, apologizing, etc. when they are caught and then start to treat the BS well and do everything right. I cannot, for one moment, imagine my WH doing that. I think he would always be on the defensive.

Thanks!

[This message edited by mommyblonde at 12:43 PM, May 18th (Monday)]


"When a heart breaks no it don't breakeven" The Script

Posts: 513 | Registered: Jan 2009
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, May 18th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any time you pose a threat to their image, they go berserk. When I confronted my husband about it, it escalated into physical violence.

Thankfully, I am now divorcing the evil bastard and by this time next year, I should be a free woman. Hallelujah!


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, May 18th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At first he just denied everything. Then when he realized I had proof and he was backed up against a wall he went crazy. All the sudden I was a crazy bitch and then he became abusive when I no longer put up with his shit.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, May 18th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine went completely bizerk. Was totally offended that I would snoop, accuse him of "such a horrible thing" or "would dare to not trust him". He threw a HUGE fit.

Then, he went quiet for a few weeks. Soon he was rewriting marital history, claiming that I was "seeing things" had been "paranoid" for most of our marriage and had been abusing alcohol and had a "secret mental illness" and had also been a closet "drug addict"

Crazy making


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
mommyblonde
♀ Member
Member # 22548
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, May 19th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the input - your stories definitely sound familiar.

WH has gone quiet as well - but I have pretty much stopped caring what he is up to. Although, sometimes when he is quiet like that I start questioning myself. I am in IC and working on that.

I would anticipate things being stirred up again once I file for D.

[This message edited by mommyblonde at 9:13 AM, May 19th (Tuesday)]


"When a heart breaks no it don't breakeven" The Script

Posts: 513 | Registered: Jan 2009
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, May 19th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you do file for divorce, make sure you have all of your i's dotted and your t's crossed. DO NOT talk to him prior to filing. Make sure you have covered all of your bases. Know where you're going to live and make sure it is a secure location. Have copies of ALL marital documents, loan papers, mutual property papers. Make sure you have copies of all of these things in a safe and secret location that he doesn't know about. Close all joint bank accounts. Close your individual accounts that he may be aware of and open new ones. Put your utilities in someone else's name. (He may call and have them disconnected) Have your mail sent to a PO Box, Install a security system with a camera, change your telephone numbers and email addresses, etc. When you do file, sometimes NPD's go really nuts because they cannot tolerate sharing "their" property. I'm sure you have already noticed that your NPD's language is filled with lots of "me, me, mine, me, my, mine, and more about me...." Rarely will you hear "we or ours." The other thing that is difficult for the NPD is handling rejection. In their mind, they will decide when and if the relationship ends and it will be on their terms. It seems that if we dare to reject them, we have to pay.

Some of these suggestions may seem overly protective. I can tell you from personal experience. Better to be safe than sorry.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Jade09
♀ Member
Member # 23069
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, May 19th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadtoo is right. NPD canít stand rejection and leaving them and filing for D is rejection and most likely you would find yourself at the receiving end of the narcissistic wrath . That is when you can see how ugly, rotten to the core they really are. As Sadtoo said, it is better to be prepared.

Posts: 127 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: USA
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, May 19th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

re: the me me me stuff.....

on the way to pick up my dd9, my dd4 and I were driving and there was an accident in front of us. (nothing too serious.)

stbx picked kids up tonight...4 year old said daddy, we saw a crash today and the car was in eight pieces.

stbx looked at her and actually said "well at least it wasn't me!" wtf.........


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, May 19th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

was just curious as to the following: for those of you with an NPD spouse/SO (whether past or present), how did he or she react when you found out about the affair?

Total denial and blameshifting at first. I knew my XWW was going to play that, so when I confronted her I brought in a mutual friend just to make sure it didn't get outta control. I gave this friend the 411 on the evidance and she read it all. But I needed her there to confront the monster my XWW is. Its all about denial, and blameshifting. But on the flipside you really get to know who they are as a person...


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, May 19th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

echoes v's halelujahs,
and
that's why i don't like confronting them. best to get all ducks in row like everyone's said. it's almost like, the less you have to do with them, the more...life involves and teaches them
everything with a sharper lesson ! you/we? get to be free, all that....you are, prolly real special, cuz that's what N's seem to target...
well, i wish you were all free,
the less they know the better for you.
prayers for those in a long-haul.

Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
mommyblonde
♀ Member
Member # 22548
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, May 20th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the advice everyone - I have been told that I should stay in the house (by lawyer, etc.) but I know that getting WH out will be a challenge. I don't see him going willingly. As for financial things, I am the one who keeps all of the records and all of the utilities are in my name, thank goodness. I also have my cell phone in my own name. I am making copies of things, now, however, so I don't have to gather it later and deal with him at the same time.

Ugh - this is no fun at all!!


"When a heart breaks no it don't breakeven" The Script

Posts: 513 | Registered: Jan 2009
icbtih8
♀ Member
Member # 23797
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, May 20th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

after reading a couple of these posts, i realize that WH suffers from NPD. everything i hear out of his mouth is me, me, me. seriously, his reason for not wanting to divorce is that he is going to suffer. i don't give a shit about his suffering.


D-day #1 - April 29, 2009

Beauty is a calling...a call "to transfigure what has harden or was wounded within you"
-- John O'Donohue


Posts: 5424 | Registered: Apr 2009
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, May 20th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine's first response was to drain the savings account -- definitely pull out half beforehand! Then he quit doing direct deposit on the joint account. So I advise that you line everything up prior to confronting. Especially since he has now moved back in the house and is trying to play at being WonderDad. He is already showing signs of cracking, so it may not be long before he gets tired of behaving like a normal human being. Once he found out how much a divorce was going to cost him, reconciliation has become very attractive to him and when he's not trying to talk me into accepting less than what a court will give me, he's trying to lure me into bed.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
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