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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Npd Thread Part V II
SI Staff
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Member # 10
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, March 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, March 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First !!!

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, March 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awwww, Bob, you beat me to it this time!!

Hope everyone here in the Tribe is doing well. Things have been fairly quiet for me. Nothing much is happening as far as my D is concerned.

I've been having some difficulty reading here on NPD lately. Sometimes things are pretty triggery for me these days. You all are always in my thoughts though!

((((((((((Tribe))))))))))))

[This message edited by woundedby2 at 8:51 PM, March 16th (Monday)]


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
cjonesjag
♀ Member
Member # 10617
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, March 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ditto wounded...

cj


Me (BS):50
Him(WTFH):51 Married: 05/26/2002
DD#1: 09/2005 (EA) DD#2: 09/2006
Mini-DDays: Many. Mostly online
DIVORCED 10/20/10
It's not what you've got, it's what you give.
It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live

Posts: 6400 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Michigan
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, March 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been peaceful around here.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, March 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

veritas

So in other words, we'll have a joint session sometime around the period when hell freezes over and pigs fly out of his considerable ass.

Oh man the images that gives me.

veritas how much longer do you have to endure is crazy assed crap? Times wasting and you need freedom.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, March 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

word

Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, March 17th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veritas,
Why do I have to quit smoking just because he has? Because he says so....

THis is just more crazy making from the NPD. They make up the rules as they go and change the rules in the middle of the game.

If I were you, I'd start carrying your keys with you at all times. I wouldn't put it past him to start locking you out of the house.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, March 17th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sadtoo: Are you psychic? Because that is exactly what he did. Before he locked the door, he "warned" me by turning the outside light off. So I went and got my housekeys and a booklight. He claims that he came looking for me and I wasn't there (I was sitting 3 feet away from the door), so he locked the door. I let myself back in, but I told him that the next time, the cops would be unlocking the doors, not me. He didn't like that too much.

I've already started looking at my options, but going back to school 1 class at a time is draining and quite frankly silly given that I'm in nursing. I will have to quit at some point, so I am looking at within the year for quitting and 18 months after that to complete an LPN school (I've already missed the cutoff for this year -- I could have been out of here by end of 2010; now I am looking at end of 2011). I am looking at taking as many RN prereqs as I can, however, because the LPN to RN program is still 3 years. I had hoped to hold on until my middle child graduated from high school, but 5 years seems like a death sentence. He heartily approves of me taking the third child and leaving because he never wanted a third child anyway, but 1) there's no way in hell I will leave my children and 2) there's no way in hell I will leave my children WITH HIM. They don't like him anyways; he spends as little time with them as possible except to lecture and criticize -- who wants to be around that 24/7? I'm an adult and I can't handle his negativity; I'm sure as hell not going to leave my children to him.

[This message edited by veritas at 4:17 PM, March 17th (Tuesday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, March 17th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sadtoo: Are you psychic?

Nope. Just lived your life with the same kind of nut you're living with.

My XNPDH would announce that he was going to quit smoking too. Part of his game was insisting that I quit too. If I was out smoking on the patio and he was going to bed, instead of checking to see where I was he would just lock the doors and go to bed leaving me outside. I stood outside and rang the doorbell for hours and he never opened the door. I had to call my sister to come and bring me the extra key.

The other thing he would do when he "quit" smoking was not buy cigs, but continue smoking. In his NPD mind if he wasn't forking out the cash, he wasn't really smoking. How he figured that, I'll never know. He'd just mooch my cigarettes and everyone elses. I'd run out much faster and be out. Do you think he would ever stop and pick me up a pack? Hell no. He'd say, "I'm not buying any cigarettes, I don't smoke!"

WTF-ev-ah.

I remember that I was going to quit on my 40th birthday. That was when I found out about the first OW and the OC. There was NO WAY I was going to be able to quit smoking.

After I finally got that CREEP out of my house and out of my life, I'm happy to say that it was EASY to quit smoking. I even did it cold turkey without gum, patches or pills. Amazing what can be done when you don't have the stress of a nutcase living in your house. I haven't smoked for almost four years now.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 3:44 PM, March 17th (Tuesday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, March 17th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After I finally got that CREEP out of my house and out of my life, I'm happy to say that it was EASY to quit smoking. I even did it cold turkey without gum, patches or pills. Amazing what can be done when you don't have the stress of a nutcase living in your house. I haven't smoked for almost four years now.

The last time I went to individual counseling was several years ago. This was before I discovered SI, before I knew what a VAR was, before I figured out the power of a GPS. I was just anxious and weepy and jealous and overreacting, and "didn't know why." The counselor first of all asked me several times if I really believed that given my husband's behavior that he wasn't cheating, and I told him that I didn't believe he was; I just thought his relationships were inappropriate. After doing the preliminary questionnaire and listening to my sad little tale for an hour, he finally said, "Ma'am, I can try to work with you, but you seem to be a normal, healthy woman to me, and I think your depression is situational. I can try to help you with your depression, but I probably won't be very successful."

Of course, back then I just thought I was an immature, jealous, socially awkward twit who didn't understand male-female dynamics. I have since then been introduced to the light.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, March 17th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veritas,
Me too. I went to therapy upon the insistance of my XNPDH and my XMIL. They both insisted that I was "paranoid" and "overly jealous" and had "low self esteem" because I was "constantly wrongfully accusing him of infidelity."

When I got to therapy, I explained that I had only asked him once or twice if he was having an affiar because it seemed the only logical explaination for some of his bizarre behavior.

I too was completely convinced for a LONG time that everything was ALL MY FAULT. More crazy making.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, March 17th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah me to! He said I needed therapy because of my depression. Well, you jackass the only thing that was making me depressed was you!
Luckily my counsellor was fantastic and she made me see the light. As soon as she validated my feelings the rest was easy!! Not!
Vee - you are a strong woman to put up with him. Five years may be a little optimistic though. Maybe five more minutes?? I really hope you get there soon.
My freak is been really odd - too many trivial examples to go into .... but still trying my patience!!

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
2bbgirls
♀ Member
Member # 20899
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, March 18th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veritas: I'm sorry you're dealing with such an A-Hole!!

Mine yesterday called me to see if I'd see an IC. I said "I already am. It's none of your business."

Then he called me later to ask if I'd go see HIS IC.

He HAS to have everyone think he's this ray of sunshine. WHY would I go to his IC? Why? Some sort of control? UGH.


XWBF:32 BGF:25 2 daughters

DD#1: August 22 2008
DD#2: December 29 2008
Left his lying ass on 1/27/09
I AM NOT A YO YO!


Posts: 108 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: USA
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, March 18th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cooler heads might prevail at a later date, but I'd really relish going to her IC.

Just me, but I'd get off on the deer in the headlights-look I'd be sure to get,

when I outed all the lies.

Oh to be in a refereed setting!

I'd bring rope, to tie my pet to the arms of the chair. (reduces the histrionic destruction)- she'd be right there, screaming, trying to drown me out.

Remind me to bring a sock.

(a fella can dream can't he?)


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, March 18th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

<passes jjct a dirty sock>

I think the councelor can sometimes want to see the SO so that they can get a different perpective. I think it is really interesting that he wants you to do that. It is pretty weird because most of these nuts want to keep the people in their lives separate in case someone was to compare the lies and out the mask.

I know that with one of the OW I was able to contact her and tell her a bit about my ex. She was convinced we were talking about completely different people. Nope, that is the real him and you just met his alter ego.

Just be prepared if you do go through with it because there would likely be a consequence for outing him to the IC about his lies.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
SloAs
♀ New Member
Member # 23246
Default  Posted: 5:08 AM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did go a few times to WH IC. WS glossed over and minimized his As, saying it was so infrequent and never really registered on his day to day life. I laid in with details and data of the seven year ordeal (one primary A, two additional) and asked the IC if he wanted to see the emails. WS just sat there, no reaction. He said he just didn't see it that way, but no anger. It was almost like he enjoyed the attention. Sick. IC's chin was on the ground!

Posts: 29 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: florida
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The one counseling session I went to with mine, he lied the entire time. About everything. I just quit correcting him. He even tried to bamboozle the counselor when she asked him a direct question. Why would he ask me there just to tell lies? Because he is smarter and better than both the counselor and me.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
2bbgirls
♀ Member
Member # 20899
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow these people are just.... I don't know the word right now.

Last night he tells me that they don't talk about me or really even the kids in his IC. It's all about him him him.

He said she (yes she...hmmm makes me wonder if he's hit on her yet) has said things to him that make me believe that she sees right through him.

She said that with all of his moving around when he was younger that he can form friendships but not deep connected bonds and that is what she truly believes he wants.

Yeah, he wants a lot of deep bonds with a lot of women. He HAD one (on my end) with me. Fool!! Poor poor you.

I thought about it the other day and I guess I never realized that some of the females he was talking to were EA's it sums up to about SIX different girls he was exchanging words, naked pics/videos and sleeping with. Makes me mad all over again. Especially to think of how "brainwashed" I was.


XWBF:32 BGF:25 2 daughters

DD#1: August 22 2008
DD#2: December 29 2008
Left his lying ass on 1/27/09
I AM NOT A YO YO!


Posts: 108 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: USA
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're doing a great job, 2bbgirls.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
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