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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts II
11yrsbetrayed
♀ New Member
Member # 21344
Sad  Posted: 10:24 AM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SA husband was also with men. He told me the same thing, it wasnt about beng with a man.It was more about the next level of fantasy and that its much easier to find men than women for no stings attached sex. I am sitting here bawling knowing that there are women out there going through the same thing as me. I relate to the statement someone made about feeling shameful about staying. I am extremely shameful and the affairs with men just adds to it. Feeling like I cant get over so much, so many things, the men the women the everything in between. For those of you that have stayed, do you ever really get over it? Do you still feel the shame?


BS (me) 31
SA-WH (him) 37
3 kids (9,7,4)
M 12 years
D-Day 8/9/08-Cheating the whole marriage, EVERY type you can think of. DDay#4,789 (at least is seems that way) 4/30/09: secret yahoo acount and 3 ads on Craigslist. I'm really done now!


Posts: 35 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: IL
11yrsbetrayed
♀ New Member
Member # 21344
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And to add to my awful today. Today is our 12th wedding anniversary. Today hurts so much.


BS (me) 31
SA-WH (him) 37
3 kids (9,7,4)
M 12 years
D-Day 8/9/08-Cheating the whole marriage, EVERY type you can think of. DDay#4,789 (at least is seems that way) 4/30/09: secret yahoo acount and 3 ads on Craigslist. I'm really done now!


Posts: 35 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: IL
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

11yrs,
I'm sorry you're hurting.

Your SA is in recovery right? (I read your profile, is that up to date?) You're in IC?

The only advice I have is that you both need to stick with your IC. You need to specifically discuss your feelings of shame with your IC.

I took almost two years of my husband's sobriety until I felt good about staying. I don't know if I ever felt shame ... I felt taken advantage of ... I felt foolish sometimes ... I certainly felt trapped. But with prolonged sobriety on his part came peace of mind for me. The longer he was sober and the more I saw the changes in him, the easier my recovery became. I stopped focusing on him and his addiction and worked on me. I had my major breakthrough last summer when I was able to separate the man from the addiction. That was a huge milestone in our relationship.

This does not happen overnight. I don't know if two or so years is average or short. I do know that recovery for both partners takes a lifetime. We are still in recovery and always will be. It does get easier but there are still times when it's very difficult. I've been struggling lately because our efforts to conceive are not working. I'm feeling bitter and resentful. I blame my rSA and his acting out for years that were wasted. Years when we should have had another child but couldn't. I'm not taking it out on him and that's new. I know this is MY stuff. He cannot change the past. If I choose to be bitter and angry that is on me. This is a new place for me and it's hard. I think it would be easier to just rage at him (I'm good at that) but instead I have to look at ME and that's difficult.

Hang in there!
7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
hope4tomorrow
♀ Member
Member # 21673
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((11yrs))))

7yrs, no we don't live in a remote rural area. We live in a suburb of a big well known city but there are NO CSATs in our area. I will PM you and maybe I'm just not seeing any.

I know he's not having any EAs or PAs because then he's emotionally checked out. He's physically here but not really present. But as far as the porn and masturbating, he does do that at work. He's usually the last one to leave at work and he has stayed there to look and if he feels stressed or something, he'll just take care of himself in the bathroom. I don't know if he's doing that stuff unless I ask and it really angers me and grosses me out! I just don't know if I want to know anymore! That's why I'm afraid to ask. Plus, the most sobriety he's ever had is 21 days and I'm pretty darn sure it was just white-knuckling it.

I'm pretty freaked out about my IC leaving. He really knew what he was talking about and helped me to see the reality and the gravity of the situation that I'm in.

Sometimes I just really don't think that he's ever going to be sober and have recovery. It just seems so hopeless and I'm not a negative person usually.


Me BW
Him WH-SA
Married 12 years
3 Beautiful girls 8 and under

Posts: 346 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hope4tomorrow
I answered your PM before I saw your post here. My PM is still exactly what I want to say. He needs to set priorities. I don't think his recovery is a priority to him. He's not even white knuckling it if he's masturbating at work!! He is NOT sober. Period.

Honestly it sounds to me like he's trying to manage and enjoy his addiction and possibly keep you just satisfied enough with his efforts to stay.

He's only going to Celebrate Recovery meetings. He's not even going to SA meetings? If that is the case, I am absolutely convinced he's choosing to do the bare minimum to keep you thinking he's trying.

I'm not going to sugar coat this but I do feel badly for you, I want you to know that. I do care, very much.
7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
hope4tomorrow
♀ Member
Member # 21673
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, 7. I answered the PM and you are right.

I don't think he's doing enough. I don't think it's because he's really "trying" to do the bare minimum. He honestly thinks he's making progress. And he is in the fact that he's not talking to other women and not having ONSs. But he doesn't have any sobriety. I found out about the ONSs in November. I had hoped that he'd at least have a 30 day by now.

The CR meetings have SA meetings, also. There is a big meeting for all addictions then everyone breaks into their own groups by gender. That is when I go to WASA (like COSA but it's Women Affected by someone else's SA).

His IC and mine, said for him to go to a 12 step meeting on Monday nights where it's mixed addictions going through a book about the 12 steps and then the CR meetings on Fri. He was going to his IC on Tues, but not anymore since he moved. So he was doing what his IC said to do. He tried doing the 90 meetings in 90 days once before but they wanted him to be home more and try to work on our marriage also.

But anyway, he really does think that he's doing better by being present in our marriage and meeting with his sponsor and going to those 2 meetings.

And really, our relationship is a lot better but that is not enough, as we all know.

Anyway, thanks so much for being here.

I'm just extra triggery and sad today. It started last night when I saw a Cheaters TV show ad.


Me BW
Him WH-SA
Married 12 years
3 Beautiful girls 8 and under

Posts: 346 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
Ethelred
♂ Member
Member # 23332
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, I just vaguely heard about that Cheaters TV show in the past month. I don't watch much TV. Would watching that be bad for my psyche right now (I have no idea what it's like)? Last TV show I watched was the miniseries Momma's Boys in the Fall.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Married: almost 20 years
D-Day: 2009 (cybersex for over 5 years, associated EAs); in the dark about PAs, no full disclosure.

Posts: 271 | Registered: Mar 2009
1Forward1Back
♀ Member
Member # 11057
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7, you say it perfectly when you said you felt trapped. That's how I feel. Leaving is such a huge step and will entail so many details and emotional upheaval that it causes me to stop breathing when I think about it.

That's no reason to stay, I realize. So in my clearer and more stable moments, I remind myself that my IC believes I am getting closer and closer to my 'bottom' and at that point, leaving will be a whole lot easier than staying.

My SAh says he is sober and has been for awhile now. Mind you, his 'while' is only weeks. I realize that for him that's huge.

But the truth is I am living with a 'dry drunk'. He's still an SA with all its elements minus the 'using'.


Me: 60 Yrs. (BS)
Him: 60 Yrs.(FWH- life long sex addict)
-2 ONSs followed by an A-2005/06
-cheated while we were engaged
-seems to stray every 30 years or so
D-Day-June 10, 2006
Working on own recovery. His is his!
Married: 37 yrs. Grown ch

Posts: 966 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Canada
11yrsbetrayed
♀ New Member
Member # 21344
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7,

Yes we are both in IC. I started in September '08 after my dr recommended it (when I went in to get tested for every STD under the sun.) We also started Mc then but he quit after 7 sessions. SaWH didnt start IC until the end of Nov '08 and SA in early March '09. Both the IC and SA were started because I threatened divorce in November and actually filed in March. He doesnt do anything except under protest. But once he does he is remorseful for not going because he realizes it was the right thing to do. Everything is like pulling teeth and it makes life very confusing. Everytime I feel like I get to my breaking point he pulls it together and makes me rethink my decision. Thats where I am at right now. And last night reading the post about shame it all came together for me. I am afraid to stay becasue of shame and I am afraid to leave becasue of shame. And feeling taken advantage of, foolish, and used. I see my IC on Tuesdays so I have a few days to think about it before she can help me. It felt like a lightbulb moment though, if I can get past my shame and similar feeling you mentioned I can make a better decision for ME rather than feeling pushed to the edge by his actions.

When I am thinking clearly and staying in the moment I can see that he has changed, that he is improving, that he is trying. Its the bad days, when the past is overwhelming me that I have really bad days. Have an appt in a few weeks with a phychiatrist to help get my meds for depression and anxiety better worked out. Somedays they just dont do the trick.

I know I am in a better place than I was 7 1/2 months ago but sometimes the pain still swallows me up. I have been reading on here, lots of books, therapy once or sometimes twice a week, taking my meds on schedule. And yet still I am swallowed up by it all. The pain of what a fake my marriage has been, fear of the future, greiving over what i have lost and what i will never have. Its just exhausting.

Today I have been re-reading the healing library. Its helping get me back on track.

Another question, how have you and others handled significant dates. Anniversaries, bdays, d-days, etc. Dates and times are triggers for me. What can I do to lessen that?

Sorry for the rambling. I have lurked so much the last few months and now I just need my fellow BTDT-BS's. Thanks for reading if you got this far.


BS (me) 31
SA-WH (him) 37
3 kids (9,7,4)
M 12 years
D-Day 8/9/08-Cheating the whole marriage, EVERY type you can think of. DDay#4,789 (at least is seems that way) 4/30/09: secret yahoo acount and 3 ads on Craigslist. I'm really done now!


Posts: 35 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: IL
hope4tomorrow
♀ Member
Member # 21673
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ethelred,

It's a show where they show a PI following them and getting footage of them cheating. Then the BS gets to confront them at the end. I saw it once a long time ago, way before I knew about my SAH.

I don't see why it would be beneficial, but that's just me maybe. It makes me really sad.

It was triggery for me because I just can't believe that my H could do what he did. It just hurts so much.


Me BW
Him WH-SA
Married 12 years
3 Beautiful girls 8 and under

Posts: 346 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
mitehvblonitpa
♂ Member
Member # 23291
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Hope4,
I am in SA...I was there many years ago but I didn't think I really had a problem....he is obviously from the other side of the fence and is something Iwish I could say to my BW. Please try your hardest to give him another chance if he is serious about SA. I have done an almost complete 360 and it is a combination of SA CSAT and I finally went back to God as my guide. I can not manage my life only he can..So I hope you will give you H a chance that I wish I coulld get.
Thanks,
G

Feel free to PM if you care to.


FWH SA-me (61)
BW-her (48)
Married 18 years
Together 17 years
4 wonderful kids-21, 15, 12, 9
D-day after D-day after D-day seriously I can not count them .....I feel like OJ heck what's one more stab wound

Posts: 184 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: PA
NewAttitude
Member
Member # 1030
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PM for you, mitehvblonitpa


Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.

Posts: 58732 | Registered: Jan 2003
birdwatch
♀ Member
Member # 19978
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, March 29th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear 11yrsbetrayed,

Another question, how have you and others handled significant dates. Anniversaries, bdays, d-days, etc. Dates and times are triggers for me. What can I do to lessen that?

You have to be gentle with yourself. Realize that you are entitled to your feelings. For a while, I ran away from those feelings because I thought I was just being a drama queen. That did me no good - feelings do not disappear just because we bury them.

Before the "triggery" days, speak with your IC and/or leave time for yourself. Explore your feelings.

Then make sure you make plans well in advance for those days. This advice is recommended by a book, but also works for me speaking from experience. That does not mean you have to book a sky diving, rock climbing session. That may simply mean getting up in the morning, not calling in sick but going to work as usual, and meeting a girl friend after work for dinner. Or that may mean meeting a girl friend for brunch, having a manicure, watching a movie and inviting her back to your house for supper and chit-chat. Or that may mean travelling to meet your mother/sister/cousin/friend out of town and staying there for the night. Treat yourself. Remind yourself you deserve joy.

So acknoledge and explore your feelings (don't run), but at the same time, make plans for the day.

But, I do know, it's easier said than done (sigh). My triggers have less to do with dates than places and objects. E.g. one of the OWs is a sculptor, so visiting an art gallery with sculptures displayed is a big trigger for me. Or I know where an OW works so I cannot even think about that entire neigbhourhood without feeling nausea. It sucks!

birdwatch

[This message edited by birdwatch at 11:30 AM, March 29th (Sunday)]


* Known WS since 2001. Me: 37.
* D Day 1 - Mar 2008: Discovered cyber/phone sex, dating sites etc
* D Day 2 - May 2008: Discovered more "stuff". WS admitted to one A - my gut says > half a dozen.
* R'ing. IC & MC. WS is sex addict.

Posts: 377 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Toronto, Canada
sytycd
♀ Member
Member # 22953
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, March 29th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I think the triggers of the anniversaries, xmas, bday, New Years, Vday will always haunt me now. My WH - STBXH - left me every time one of those events came up for the last 6 yrs. I really thought this year would be different and tried to make some effort thru xmas and N.Years - but then he left me Feb 1 - AND had an actual date on Vday which he, in 17 yrs wouldn't celebrate because it was too "commercial". So yes those dates will always be triggers for me.

As for the weight as a shield - I am the one who gained it because I was trying to keep that away from me. But he is a full blown addict so I could have been 1000lbs and he would still want it.

The problem with addictions of any kind is that unless the addicted person acknowledges it there is nothing we can do. We can make them go to 12 step meetings and whatnot but if they don't want to admit it and not really be there, they will get nothing out of it. My STBXH will not admit he has a problem - in fact he says I am the problem - I'm frigid, I'm his problem so I can't really do anything there, but honestly now that he has gone (and to be with my ex best friend no less) I have felt nothing but relief that I never have to kiss him or have him inside of me again.


BS-40
STBXH-43
Married 16 yrs, together 17
1 12yr old daughter

Hopin the Karma Train is headin full speed ahead towards WS!


Posts: 71 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Canada
1Forward1Back
♀ Member
Member # 11057
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, March 29th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The self-centeredness of an SA continues to amaze me. I have been struggling physically and emotionally. I have been sick for over a week with a back problem; in incredible pain.

Yesterday on the phone, I told my SAh we really needed to talk. I am really losing it without work etc. to keep my mind busy. His words: "You have to understand how hard your condition this past week have been on ME." I was stunned. But really should I be?

I am finding it harder and harder to even communicate with him. I noticed he sent a little note off to a female friend; one of the ones he told he loved at the beginning of his foray into real live women. She spurned his advances as she is involved with another man, but SAh admits he would have slept with her had it been different.

This doesn't scare me so much. But the realization that when I cannot meet his emotional needs, he eventually reaches out elsewhere is huge.

It's still all about him. It always has been. I recall him berating me for 'looking so depressed' soon after D-Day and how I worked hard to be happy looking. It took gallons of wine, now that I recall.


Me: 60 Yrs. (BS)
Him: 60 Yrs.(FWH- life long sex addict)
-2 ONSs followed by an A-2005/06
-cheated while we were engaged
-seems to stray every 30 years or so
D-Day-June 10, 2006
Working on own recovery. His is his!
Married: 37 yrs. Grown ch

Posts: 966 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Canada
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, March 29th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I've just been away a few days and there is so much new stuff!

Ethelred--I'm glad also that you joined us here. This is such a devestating thing to deal with, and you truly need others around to support you that know what you are dealing with. An addict is a different type of person, and they will use any means whatsoever to hold onto that addiction, including making it all your fault, making you sound crazy, lying, manipulating, being sweet one moment, and nasty the next...It can truly make you feel crazy, and I have posted a lot on here getting advice on some of my SAh's crazy making and manipulation; I was in love with him, and I tended to believe what he told me, even when my insides would be saying, wait a minute...something's wrong here. And I found the advice here was always dead-on, and now, most of the time I can figure out when he is playing me. (Not always, yet, but much better).

As for Cheaters--I never watched it much, but right after d-day, I was strangely drawn to it, and I watched it for about a week or so until I found this site. I think I just needed to know other people go thru this crap.

OLB- you asked if anyone else's SA is sensitive? Mine is ultra sensitive--I've never seen anything like it, and I cannot hold any kind of a meaningful conversation with him. At all. Without him blowing it WAY WAY out of proportion. He is totally paranoid. He will get totally nasty, call me names, tell me everything is my fault (always--story of our lives), or shut down emotionally for weeks, all because his feelings are hurt over something.

He is still wanting me to move down with him, and uses my dd--how much he loves her and she loves him. And he cries. It is so sad. But I have just "lost that loving feeling".

1F1B - I kind of went along the road you seem to be on--where just gradually, I realized what a totally self-absorbed selfish person he truly was, in my case, last straw was when we had an ice storm, we always lose power, this place gets cold, no way to drive anywhere, and he was mad at me over something stupid and his feelings were hurt, so he didn't even call for 2 days to see if we were okay. We are supposed to be his "family", the ones he loves. And he didn't care enough to put his hurt feelings aside to make sure we hadn't frozen to death or something. He has let me down time and time again, when I really needed him, and he was too busy nursing his "wounds".

I have also realized he has/had made me responsible totally for his mental well-being. His mood totally depended on me stroking it. And only me. Nothing else could affect his mood, as much as if I had a good day, or a bad day, or I said something good to him, or something he perceived as bad. Or if someone else said something he didn't like, it was apparently my responsibility to make him feel better about it, or to take his side, it wasn't enough to just listen, I had to "fix" it somehow. It is way too much responsibility for me to be totally responsible for another adult's total mental well-being.

My partner claims I am an exhibitionist for several reasons
--yeah, that was projection on his part too. We wouldn't have sex for say, 5 or 6 months, I would be feeling kind of desperate (ugh!), and so he would talk me into something minorly stupid and then throw it back in my face when I was trying to convince him he looked at sex in a highly unusual, somewhat abnormal way; before he admitted he did have a problem.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14918 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
watchingU
♀ Member
Member # 22144
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, March 29th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1F1B,
I so 'get' what you are saying. My situation is much like yours.
"This doesn't scare me so much. But the realization that when I cannot meet his emotional needs, he eventually reaches out elsewhere is huge". This is the crux of the problem. I've lived with it 40 years. I am in IC now and just realizing what drove my life choices during our marriage. Evidently I numbed out years ago because I felt trapped. I still can't believe 40 years went by living like this. Now, here I am almost 60 and feeling trapped again, only by age and finances. It has ALWAYS been all about HIM. That was my life. For 16 years I meekly submitted in order to protect my daughter from my WHs father who was a molester/abuser. It was the only way I could have complete control over my D. When she got 16 we moved to a new town and I thought WH changed. Little did I know that he took it underground, what with job cell phones and computers and a flexible schedule. I was totally in the dark.
Evidently, he wasn't happy unless he had a girlfriend all the time. A lot of them were only emotional As, but he 'had to have' something going to stroke his ego. Never mind I thought he hung the moon, he needed 'excitement' something new and different. Total immaturity and all about him. Can he change? NO, I truly believe it isn't possible. Can I live with the knowledge or would I rather live in poverty in old age? Great choice huh? I still can't believe my life ended up like this. And that he was and is a total LIAR and CHEAT. Everyone thinks he is a great guy/husband etc.


BW me 60(naive until 3/30/07 Dday)
WH 60(PA w/SIL PA with neighbor, 100's of EAs,chat rooms, M 1969
Multiple Ddays over the past 4 yrs (about prior infidelities, not new ones) My Gut says WH Has cheated thruout M

Posts: 520 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: South
1Forward1Back
♀ Member
Member # 11057
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, March 29th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, it's really hard to see the selfishness of a man who is very sweet and kind. He has always been a 'service acts' kind of guy and that has not changed. He cooks supper every night. He has always carried lots of insurance so I would be okay if he died. He never missed a day of work, even though he was on death's door with COPD many days, because it was important to support his family.

On the outside, he looks like a 'real catch'. And therein lies much of my problem. I believed this, as it was told me so many times. It was a trade-off, I guess. He accepted me, the unacceptable for whatever reason I felt this way, and I would stroke his ego for the rest of his life.

I refuse to be trapped though. Finances will be tough and I'm in my later 50s, but I am worth more than this. It's simply a matter of time, barring any change in his heart. My IC says this could be the end of this relationship forever or could turn out to be the love-story of the century. I agree. It's sad for me to be leaning towards believing it will be the former.


Me: 60 Yrs. (BS)
Him: 60 Yrs.(FWH- life long sex addict)
-2 ONSs followed by an A-2005/06
-cheated while we were engaged
-seems to stray every 30 years or so
D-Day-June 10, 2006
Working on own recovery. His is his!
Married: 37 yrs. Grown ch

Posts: 966 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Canada
lovedontlivehere
♀ Member
Member # 20055
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, March 29th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1F1B,
I know what you mean. If you met my partner, you wouldn't think of him as dishonest, selfish, generally dense. He works hard at his job. He likes to cook dinner. He usually brings me gifts when he comes home. He might get me flowers for no reason. He really seems like a catch outside of the SA.


Partner still wanking off into fantasy land.
*update* No longer together, but he was STABBED and now wants R. Whatever.

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Deep South
lovedontlivehere
♀ Member
Member # 20055
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, March 29th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Or if someone else said something he didn't like, it was apparently my responsibility to make him feel better about it, or to take his side, it wasn't enough to just listen, I had to "fix" it somehow. It is way too much responsibility for me to be totally responsible for another adult's total mental well-being.

Y'know, sometimes when I read things here I think our partners are looking for moms, not mates.


Partner still wanking off into fantasy land.
*update* No longer together, but he was STABBED and now wants R. Whatever.

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Deep South
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