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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts II
lovedontlivehere
♀ Member
Member # 20055
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, March 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Katty, I always operate under the assumption that he's up to more than I think he is. Partially bc we havent' had a formal disclosure, partially bc he lies, and lastly, he just can't remember everything he's done.

You know what, maybe the big penis thing is part of his fantasy. He has said a few fleeting things about sharing me with a well endowed man. I've made fleeting comments. I hope that was just a fleeting comment.

At one time he even showed me this porno featuring a very well endowed guy. I can't think of his name though, not that I really care. I felt uncomfortable, he was about to salivate like he was looking at a piece of meat. No pun intended!

[This message edited by lovedontlivehere at 2:02 PM, March 20th (Friday)]


Partner still wanking off into fantasy land.
*update* No longer together, but he was STABBED and now wants R. Whatever.

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Deep South
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Exclaimation  Posted: 6:19 PM, March 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With mine it seems to be another part of his fantasy. He has tried to explain it to me and although it doesnt make much sense he seems to be saying that he wants to find out what different things are like. Having sex with a man is just another 'thing' he hasnt done so he should try it.

I would say this is a common component of SA for some addicts. They escalate. What they are doing isn't giving them the "high" anymore and they seek new things for greater stimulation.

Mine went through a progression from...

masturbation (with very little to no porn)

to

masturbation with porn

to

looking at profiles and masturbating

to

chatting online and masturbating

to

meeting women for sex

(while also maintaining his compulsive masturbation habit throughout)

Who knows where the escalations would have taken him had I not caught him when I did (and he hit rock bottom and sought treatment) because he admitted to having considered a three way with a married couple in which the man expressed interest in sexual contact between the males. He didn't do it but later nailed the woman after she left her husband. That's lovely. But anyway, he was definitely escalating again when I caught him.

You should note (and it's covered in MaSH) that and SA seeking sexual contact with the same sex doesn't automatically make them bisexual or gay. It can just be a component of sex addiction in which ANY sex with ANYone provides the needed "high."
7

[This message edited by 7yrsbetrayed at 6:20 PM, March 20th (Friday)]


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
2br02b
♀ Member
Member # 19664
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, March 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to agree with 7's statement:
SA seeking sexual contact with the same sex doesn't automatically make them bisexual or gay. It can just be a component of sex addiction in which ANY sex with ANYone provides the needed "high."

My husband had sex with men. I think it was easier to find available men in porno shops/bookstores than it was to find women; so it was a matter of convenience. Never have I thought my husband was sexually attracted to men. He was only attracted to sex and it was whoever was available.

I have also gotten the “I was curious, "everyone is doing it" and "they knew I was good" excuses as well. All of it is bullshit. It’s sexually compulsive behavior however they want to look at it.

[This message edited by 2br02b at 9:57 AM, March 21st (Saturday)]


Me – 51
Him – 53 (and SA)
D-Day#1 – 9/19/1981
D-Day#2 – 11/23/2008
D-Day#3 - 6/6/09 (Actually D-Day!) - full disclosure given.
Forgiveness - 8/30/09
Married 29 years
2 adult children
Reconciling
2BR02B - that is the question.

Posts: 81 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Phoenix, AZ
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, March 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Birdwatch,

I'm glad you got through the anti-versary with healing intact. Sometimes I think it's worse in our minds than in real life. I was thinking tonight that recovery from infidelity is a bit like childbirth. I remember how much it hurt...but now I can't quite recall the pain. I suppose that's healing...

RE: Sex with men: My husband did go ahead and indulge those particular fantasies. He maintains that it was because any sex was sex -- didn't matter to him who as long as it provided the high. Men, he says, were less complicated. It was a transaction, whereas some women (not all) expected something -- conversation or names.



Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
2br02b
♀ Member
Member # 19664
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, March 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

uh-oh Form-mates;
Just found one who needs help on JFO. I left a message but feel he needs additional assistance with some 2X4's.

Ethelred on http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=285139


Me – 51
Him – 53 (and SA)
D-Day#1 – 9/19/1981
D-Day#2 – 11/23/2008
D-Day#3 - 6/6/09 (Actually D-Day!) - full disclosure given.
Forgiveness - 8/30/09
Married 29 years
2 adult children
Reconciling
2BR02B - that is the question.

Posts: 81 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Phoenix, AZ
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, March 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I replied to the post in JFO before I saw this.
7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
foray
♀ Member
Member # 17842
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, March 22nd (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm reading MaSH right now, and you all were so right, it's really great, some parts are as if it's written just for me. Now I'm realizing that I AM "co-dependent" (as much as I hate that label, mostly because I just hate labels). I think this book is helping to open my eyes, and I want to read more. My library has two books by Patrick Carnes, Out of the Shadows & Don't call it Love. Which should I read first? Any other recommended books?

Oh, and I've got "Co-Dependent No More" on hold, too - I'll be reading that one next weekend.

ETA: 7yrs (I don't know how to make this a quote in edit mode):
<quote>Wow. Wasn't it weird getting married right after the attacks? It was so hard for me. I was so grateful to family who actually got on planes to attend the wedding. It was surreal. Did you go on a honeymoon and did you have to fly? We briefly considered canceling the trip. I was scared to get on a plane. But ultimately we decided we couldn't give them that kind of victory. This was our honeymoon, a once in lifetime trip.</quote>
Yeah it was kind of weird, but at the time I didn't fully appreciate the weirdness. I grew up in NJ, I could see the WTC, it was just part of my childhood skyline. My parents could smell it as it burned afterwards. In fact, I think my father may have seen part of the crash that day ... but anyway, yeah it was weird. I live in NY state now (NOT the city). Most guests drove to our wedding, but some did fly. At the time, it never even occurred to me to worry about that. I flew to Disneyworld for our honeymoon! I already had flight anxiety so I took a Xanax - I'm not sure if the attacks made my anxiety worse. Disneyworld was pleasantly empty (meaning - sure it was crowded, but the waits were reasonable rather than killer). When dementia starts to set in, in a few decades, the attacks will make it easier for me to remember the year I got married!

[This message edited by foray at 7:30 AM, March 22nd (Sunday)]


Me: BW, 41
Him: WH, 44
Married: 7 yrs (together 14)

D-Day #1 1/15/08 LTA: summer 2004 - Dec 2007
D-Day #2 2/23/09 a dozen (more or less) prostitutes during "R"


Posts: 250 | Registered: Jan 2008
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, March 22nd (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My library has two books by Patrick Carnes, Out of the Shadows & Don't call it Love. Which should I read first? Any other recommended books?

Oh, and I've got "Co-Dependent No More" on hold, too - I'll be reading that one next weekend.


DON'T read "Out of the Shadows" (at least not yet) it will just scare the hoo-ha out of you. Seriously. It's written to scare the addict. So, DO read "Don't Call It Love" (it might be triggery but not too bad and you'll understand SA so much better from your SA's side) I can't recall if your SA is in recovery? If so, he should read "Out of the Shadows"

"Codependent No More" is supposed to be really good. It was required reading for the Spouses of SA group I was in IRL. I couldn't get through it though. (It was too religious for me. )


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
OurLifeBack
♀ Member
Member # 10620
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, March 23rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do any of you ever feel punished for setting your boundaries?

Yesterday I did two very small things. 1) I told him I would not talk to the handyman about his idea for putting a deck off our third floor unit because if the handyman said NO, rSH would want to know why and did I not ask such and such and what about so and so...all in all a very frustrating situation for me AND I think it is a nuts idea. 2)I gave him the remote when he tried to tell me how to drive the TIVO....he doesn't like to 'drive', but likes to tell me when to stop...I know I am not good at this - so why allow him to boss me? No biggie - just said I'm not going to do this, you do it.

So, when we went to bed, he didn't come lay in my lap - like he usually does. This was his way of punishing me before. What a lousy way to go to sleep. I just turned out my light.

Today I read in "The Language of Letting Go" the devotional for the day about Flack for Setting Boundaries.

I guess that's what this is. I am going to go about my day like I have done nothing wrong - which I haven't.

It sure is hard. I so want to pacify him and explain and make him smile. Ahhhh...

Edited to say I am still sitting here - waiting for him to send me a note or a text or something...hoping that confessing this to y'all will get me out of here and going...
sigh...

[This message edited by OurLifeBack at 10:51 AM, March 23rd (Monday)]


Me: BS 50 Him: WS 46 Married 15 years / Together 19
DDay: 4/28/06 & many more after that -- there are still a lot of blanks & I dread the telling
01/28/08 - renewed EA with OW. SA confirmed. Taking a time out.
06/13/08 - discovered EA with OW#2.

Posts: 1141 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Florida / Chicago - Whatever!
Katty
♀ New Member
Member # 23231
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, March 23rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I certainly do! This is one of our classic behaviours - I do it to him as well. If he upsets me I wont sent a text message or wont put a X on the end if I upset him he witholds affection... stupid and we are really trying to stop but it feels like the only way to make him see how upset I am at the time! Trouble is only end up upsetting myself more.

I must admit I am struggling with this boundary thing. Have read the excellent page 7yrs recommended and feel I 'get it' until I try and put it in the context of my own life. We have been through this so many times over the years I am not sure I know what my boundaries are/should be/could be anymore.

I have told him if he does it agan it is over and meant it.... then here I am still!

I think your boundaries, ourlifeback, sound like good ones and have made me think maybe I should be starting smaller not 'go for the big one' straight away?

I have just sent my H a text to say HI and I have been chatting to a friend - he has come stratight back to say 'what have you told her about me?' What??? Makes me think he is guilty of something again.....

[This message edited by Katty at 11:27 AM, March 23rd (Monday)]


Me BS 48
Him WS 53 (Although he never admits to more than 49 on AFF etc..)Are they blind these people???
No children
Together 9 years
DDay #1 six months in
DDay #2 six months later
DDay #3 you get the picture

Posts: 22 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: UK
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, March 23rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Katty,

7years has posted before about boundaries -- not sure if you can find the post but she emphasizes that you need for create only boundaries that you're willing to enforce; otherwise, they're worthless to you and simply "teach" your SA spouse that boundaries are flexible and/or meaningless.

The thing to remember with setting boundaries is that you likely will get "punished" by those for whom your wishy-washy boundaries work great. It's like if a kid learns that he can get away with breaking the rules at home, he'll lose respect for the rules and do what he wants. If mom and dad then start enforcing those rules, he's going to rebel because he doesn't like it. He'll get mad, he'll whine, he'll withdraw...all in an attempt to get his parents to back down on their enforcement. But if mom and dad stand firm, eventually he'll realize that all his backlash is for naught and a new relationship will develop based on a respect for the rules. My IC says it's generally to be expected -- she calls them "countermoves" and they're directly in response to you changing the "rules" of the relationship. If you keep drawing the same line in the sand, and don't back down, they'll eventually get the message, but only after they've tried what they can to get you to back down. Stand firm and respect yourself. What trips we "co-addicts" up is that we're always so worried about the OTHER...at the expense of ourselves.


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
birdwatch
♀ Member
Member # 19978
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, March 23rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Ourlifeback,

I am going out on a limp here and will await 7yrsbetrayed to correct me!

I do not believe the situations regarding the deck and TIVO have anything to do with boundaries per se. It is a communication issue, which afflicts all couples and which is separate and apart from SA and infidelities.

While both parties are hurting, issues which are previously unimportant are now being examined under a microscope, tainted by the SA. Before, if my husband did not do the laundry, I would do it or ask him to help. Now, I think "So you had time to have cybersex for hours on end, and spend time with the OWs, but you don't have time for laundary???". It is difficult, but my husband and I try to fight fair. We do discuss and yes argue about the SA, but we set time out specficially for that and try not to drag SA into all discussions.

As to how you each deal with arguments, e.g. sulking, etc., again, that has more to do with communication than boundary. We are not robots, but imperfect human beings. We all get sulky from time to time. It's not honourable, but it's being human. Once, when I was really angry, I told my husband "I am going to the other room now because I am very angry and I want to be left alone". That at least communicated to my husband my feelings, and let him know why I went into the other room.

So, try sitting down with your husband and discussing the issues - division of labour, etc., without dragging the SA stuff into it. But of course, do set time aside specifically to deal with the SA.

PS I do whole-heartedly agree with Eternaloptimist's analysis if the boundary involves an "acting out" boundary. Then she is dead-on: so long as the boundary (and the consequences for breach) are reasonable and communicated to your spouse before hand, you should stand firm in enforcing those consequences.

birdwatch

[This message edited by birdwatch at 12:28 PM, March 23rd (Monday)]


* Known WS since 2001. Me: 37.
* D Day 1 - Mar 2008: Discovered cyber/phone sex, dating sites etc
* D Day 2 - May 2008: Discovered more "stuff". WS admitted to one A - my gut says > half a dozen.
* R'ing. IC & MC. WS is sex addict.

Posts: 377 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Toronto, Canada
birdwatch
♀ Member
Member # 19978
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, March 23rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all (well, like 7yrs!)

I find a post by a SA (mitehvblonitpa) in the Reconciliation tab. I know this thread is not for the SA him/herself, but is for spouses or partners of SA. Is there any way to help mitehvblonitpa?

birdwatch

[This message edited by birdwatch at 4:48 PM, March 23rd (Monday)]


* Known WS since 2001. Me: 37.
* D Day 1 - Mar 2008: Discovered cyber/phone sex, dating sites etc
* D Day 2 - May 2008: Discovered more "stuff". WS admitted to one A - my gut says > half a dozen.
* R'ing. IC & MC. WS is sex addict.

Posts: 377 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Toronto, Canada
OurLifeBack
♀ Member
Member # 10620
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, March 23rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all.

Although I agree that these are not BIG boundaries, they are the small things that led to the big things that I allowed to happen in my marriage. AND the fact that I allow this type of thing to control my day is the part that is not acceptable. You know?

It's funny how even the small battles can become such an issue!

BUT - my day has been okay after a while. I am not going to ask about the deck and I am not going to drive the TIVO! And yeah, I have a meeting tonight!


Me: BS 50 Him: WS 46 Married 15 years / Together 19
DDay: 4/28/06 & many more after that -- there are still a lot of blanks & I dread the telling
01/28/08 - renewed EA with OW. SA confirmed. Taking a time out.
06/13/08 - discovered EA with OW#2.

Posts: 1141 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Florida / Chicago - Whatever!
1Forward1Back
♀ Member
Member # 11057
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, March 23rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ourlifeback,

I totally agree with you. Before I can get to the 'big' boundaries, I have to enforce the little things. My H has controlled me in the same manner as yours. By withdrawing his approval, he was able to control how I felt and how I operated. In the long run, it allowed him the freedom to indulge in his addiction. He didn't know he was doing it, but subconsciously he was aware it kept me a co-dependent.

By not giving in to these small things, my SAh is recognizing I will not tolerate his behaviours forever. Yes, he still relapses, but I know he is working very hard to heal. Has he hit bottom yet? No. Will I have to leave him before he does? More than likely. We had a great discussion a few days ago. I told him I am tired of being the one to heal any cracks in the marriage. If we are having a rift, he has always waited for me to approach him and make it all better. I won't do that any longer.

He noticed I was detaching in a way unlike any other. He knew I was preparing to leave. It scared him, I guess. He approached me about it; not his usual modus operandi.

7 yrs. was so wise when she admonished us not to set boundaries we could not follow through on. That was a seminal moment for me. I had felt pressure to leave the man I had loved for over 30 years, but I couldn't get my heart into it. Not yet. I'm getting there. But setting these small boundaries in every day small things is what is giving me my power back.


Me: 60 Yrs. (BS)
Him: 60 Yrs.(FWH- life long sex addict)
-2 ONSs followed by an A-2005/06
-cheated while we were engaged
-seems to stray every 30 years or so
D-Day-June 10, 2006
Working on own recovery. His is his!
Married: 37 yrs. Grown ch

Posts: 966 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Canada
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, March 23rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

birdwatch,
I have PM'd possible SAs before, mostly with zero success. I don't know what to do in these situations. It all depends how far out on a limb any of us want to go in regards to offending someone. It's touchy.

Oh and your advise about boundaries was 100% dead on. I would have said the same thing. :)
7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
OurLifeBack
♀ Member
Member # 10620
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, March 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I must update you all! What a night of drama!

The long and short of the story is that he wanted to 'talk' about the conversations I described yesterday. He didn't know just what he had done to make me so angry. I told him I wasn't angry. Then he wanted to know why I 'attacked' him about the deck. And why I 'threw' the remote at him...

Friends, I am NOT a yeller (except one 1 1/2 scream fest early on where I used the F word a thousand times and as every part of speech) and I don't throw things (except once when I tried to hit him in the penis - missed - damn ).

He kept telling me about that 'tone' of voice. I told him I was so very proud of myself for being assertive...

So, my question today is: are your rSH's extra sensitive? This is just amazing to me...this is why I typically have witnesses when approaching sensitive subjects (like my pastor or our counselor).

So, bird, you hit the nail on the head that we have some communication issues...big time. And none of this had to do with SA!

The new rule is I now just get to say 'no.' If he perceives I use 'that tone,' he is to ask me if I'm angry.

I don't think the 'no' thing is going to work. It hasn't for 15 years...I am willing to try...we'll see.



Me: BS 50 Him: WS 46 Married 15 years / Together 19
DDay: 4/28/06 & many more after that -- there are still a lot of blanks & I dread the telling
01/28/08 - renewed EA with OW. SA confirmed. Taking a time out.
06/13/08 - discovered EA with OW#2.

Posts: 1141 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Florida / Chicago - Whatever!
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, March 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OLB,

My husband is extremely sensitive, but I'm learning that I am too. I have such a fear of his anger and he of mine that we've been doing this avoidance dance for most of our relationship. For us, it's not so much about our communication (which tends to be respectful) but the messages we give ourselves. For example, I say that I don't want to visit his family this weekend. He hears that I'm planning on leaving him and using this weekend to pack up my stuff, which triggers all sorts of anxiety, anger, etc. That's an extreme example..but I imagine you get my point. We're both trying to learn that each can state our needs, wants, etc. and then leave it in the other's hands to choose to meet them...or not. Bizarre how something so basic -- that we should have learned by kindergarten -- got so crazy.



Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
lovedontlivehere
♀ Member
Member # 20055
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, March 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how sensitive mine is b/c he bottles everything up and tries to act macho, but we definitely have communication issues. We both hold things on the inside. I know he's afraid of my anger after I exploded on him a few months ago.

I think he is avoiding my calls. He's out of town, and he won't call me or answer my texts in the evening. I wonder if he's getting drunk every night partially so he won't have to talk to me. I've already asked him to stop drinking so much, and he's been at the bar drinking every afternoon. Funny how we are talking a lot less since I told him that we needed to talk about some stuff.


Partner still wanking off into fantasy land.
*update* No longer together, but he was STABBED and now wants R. Whatever.

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Deep South
Ethelred
♂ Member
Member # 23332
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, March 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, I'm here now. I have not had time to read up the thread, so I will do that later. You can see my situation in just found out. I have done more reasearch on her cybersex and now understand that it's been going on for 5 years, not 2, and it's been with more like 50+ men, not 12.

She has been showing her naked body virtually from the moment I bought her a cam so she could "videochat with her sister". She has little computer experience. Thank god I found the chat logs so I have a clue now.

There are twin problems.
1) She says she has no desire for me.
2) She has cybersex with other men.

However, which began first? I can now verify that the cybersex began first, because I have a chat from an army guy who said (rougly) "thanks for taking your clothes off for me four years ago when I was deployed in Iraq, seeing your tits helped me through a stressful time"

We are both near 40 years old and the wife became more and more critical of me over time, well DUH, she was getting stuff on the side and comparing me with 22 year olds with washboard abs!!

We have four kids. It's funny that she has always been on me about "parental controls". I have striven mightily to put the tightest controls possible over what the kids can watch on the TV and the computers that they can access...but not my wife's, because there's no need, right?

Last year around May my 10 year old daughter went to the video store and asked if she could get a video. It was called "South Park greatest hits". I was a dumbass and did not read all the warning labels (explicit language, sexual situations, etc. I should have known), it looked like cartoons to me. Anyway, when I got home my wife found out what was in the DVD and confiscated it as "evidence" (she is still hodling it). She threatened to call child protective services on me! She called me a pervert! LOL. I have been more careful in buying anything for the kids and try to get my wife's permission in all cases. She is still holding the "evidence" somewhere.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Married: almost 20 years
D-Day: 2009 (cybersex for over 5 years, associated EAs); in the dark about PAs, no full disclosure.

Posts: 271 | Registered: Mar 2009
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