Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: mexico (43213)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts II
Ingrid
♀ Member
Member # 20126
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please all tell me again, how should we handle it, when your SA hubbys are not in treatment?

This is my bottom line question.

What have YOU done and why?

In my S-ANON group, there's only one woman who has left her marriage; every other one has gotten help, wanted to, and is actively in SA.


Posts: 232 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: L.A. CA
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't think my pervert hubby will ever change.

He's not a pervert, he's an addict.

Please all tell me again, how should we handle it, when your SA hubbys are not in treatment?

You focus on you. Keep going to S-ANON decide what your boundaries are. Set them and set consequences for him if he crosses them. He will either get treatment or he won't. You cannot control that. All you can control is you. You have to build your life with or without him. If he hits rock bottom and gets treatment that's great but he may not. The key is being able to accept the outcome. You can't set your boundaries and consequences in the hopes that it will CHANGE him or force him to do anything. If you set treatment as a boundary and you set divorce as a consequence you have to be able to follow through with it no matter what and you have to accept it.

Something else to remember, some women stay with SAs who get treatment but who don't actually get sober. Some go to meetings but don't actually stop acting out. Some try to manage and enjoy the addiction. I don't think that's healthy either. Just because only one woman from your S-ANON group has left it doesn't mean there are others there who might be better off doing the same thing. Does that make sense?
7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
hope4tomorrow
♀ Member
Member # 21673
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a question. My WSAH is going to IC and meetings and has a sponsor that he meets with once a week. It came up that it might be helpful to do the 90 days of celibacy/abstinence, so my H is going to try that.

7, I know that you recommend this for gaining recovery/sobriety. What is the purpose? Is it for intimacy? Is there something we should be doing as a couple to gain intimacy? And how do I go 90 days without anything if I want some? Most of the time I don't, but sometimes I do. So how did you manage those 90 days?

Thanks!


Me BW
Him WH-SA
Married 12 years
3 Beautiful girls 8 and under

Posts: 346 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
enraged
♀ Member
Member # 21270
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone, I'm new to this thread. My WS admits to having cheated on my 4 times over the past year (D-day was July 30, 2009). All were ONS (one-DAY-stands actually). THis came on the heels of 6 years of having a bad marriage and his asking for a divorce/separation at least 4 times during that time. Each time I pleaded with him to "give us a chance" and he reluctantly stayed in the marriage...now he says mostly for the kids. He says that he finally decided to live a double life and started going on line....which led to the hook-ups (we also had sex maybe 4 times per year at this point). Since D-day, we have been in MC and IC and he has stopped all internet activity and we are working on R. What concerns me is that (and we have discussed it in MC and with each other) he has horded pornagraphy for many many years and I didn't know about it (until D-day). He is also 20 years sober from alcohol addiction, he was molested one time as a 14 year old boy, and he comes from a family of alcoholics. He was introduced to porn at around 11 years of age. So all this sounds like a SA background. He's taken the on-line surveys and claims that he's considered "borderline"...more no than yes. He's willing to admit that he does have an addictive brain, but he's not sure he's a SA. Oh yeah, he loves to look at women, though he's curtailed that significantly since D-day. He wonders why if he is a SA he hadn't acted out until last year (he's 46). So I'm worried, he's worried, we're both working towards resolving our marital issues, but this SA thing is really a concern for me. The one thing that stands out for me is that he admits to never feeling guilty or ashamed during the year of his acting out, which seems to be a major symptom of SA's. ANy thoughts?

Posts: 106 | Registered: Oct 2008
too trusting BW
♀ Member
Member # 15459
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope,
I am going to answer a little from my experience, although it might not be exactly what your question is.

I kept having this big struggle with the abstinence period. UGH really big struggle, that only now I realize how big.

First, I was pissed off. Why the hell after 10 years of a minimal sexual relationship am I supposed to be on board with giving it up willingly for HIS problem!?
That took a couple months and a lot of reading to get past. OK, so it helps rewire his brain, is essential to his recovery and it isn't going to kill me. Stopped being so angry.

Then I was frustrated, that he relapsed at about 45 days and DAMN I was going to have to start counting those days again. But he would start 90 again, and we can get back on the road to healing....right?
So then I am long-suffering and "supportive." I can wait if I have to for our marriage, blah blah. Co-dependent any?

So as I think I am doing ok, SAH doesn't restart his 90. Going to wait until the appt is set with his new IC.
Has this appt, but "she didn't say anything so I guess I am not doing 90 days again, yet. During this time, we did have sex a few times, about once a week. Each time, it just didn't feel right. I did not like feeling like I was enabling an addiction, even though we are married, just an icky feeling.
This went on for 4 weeks, with my being more and more upset. I couldn't figure out why I was so upset. I was really dumbfounded as to why it made me so anxious and frustrated.

Finally, it hit me; it felt just like it felt all those years! Sex was always on his time, his mood, his decision. My SAH was one of those SA to seem almost uninterested in sex in general. When he was interested I would never turn him down, it could be weeks before it happened again. So I felt just like all of the years of waiting for his cue, his mood, for any type of what was as close to intimacy as I was going to get.

So, I just felt this for a couple days, discussed it, cried over the way it felt before and the similarity now.

THEN, I had the moment of clarity: Why do I need to wait for him? Why am I being a victim here? WOW
So, I let my SAH know that I was choosing to not participate until I felt ok with it again. I should not question intimacy with my spouse, I should not wonder if it is "healthy" to have sex with my own husband. So until I feel it is healthy, I am choosing to take back my power.

It has felt very liberating, healthy, and I know that I deserve to have sex with intimacy and I would rather go without altogether than to just get some.

I am not sure if this is going to answer anything for you. I struggled with what I was hearing from 7yrs and everything I read as to how I could put that into practice.
There didn't seem to be much specific for the partner in anything I read. That is because I wasn't relating "take care of yourself" to this subject.

One little moment that helped the clarity for also: It hit me one night, that SAH isn't the only one with a problem understanding true intimacy. If I had a better grasp of real intimacy, I would have noticed the lack of it in my marriage. Another reason to work on ME.

Sorry this ended up being so long. I have wanted to post a little on where I am, since reading other's stories has helped me so tremendously, that I hope to give back a little. It doesn't matter where we are in our journey with this, we all learn from one another, and I am indebted to everyone one of you.


Me 39
SA-FWH 44
11yrs M
In R-maybe
3 DC from Marriage #1
1 DS together
at least 4 d-days

Posts: 1300 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Kansas
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good words, ttb.

Thanks for sharing your perspective.

It helped me with some things of MY own

[This message edited by JustWow at 4:52 PM, January 30th (Friday)]


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3556 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
lovedontlivehere
♀ Member
Member # 20055
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ingrid-

Don't think my pervert hubby will ever change

I struggle with not viewing my partner as a perv.

I mean in on earth wants to masturbate to hardcore porn the day after a pregnancy loss.

I mean ewww.

I was also the only one in my COSA meeting whose partner was not in recovery.

TTBW,
We are 2 weeks no sex, and it feels good.

I did feel like he was using my body as en extension of his issues. And sex 90% of the time is what he wants, when he wants it unless we have an argument. Then he's much less likely to say no to me.

I do think it's a power thing.

After years and years of porn and strippers and who knows what else, he's just used to being the one in the driver's seat. I don't think he could just stop overnite.

Plus, the aforementioned have the advantage in his mind because they're not giving him "headaches" (like I am).


Partner still wanking off into fantasy land.
*update* No longer together, but he was STABBED and now wants R. Whatever.

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Deep South
hope4tomorrow
♀ Member
Member # 21673
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you very much for your responses.

So it's supposed to re-wire their brain?

I am willing to do it if it helps him. I just didn't know if it's absolutely necessary and what it's supposed to actually help.

I know that my SAH has intimacy issues, because that is what he is seeking by looking for other women. It's insane because he can have it right here but he runs from real intimacy. Makes sense to me.

I've never felt "used" by my H. He's always been very sure to "make love" and not just have sex. It's me that couldn't with him w/o the intimacy of a real relationship with him. So I didn't feel bad having it with him but now that we're really trying to rebuild, I actually do enjoy it sometimes/most times if I can get the thoughts out of my head.

So it just kinda stinks that it is being taken away right now. But I will survive.

MTA: My SAH is actually a very sweet and kind man outside of his addiction. But he's just been so deep into it these past years, so much more than I knew. I think that is the only reason that I'm even giving this one more chance. I know that with recovery, he can be that caring, loving man that I know he is.

enraged, the first time that my SAH had a ONS, he was very upset and cried. But it didn't stop him and he never told me. The second time was a bit harder, but the 3rd and 4th were the same night/trip, and he PLANNED them. So yeah, he didn't feel too bad. Came home and missed us all. I knew something was not right but I KNEW my SAH would never actually physically cheat on me. And when I ask him, he says that he just doesn't feel a whole lot. He just doesn't think about it. I don't understand. Hopefully the IC will help him.

I'm sorry that you are even ?ing it. I really hope someone with more experience will give you some more advice.

[This message edited by hope4tomorrow at 4:22 PM, January 30th (Friday)]


Me BW
Him WH-SA
Married 12 years
3 Beautiful girls 8 and under

Posts: 346 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome enraged! (Sorry you had to join us, but we are glad you are here.

ldlh, I am the only one at my COSA also that has a partner not in recovery, although there is one who is divorced.

What scared me there, last time, is one of the women who had been doing this a long time was talking about her husband having a "setback". They had apparently been doing well a long time, and then, woops!

I don't want to be dealing with this in ten years. I don't think I have the stamina for that.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14914 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
hope4tomorrow
♀ Member
Member # 21673
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NaiveAgain,

That happened to someone in my WASA group. Her husband had a "setback" after over 2 years of sobriety. I'm really petrified of that, too.


Me BW
Him WH-SA
Married 12 years
3 Beautiful girls 8 and under

Posts: 346 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
grownup
♀ Member
Member # 22285
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Gang!
Abstinence does several things -the first of which is trying to restore normal chemical levels in the brain. For example, the stimulus of sex gives a dopamine rush but like a drug the tolerance builds up and the person uses more activity or more extreme exposure to try to get the same feeling from the first rush. Another problem is that when the person is trying to stop their dopamine levels tend to drop lower than they were before the addiction started (so its not like stopping will send them back to normal -they go below normal and feel crappy). Scientists differ on what is a good length of time to be "without" and there aren't that many studies yet but I have not read anything for less than thirty days and most are 90 days to try to regain chemical balance. The worst part of going "without" is trying to determine what is stimulating. For example, for an addict, simple brief exposure to an alluring woman in a bikini on a billboard might be enough to get him "stoned". For the well read ...check out website the sex addicted brain .

Psychologically, abstinence allows the SA to recognize triggers, separate emotions of love and desire and to whom they attribute each of these emotions. This also allows them to take an honest look at what their path was and potentially how they can relearn a healthier path.

I missed you folks!! Not easy to find people who "get it" or perhaps aren't getting it in the case of you the abstainers Sorry, couldn't resist!!

H still on the run. If I end up on the news will some of you please tell them who did it?!!


Me:44
Him:44 SA
Married:14 years
D-day: too many, final Nov 8, 2008
Separating ,he's on the run

Posts: 153 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: alberta
SorrowHeart
♀ Member
Member # 18474
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, I am not sure I should be here since my ex and I split up after I discovered he was involved with swingers and just plain hook ups. Just before our marriage ended, he actually told me was planning on dating women in our city, on top of seeing the swingers in another city every month. That is what ended our marriage. That, and finding porn pictures of him in orgies after he accidently forgot to password-protect his computer.

He never admitted he might have a problem, and was convinced by his swinger friends that open marriages were the best. Well, that particular marriage ended up crashing and burning this past fall, and the husband killed himself, so I guess open marriages aren't always the best after all (I feel horrible for their children, who must be so hurt by all this...the husband hand-delivered porn pics of his wife, my ex and others to friends and strangers alike, so those teenage kids would know what happened...)

I don't know if my ex was sexually abused as a child, but I certainly was. Yet I never acted out like he did. And now, two years and a bit since we split up, I have no desire for sex at all, no desire for a relationship with anyone (of course, my three kids keep me too busy). I feel like I was also sexually abused by my ex, because sex for him is so meaningless. He made it so dirty for me. I am wondering if the rest of you still working on your marriages feel the same about sex. At least your husbands have expressed remorse. Mine never did.


Living one day at a time.

Mom of three

DD: September 23, 2005

Divorced April 10/08


Posts: 163 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Alberta
grownup
♀ Member
Member # 22285
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Sorrow Heart)))
I'm so sorry that you found yourself here and yet I hope you will find some of what you need here. I know I have.
I'm not with my H so I can't comment on that and pretty new but I wanted to make sure that you have supports. Three children will keep you busy!!! Have you had the oppportunity to do counselling for yourself and to take care of yourself? Getting and keeping you healthy is the only way to look at your past, present and future in a healthy way.

While I still like sex, I am horrified by the thought of ever having sex again and ...by the thought of never having it again. I must confess that I am envious of those couples that are together and both are in active recovery as some of them have had a chance to see that human being again that has remorse.


Me:44
Him:44 SA
Married:14 years
D-day: too many, final Nov 8, 2008
Separating ,he's on the run

Posts: 153 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: alberta
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Grownup! Is he being violent and vindictive? I am so sorry you have to go into hiding, but I am glad you are taking the precautions! I know from a lot of the posts I read, he does sound a bit mental, that is so scary--I don't worry about my life with this WS, but my last H was a sociopath. You know, like Ted Bundy. My sister used to have nightmares that he shot us.

I am going to send you a PM.

Welcome Sorrow Heart! I am so sorry for all you had to go thru, but I am glad you are away from him. He sounds totally unremorseful. My WS says he is remorseful, but then again, he lies about everything.

Yeah, I am now traumatized by sex, which is something I used to love before, and had a very healthy outlook on. Now I don't want to be touched, and yet, I miss it. Fun, huh! I am in the process of separating myself from my SAH, because I doubt he will ever get it, and I really want a healthy relationship. I have a gut feeling that the further I get away from all this, the quicker I will start healing.

You might benefit though from IC (I am in it and it has helped). With your past, it is going to make it hard to feel comfortable with sex (I know quite a few people actually who were abused as children--it is so much more common than I ever would have imagined!). And all of them have struggled.

I am glad you are here--you will get some good advice and support from the incredibly awesome people on this board who have had to walk the same path.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14914 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Ingrid
♀ Member
Member # 20126
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't help feeling that ANY husband who has cheated, who has had ONS's, who has gone to strippers. who has had affairs, (ANY AFFAIR), somehow simply IS NOT in his marriage as a faithful husband.

I honestly do not know how or WHY many of you women friends hang in there with it. Nor do I know for myself.

My husband has been a porn addict or entire marriage of 20 years. BUT, in the past 3, he has really crossed over the line in seeking love from strip clubs, and one particular stripper. This has really killed it for me.

NOW, I need to get my life together so I can be strong enough to do what my heart and faith leads.

I can certainly feel with all of you. What I DO NOT understand is WHY any of you who have severely SA hubbys put up with it.

Please shed some light on this.


Posts: 232 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: L.A. CA
Ingrid
♀ Member
Member # 20126
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear 7 yrs betrayed:

YOU said:

He's not a pervert, he's an addict.

I disagree. I feel my husband is a pervert. As probably is yours too.


Posts: 232 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: L.A. CA
Ingrid
♀ Member
Member # 20126
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear grownup: you asked:

Has anyone's SA spouse gone into a residence treatment program? Do most of them work on the same principles?

YES, mine did, when I threw him out upon finding out he had been unfaithful with a stripper.

HEwas in a treatment facility for 6 weeks while we were separated over the summer.
It did no good.

I really feel friend, what it will take is a total change of heart and nothing other.

I feel for you, and your pain.

From one SAwife to another.


Posts: 232 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: L.A. CA
Ingrid
♀ Member
Member # 20126
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi 7yrs.,betrayed:

You said:

He's not a pervert, he's an addict.

I tend to disagree. Our husbands are perverts.

WHY dispute it?


Posts: 232 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: L.A. CA
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ingrid, I rarely get angry but you stepped over a line here with me.

I tend to disagree. Our husbands are perverts.

WHY dispute it?

Because I find "pervert" to be a hateful, degrading word and I would never choose to use it to describe my rSA. If you want to be hateful and mean and degrading to YOUR husband that is your business but please do not speak about MY husband that way.

My husband is a sex addict. He is not perfect but he does not deserve hateful and degrading labels.

The reason I tried to gently steer you away from using hateful words like that to describe your husband is because as long as you feel that way you will never be open to recovery. You might as well divorce him immediately and move on.

ETA: I just backed up and saw your first attack:

is a pervert. As probably is yours too.

Keep your opinions about MY husband to yourself. DO NOT call my husband names. Are we clear??

[This message edited by 7yrsbetrayed at 1:05 PM, January 31st (Saturday)]


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Exclaimation  Posted: 2:01 PM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hope4tomorrow asked about abstinence contracts. I didn't have time to reply here so she PM'd me too (which is good because it reminded me to come back)

Rather than just give the info to her privately I'm posting it here for everyone's benefit.

Excerpt from the book "Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction" by Mark R. Laaser

The first step is stopping sexual behaviors. This includes the three building-block behaviors - fantasy, masturbation, use of pornography - and any other behaviors addicts may have engaged in. Just as alcoholics need to stop drinking before they can be treated, sex addicts need to stop acting out before they can embark on the healing journey. {one tool to help an addict stop sexual behaviors is an abstinence contract}

Abstinence Contract:
It is vitally important for sex addicts to stop all sexual behaviors for at least 90 days. They should agree to an abstinence or celibacy contract, which states they will not be sexual with themselves (through masturbation) or anyone else, including a spouse. This contract achieves two basic purposes - one physiological and one intellectual. First, prolonged lack of sexual activity reverses the level of neuro-chemical tolerance addicts have built into their brains. Addicts may experience symptoms of detoxification not unlike an alcoholic, though not as severe. Most people really struggle with this contract somewhere between the seventh to fourteenth day depending on their past levels of sexual activity. {Note, this is a from 7 and my rSA, we both have seen other literature and from experience know that the withdrawal can be difficult for up to 6 to 8 weeks! Though we agree it can START at 7 to 14 days.} After that, abstinence gets easier over time. Second, abstinence reverses the sex addict's core belief that "Sex is my most important need." Instead, the sex addict discovers, "Sex is NOT my most important need." This is why 90 days (though somewhat arbitrary) is symbolically important.

Excerpt from the book "Clinical Management of Sex Addiction" by Patrick Carnes, Kenneth M. Adams

{The partner} must agree tot his form of abstinence and accept it for the potential benefit of increased emotional and spiritual intimacy and not as another form of abandonment. A period of 90 days has been the standard recommendation as a period of abstinence. Recently, I talked to two partners who had extended this for 17 months, slowing rebuilding increased physical intimacy until they eventually experienced genital intercourse again. Doing this, they found that they had allowed themselves the time to heal from many of their emotional issues that sex had previously triggered.

Excerpt from the book L.I.F.E Guide for Men by Mark Laaser
Reasons for Marital Abstinence

In addition to the neurochemical benefit, the most obvious advantage of an abstinence contract for the married sex addict is to take the sexual pressure off the relationship. For many couples, marital sex has been full of conflicts, arguments, and emotional pain. Perhaps, you've avoided sex with your wife and have perferred your acting out behaviors to connecting with her. In that case the pressure is from the absense of sex, but it's still pressure. Even if there's been little or no sexual activity in your marriage for a long time, you need to commit to an intentional period of abstinence. There's a vast difference in deliberately choosing to abstain from sex and in avoiding it because of your addiction.

Almost all sexual addicts (of either gender) are unable to be "present" during sexual activity, especially with their spouses. Instead of authentically making love with your wife, you likely are lost in fantasy about some other sexual experience, either real or imagined. You pretend you're with another partner or engaging in different sexual practices. You insist on darkening the room or you close your eyes to avoid being in the moment because your fantasies are more pleasurable than what's happening right now. In effect, you're still having "addict" sex even though the partner is your wife. Sexual addiction is an intimacy disorder, remember? Taking a break from martial sex gives you the chance to start over in your marriage relationship and learn to be present mentally, emotionally, and spiritually before you add sexual intimacy. Abstinence provides a chance to create TRUE intimacy in your coupleship.

Here is a link to an actual contract:
http://books.google.com/books?id=GAmn8kQXTDYC&pg=PA112&lpg=PA110&dq=sexual+addiction+sex+addiction+abstinence+contract&output=html

I pulled all of this from the Google Book Search
http://books.google.com
Be sure to include "sex addiction" or "sexual addiction" in any search you perform to narrow the results to be relevant.


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.