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User Topic: Long Term Affairs X I V
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, March 18th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Fnf.
I am fine, thanks for asking. Hanging in there...

It must have been so heartsore sitting through that opera.

****

Shirley,
Dont let her rile you up. She is probably running scared that her world is going to crash..poor thing.

I know you said this one was harder than the other OW, so make sure you plan to do this when you are feeling strong. Remember, we will be with you.

I wish I could confront the OW in my sitch..if only to deliver a slap (or a cup pf coffee )but they both live in other countries, so I had to make do with my imagination. It would be nice to have info confirmed and some other info given...H for the most part says he "doesnt remember".

****
Ukg,
Hope you are enjoying the sunshine in your lovely dress. Amazing what some brightness can do for our spirits, huh?


****
Miracle,
Our self esteem plummets drastically after dday, and one of our main goals, is to rebuild that. Part of that is knowing that we are valuable, we do have a prescence, we do matter.
I am so grateful for those joggers at your park for kickstarting that for you.

[This message edited by Lost Heart2 at 12:53 PM, March 18th (Wednesday)]


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, March 18th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kalamity,
You sound so grounded and self assured. I am in awe.

As for the change in your H...do you think that part of dday was him coming off his pedastal? So maybe he is not so quick to judge others and be an ass.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, March 18th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

shirley, you are sounding good! Not sure about contacting the OW, but if it’s something that’s bugging you then I guess you’ve got to do it. The other OW was M’d wasn’t she? What about this one? I can understand wanting to see her as a person so that you can deal with the reality, maybe get some answers your H is unable or unwilling to give and to let her see that YOU are also a person, not just some faint “wife” figurehead in her lover’s life. And wanting to know what your H meant to her is also understandable. I know how nerve-racking it is, so good luck in your quest and of course we will be there standing behind you!
********
FNF, I think I would have felt the same. FWH was half wanting me to have an A (but didn’t say out loud) so he would feel less guilty or even entitled to his. Kind of “well, she’s doing it, so there’s nothing wrong with me doing it?” In the same vein, I have all this anger and jealousy at what they had, what he gave that sad bitch, that I DO want to have the same heady experience. I mean, what could he say? He made me feel like I was NOTHING, I was just a fucking doormat, so why shouldn’t I? After all, their thinking was so fucked up, they wanted the BS to get even without knowing their WS was having an affair!! But there again, I would be stooping to their level, so - no win, isn’t it? Getting mad here, so I’d better stop.
********
Kalamity – they are using the same MOW poor me phrase book!!! Where do they get these sayings from??? Yup, had exactly the same. Oh, and FWH did me down too in the attention and loving dept, which was hardly surprising seeing as he was fucking someone else. “Why are you being so callous?”, “I am all alone now” (no she wasn’t, she still had her unknowing BH), “You are my life long love, I thought I was yours” (err, no, that’s why he didn’t leave me) “I think about what might have been” and the one that makes me mad, FWH said to HER “what we have will always be”. PUKE. He said it because it was what she wanted to hear, so he kept feeding the fantasy. And your H not complaining anymore, that’s b/c he hasn’t got the A constantly pecking away inside him, the uptight feeling has gone. Long may it last!

And hello to your DGD. I think I forgot the congratulations, lucky you, Kalamity!
********
I’ve had IC today. Conclusion is that if I don’t confront FWH about this business of documents showing he may have had another affair, then it will gnaw away at me and us. He’s had long enough to come up with a plausible story, so I might as well hear what he has to say. I should say to him that I want him to reflect and just talk to me from the point of HONESTY (she’s having a laugh, isn’t she?). Not to accuse or say I want the truth, he is to take honesty as the prevailing thought when he is explaining to me. If we don’t have honesty in our relationship, then we do not have a sound base and there will never be trust, loyalty, respect or commitment either. I’ll formulate something over the next few days. He’s away now until Friday, we have Mother’s Day on Sunday, so guess it will have to be Saturday (if he’s not golfing). IC said to allow maybe two hours to discuss it fully. She asked how I would feel it if turned out there were other OW’s, I said I wouldn’t know until that moment. Not something you can anticipate, is it?

And I got the shoes!


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, March 18th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi LostH Cross-posting. Has been a lovely day, hasn't it? And today, I looked people in the eye cos the concealer seems to cover most of the scars now. It was nice just to be OUT after being cooped up for five friggin' weeks, kwim?


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, March 18th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me again.

I have been quite vocal about my IC sessions and the recent renewal of the EMDR sessions.

This has been worrying me and I wondered if anyone could help.

A theme that has constantly come out in the EMDR and general sessions, is how badly H treated me. And how I allowed it (for diff reasons).

This came up again in our session this week, when I was "transported" to very early on in the M, and how H and sometimes OW#1 treated me.How so many times he threatened to leave me and I would beg/plead/cajole him into staying.

I know now it wasnt my fault. I know it had nothing to do with me but his/their issues. But I allowed it. I can say that I was young, naive then etc but I cant keep using that excuse now, can I?

And it sucks. All of it. Me. Him. her. them.

And so I wonder how can I possibly justify to anyone, let alone myself, staying in this M?

If he is the one who features so strongly in my traumas, how can I continue to live with him? Like a "victim" (I hate that label) living on with the perp.

I am saying this calmly and with a lot of sadness. We are actually going through a good patch and he is being really nice to me. But I know, as has been shown by past experience, that this patch will end (tomorrow, next week, 3 weeks from now)and we will be at it again.
And so I will never be safe.

I dont know what I am trying to say. I try not to think about the EMDR content outside of the sessions as its so distressing( and I am amazed at what my minds been keeping in all this time )and she said that my head works it out by itself anyway.

Still.....I wonder if these sessions will actually push me away from R (if thats where we are).

Thanks for listening.

((((((Tribe)))))))


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, March 18th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know now it wasnt my fault. I know it had nothing to do with me but his/their issues. But I allowed it. I can say that I was young, naive then etc but I cant keep using that excuse now, can I?

Why not? If that’s how it was, then time and your maturation won’t change that. You WERE young. I think most of us here would say that about ourselves anyway. For instance, how could I NOT know that my H-to-be and the Crucible Witch were engaged? Or that they were together for four years, or that she wanted, pleaded with him to go to her uni, the hysterical outbursts, her possessive nature, how they made each other so sick they were both on valium? He never told me, no one told me. Yet I feel foolish for having never dug deeper into his history. But why should I? My baggage was far simpler. Boyfriend, good times, dump (or dumpee), move on. Engaged? By 19? Not fucking likely! (I didn't even have an "engagement ring" until DS1 was born!)

My naivety astonishes me at times. Blind, innocent, trusting, accepting. All of those apply to me. I have believed in do as you would be done by. I couldn’t betray the one I declare to love in the worst possible way, so how could he do it to me? He has different morals, I guess. So I live a step removed and view him with clear lenses. And it sounds as if that is where you are at too. You see him for what he is and part of his problem is he KNOWS you see him stripped bare. His main problem is trying to be the man he thought he was presenting to you and he is struggling. So he will fall into that bad patch b/c he can’t keep it up. All you can do is let him know that you appreciate it when he does do the right things, when he is the man you know he can be. But, all the while taking care of you. Keep that one step back so that you can focus on you when it matters. Easier said than done, I know. Don’t dwell on your youth and naivety back then. It was real and he/they abused it. That makes it his/their problem, not yours.

I think it’s a problem for all of us in the LTA forum. We look at our WS’s and wonder who the fuck we married. We question everything about ourselves, esp our judgement. We look back and analyse and wonder where we went wrong. And we wonder how we could be so naive. We weren’t, they just took us for granted, trashing something they later realised was priceless.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 3:37 PM, March 18th (Wednesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
kalamity
♀ Member
Member # 21802
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, March 18th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the grandbaby well wishes!

LH2: Thanks for the compliment. I am self-assured and grounded. My parents saw to that. Unfortunately that contributed to this whole mess we find ourselves in. H was raised in a home where the men had total control. Women were even told how to think. He knew this wouldn't fly with me when he married me, in fact appreciated my independence and self-reliance. BUT, he did not know how to feel about himself in this kind of relationship - how to feel good about himself with a woman who didn't need him for every little thing (I have never asked my husband to do things. Whoever noticed that something needed to be done first just did it.) I remember one time telling him that I was joining my sisters (5 of them)for a women's empowerment conference and he responded that he didn't think any of us needed that. He was right. And you are right about him falling off his pedestal. I have told him he no longer has the right to criticize anyone else's behavior, so I'm not surprised that he doesn't. I'm just surprised that he seems so accepting of it.

FNF: I am so jealous of your access to the opera! We drive 100 miles to attend the closest symphony and would have to go another hundred for the opera. I would have had the same reaction you did, though.

Miracle: So glad your walking buddies have made you feel better. Endorphins are wonderful aren't they? Exercise is a lifesaver!

Shirley: Oh how I would like to confront MOW face-to-face. She has asked H to keep me away from her, like he has any control over what I do (see comment above about control and add comment from previous post about her seeing the situation as though she were in it: the whole need and control thing makes so much sense!) Whoever made the comment about the coffee (sorry I don't remember) - that was great! Hope your meeting goes well, Shirley.

UKG: Show off the dress and the shoes! Are they peep-toes? Get a pedicure! I don't like to shop, but went on a spree right after d-day. Never had engagement/wedding rings, but I did tell H that for every gift-giving occasion from here on out I expect expensive jewelry. We've never been big on gift exchanging, but I did get a beautiful garnet cross necklace for V-Day. He's listening! I agree 100% with your statement that it was their problem, not ours. We should not feel embarassed or ashamed or worthless. WE did exactly what we were supposed to do: stay faithful and trust our spouses to do the same. WE are awesome! They are the ones that were screwed up (for a long time). I am the best thing that ever happened to H. Too bad for him that it took him 25 years to realize it!

Feeling: I, too, am confused about your situation: A ongoing? In my case, the proof was in text messages I found, so I can't relate to the audio/video proof. But, they almost always had sex in our home (no kids at home, no relatives near, no nosey neighbors). What's happening there?


When it feels like your life is falling apart, perhaps it is falling in place.

BS(me)-56
WS-59: LTA (22+ years)
MOW-54: H's old girlfriend
D-day 08/11/08 (3 days before 25th anniversary)
Working hard on R


Posts: 104 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Nebraska
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, March 18th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey tribe,

I don't have much time but please, please, please send your MOJO at 8:10 EST tomorrow. That is when I am meeting with the spawn-of-the-devil OW#2. Any vibes of support would be great. HS


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, March 18th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurtshirley...area u sure about this.....do u know what you area going to say and ask???? and remember she is a liar, cheaters are liars!!!!they go hand in hand....so take some or all of what she says with a grain of salt.....my wh ow#1 offered to meet me, i didn't see the point because she was also telling me that she never had sex with my husband......she did not know that oral sex counted.....and on another phone call she claimed she was NEVER intimate with my husband...again i gues oral sex doesn't count or the countless times they had intercourse over 25 years time......

my prayers and thoughts will be with you along with much ((((HUGS))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HS - sending you all the "mojo" possible for today. Please check in later and let us know how you are doing. We will all be anxious to hear you are ok and that that HO didn't try to minimize her guilt.
Please take care and know there are millions of warm and fuzzy vibes coming your way. (((((((HS))))))))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And so I wonder how can I possibly justify to anyone, let alone myself, staying in this M?
If he is the one who features so strongly in my traumas, how can I continue to live with him? Like a "victim" (I hate that label) living on with the perp.

LH - I think everyone of us here asks ourselves this same question, How can we possibly stay with a man who has victimized us to the extent that these H's have?
For me, the answer must be that my H is truly remorseful, has ended the A, has gone NC, has made a true and sincere commitment to our M and our family, works daily and consistently to heal the wounds he created, and acknowledges that nothing I ever did in our M could justify his LTA of 8 years.
You see, LH, we can't change the past and the sins they committed against us. We can only demand now what is rightfully ours and if we come to see that our H's are unwilling or unable to give us what we require for R, then tough decisions must be made.
You, and all of us, WERE victims, but we must not continue to be so. We must be strong enough, secure enough and indignant enough never to allow ourselves to be victims again.
You are tough, LH. I see it in your posts all the time. You are no longer willing to beg and plead for your H to stay. We do not have to tolerate any more injustices. We have tolerated more than our fair share, more than most as victims of LTA's. The days of tolerating are over. Make that clear to your H and to yourself. (((LH)))
ETA - One other critical point IMHO is that in order for R to really be successful it is imperative that our H's show us absolute gratitude for our willingness to stay and work with them toward R. H's who even non-verbally communicate a lack of respect toward any of us who chose to stay under the circumstances do not deserve the privilege of our love and commitment to the M.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 8:26 AM, March 19th (Thursday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it’s a problem for all of us in the LTA forum. We look at our WS’s and wonder who the fuck we married. We question everything about ourselves, esp our judgement. We look back and analyse and wonder where we went wrong. And we wonder how we could be so naive. We weren’t, they just took us for granted, trashing something they later realised was priceless.

AMEN to that, UKG! I have often tried to figure out how I could have been so trusting when all the signs were there, especially with my H telling me to go out and have an A. It just never crossed my mind. It's so bizarre. My head just wouldn't go there.
Shortly after d-day my brother asked if I could babysit for him and his wife. I never told him about my H's A but my sister called him because I was such a mess and said she thought he should find someone else. Well, I went anyway and tried to put up a brave front. The tears and trauma were so close to the surface and he came right up to my face, very, very close, and said tell me what's going on, are you ok, is your H beating you???? Seriously, even my brother didn't think that it was possible for my H to cheat on me, his first instinct was physical abuse (my H was very aggressive and mouthy - he's a bit different now).
I think it is perfectly natural that we wouldn't have suspected that because our values were so polar opposite of theirs. We believed in honesty, integrity, commitment, LOVE all the good stuff. They were the ones who were fucked up.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the Mojo everyone!

Things went about as I expected. If I had to hear the word "I" one more time I was going to . It was all about her, how she has "moved on", become a better mother and a better wife and a better person and she just can't let the guilt eat away at her anymore. Oh Puhleez, like the guilt was really killing you there for 7 fucking years!!!! Anyway, she is still in the fog. She thought it was "luv". She was even stooopid enough to play the "he told me he loved me" card. What a bitch? So I asked her if she thought he loved the other 2 women he was fucking at the same company! Oh, you didn't know about them did you? Kind makes your little luv-fest less special doesn't it?

Then it was all about helping me heal. Ya know what bitch, the only thing you can do to help me heal is throw yourself in front of a train. I told her flat out that I am meeting "them" so that I have a chance to look into the eyes of the women who helped devestate me and my family and tell them that they disgust me. (note: the OW don't really like to hear that!!! ) I also told her that if she paid attention in high school you would learn that if you are getting shagged in the parking lot but not getting taken to the prom that you are getting used. Geez, I would think she could've at least figures that out.

I also let her know that her secret is not a secret and that a lot of people know about her and what she did. People that she socializes with. People that she exchanges Xmas cards with. People she used to work with. So still living the lie and not telling her H is a very, very risky strategy because who knows when and where this might rear its ugly head. You can't "bury" the past, it will continue to haunt you.

So that's it in a nutshell. I can cross that one off the list. Does it help with my healing....not sure but it does make me feel better that she had to hear those words.

Again, thanks for the support tribe.

(((((((LTA Tribe))))))))


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HS - What a meeting. Looks like you got all the punches in and she got to walk away feeling like the fool she is.
I am so happy for you.
I do hope you can now put those 2 OW completely behind you for they mean NOTHING at all and never did.
Now if I were you, I'd take myself off to the spa and get a hot stone massage, manicure, pedicure, the works. Hopefully they'll have a good bottle of wine to go with all that too.
You deserve lots of extra pampering after a morning like this.
((((((((HS)))))))))))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
kalamity
♀ Member
Member # 21802
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah Shirley!!! You did great! Hope she is hanging her head in shame and you should be holding yours up high.


When it feels like your life is falling apart, perhaps it is falling in place.

BS(me)-56
WS-59: LTA (22+ years)
MOW-54: H's old girlfriend
D-day 08/11/08 (3 days before 25th anniversary)
Working hard on R


Posts: 104 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Nebraska
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurtshirley...u go girl!!!


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guy. You have no idea how great it is to have your support.

Now if I were you, I'd take myself off to the spa and get a hot stone massage, manicure, pedicure, the works. Hopefully they'll have a good bottle of wine to go with all that too.

FNF - I knew there was a reason why I really like you!!!!! Just may have to take your advice on this one.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also told her that if she paid attention in high school you would learn that if you are getting shagged in the parking lot but not getting taken to the prom that you are getting used. Geez, I would think she could've at least figures that out


Well done Shirley!!!
May she live in shame and fear for ever more.

As for you, you can shut this door, and strut off to the nearest spa. It is Mothers Day this weekend, after all.

****

Fnf and Ukg,
Thank you for your insights.
Am I making this a bigger deal than it is?
Ok, so he abused me, then...repeatedly. He wouldnt do that now, although he does have his bouts of mad behaviour. These sessions are bringing to the fore alot of memories (bad)and it is so clear how mean he was. At the time, I accepted it and made the best of the sitch, trying to improve myself for him. What an ass I was. My fear is that will I be thinking the same thing in hindsight 10 years from now?

One other critical point IMHO is that in order for R to really be successful it is imperative that our H's show us absolute gratitude for our willingness to stay and work with them toward R. H's who even non-verbally communicate a lack of respect toward any of us who chose to stay under the circumstances do not deserve the privilege of our love and commitment to the M

You see, whilst he may have said that on occassion (in not so many words) and whilst he says he cant live without me ( ), he doesnt act on it consistently.

I recently asked him if there was anything I should know about what was happening with him (I dont have access to his emails etc), his answer was "There probably is.", and when I asked what, he replied that he wasnt prepared to discuss this with me until I changed my attitude (I swear I asked this calmly); that when he feels that I am willing to work on this M and not just want to point fingers and hurt him, then he will be open. Mmmm.
However he will not talk about how we get to that stage; he is not prepared to go to MC to find a level playing field...all he wants is that I change my attitude, trust him and treat him with the respect and admiration he deserves.
Riiiiight.

Then a few hours later he wants to have sex. And talk about my birthday (he wants me to tell him exactly what I want, as per every year of our M as he just knows that he will get the wrong thing and I will have another fault to point out!).

He makes me sound like a monster. If I didnt know me, I would think I was. God knows what he must have told/tells the OW, his IC, his family, my mother.

So why on earth does this man want to stay in this M, when he has made it abundantly clear from day 1 that I was not good enough, that I am a mean, spiteful, vindictive bitch.

Sorry for the vent. I am starting to choke up, so will sign off now.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That man!!!

He goes and buys me my fav icecream and chocolate and tells me to chill whilst he is making the kids sleep. I know its not a big deal but for us,it is.

Honestly, that man!

***
Truth did a beautiful post in R. Check it for some good vibes.

LH.


*****

Psssst BT.
Your bday is coming up. Whens the party?


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lh2...why don't you have his passwords...will he not give them to you.....and you are not a monster......you are very giving person ( all of us who choose to try are) and DO NOT give HIM the power to beat you down.....know who you are and stand proud.....

i am having a rough day...i think i found another ow...he claims yet again like hie did with #3 that its all about the money....yet another of his loan-sharking people....but for a man whom afte d-day is supposed to be doing everything on the up and up i found he called her recently and had a seven minute phone call...7 minutes is a damn long time...too long to be "ALL" business....so i went back in the records and there she is all over the place...lots of phone calls very very short and some on the long side and some just past midnight or just prior tomidnight,,,,and i'm supposed to beleive that "SHE" is just business just like he SWORE ow #3 was......i get the feeling that she is a prostitute she and #3 or pretty close to it....because money was involved and it seem that the emotional level was minimum, even with #3 whom he had lots of convo with in their brief realtionship...although she still owes him money....and this will continue because he such a generous loan-shark, the people he lends to have very long payment schedules....some even go for a year......#3 i think her schedule is slated for 6 months or so......he has someone else as the contact person for her but she is still there....between the one that was always there and the ones that don't seem to go away....sometimes i wish i could just go away someplace far...except for my kids because i would die without them, and my mom, i'm all she's got i think i would be gone...i wish and pray that the love is till feel dies...loving him hurts way too much....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
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