our children play sports together and we are in the middle of their season, and I watch her floating around and socializing
O.K. forget what I said. I know that is sooo wrong.
If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?
Better go to bed. And dream about divorce papers.
ETA - I fucking hate this. And him. Fuckwit.
[This message edited by UKgirl at 4:37 PM, January 26th (Monday)]
floating around and socializing
not knowing that others know who she *really* is!!!
BTW, on the revenge front, when I first joined SI, there was a thread in general about revenge. Somebody had gone to the bank and taken out $100 in $1 bills. They wrote "OW fucked my husband and she is a whore" on them and then spent them all over town. I live in too big of a city for this to be effective but boy was I tempted!!
(((((UKG))))) We were posting at the same time but I wanted to say that you are a very great friend to do this for UKg2. It must be so painful and you are a trooper to help her in this way.
[This message edited by hurtshirley at 4:43 PM, January 26th (Monday)]
Sometimes I wish I would have never found out!!!!
Some disagree with me on this. But for me I truly wish I didn't know, but not at the expense of the A continuing.
My 1st entry
Can't come up with any right now other than to maybe take her initials and play with them like I do with FSA sometimes. Let's see with snaggletooth in my case.
Don't that just beat all. I never put it together that her initials spelled men. Should have known.
Okay...here's my Longest LTA initials.
Oh...that was harsh.
D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA
"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".
Your 1st one was great!!!
Now and forever
Oh shit...this is too good!
You've got better letters to work with than me.
[This message edited by Feeling so alone at 8:06 PM, January 26th (Monday)]
I wish I could remember the step by step, but to be honest with you, I can't.
A huge part of it, however, was realizing that neither my thoughts nor my feelings were sacrosanct. That was a huge, huge change for me.
For most of my life I believed that what I thought or felt somehow denoted or exhibited truth at a real basic level. I strongly believed in instinct, or a base level truth. I was wrong, however.
It was such an awakening to realize that what I believed and felt did not display some type of universal truth. It was a result of the beliefs tht I had accumulated over the course of a lifetimes, some of which were actually true and some of which were simply the result of my own false beliefs.
What I needed to do was separate the two, and I have spent many, many sessions in IC doing just exactly that.
I no longer believe in some type of innate instinct or universal truth. I believe in searching myself and my beliefs and coming up with the best truth I can muster at that point. Eventually, I believe I will come up with an overall truth that I believe in. But that's hard to separate from the false, silly, goofy beliefs I picked up throughout my life.
I said above that I don't believe in universal truth, but that is really not the truth. I do believe in universal truth. I just don't think most humans are even close to it. I think universal truth is the Holy Grail of our lives, the motive of life that we search for and work towards for a lifetime.
so she was born a disgusting liar along with the rest of her whoring family, yes you read right the whole family from dad to brother cheat and screw over their families!
I'll never know what it is like to be married and loved whole heartedly.
Your husband is the only one who can control himself. It sounds like the two of you are working to get him to a place where you can have faith in him again. While you can do some of that with him, you can do none of that for him. He has to learn the morals/relationship skills he didn't learn in his FOO. You can prod him on it, but it is ultimately up to him. Your posts in the past have made it sound as though you still have serious reservations about your husband, although he has made some signficant changes. If he is continuing to work on it, I would say he probably needs more time. I didn't begin to drop my fears and doubts about my husband until I could sense a real baseline change in his attitudes and actions.
If you still have doubts about him, then I would say you should try to look at those analytically and see whether they are legitimate doubts due to real issues in him, or whether they are based in unrealistic fears of yours. If they are fear-based, you can work on those in IC or on your own. If they are legitimate doubts because of him, then you have to wait to see what he is able to accomplish in changing himself.
So, I would suggest as a first step that you sit down and write up a list of your fears and doubts about your husband and your life. That's your homework. And be as specific as you can.
You say you are happy with yourself and your beliefs and that you are willing and able to walk away if you need to. I was not, so I needed IC to get me to that point.
I want to welcome all the newbies:
(((can'tbelieve))), and (((Ican'tgetoverit)))
welcome to the LTA tribe and sorry you are here, but it is full of some wonderful people!!
UKG... I am worried about you, especially with your surgery fast approaching. I would feel better if you didn't seem so down and lost right now. You have such strength and you show that by being there for your friend, she is lucky to have you. I so wish that you could see the 'wonder' of you!!! Not one of us is perfect, but we are ALL special and unique. I will be holding you in my happy thoughts, and hoping that one day soon you will love you... because your H's A had nothing to do with you!!
What steps can I take to move beyond this when doubt and fear and my maternal instinct beg me to remain on guard so that I can protect myself and my children from this kind of hurt again?
As much as we want to protect the ones we love, we can't. We can only raise our children and let them go knowing that life is hard and we will always be here for them. For yourself it's the same... we build walls to protect ourselves from further pain, but the walls also keep the 'happiness' we long for out as well. For me, I just chose to not live behind my wall and I tore it down! Life is messy and hurtful, but also wonderful and glorious! I want it all and I will deal with life one day at a time. I gave myself permission to truly live and enjoy it ALL. The rest of my life will surely be an incredible journey, but I will be in the drivers seat and doing the best I can to enjoy the scenery and beauty along the way!!!
How are things with you? You have been in my thoughts.
How I wish that this Spring I could load up my RV and pick-up all my SI sisters as I travel around. I am not the best driver, but we sure would have fun!!!
Anyone thinking about doing the 14 days of Valentines?? It's really very fun.
I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!
Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27