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User Topic: Long Term Affairs X I V
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WN- I am so sorry you are going through such a rough time right now. The first year is definitely the hardest and even though the pain never goes away completely, it does get easier with time. Believe me, I know what it is like to have so much of your personal space contaminated by the OW. Although the OW didn't live with us, (I don't know how I would handle that and I can only imagine what you must be feeling) she was very much a part of our lives. There was almost never a day when her name was not mentioned, when she was not on the phone - I would answer and talk with her for up to 30 minutes and then pass it on to my H , when I wasn't planning something where she was included or when we worked on planning a party together, or when she wasn't stopping by for a visit. It is just unfathomable to me that these women are living among us and not in some sewer where they belong. How they live with themselves will forever be a mystery to me.
I just hope it brings you comfort to come here and share your pain and to know that we all understand to some degree what you are feeling. (((WN)))
Couldntbeme - Welcome to our sad little corner of SI. I wish I knew of books that cover this kind of A but as the others have said, there is very little and I agree with Weepy that it is probably because most victims of a LTA D rather than try to R.
You can see if you read our profiles, there are many of us whose H's were involved for many, many years and still we try to R.
It is such a personal decision and we can only offer you support in whatever you may choose for yourself. I am 56 and had no desire to D and try to start over. As long as my H worked with me and was remorseful, I felt I owed it to myself to try to see if we could survive. It is not easy and there have been many periods of doubt in my 3 years of R even with a remorseful H. Maybe the doubt will always be there, who knows?
As to the book, there are a few members who are trying to put a book together and they are looking for anyone who is willing to contribute their personal story. I don't know how this is progressing but hopefully we will be hearing news soon.
(((Couldntbeme)))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How old is she? You mentioned that you are not crazy about this guy. Is there any specific reason or just a feeling?

DD is 23. Graduated college in Dec 07 and is still not certified to teach, despite our help, her grandmother's money and offers of financial assistance from State agencies. I don't know if she's thinking he can support her while she does her post-bacalauret (sp?) work or not.

He's 23, just graduated in May. Didn't work for 4 months. Finally took a temp position at U of P. He has lofty dreams of working in the film industry. Won't do anything about it though... like it's supposed to fall in his lap. We have given him leads, suggestions (only because he seemed so frustrated by his inability to get a job, we didn't push). He's EXTREMELY accomodating to her. And since she's her father, she'll just run all over him. She's already cheated on him once. I think she wants out of the house more than she's thinking of a marriage for eternity. She just doesn't plan that far in advance.

I'm not saying he's not a nice kid, but just like my MIL told me, he/she needs someone who's going to kick her butt. Obviously being kind and supportive and loving gets you absolutely NO WHERE.

Maybe I'll pop for some pre-M counseling sessions before they go too far with the plans. Tell them I think EVERY couple should do it.

BTW: I also picked up this month's "O" magazine (yeah, I know, I drank the koolaid), but there's an article in there about how to break out of a rut. Basically this woman talks about how hard it is to make change in our life, how it sometimes feels better to be in our mind "cage" than to face the unknown.

So she works with addicts mostly and her "philosophy" breaks down into playing a game of "warmer/colder" in your head. That kids game where you hide an object and tell the person she/he's getting warmer when they get closer and colder if they're not heading in the right direction? ANyway she says to break down what we do by warmer (better) or colder (wrong). If we can't decide, to break it down into smaller components.

Say dinner with the inlaws. Parts are good/parts are bad. So what do you walk towards? The SIL who makes you laugh... hang out with her if being in your MIL's presence is draining. She says you'll naturally be drawn to what's good and comforting for you if you apply this. So I might try. I know I will do things "because I think I should" rather than because I want to. Shoulds are definately "cold". I'm going to try it today, I'll let you know how it goes.

[This message edited by weepy at 11:52 AM, December 30th (Tuesday)]


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know Weepy, my mom tried throughout my courtship with my H to discourage the M. Did I listen? I had every reason to trust that she was out for my best interest but I thought I knew better than her and look where I am today. She has always been an excellent judge of character and I ignored her warnings completely.
Your MIL tried to tell you and who knew your H better? It's such a shame that every one of us has to make our own mistakes. We all learn by "the college of hard knocks." I know I did. I do think your idea of pre-M C'ing is a great one. Also, if they are planning a Catholic wedding, it is a requirement to have the pre-Canna (sp?) lessons. My son and DIL did those and had a lot of positive things to say about their experience.
Hopefully though they will plan on a long engagement which should give them time to mature a little and think about what is best for them both.
As to the warm/cold thing. I think that's a great idea. Lately, I have been trying to do the things that my H likes rather than thinking about what I want. I think that's why I'm so frustrated lately. I am just starting to turn that around (that's why I'm planning to go to London to visit my son - my H has no interest - fuck it - I'm going!) I have been trying so hard to think about this M surviving and thinking that by giving in to his needs is the way to go, I have forgotten about what I need. THAT IS GOING TO CHANGE IN 2009!
Moving toward the warm instead of the cold - I like this concept.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 12:57 PM, December 30th (Tuesday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
couldntbeme
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Member # 19448
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post.
I guess I didn't want to find out that there isn't much out there for 'us'.
I was hoping that somehow I'd just been missing 'it' and you'd have 'it' waiting on a shelf when I showed up at the right time in the right place.

Posts: 107 | Registered: May 2008
UKgirl
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Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and you'd have 'it' waiting on a shelf when I showed up at the right time in the right place.

Couldnt wed all be queuing up if it was available at the mall!! it is inside yourself, its not even to do with the WS, its to do with your inner strength and self belief. Anyone got some for sale??
****
As for the pre-m warning thing, my parents thought H was just the best bloke I had been out with. And they really liked his parents from the outset (they are meeting up as a post-Christmas/New year lunch on Friday) and get on really well. And his parents thought I was the best thing for him too. And both sets have been with us for Christmas for the last x-# of years. We never got discouraged from ming and, until I told M&FIL, they thought we had the perfect M. My parents still think we are hunky dory. Hmmm.

that's why I'm planning to go to London to visit my son - my H has no interest - fuck it - I'm going!

Well, FWH and I are (if he gets it organised) on hol for one week in Jan and then I have my ego boosting cosmetic surgery (scary, scary stuff) mid-Feb. I guess I can wear sunglasses

I know I will do things "because I think I should" rather than because I want to.

I cant break out of that one. Hot or cold, I do things just because ....

Im still in the wtf would he be doing in previous years bored out of his brain being with me tenterhooks mode

Year one afer dday was about taking ten steps back after he gave me his poetry to read, finding references to OW everywhere. Year two was after being away for Christmas only to find things were the same and I doubted his remorse. And my wedding ring had gone missing (to be found later) which I took to be a sign. I think I have to accept that things are never, ever going to be as they were. And that is what I miss most of all and, ironically, what he wants back. I think he lives in a (I hesitate to use the rose word) R-tinted past. But maybe the Rose word is appropriate.

I wish he would DO SOMETHING!!!!!

ETA - Is it the wine .....

[This message edited by UKgirl at 2:21 PM, December 30th (Tuesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H apparently has "no illusions" that things will return to where they were. He says that's what's holding me back in my recovery.

Well, dammit, I don't want things the way they were, I want things the way I want them to be!

With an LTA in the mix, how the hell do I know what was the way things were? He apparently was unhappy for "years" (that's a recent revelation) prior to his A. Did he tell me? Fuck no. Do I want to go back to that? Why would I?

What he doesn't "get" is that I still had the butterflies and "OMG I can't believe he's still here" feelings about him even before Dday, despite those awful years. I had that "my H loves only me" rock foundation, which is now crumbled.

If I pull away from him, which is where my "warm" is, then I don't get what I want and he's nasty about it. If I "play along" in my tenderhooks mode, then I don't get what I want and I'm still frustrated, but he's not nasty about it.

I tried the weeks I was away from here to just BE in my M. And I don't like it. I've tried changing me and he doesn't see it or appreciate it. I've tried stroking his ego, giving him props when things are good, telling people in his presence what a wonderful guy he is and that doesn't work either. I'm still "without".

Lately, sitting up late reading has felt warm. But by not being in bed with him, I'm not available if he decides he's interested or wants to cuddle. Which also feels warm. I'm apparently choosing not to be frustrated lying in bed and NOT having anything happen. But if I'm not in bed, then definately nothing is going to happen. Catch 22 anyone?


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's just that I feel I can never again look at my H and feel the utter satisfaction of knowing that he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with or that I am the woman he loves above all others

I'm not as far out as you....but have the same fear. For me it's the feeling of, getting the short end of the stick- I feel like I'm just waiting for him to meet another woman so he can be swept off his feet.

________

Welcome couldntbeme. I'm only a few months ahead of your D-day. I wish I had a simple answer for you....but there is none.

_______

Why would you have want to be someone who got passed from man to man? Who had such utter contempt and hatred for herself, that she allowed herself to be treated like that?
I think that the fact that you were NOT prepositioned, is actually a HUGE compliment, WN. They sound like a pretty sick bunch

LH2- I know it sounds ridiculous that I feel this way....it's feeling like everyone else was having their own little party yet I was the one who got shit on & left out. It hurts. I do agree that they could see that my boundaries & morals were in place, hence I was not propositioned.


So sweet of your WH, LH for the gloves & scarf.

___________

Even our MC told us that we were breaking new ground, that she had never dealt with a LTA + serial cheating and seen the marriage survive or even the betrayed WANT to TRY

Could someone remind me why we are all here trying to maintain our M again? It does sound a bit ridiculous to hear our posts & how we're forever changed negatively yet we're still here. For me, it's the belief that WH is a good man.....yet I have 2.5 years worth of evidence to show me otherwise, to show he had no problem dis-respecting me, lying to me, etc. etc.

________

Those words cut through me like a knife and it was killing me.

I can only imagine how difficult that must have been.

Thank you for your kind words FNF.

________

We had MC today and I expressed my recent worry surrounding the future. Feeling like there's so much pain to move past- that I must be married to a monster to have done such horrible things to someone he loves, and yet want to continue in the M...The worry that even if WH is Mr. Perfect from here on out that I just can't get past how horrible his A seemed to be- the length of time, the fact that she lived in my home and shared years of memories with our family.....the sex with OW#1 and how she was also around me & everyone else that knew....the level of disrespect, sex in my bed, sex while I was home. I seriously....don't know what I'm doing here. How could I ever forgive that? Even the thought of the sex alone is extremely difficult to deal with, the ILY's for the year while she lived here, lies, betrayal..... Anyways....MC was emotional for both of us & WH feels like there's nothing he can do but to continue to support me because I either can or can't get over the hurt he has caused. I just don't understand how he could go so far, so extreme ie: to have everyone around all the time, move her in, etc.? An A is one thing....but WH just seems to have taken it all so far. The lack of emotional connection, lack of any sort of consideration for me. I feel like I keep going on & on but I'm feeling completely hopeless & beyond devestated right now by what he has done. This is not the man I thought I knew and I'm not sure I want to be married to such a man who can do such things.


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wanted to wish everyone a ]happy new year and to say welcome to this sad corner of the world.

FNF, I resonate so much with what you write--partly I think cuz our d-days are so close (and 3 years back!!)


Maybe this is another phase of the healing process. It's just that I feel I can never again look at my H and feel the utter satisfaction of knowing that he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with or that I am the woman he loves above all others.

I too hope this is another phase, cuz I'm right there with you. So sad it makes me--my underlying feeling is still sadness and resignation. And I think the doubt you spoke of will always be there a bit for me too.

I'm even older than you (!), and found out when I was 57, and I also had no desire to throw away so many years, a pretty good marriage til those 5 years, a great family, and a lifestyle I love. Sounds so cold, but with a remorseful H trying, it was the right thing to do.

I also have the feeling that with or without H, my inside bottom line feeling wouldn't be much different--I've said this before, but something shifted and lots was lost--so here I am, living a near-retirement life that isn't what I'd hoped.

On the more positive side, I've come to think of myself first more, to value my strength in living this without disintegrating, and to enjoy the moments I have--with H, with my kids, and with myself and the new life I'm working on carving out here on the West Coast.

Will NEVER find it easy to deal with OW over OC, and will always hate the fact that H loved someone else-you know, gave to someone else what was supposed to be mine exclusively. I envy those whose H's had a non-emotionally involved A--

May 2009 be a better year for us all.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
weepy
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Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I think Wimsey, Fnf and I are the same person sometimes. Maybe it IS the age bracket.

Whatnow, no one can answer for you why they're still trying to save this M. I've often said if I were younger, or financially independent, I wouldn't be here. Things FEEL so fn'g complicated some times. I started out with the conviction that I wouldn't have my children living the life I did when my parents divorced. It's almost eerie that I'm thinking about ending the M just when my D is going to get engaged.... just like my parents.

This is what strikes me so hard. That H watched me go through that hell with my dad and then put me through it with him. Of course MC and IC keep pointing out that he's NOT my dad. No, he should have known better.

Then to hear that he's rewritten our life to be his justification and rationalization. Being asked constantly "what's wrong?" and being told "I'm tired, I'm sore, the client is a bitch" and then he says I never heard him tell me he was unhappy.

Maybe that's why I'm back, the engagement is triggering me. Back to times I can't change, but regret handling the way I did. Even with my father. Even HE put the pressure on me to accept my role in the final break with my mom. I know now it was his choice, but then I thought my "tell me what's going on" was appropriate. He stood there and told me not to push him or I wouldn't like the result. I was still reeling from his leaving when I told my then BF to "piss or get off the pot" about getting married. It had been 5 years and he doesn't believe me, but I think I sensed something was going on with him too, to have given him such an ultimatum, it's not my style ... and it was. And I had the evidence in my hand a few years later and dismissed it because "it happened before we were married." Now it seems so important that at a time when we were supposed to be so deeply in love we wanted to marry that he would do that.

And I still don't get why people think this is all funny. D recommended we watch "Getting Sara Marshall" last night and I know the underlying "theme" is infidelity and trying to get over a broken heart (with extreme humor and nudity), so I said I didn't want to see it. H said he heard it was funny until I said "do you know why they break up in the beginning?" Then he was all "oh, I don't want to watch that" (snarky) like i had ruined something wonderful by saying that. Then he bitched 15 times about how the movie I chose was lame. Yeah, the porn is bad enough, I don't need him ogling 18 year olds for 2 hours and laughing over the antics of some poor BS.

Lord, get me through tomorrow and then his grace period is up. The next argument, the next critism, I call a new MC.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fnf is coming to UK!!!

Name the time and place, Friend!

***

Weepy,

I've tried changing me and he doesn't see it or appreciate it. I've tried stroking his ego, giving him props when things are good, telling people in his presence what a wonderful guy he is and that doesn't work either. I'm still "without".

Read that through again. Is that who YOU want to be...always trying to please him. You know better, my Friend.

As for PreM opinions: My mum thought/thinks the world of H, and how lucky I was/am to have him. His family thought/think I was/am not good enough; and that his life would be ruined by marrying me.
Hmmm...

***
Ukg,
So are you excited about the Feb changes? Do you have to follow a special diet/care programme prior?


***

I was hoping that somehow I'd just been missing 'it' and you'd have 'it' waiting on a shelf when I showed up at the right time in the right place.

Couldnt, there was talk of some SI LTA'ers putting together a resource book on LTAs, but as you can imagine this is a huge undertaking for anyone.
If you have time, try going through some old LTA threads..there are some nuggets in there.

And oh, and welcome.

***
Whatnow

Could someone remind me why we are all here trying to maintain our M again?

I dont want my old M. I miss my naivete and this disillusionment wears pretty thin. I want a new M. New rules, new me and new H. We are both working on it in our own way. However, the "it" means different things to both of us. I dont know what his "it" is. I try to focus on me and my path. I want to know that when the time comes, I would be strong enough to walk away if need be, with no regrets. I know I am doing my best. I could have done things differently in the time since dday, and I am trying to learn from my mistakes (even though I sometimes to be repeating them ).

But I also am open to the notion of, if God willing, the time when we BOTH can fully commit to this M(I hesitate to use the word 'recommit' as he didnt the first time around).

Makes sense? (and I dont even have wine in me ).

***

Weepy, another thought.
I know that part of my healing would be to come to terms with my childhood. I am aware that you too had a pretty stressful one too. Does this come up in IC at all?

***

((((Whimsey))))


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In case I dont get a chance to get on again:

*****HAPPY NEW YEAR TRIBE!!!******

Heres looking at a year of self love and self respect for all of us in need. May we all be a step (s)closer to finding what we are looking for.

And thank you all for being my sister/mother/friend/motivator/guide/fountain of wisdom this past year.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

***HAPPY NEW YEAR TRIBE!***

Here's looking at a year of self love and self respect for all of us in need. May we all be a step(s)closer to finding what we are looking for.

And thank you all for being my sister/mother/friend/motivator/guide/fountain of wisdom this past year.

LH2 covered my thoughts like we are sharing the same brain (OMG!)

I'm psyching up for tonight. FWH and I met on NY's eve 12/31/69 so this has been a special date for us (me?) until his LTA when he spent NYE with OW & friends/family on 2 occasions... one when he gifted me with air ticket for my sis' 50th bday and another when he guilted me into a fishing trip with the 'guys' -duh! gaslighting to the max!!! and I spent the wkend alone (the one before Dday in '07). We haven't spent the evg/midnight alone since Dday... last year we were out with another couple. Tonight, dinner out with the same couple, who are not aware of his LTA. I want to reclaim 'our evening' yet feel the main effort should be his. I know I've read somewhere on SI: "Expectation is asking for disappointment" or some words to that effect.

Yes, I think Wimsey, Fnf and I are the same person sometimes. Maybe it IS the age bracket.
Me Too! and we are all still hanging in there... by our fingernails some days, but we are here.

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

always trying to please him.

Guess this came out wrong. I'm trying to apply the principles of "respect" so he will show me "love" I guess.

His biggest reason for now showing me love is that he felt I looked at and thought of him always as a POS. Said it showed in the way I'd talk or sneer or blow him off.

Well, I guess I still have the problem of "blowing him off" when he spouts his pontifications. I remember one night recently he said something i knew was TOTALLY conjured in his mind and said "wow, I didn't know that". Nothing further, asked for no "proof". That's what I meant.

This morning, I texted him saying "let me be the first to say to you today "I love you". He texted back that "Frank (his supv) beat you to it." He didn't follow up with an "I love you" so I texted him back "Hope you two will be very happy together, your belongings will be on the back porch." Now THAT got a response. He played it like a joke and so did I, but the call came seconds after receiving the text. Do NOT mess with me when I'm expressing love. DON'T make a joke of it.

Tonight we're going to spend with 2 other couples we've spent New Year's with for years. The kids will be off doing their own thing, out for the night. I plan to watch the food intake, but to get quite tipsy.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
couldntbeme
♀ Member
Member # 19448
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy,
Not to make more of it than it was, but I too have shortened the leash considerably regarding his sense of humor. My rule is, I can use humor to cope whenever I like. You however? Not so much!

Lost Heart 2,
Ditto to lotsu2 you're in my brain: "I want to know that when the time comes, I would be strong enough to walk away if need be, with no regrets. I know I am doing my best. I could have done things differently in the time since dday, and I am trying to learn from my mistakes (even though I sometimes to be repeating them"

Forgivenotforget,
Your comment "it is probably because most victims of a LTA D rather than try to R" hit home. I'm trying, but I like you said, even w/ a remorseful H, I'm always battling the doubt, fear, anger and confusion.


Posts: 107 | Registered: May 2008
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have cooked my first special dinner in two and a half years. Scallops wrapped in parma ham with melon, then roasted salmon and cod with peppers and pinenuts, garlicky roast potatoes and bistro salad followed by pears in cinnamon on meringues and chocolate sauce. It was okay actually, but a BIG deal for me!

Love and hugs to all the Tribe. I love you all so much, you have all held me up when times were tough. Such friends and so much support. Really, I love you all.

***HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!***


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKG, I'll be right over!


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKgirl wrote:
I have cooked my first special dinner in two and a half years. ...
It was okay actually, but a BIG deal for me!

WoW! wish FWH and I were on your guest list. I've never made a meal like that. Simple meals I can handle but I can't imagine a menu like that happening in my kitchen and being edible and ready at the same time.

Things aren't looking good here. One couple cancelled this morning. I wanted to go to the mall but waited half an hour in -20C weather for a bus that never came! I came home. Then the other couple just cancelled due to his mom in the hospital taking a bad turn. Then FWH called to let me know he had a flat tire! My stomach is churning.

Hope all is well with the rest of the tribe...


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My God, UK. I'm looking at my poor little burger and feeling really deprived.

Just wanted to say Happy New Year to all and hope that you and yours find health, peace and happiness in the New Year.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. My WH slighly blindsided me tonight. He came home and brought me in flowers. I smiled, and thanked him and then asked if they were just random or for New Years. He said, "well, it's kinda our anniversary". New Years eve was our first date and the night we were engaged. I instantly started crying. I hadn't thought about it at all and it knocked me right down. I tried to hold it together and then layed down and cried for a while. The thoughts and feelings on our first date...and then when we were engaged and how I thought all my dreams would happily come true and life would be perfect.

I was able to come back out to chill with WH...but since I've been thinking about the last 2 New Years. The last 2 years we've held poker games here at our home. 2 years ago WH had purchased me an expensive necklace...the "friend" helped pick it out and OW#2 knew about it and was super excited for me after WH gave it to me while on a break during the game....he brought me into our bedroom and gave it to me. I came out and OW#2 was gleaming. WTF.

Last year we had poker and then stayed up late partying/dancing with OW#2 and the other poker crowd. I had only been off maternity leave for a month and wasn't drinking much because I was still breastfeeding. I still haven't grieved my loss of breastmilk after D-day. I was SO SO SO set on breastfeeding DS#2 longer than DS#1 but that all went to hell when I couldn't eat & sleep after D-day.

I knew I wasn't doing well....but tonight killed it. I want to crawl into the tub, into bed, and sleep the next day, week, year away.....


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
fadingmemories
♀ Member
Member # 20531
Default  Posted: 2:10 AM, January 1st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to leave 2008 behind and hoping 2009 is a good year for all.
UK G if II served that meal to my H he would think i was an imposter!
LH 2 You and I share the same thoughts. I am also looking for a new M, the old one is dead. WH never committed to that one but I did for 22 years...
H has asked for a committment ceremony, I told him to plan the whole thing. That way I would know he really wanted it. He says sometime in Feb. I found a receipt for a large amount from the jeweler... now I'm waiting to see....


Me BS
Him FWS
Married 25 Years Together 31
LTA 12 years
DDay 4/11/08
R 2/14/09
"No matter if you think you can or you can't...either way you are right"
Scars do not form on the dying...
only on the survivors.



Posts: 315 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: North East
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