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User Topic: Living with add/adhd
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Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, November 17th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those who are ADD/ADHD or are in a relationship with a person who has ADD/ADHD

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
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Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, November 19th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here I am the poster child for ADHD.....
DX in first grade, on Ritalin until 6th, dyslexic in a mild form too.
Managed to always do well in life though... Finished college in 4 years, almost unheard of anymore. But now here I am, and guess what. The psych Dr I went to thinks I may benefit from taking meds for ADHD, it may help my depression, feelings of being so overwhelmed w/ life, and help me stop obsessively thinking about the A.
As a WS I am SAD, not really depressed, although I've never really been depressed. I am a happy, lighthearted person, who has always had a pretty positive outlook. So I don't know what to think.
I am going to start the meds, and see how I feel in a month. If better great, if not I'll stop, and see a different Doc.
ADHD, if you learn how to manage, and cope can actually make you be a leader, and productive member of society.
Just one persons thoughts here. Oh look a shiny penny!

Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6614 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
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Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, December 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe my WS has ADD/ADHD. I think it made him feel insecure at work, unable to feel confident enough to look for better work. He is in big denial that he has a problem and has learned to cope on his own, more or less. But he has difficulty setting life goals and following through. He can focus on a short term project like there's no tomorrow, amazing. But he can't plan or formulate in his mind what he wants and how to take the steps to get it.

Sometimes I'd want to have a famly meeting and he was so distracted in them that I gave up. But he really did better when we did these and helped him organized our joint tasks and priorities.

I think the whole A came out of frustration and low self esteem stemming from ADD going into middle age.

I don't know if meds would help but I guess he's beyond my reach now.

Here's to A New Life of Excellent Health, Financial Abundance, Nature's Beauty, Amazing Art and Personal Creativity, with Love, Beauty and Peace All Around Us.

Posts: 5546 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: United States
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Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, December 26th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH has been diagnosed with ADD, and after spending the last month reading about it, it explains a TON about why he makes the decisions he makes. Everything he does is in the moment, and he's always chasing after the next novelty or excitement. His ADD is also tied up with depression, and it has been a slight lift of weight off my shoulders now that I know that his A and other betrayals weren't my fault. I have things that I am responsible for in our marriage, certainly, but knowing that his inability to follow through on things he says he will do, his dis-engagement from our relationship and his constant search for stimulation via poker, porn and sexual things aren't my failures as a wife, but rather his inability to function as others do. He hasn't taken any steps yet to get this in order, but at least as the non-ADD spouse, I have been able to educate myself and lighten my own load.

D-Day - 11/18/08
Me - BS - 41
WH - 41 (numerous email affairs, one physical affair - caused D-day)
Married 15 years, together 16
Blessed with a 6 1/2 yr old DS

Posts: 17 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: WA
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Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, December 26th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just found this forum. My WSO has been diagnosed with ADD, but refuses to take medication. I'd like to hear of anyone else's experiences either with dealing with their own ADD/ADHD or their partner's. I just recently found out about my WSO's ADD and I have been educating myself. It explains alot, but is still so frustrating.

Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 1727 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: East Coast
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Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, December 27th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't know where to begin so I'll just say *hello* and thanks for this thread.


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 20487 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
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Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, January 24th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my first time in - I Can Relate. Man - it's a whole big world on this site huh??? LOL I've only been to JFO and General and I hopped on F&G's once. You can really be on this site for hours and hours. lol

I'm glad I worked my way down here.

My has started taking meds for ADD last month. He said it is helping him. He's able to stay more focused. He remembers things more, etc... Lets see if it works!

Posts: 481 | Registered: Oct 2008
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Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, March 11th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was a shock to me to hear my WS admit to beign afflicted with ADD. The revelation came not as am attempt to explain his affair, but to explain why he couln't concentrate very long on job-related tasks, why he is being hounded by bill collectors for late payments, and why he can't seem to get his office area organized. He is quite an egotistical person, so it surprised me to hear him admit to such a serious weakness;I never asked him why he decided to tell me this. Anyway, it was my luck to happen on this thread, and my God, I realized that some of the ADD traits can lead a man to embark recklessly upon an affair that he doesn't realize could have devastating consequences if discovered(impulsiveness is another trait of ADD)It was then, that I could half way come to terms with why my husband did something so completely out of character(he used to say ugly things about men who cheated on their wives)He had never done anything like that(cheating) before..I can't blame the affair solely on his condition, but it does give me some comfort in knowing that it could have played a part. He is now on medication, and I don't know if it will work, but it doesn't excuse him from the pain and heartache the affair has caused.

Me: BS
Him:Sociopath/narcissist who specialized in going after divorcees willing to sleep with a married man

Posts: 169 | Registered: Mar 2009
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Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, May 21st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took the meds for about a month, didn't like the way they made me feel "coming down" in the afternoon. I was really tense, and therefore Bitchy, I can't be that way w/ my job, and it's now who I am.

I am healing from the A, and the ADHD is back under control.....HOWEVER.......I took a good long look at the ADHD symptoms, info I have and instead of applying to my kids, or myself applied it to H, guess what?!?!?
Although I don't think he will ever seek treatment
he is very functional, but there are several things that SCREAM ADD that he does or has done, and I am just doing my best to kindly point these things out.
1. inability to finish a task, he had so many half finished projects i can't even begin to tell you.
2. lying as the easy way out, on even stupid stuff. This goes WAY back in our relationship.
3. Being able to multitask, and do many things in a short period of time.
4. Not being able to sit in front of the TV and just watch it, always needing to be doing more than one thing at a time.

Although there are some bad things associated w/ ADD/ADHD there are good things too. Things that allow most of us to be really successful in life if able to rein it in, and use some simple coping skills.

Just some thoughts.

Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6614 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
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Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, May 21st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm also a poster child for ADD...

I'm 49 so ADD wasn't even a diagnosis when I was a kid... I was simply different from most people and I knew it... I learned to adapt in school and work so that my ADD could be used as an asset...

I do things and think in ways that are odd/different from what others do but I was fortunate enough to find a profession that my skills were atuned to...

In my adult life everyone knows I'm ADD... To me it's not a detriment, it's an asset...

I never knew this was a thread in ICR!


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor

Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
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Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, June 4th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was diagnosed with ADD post D-Day. I am self-employed, and was making so many mistakes, even at 4 months out, that if I had a boss other than myself, I would have been fired. The mistakes were costly and frustrating to me, and in discussing this in IC, the therapist began questioning whether I had ADD, and referred me to a psychiatrist. According to the psychiatrist, many adult ADD-ers get diagnosed after a crisis because we don't have any reserves to fall back on.

I've been on Strattera now for 2-1/2 months and I feel much better. I no longer need to drink an entire pot of coffee in order to function in the morning.

My diagnosis of mild ADD is the one silver lining in the cloud of FWH's A.

BW (me) 54
WH (him) 50
MOW (her) 32
Married 13 years
D-Day 10/30/2008
Trying to R

I've seen this happen in other people's lives
And now it's happening in mine
-"That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore", The Smiths

Posts: 229 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Washington, DC
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Default  Posted: 1:35 AM, July 9th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Diagnosed in second grade. On ritalin until parents took me off cuz I zombied out. Rediagnosed with "dual morbidity" ADHD and OCD by counselor last year. Was going to try Vyvance because it was non-stimulant and I have a narcotics history, but forgot to go to the pyschiatrist appointment
Am the world's worst at forgetting stuff. Have to make lists to get anything done. I swear, I spend time every morning before I start housework making a checklist of what has to be cleaned. My desk at work at the hospital used to look like a nightmare, but if you opened my filing drawers or checked our patient info file room, it was immaculate. I do so much better if there's a system in place for organization. I also alphebatize (sp?) my dvd's, but forget to fold laundry.... Okay, maybe I'm just a ditz lol.

When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes. Dylan Thomas
Divorced-10/23/2009!!!!!! The grass may be greener on the other side, but if you took care of your grass it could be just as green. Anon.

Posts: 688 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Louisiana
utterly broken
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Default  Posted: 3:12 AM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am ADD/social anxiety and my WW is ADHD/bipolar/depressed. I also think I am just a notch or two down the spectrum from having Asperger's syndrome. Our oldest son has been diagnosed with Asperger's since he was 3. He is a somewhat more extreme version of me with his social skills, or lack thereof.

We are quite the combo. WW runs around like a tornado on speed, starting 10 projects at once and making me tired just watching her in action. I struggle to focus on simple daily activities because of the deafening static of overwhelming clutter and unfinished projects in our house. Needless to say, the A isn't helping much with the focus for either of us. We do both want to R, though.

BH (me) 41 yrs
WW 39 yrs
Together over 20 yrs
Married Aug 1994
Two boys 14 and 9 yrs
D-Day 1 June 11, 2009
D-Day 2 Aug 6, 2009
TT Summer 2010?
D-Day 3 April 19, 2011

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: ND
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Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, November 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd like to try to offer some advice. I may not be extremely good at it, but these are some things that help me cope. As I said in my earlier post, my diagnosis is a dual morbidity of adult ADD and mild OCD. What this means is that I can't focus to complete a task (ADD) and I want things a certain way and become overwhelmed if I can't get them that way (OCD).
Some things I've found that help me:
1) Lists, lists, lists. I write absolutely everything down, or I won't remember to do it. My mind jumps so much from topic to topic that stuff just gets lost in there.
2) Break projects into smaller tasks. I do this and when I finish a set number of them, I take a smoke break.
3) I'm a very visual person, so anytime I can make something into a pattern, I do. It helps keep me interested in the project and kind of gives me an ideal about how much I have left to do.

I hope this can help someone. I understand exactly how hard it is to live with this personality type.

When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes. Dylan Thomas
Divorced-10/23/2009!!!!!! The grass may be greener on the other side, but if you took care of your grass it could be just as green. Anon.

Posts: 688 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Louisiana
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Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, November 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Was going to try Vyvance because it was non-stimulant and I have a narcotics history, but forgot to go to the pyschiatrist appointment "


If you have a history of problems with narcotics then its a darn good think you missed that appointment.

There is only ONE non-stimulant medication approved for use with ADHD/ADD and it most certainly is NOT Vyvanse.

The only non-stimulant drug used for ADHD is Straterra. Vyvanse is in fact the king of the croup for stimulants. Vyvanse is Methamphetamine aka but speed just the same.

Apparently, my mother says she knew I was ADHD by age 6. She has Borderline personality disorder and I was her "Golden Child" so I wasn't allowed to have anything wrong with me. She never even told me. I figured it out by the time I was 15 but thought I could just manage it.

When my oldest daughter was diagnosed at age 6, I put her on meds. I decided it wasn't fair to medicate her and not myself so at 28 I started Straterra and finally let someone give me a formal diagnosis.

I had to go off Straterra while pregnant but continued to use it with success during breastfeeding since I was 28, so 5 years now.

This spring, I started having upset stomach from the Straterra. It was still controlling the ADHD but I couldn't take the nausea anymore so I had to switch meds.

I'm still breastfeeding and there are only 3 meds 100% safe to take while breastfeeding. They are Straterra, Ritalin and Concerta. I'm currently on Concerta.

When the baby weans, I'll move to either Adderall or Vyvanse. In a pinch, I have taken both from my daughter before and find they provide much tighter control than the Straterra ever did and the Concerta does now.

And yes, my doctor is aware that I've pinched the child's meds when I was desperate. I can't anymore. She has advanced into a mood disorder like her father.

I suspect if my weight continues to be an issue, I will go with Vyvanse for the appetite suppressent side effect. There are adults getting Vyvanse specifically for weight loss at this point because well...its speed that is legal and will cause major weight loss.

One thing I have discovered is that whole comment about no reserves. Its SOO me right now. My biggest fear when I discovered the As was that I would be incapacitated as a mother. I had my Concerta increased. But, the kids are STILL running circles around me.

I HATE this. I've always been so competent and on the ball. And, in the last 2 months, the name of the game in this house has become "run and hide until mom forgets why she was hollering at you." The kids think its funny. I do not.

I've thrown in the towel. I'm putting 6 kids into public school after Christmas. I tried to put them in already and was told I can't until after the semester because they are homeschoolers and not transfer students. I'm not sure that's legal but that would require a level of focus to research that once again...I can't manage right now!

My plan for the future is to put the kids in school and go back to school for me. I think if I can retreat emotionally for awhile and submerge myself in academics and challenges I can find myself again.

I just don't think I can ever go back to where we've been. Whether he stays or he goes, I lost my focus to homeschool and seem to struggle to figure out how I EVER accomplished it in the first place. Darn good thing the kids were all advanced before the shit hit the fan because they would be so far behind now if they didn't have that to fall back upon.

I have decided I will do much better as a cheerleader for them while they go out into the big wide world and accomplish in a setting where they cannot run circles around me anymore.

FTR, I lost my Concerta Thanksgiving Day, I'm borrowing my dd's old Vyvanse script until I can get to where I can get my Concernta refilled. And yes, I'm a little WIRED this morning. My doctor says I'm 0-60 in 2 seconds on a normal day, so I'm a bit more right now thanks to my little screw-up....which would also explain why the house is getting clean and the kids are not succeeding at the run away games today

BW33, fWH33 (alongroadback),and 8 children.
D-day#1 9/23/09 D-day#2 10/3/09
Sobriety 9/23, R-1/12/10 the work begins...??

Posts: 286 | Registered: Oct 2009
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Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, December 2nd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, here's a word to the wise, careful with Vyvanse.

Oldest dd used Vyvanse for 2 years with great success but it caused her to drop 8lb. Her Psych just put her back on it in combination with Risperdal. He feels the combination will balance the weight issues of both.

I lost my Concerta and tried her old Vyvanse script for one day. That did NOT work well.

While Vyvanse helps her focus and stay alert, I was TRIPPING, as evidenced by my post I expect. For me, Vyvanse works like the speed it is.

Praise the Lord, I found my Concerta script this morning and went back on it today.

When I wean the baby, I'll move to Adderrall which helps me focus better. But, Concerta, like Straterra, requires me to continue to rely upon coping mechanisms but keeps me above water so I'm not non-functional and overwhelmed. Adderrall gives me that clarity where I can focus and feel like a newer and better me. Vyvanse sent me tripping...and then crashing hard.

Vyvanse is methamphetamine.
And, I know the drug reps have started pushing it to doctors really hard again recently. Its been a godsend for my daughter. But she was also just diagnosed with a full blown mood disorder versus just ADHD. So use it with caution. I did NOT have the same response to that stuff that Dd has. I won't be using it ever again.

However, in a pinch, I have tried her Adderrall before when she was on it, and I never had that response to Adderrall. She, otoh, still needs coping mechanisms with Adderrall and doesn't like it the way she does Vyvanse. She got mad I took her off the Vyvanse when she headed into a mood disorder and went over my head with her Psych today to get back on it.

But, she came armed with her journal entries to support her claim that she cannot focus and Psych sided with her and put her back on the Vyvanse. Smart little girl, you'd think I taught her to understand herself and seek help when she needs it.

BW33, fWH33 (alongroadback),and 8 children.
D-day#1 9/23/09 D-day#2 10/3/09
Sobriety 9/23, R-1/12/10 the work begins...??

Posts: 286 | Registered: Oct 2009
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Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, December 5th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wayward spouse has ADHD but isn't on medication, though I believe he should be. He cannot stay on task with most things in life and is very impulsive and often does inappropriate things, that are downright embarrassing at times. He is a HUGE procrastinator. I am encouraging him to relent to medication, as virtually everything in his life is upside down, right now.

I feel so frustrated.

Those who are faithless know the pleasures of love; it is the faithful who know love's tragedies. -- Oscar Wilde

Posts: 7 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: USA
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Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You and I sound alot alike.

I am ADHD and was diagnosed 14 yrs ago when we had them look at my youngest for ADHD. It turns out that my ex, myself and both kids have ADHD in various degrees. The ex is no longer my concern other than in regards to his infrequent visits. I know that he is forgetful and doesn't always take his meds. I found that out when my youngest had a visit with him last year and the child acting out made the ex snap and he slapped him causing my son to freak and ended up in ER because he was so out of control.

I have SADD as well and it tends to overshadow the ADHD and lately has been making it difficult to impossible to cope. I am getting little done because I am now in overwelmed and have a house full of unfinished projects. The kids are stuggling with behaviour and I often end up dealing with that and get very little else done because I am so wrung out.

I am currently taking St. John's wart and it has been helping me be more calm and not feeling so overwelmed but little for the focus and motivation. My house is a wreck and I am having a hard time knowing where to start. Kind of the yearly slide into hell I live through. I wish I could make it stop because I see the crash coming and can't seem to stop it.

The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.

A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
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Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, December 10th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting to read the above bec. FWW has Adult ADHD, SAD, Major D and a little OCD to boot. Also a bordeline mother ...

"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 20487 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
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Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, December 13th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Something to think about for those whose SO refuses to take meds.

My son has never been officially diagnosed with ADD/ADHD but when we read the symptoms it was quite an eye-opener. He was 6 at the time.

We didn't want to put him on meds right away and I searched the internet for other alternatives. What I found was the Feingold Foundation. They advocate diet as oppposed to medications. Don't get me wrong, if my son had needed (or will someday need) medications we will get it for him. But a dietary change was kind of a no-harm first step. If we didn't see improvement then we would have gone to our doctor. And the effects of the diet would go away as soon as we stopped.

Well, the changes were noticable with three weeks of starting. My WH and I even lost weight. It essentially removes artifical flavors, colors and preservatives, and natural foods that contain salacylic acid.

I'm not one of those people that refuses to take medicine. But we wanted to give our son another option that didn't involve meds if we could. We've been very happy with the results. As he has grown older (he is 9 now) he is able to tolerate more of the "bad" foods. But there are some things that will always set him off and he may never be able to eat them without nasty side effects.

Something to consider.

Me(BS)-45; Him (FWH)-43 (baxtersbff)
M - 20 years
DD - 16; DS -12
D-day #1: 8/12/07; D-day #2: 11/18/07; D-day #3 5/26/2010
Real R Begins - 5/27/2010

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