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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs X I I I
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, November 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry the day didnt work out, Whatnow.
Dont give up.Plan another one..soon!
Btw, how very rude for the day care to not inform the parents.If they cant call all the parents, can they not introduce a chain call system, so each person calls the next? Humpf!

I just don't know when/how to end that....or if the extra stuff I feel that I need is even helpful

It will come, Whatnow, in time. There are no short cuts or quick fixes. However, a 100% remorseful, fully committed, consistent, owning-their-crap WS would make the time go faster (and easier).

Off to bed now..and hopefully no more dreams.These EMDR sessions have been bringing out some really vivid dreams, and all I want to do is sleep.


Good night all.
Sweet dreams.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, November 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The proverbial shit hit the fan tonight when one of the therapists called me back. She swears she will know the first visit if we can save our M. Doesn't that sound kind of presumptuous? I liked the idea of her "direct approach", no touchy feely stuff, but to be able to make that appraisal so quickly... not even give us a chance?

The good news... the therapist my IC recommended.. H said "I see you dismissed the guy right out of hand." Ahh, playing right into my plan.

I am intrigued though. H heard the conversation and all he said was "is she married?" That is his only priority. That no one can solve marriage problems without being married. So I'll call her back and make an appt if she is married.

I told H we could see two and decide then. I just can't see him liking someone who confronts him immediately, comes on too strong. But I could be wrong. He retreated into his "cave" right after a huge blow up. Which included him telling me he didn't have time to talk to therapists and interview them but I do because "you sit around here doing fn'g nothing all day long."

Tomorrow I'm going to ask him if he wants to stay married or he just wants things his way.

[This message edited by weepy at 9:30 PM, November 11th (Tuesday)]


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
UnbearablySadd
♀ Member
Member # 18150
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, November 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long is long enough to define a long term affair?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGQd8M5t4Ao&NR=1

it's all about James Hunter, now ;)

And here's the 180 link:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=256092


Posts: 1379 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: This side of R that side of S
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:17 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadd - Around the 2yr mark seems to be classified as ďlong termĒ.
Anything we can help you with?

Got my IC soon. Better get my face on and hope i don't cry it off! Wish me luck.

FWH texted me about 100 X's at 2am. WHY is he doing the same with me as he did with her??? Part of me quite likes it, the other part wonders why he didn't do it for me before which then pisses me off. Is he just transferring a habit or addiction? Is this how he gets his validation? Does it smack of desperation? WTF does it mean? Ideas?


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:29 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me again, before I dash out.
((HUGS)) UKG. I wish your days were full of smiles.

Thanks WN. But yesterday was a baaaad day which I managed to get through with just a small vent to OW in my journal. It was their 30th wedding anni . Rosemary is for Remembrance Ė it was Remembrance Day and I had to endure Remembrance Sunday too which was the day she turned up on the doorstep. I supposed it was some sort of romantic idea to get married on that day. Of course, FWH was with her one time that I know of on HER annni. What a lovely gesture. Her BH was away, so her OM stepped into his shoes and slipped into his bed. I said I hoped she had a shit day and that she would never get over her self inflicted broken heart.

The proverbial shit hit the fan tonight when one of the therapists called me back. She swears she will know the first visit if we can save our M. Doesn't that sound kind of presumptuous?

Wait and see, weepy. But a statement like that would cause me to be guarded. Doesnít sound like a good start.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 4:30 AM, November 12th (Wednesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I donít recognise myself. I am not who I was. I cannot do anything because I donít know who Iím doing it for or why. Iím frightened to act on anything in case it is misconstrued or wrong. I barely open my mouth these days for fear of looking stupid. I think I am so bad and horrible that my H couldnít stand to be with me and thatís why he had an affair. That he was constantly comparing me to OW and I was coming up short - after all, she has a better degree and an interesting job and she was such interesting fucking company. That nothing I have done I in my life has any value. That people are stupid to think well of me or like me or, heaven forbid, love me. I have stopped doing so much or be spontaneous because itís what H wanted to do or did with OW. Shopping together is so fucking hard. I hate hotels. I donít want him to watch me in the gym. I canít do Christmas. I canít finish the decorating let alone start another project. I donít even want to have another dog after this one dies. I havenít drunk Champagne since dday (we used to drink it to NOT celebrate anything), I havenít given H a massage since I met with OW, H has not been clothes shopping with me (he used to tell her what I had bought), I donít laugh at his jokes (she thought he was soooo witty), I donít like playing pool or darts (I bet she was rubbish). She knew so much about my life and she wanted to replace me so badly. She even though she could. H used to tell her he was the man he was (ha-fucking-ha) as a result of his life with me. Well, I donít want that life anymore, but I have nothing to replace it with unless I choose a future without FWH. And I donít want that either.

I hear that UK, all of it. I would like to tell you how much I hate the OW in your lifefor all that she has done to hurt you and how angry I am at your husband for being such a stupid, stupid man.

I am glad you are going to a new IC because you need someone to give you a hand to hold onto while you stabilize yourself and begin to remember just who and what you are. I don't know how to tell you to do that, but I have confidence that the IC will see that and help.

One thing I do know is that you have to uncouple yourself not only from your husband (talking in the abstract here) but from the OW as well. She is not a yardstick for measuring anything at all that is good or decent or should be retained. You must stop thinking of yourself in terms of her or of him. She is dung stuck on the shoe of your life. Scrape her off and go get yourself a new pair of Ferragamos.

As for him, he is like all of us, both good and bad, lovable and likeable and dislikable and hate-able. But what he is not, is you. You are your own person and you've got to learn to be that again -- next to him perhaps but apart from him, too.

I know you are struggling to see yourself and I well remember how painful that time is. So, let me tell you about the UK I've come to know. First of all, I've seen your pictures and you are quite a pretty woman. You know that, I think, so I'll leave it at that. Let me go on to tell you about the you I've come to know and the one I've seen flashes of over these many months of conversation.

First and foremost, I see a woman with a heart. One who gives to all, takes little for herself. A doer, a creator, a nurturer. Someone who does what needs to be done with a minimum of fuss, and yet a woman of style, one with wit and charm. An educated woman who does not flaunt her knowledge and perhaps who doesn't even credit herself for being as accomplished as she is.

I realize that little of that will sink in or be believed while you are in your current frame of mind. But I just wanted you to know that one person sees you this way and prays that your new IC will help you learn to see yourself this way, too. Because it is no longer about what your husband does or does not do, it is what you are able to do for yourself. I have faith that you will care enough about yourself to work hard on changing your attitude about who you are and what you have and can accomplish in the world. Once you begin measuring yourself by your own yardstick rather than someone else's your feeling of peace and serenity will expand exponentially. It is a feeling like nothing you will ever know any other way. I ardently wish that for you, UK, and know that you will get there without any doubt. You are an incredibly powerful woman, UK. Use that power to change your life.

[This message edited by BorrowTrouble at 7:32 AM, November 12th (Wednesday)]


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the thoughts on my sons. Especially to you Weepy for sharing that about your kids.

I take son number one to the neurologist for tests today and H takes son number two tomorrow. Prayers appreciated.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((BT))))

Just wanted to send my thoughts and prayers for you and your sons today.

Lovin


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BT - Keeping you and your sons in my thoughts.

UKG - check in later and let us know how it went. P.S. makeup before therapy is a waste of time and effort (not to mention makeup)....I always cry it all off.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BT- That was so true of UKG and so sweet of you to write out.

Sending positive thoughts your way BT.

I'm tired....feeling depressed I guess. Driving into work thinking how I hate my life, hate that I have to do this everyday. Feeling pitiful & pathetic.

I was journaling last night, wrote about how I had driven past OW#1's house yesterday (doesn't happen often) and I thought I should check her & her boyfriends (the "friend") myspace pages to see if she had delivered her baby. Bad choice...bad, bad, bad. Why did I go there? I had texted WH earlier in the evening suggesting sex, but of course my mood was lost...and then I felt bad for letting WH down. Anyways....I sat and thought about her happy pregnancy picture that was displayed and how WH never took ONE f'in picture of me when I was pregnant with DS#2, all when OW#2 was living with us- I asked him numerous times, but he never got around to it of course. Then I thought about her lovely new baby & all those memories....and the loss I feel around the memories of my babies & my delivery. Then I sat & looked at her smiling face, bautiful hair, fake boobs, beautiful smile & teeth and imagined them having sex- imagined her excitement, her huge sex drive with WH, the kinky sex they had, her giving him oral, OMG......why do I do this to myself? I've been dying since.


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatnow,

I know it is hard to believe now, but there will come a time when you are able to pick those lovely memories of yours out from the ruins that your husband created in your life. You'll have to just trust me on this because there is no way I can prove it to you. Those good times and lovely memories are not gone. They will live again, I promise.

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Whatnow))) Oh, I could just feel you sliding down that slope. Stop yourself. Your brain is not ready to go there yet. I believe BT is right, you will be able to access those memories again b/c they will someday be so much stronger than anything she can tarnish.

I've been going back to bed after I send the kids off to school. I work twice a week, so those days I don't but otherwise I have. Sometimes until noon. I stayed up today and I feel better. Like I'm not hiding. One small victory at a time right?


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BT. I donít know what to say.Thank you. Your words made me cry. Jeez, I have wept enough tears for several lifetimes these last two years. I think it comes from having given myself so completely and feel I have been duped and made a fool of. And a lot of the sadness is because I miss what I thought we had. FWH says we did have it and can find it again, but I know we canít. I hate what he has done so much and it really doesnít help when he says none of this is my fault, he refuses to lay any blame with me.

I know everyone here knows how it is when you cant get out of that pit or whatever. I can hear the encouraging words, but itís like I have mufflers on or something. Iím disconnected from everything and everyone around me. H says how sorry he is and how much he loves me and how he wants to see me happy again but I canít feel it. And now he thinks I am moving away from him. He finished work at 6.30 and is driving for four or five hours to come home tonight. Before, of course, he would have stayed away. I honestly think I would be in a better place if he had announced he wanted a divorce instead of confessing to an affair and saying that he loved me. I would have HAD to pull myself up by my bootstraps and done what I do best Ė organise and get on with it.

Right now I have no power. My batteries are so low, all I can do is get through the day. I need to get strength from somewhere. Oh God, I have never felt like this in my life. Other survivors I know iRL didnít seem to still be so bad after over two years Ė or are they as good as me at putting on the act? Fucking hell. Serves me right for being so fucking complacent.

But thank you for taking the time to write that out. I wish there was a real corner with soft sofas we could go to instead of cyber-rooms to mull things over and put right the wrongs of the world. I hope those test results were what you were looking for. Please donít blame yourself!
*****
WN Ė You WILL have those memories for you. Your baby, your child, your love. She was just a willing participant with no sense of right and wrong. And she will see the karma bus when her bf does the same to her. She may be beautiful on the outside, but sheís ugly as sin on the inside. Her bf will see that one day.
*****
I had my IC with a new counsellor and Iím not sure it will work. Half of the trouble is I donít know what I want from it other than to stop feeling this bad and have some sense of direction. Right now there seems to be no point to anything. She is a ďPerson-Centred counsellor" with mental health nursing qualifications and she deals with low self esteem among other issues. This ďperson-centredĒ stuff seemed to be me prattling on about FWH and his issues while she listened. But it was only the first appt, I made another for next week. Iíll decide then if sheís any good. I was pretty shattered when I left. I started to cry afew times, but it was okay.

The one Iím seeing Friday is an ďAccredited Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy with 23 years counselling experienceĒ She was my first choice. So weíll see.

Thanks for the support. (((((Tribe)))))


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are an incredibly powerful woman, UK. Use that power to change your life

Well said, BT.

****

((((Whatnow)))))

The good memories will come back, WN. You will be able to sift through the rubble and pick out all the nuggets one day...you'll see.

Word of caution (learned the hard way):
Try not promise sex at this time; it sets both of you. HE will feel letdown and you will feel like you have failed. I know that at that moment, you really want to, but the rollercoaster is such a strange machine and you never know where your heart is going to be in an hour or two. So rather jump him when he is around (a very pleasant surprise, I'm sure), and if he is not, keep the thought to yourself.

****
Weepy, that MC sounds pretty arrogant to me. Hoping the next one is a better fit.

Same to you too, Ukg.

By the way, Ukg, do you think your H is trying to romance you? Remember how you mentioned a while ago that you wished that he would woo you like he did her (I hope i am not confusing you with soemone else ), and that you wanted a grand gesture...maybe this is what he is trying to do..win you back.

***

BT,
All the best with the testing.

***
Life here in the LH house continues to perplex me, and I try hard not to fall into an anxiety pit.

H still hasnt given me the passwords to emails etc and said he will do that when he is ready. he has also stopped checking in. Said that proved nothing and that I was welcome to call him anytime. Said that he will be deleting the keylogger. Said that he will no longer be scrutinised or checked on. That if I dont believe him by now, then nothing can change that. That he had given me access to his life not because he had to, but because he wanted to. Now that I have abused that and used that to control him, he has withdrawn that and has no intention of doing that again (as far as he can see).
says that if i dont like it, then I should call the M off, but he will no longer be disrespected by having his life examined or all his movements checked.

Right.

And my chiropractor tonight wanted to know why my body was so tense.

looks like we are letting go of each other....
watch this space.

****

((((Tribe)))))


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so negligent in posting here although I do read and keep my SI family in my prayers, esp. LTA tribe.

BTI know it is late in the day but I'm sending my prayers for you, your H and your sons as well as the doctors caring for your sons.
Thank you so much for your wisdom and uplifting posts to the tribe.


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost Ė have you seen those short vids on loveandrespect.com that fnf posted a while back? Thereís one on respect. It's in the free movies section. Maybe you could use some of those words and phrases to get what you want? Your H does come over as soooo controlling, or perhaps itís that he doesnít want to share, which shows a kind of insecurity imo. I mean, you havenít ďabusedĒ any trust. He was the one who did that!!
H still hasnt given me the passwords to emails etc and said he will do that when he is ready.

I just donít understand where he is coming from. What does he mean ďwhen he is readyĒ?!?!

and that you wanted a grand gesture...

I want him to do something that I would normally organise. I want him to do something that he would never have thought of doing with MOW. I want something truly romantic, like a week in Mauritius or Martinique or even a weekend in ÖÖ Actually, having said that, I hate hotels now, so Iím not sure what would be good. He canít propose, buy me jewellery, take me for dinner, take me to a country hotel, walk in the park, browse in a bookshop, have a costa coffee, cook me a special dinner, give me chocolates (got some unopened from last week), buy me perfume, take me to the theatre, write me a letter. Whatís left? Cosmetic surgery, I guess. Doesnít come much grander that tossing away 10 grand on a gesture, does it?

keep my SI family in my prayers, esp. LTA tribe.

Just to ditto that. I donít do prayers, but yíall kwim.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry I haven't been around but I've been helping with my grandson and DD who have been under the weather.
LH - I'm sorry your H seems to be a bit confused about who it is that has been abused. I don't understand where he is coming from or why he thinks putting you on the defensive is in the best interest of your M. I do hope this move into your own home will help him to see all that you can have together if he will only work harder to R with you for the benefit of your M and your family. (((LH)))
UKG - Hugs to you too. I will be anxious to hear how this other IC works for you. As an aside, I was wondering if you would be more inclined to enjoy a bed and breakfast inn or renting a beautiful cottage by the sea since you are so opposed to staying in a hotel. My H and I have this very special B & B Inn that we go to that is ours alone. We also rent a home on the beach during the summer that is special to us and is not infected with OW memories. Is there some other option for the two of you that won't be tainted?
See if you can't come up with something that doesn't bring up negative associations for you. You have to find that special place that is just yours alone. (((UKG)))
BT - beautiful post to UKG.
WN - What can I say to make you feel better? Only that in time those images do fade. My H's OW was disgusting and it's so hard for me to understand what the attraction was for him. I know she was willing to do things that I was not, but she was really such a lowly creature that I can't believe he stooped to that just for sex. I honestly believe that for most of these men, it was the absolute adoration that they craved and it didn't matter if they were beautiful or ugly, fat or thin, smart or stupid, just that the OW were in awe of them and were unable to see the sad and messed up people that our FWS's really were.
As tough as it is, and believe me I know, try not to let those images invade your mind. None of it was real and these images only cause pain. If I do let myself go there, it makes me ill and I do believe it makes my H ill as well. Nothing can be gained by tormenting ourselves with these images and if our goal is to survive this mess, then we have to work very hard at focusing on our progress not on the sick and twisted years wasted on these OW. (((WN)))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UK,

I was just writing up an assessment of a woman who I believe has major depressive disorder. Here are the relevant symtoms for a depressive episode (must last at least two weeks, but in practice usually lasts months.) You need five of these to meet criteria for a diagnosis.

1.Feelings of sadness that last all day
2.Decreased interest in pleasure in most activities
3.Weight change
4.Insomnia
5.Psychomotor agitation or retardation every day
6.Fatigue or loss of energy
7.Feelings of worthlessness and excessive guilt
8.Diminished ability to concentrate/indecisiveness
9.Recurrent thoughts of death or outright suicide ideations.

From what you've told us, you meet most of these, as did most of us at some point through this process. I hope that the IC on Friday does a real assessment on you and sends you to an MD for some anti-d's in addition to doing therapy.

And one other piece of advice that comes from the psychiatrist I am working with.

You can lie to your spouse, to your parents, to your children, to your boss, to your friends, but never lie to your shrink. And don't hide anything either. They can't help if you don't tell them everything.

BT

***********
FNF, what's wrong with your sister?


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
UnbearablySadd
♀ Member
Member # 18150
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadd - Around the 2yr mark seems to be classified as ďlong termĒ.
Anything we can help you with?

Thank you, UK, my WH's A doesn't qualify. (well the one or two he had on me - as opposed to the 20 year one on his XW).


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGQd8M5t4Ao&NR=1

it's all about James Hunter, now ;)

And here's the 180 link:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=256092


Posts: 1379 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: This side of R that side of S
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:45 AM, November 13th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning all.

Re my H, I dont know where he is coming from, or what is going on in his head. He said that he is tired of being beat up for what he did; thats it 2 years later and I am still on about it; that he is not cheating, has proved that he is committed to this family and has worked hard on changing...and if that is not good enough for me, then theres the door....

After a brief moment of insanity this morning, I realise he is right. I think he has tried the best that he can, that coming from a purely selfish self indulgent world to where is now, is a huge change and most definetly couldnt have been easy. However, the question is whether that is enough for us/me.

So I will carry on trying to rebuild myself and creating a new world for myself and the kids. I will get stronger. I will work on not being paraniod about him cos at the end of the day, I can not control him, nor am I responsible for his choices. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS CHOICES.

If he is "up to something" or building up a platform where it would be easier for him to do something...so be it.

He will end up the loser.

And per chance he is "not up something", and is truly committed to this family and M, but is just finding it challenging to make the adjustments, then time will tell.

Does any of this make sense? I am just tired of running around this merry go round with him. I need to get off this ride. Only I have control over that.

So this weekend is the big move and my internet connection is going to be cut off for a week.Yikes!

***

Ukg, hope today goes well.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Topic Posts: 1000
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