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User Topic: Spouses/Partners Of Sex Addicts
newdaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 10467
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love

If he is having a problem because things are not working as they should, I do not think that really falls under sexual anorexia.

It seems that he is still acting out in other ways, so not having sex with you doesn't seem to be due to sexual anorexia...it seems it is due to his other activities.


Me BS 39
Him WS 40, SLA,LTA and many other PAs and EAs
M 20 years, now separated



Posts: 396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: SE PA
gibby
♀ New Member
Member # 12225
Question  Posted: 11:25 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

maybe this is the better forum for this question about serial cheaters and the powerful force of sexual fantasy...

could use some insight here from those of you have been serial cheaters and are trying hard to change your ways.
H and I separated for almost a year. he wanted to get divorced.
i could never figure out what his demons were, but i knew he had some mighty ones.
we have been reconciling for over 2 years. he started to come clean about 6 months in about his history/pattern of infidelity.
things have been generally good. for the first time, i do think my H is starting to understand about "love" and about "caring about someone else"......more than about "meeting his needs".

there have been 3 (what i consider to be) MAJOR blips along the way.
first one, was about 9 months in when he went out on the town with a woman he was travelling with...they closed the bars together....they even called me from one of the bars to say hi.....
we had a MAJOR BLOWUP and i explained that, i thought that was totally unacceptable and wreckless/dangerous behavior--for any married person, but especially one with his history.

second one. i was out of the country and he took a (much younger) woman (that he had "lusted" after for quite some time) for drinks and dinner. i found out. again, another confrontation. he was "caught". he continued to insist it was "nothing", but i don't believe him. i'm pretty sure he tried to get her to go to bed with him and she rebuffed him (as she had done before). after some time, he agreed that taking a young woman out for drinks and dinner was wreckless and dangerous......he said, no more.....

#3. i found out that just a few months ago he started posting on adult internet sites advertising for no strings attached sex. i confronted him. he went ballistic because i had snooped......then (after a few days), he calmed down, said he was ashamed and embarassed. that he had never logged on to look for answers. i told him that he had lied to me so many times before (while looking me straight in the eyes)...that i would never know if he was telling the truth...no matter how much i wanted to believe him. i told him i thought he needed help (poor choice of words)........very defensive about the notion that this problem might be bigger than him.......but, he did confide that, over time, sexual fantasy had taken on an increasingly powerful role in his life. that it was two steps forward, one step back.

here's the deal. i love this man. i believe he loves me....but, i also don't think that has anything to do with his need to constantly bed/fantasize about younger women.

i look great for my age. (people have thought i was one of his kids!)...but, i am not getting any younger and never will again be 25 or 35......

anyway, our MC/IC says that he thinks there is hope as long as my H continues to come in for counseling with me. my H will do that, but only with the understanding that it is for the purpose of learning to create intimacy with me...

so, anyone out there have a hopeful story to relate about reconciling with a serial cheater/sexual fantasy addict? or are the endings pretty dismal??


me:52 (CLUELESS)
him:53 (several long term affairs interspersed with one night stands for the 28 years of our M; sexual fantasy is a crutch for him)
married:30 years
kids:3
separated: 6/05
reconciling since: 3/06

Posts: 16 | Registered: Oct 2006
ScribblingMum
♀ Member
Member # 20097
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

gibby...

IMHO, counseling alone ain't gonna do it...he is a SEX ADDICT & needs specialized counseling for THAT issue to get at the root of his issues...

He needs account. groups and especially SA (12 Steps)...
Have you tried support in S-anon or similar groups for you?

[This message edited by ScribblingMum at 12:46 PM, July 21st (Monday)]


~ScribblingMum~
D-D 1: 12/23/06 - Porn (dd bust him on-line)
D-D 2: 4-25-08 - Massage P.'s(new act. in pretend recov.)
D-D 3:9-9-08 Caught call m. girl
D-Day 4: 6/30/09 -: free MP g.f./prost.
D-Day 5: 1-10-10: new mp prost's.
~DONE!


Posts: 1529 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: S .CALIF.
newdaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 10467
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gibby

I have to agree with ScribblingMum, your H apprears to show the signs of a Sex Addicts.

Has he told the IC/MC that he is ashamed and embarassed by his own behavior? Does the IC know the extent of his sexual fantasy? If he does and he thinks it is going to be solved with MC, then your H needs to find a new IC.

A Sex Addict needs a lot more than MC where they learn intimacy with their spouse. Been there, done that - it does not work.

Your H needs to find a counselor that specializes in SA and start working with them and start a program as well.

If a SA admits there is a problem, is willing to work on the problem and do what is necessary to recover, there can be a better and happier life.

If an addict is not willing to change and enter recovery, nothing will get better. Addictions work on cycles...each up needs to be just a little bit higher than the last and each low is going to be just a little lower than the one before.


Me BS 39
Him WS 40, SLA,LTA and many other PAs and EAs
M 20 years, now separated



Posts: 396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: SE PA
PTRN
♀ Member
Member # 19730
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is 7years out there posting? Not to seem stalker-y, but she was really helpful to me when I first visited, and in the last posts I remember seeing, she seemed down.

Just checking to make sure she is OK. Or rather, as "OK" as any of us dealing with this crap can be.


Posts: 214 | Registered: Jun 2008
LisaP
♀ Member
Member # 15088
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting turn of events in my household. Now, I am taking note of EVERYTHING!

After my last post, FWS started leaving his laptop at work. I posted that I found SEVERAL porn sites, web cam sites, etc on his computer. Along with that, I found he was on SI and another site I visit. With that, I know his pattern. He read my post and he knows he has been caught, so lets *try* and stop the behavior. But he won't talk about it or even consider bringing it up!

Because of this, his mood has shifted. He is being deprived his nightly porn visits! I don't like spending time with him because he is, well, moody! Having sex has become his priority. His appetite for it has increased. He is again turning conversations *jokingly* into sexual references. He may start to act out in other ways. Gamble, go out drinking, who knows. He'll find his excuses and reasons. But, I am fully aware of his patterns! He is too...but he is afraid to admit it! He feels like a failure.

I really need to sit down and discuss all this with him. I didn't when I discovered all the porn because we were leaving for camping. We are getting ready for another vacation and more camping....the entire summer is booked with fun. I hate this! Why can't he just step up and take care of himself??


ETA: I do not know if my FWS is an SA or not. But, his behaviors do indicate that there is something there. Porn sites, A and prostitutes. These are the big indicators...but, until he is ready to see the big picture....what do I do??

[This message edited by LisaP at 7:05 PM, July 21st (Monday)]


Me BS

Divorced!

~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown


Posts: 2160 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Oregon
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gibby,

I do think there's hope, but it has to come from the addict -- in the form of admitting he has a problem and wants to recover and is willing to what it takes: counselling, 12-step groups, and learning to deal with triggers.
My husband and I are doing really well -- but he's the one who told ME he had a problem, found a counsellor who deals with SA and is going to a 12-step group, along with reading and doing an audio program that his counsellor got him. He hit bottom and realized he was out of control and knew that he would lose me and his kids (or at least complete access to them) if he didn't get it together. Other than that, I don't know how hopeful the situation can be. There seems to be a lot of people hanging on by their fingernails waiting for their spouse to admit their problem...and do something about it.

And LisaP -- I'd be inclined to put fun on the back burner and address this head on. It's unacceptable and leaves you in a lousy situation with a miserable spouse. Figure out your own boundaries and spell them out to him. The sneaking around, the "elephant in the room" that no-one will talk about...isn't pushing your relationship forward at all. It's tough, I know. But my advice is to take some time to become clear on what you want, then insist on it. An addict will give themselves any excuse they can...


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
gibby
♀ New Member
Member # 12225
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your H needs to find a counselor that specializes in SA and start working with them and start a program as well.

our MC does specialize in sexual addiction. (one of the reasons I chose him)

there are NO 12 step SLA programs where I live (i've double checked)

so, with no 12 step programs and an H who has just begun to acknowledge he has a "problem" (he called it a "crutch")...

well, that is where i am....

any ideas, given the reality of the situation/the place i am living in?


me:52 (CLUELESS)
him:53 (several long term affairs interspersed with one night stands for the 28 years of our M; sexual fantasy is a crutch for him)
married:30 years
kids:3
separated: 6/05
reconciling since: 3/06

Posts: 16 | Registered: Oct 2006
pebbles
♀ Member
Member # 13870
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PTRN

7 got put down on another thread by someone who is also married to an SA. He thinks that too many people are being diagnosed as SA that shouldn't be. She hasn't been on here much since.

Gibby

If there isn't a CSAT or groups to help your WH then an IC who specializes in SA is better than nothing. He needs to be in counseling alone to work thru this.

We miss you 7. You have helped people here and we need you.


me: BS
Dday 7/23/05
This former rock has been blasted into a mound of pebbles.

Posts: 1283 | Registered: Mar 2007
newdaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 10467
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gibby

anyway, our MC/IC says that he thinks there is hope as long as my H continues to come in for counseling with me.

Does he go to counseling alone at all or just with you? He needs to work on things alone with the IC. You won't be able to address your M issues until he has make progress on himself. Dealing with the why of his ways is something he needs to work on, not you. I would not think that he is being totally honest and open with the IC about that if you are sitting right there.

If there are no available 12 step programs in your area, perhaps he can begin working the 12 step program with his IC. They can work each step through. There are also phone and online meetings avaialbe. Maybe he can look into those.

my H will do that, but only with the understanding that it is for the purpose of learning to create intimacy with me...

Is this what your counselor is working on with you, creating intimacy? Does the IC/MC address any of the SA issues? Has the IC/MC addressed the family of origin issues, shame, dysfunction, obsession of the acting out, powerlessness, triggers for the addict, withdraw, bottomlines or boundaries?

I went to IC /MC with my H for a long time. Many times I beleive that the acting out was in a remission. We never dealt with any of these issues i mentioned above. The MC was working on typical M issues. It was all for naught because the base issues of SA were never addressed and there was no plan in place to address the acting out when the cycle of addiction came back around.

It was heartbreaking for me when the acting out would start again. I was so focused on working on us, I failed to take care of me and prepare for the reality of the addiction.

Just sharing my experience.


Me BS 39
Him WS 40, SLA,LTA and many other PAs and EAs
M 20 years, now separated



Posts: 396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: SE PA
newdaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 10467
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lisa

Until your husband is ready to admit that there is a problem, the only thing you can do is take care of yourself.

As Eternaloptimist said, figure out what you want, set boundaries and consquences.

It is a tough place to find yourself.


Me BS 39
Him WS 40, SLA,LTA and many other PAs and EAs
M 20 years, now separated



Posts: 396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: SE PA
gibby
♀ New Member
Member # 12225
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

went to IC /MC with my H for a long time. Many times I beleive that the acting out was in a remission. We never dealt with any of these issues i mentioned above. The MC was working on typical M issues. It was all for naught because the base issues of SA were never addressed and there was no plan in place to address the acting out when the cycle of addiction came back around.

It was heartbreaking for me when the acting out would start again. I was so focused on working on us, I failed to take care of me and prepare for the reality of the addiction.

Yup. I totally relate. That is what has just happened to me---things were going great until i found out H was "acting out" by posting on swinging adult sites....acckkk!!!!

well, the MC/IC plan is for us to come in for a joint counseling session and for IC to suggest solo sessions for H and IC....IC is an experienced sexual addiction counselor...i trust him......but, if my H does not want to get help, then, all bets are off....

i think one of the hardest things about this "addiction" is how it is lumped in with all sorts of deviant behavior---rapists, pedophiles etc........it makes it even more difficult (as if it isn't difficult enough already) for an individual to go there...i would guess admitting to being a "sex addict" carries a lot more baggage than being an alcoholic........

so, right now, i am okay with my H recognizing that sexual fantasy is a "crutch"....if that will get him to seek help.....


me:52 (CLUELESS)
him:53 (several long term affairs interspersed with one night stands for the 28 years of our M; sexual fantasy is a crutch for him)
married:30 years
kids:3
separated: 6/05
reconciling since: 3/06

Posts: 16 | Registered: Oct 2006
LisaP
♀ Member
Member # 15088
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the responses.

As Eternaloptimist said, figure out what you want, set boundaries and consquences.

I understand this, until you have to set consequences. Exactly how do you tell a SA *no porn*...or I'm out of here. If he is an addict, this is not something they stop overnight. If he is truely an addict, he has to admit it before he can even begin the process of recovering. I thought I was ONLY dealing with an A and a man with the sexual mind of a 15 year old! I have NO WAY to really monitor him. I have learned his patterns by moods. I have learned he is a liar. I have learned he will hurt me, our M and our family. I have learned he will allow himself and our M to hit rock bottom before he does anything to try and save it! I have to solely rely on his honesty and my trust in him....which is none!

So how do you begin to set consequences? I thought it was clear that like the rest of the SI world, if you cheat, I'm gone. Well, not only did he have an A, he hired prostitutes. The A opened up so much more and I have no clue what else there is!

I realize we need to have this talk...I just have 2 little ones who do not deserve to go thru another summer of hell. Last summer was Dday. We kept them out of it as best we could, but they knew. We planned and scheduled out the entire summer this year. I refuse to let him destroy this summer....again! I need and want to have this talk, and I will. I just need to figure out how to approach it. How to deal with it. Where to go with it. This is not the first time I talked to him about it. March was the first time. He talked his way out of it....as usual. You know, "I look at it sometimes." Well, I just learned the truth because I checked his laptop. He went further underground with it. I do not know how far in he is. I have to assume it's bad.

Starting to ramble....sorry! Thank you for the support and advice. I do appreciate it. I'm having a difficult time recovering from the A and getting hit with this is really doing a number....


Me BS

Divorced!

~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown


Posts: 2160 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Oregon
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LisaP,

I well remember thinking I was "only" dealing with an affair, only to be told that his sexual addiction had been part of our entire relationship. Shocking, to say the least.
I guess my fear for you is that if you don't become clear on what you will and won't tolerate, you're destined to live in this limbo-land -- where you don't really know what he's doing, he's not being honest and you're in a holding pattern.
You could make getting help part of your requirements. While you could make "no porn, no sex outside marriage...etc." part, too, it does put you in the position of either trusting (ha!) or monitoring, neither of which really works for you. You need to feel empowered and that will only happen when you decide what you will and won't tolerate. You could say, "If if find out you lied to me, I will file for divorce." You could ask (I read of one woman who did) him to sign a document that said that if he cheats on you with anyone (and you can define "cheat") that you get sole ownership of the home (or something like that). It seems to me that he needs clear consequences. It's easy for an addict to justify their behaviour in that "no-one is getting hurt." But they're hurting themselves, not to mention their families. And that's hard to face...but needs to be faced if there's any hope for recovery.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this -- especially with two little kids. I have three kids and the prospect of leaving was hell...but I know that I will NEVER go through that again.
Hang in there...


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
Whoknew?
♀ Member
Member # 9270
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good heavens! Why is it SO hard for us to set boundries? I've told my WH over and over that I don't like/want him going to porn sites (that's finally stopped, I think), escort sites, or personals like Craigslist. He used to say he didn't know I didn't want him doing that. (Either he doesn't listen to me or he was lying. I'm betting on the latter.) Now he just does it. I've been in and out of our guest room so many times I feel like I should keep my clothes in a suitcase!

I think he's got the message that if he EVER has any sort of physical contact with another woman, our M is over and one of us is gone.

Several days ago, I checked his cell phone and discovered that he'd been on Craigslist. I told him it was on the screen when I picked the phone up. (It was a lie, but I don't want him to know that I've started checking his cell phone.) His reponse? "I haven't contacted anyone." Like that's supposed to make everything okay? Well, everyday since then, he's checked out the Craigslist prostitute list.

We have family coming for the weekend, but as soon as they're gone, it's back to the guest room for me. Until he gets help (and he doesn't seem to think he has a problem), I'm staying there. Sort of an inhouse separation.

Eternaloptimist is right when she said that without boundries and consequences we're doomed to a life in limbo. I hate it. But after 39 years of marriage I can't imagine living without him.


Posts: 85 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Florida
LisaP
♀ Member
Member # 15088
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Eternaloptimist...

I know I need to do this and I will. I just need to get my thoughts straight. My emotions in check. I need to do this the right way. I do not want to send him further underground or worse, into another one of what I feel is his addictions! I do not want to send mixed signals or not follow through with my consequences. I need to make sure I am consistent. He needs to fully understand my intentions and my requirements. I need him to fully understand that this is not a game, there is no turning back, it is what it is.

I guess my fear for you is that if you don't become clear on what you will and won't tolerate, you're destined to live in this limbo-land -- where you don't really know what he's doing, he's not being honest and you're in a holding pattern.

See, this is what concerns me too. Our lives were thrown into a tailspin when I discovered the A. And again when he confessed to the prostitutes. Now I found all the porn. It just keeps moving from one thing to the next. Before the A it was gambling. Before that it was drinking. He has no choice BUT to get help. I can not continue down this path. The thing that hurts the most....he knows that I do not tolorate any of this behavior. This is why he is so secretative about it. (They all are). He knows he stands to lose everything! (They all do) But he takes that chance...he'll do whatever it takes to fix it WHEN he gets caught. But all these little red flags where there from the beginning. This isn't new behavior. He just finally got caught.

When I found out about the A, he was out of town (OW's town) for the week. I took that week and opened my own bank account and split our $$, Got a PO Box, hired a PI, talked with a lawyer and saw a therapist. When he got back in town, I confronted. A week later, I handed him D papers....that's when his reality hit. He did EVERYTHING required to put those papers in the shredder! But he wasn't really honest with me, was he? He wasn't honest with his IC. He wanted to go to MC, but I won't until he begins the process of finding out why he does these things. Here we are a year later and the A was just 1 small piece of the Mr. LisaP puzzle! Slowly the pieces are coming together.

I do appreciate all the support and advice. I would not of even considered he was a SA until I came to this thread.


*7...your post along with Eternaloptimist have helped me a great deal.

[This message edited by LisaP at 5:37 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]


Me BS

Divorced!

~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown


Posts: 2160 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Oregon
Gemini2
♀ Member
Member # 18785
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How F'd up is my WH? He IS the stripper, and the cheater! He does the lap dances, etc! He seeks pleasure from others watching him. Not excited if I saw it, only if strangers do.


...I kissed my prince and found a frog.

Posts: 226 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: New Jersey
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As 7yrs always so vehemently advised, my advice is also to read -- if you haven't already -- Mending a Shattered Heart, along with any of Patrick Carnes books on SA. It made it clearer to me than anything else that my SA husband hadn't done it "to" me, as much as he'd simply done it because he could see no other way. I was just collateral damage -- and he could convince himself that as long as I never found out, there was no problem. After watching me completely fall apart when I discovered his affair (even before I knew about the SA), he couldn't possibly lie to himself any more. And it was then that he was forced to own up to what he was really doing and the pain it was creating. These guys live in a world where they convince themselves they're just highly sexual, or that they have unconventional tastes or that they're more open-minded or whatever. They can't admit that they're emotionally crippled and can't manage pain/anxiety/stress/whatever. My husband was so good at his poker face that I had no idea the emotional maelstrom that existed under the surface. The self-loathing, the shame, the disgust. And he'd become so good at tucking it away that he only felt it immediately after acting out...then simply ignored it, until the next time.
These people are addicts -- sick people with huge problems. That, in no way, means we have to tolerate anything less than total respect and honestly and a willingness to work to recover. But, for me, it helped lift the sense that my husband had done this "to" me and allowed me to stop feeling like a victim. Truth is, I barely figured into the equation. It would't have mattered whom he was married to...


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
ScribblingMum
♀ Member
Member # 20097
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes! Yes! Yes! Read MENDING A SHATTTERED HEART!!!!! ASAP!

And the BS shouldn't be the one to move into the guest room--the WS should be out!

Until BS's are able to DECIDE on what they are willing to live with and what they WON'T tolerate...nothing will change...
Unless the SA is willing to get help (lots!), go to therapy & account. groups, 12 Step SA, & STOP pursuing active addiction (porn/real life OW, etc.) he ain't living w/ me & my kids PERIOD.

YOU must decide what you're willing to live with...allowing porn w/ no consequences or not-serious-enough-ones, allows the SA to keep on-keeping-on & on down the Slippery Slope into OTHER forms of SA...


~ScribblingMum~
D-D 1: 12/23/06 - Porn (dd bust him on-line)
D-D 2: 4-25-08 - Massage P.'s(new act. in pretend recov.)
D-D 3:9-9-08 Caught call m. girl
D-Day 4: 6/30/09 -: free MP g.f./prost.
D-Day 5: 1-10-10: new mp prost's.
~DONE!


Posts: 1529 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: S .CALIF.
lovedontlivehere
♀ Member
Member # 20055
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love
If he is having a problem because things are not working as they should, I do not think that really falls under sexual anorexia.

It seems that he is still acting out in other ways, so not having sex with you doesn't seem to be due to sexual anorexia...it seems it is due to his other activities.

Yes, you're probably right.


Partner still wanking off into fantasy land.
*update* No longer together, but he was STABBED and now wants R. Whatever.

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Deep South
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