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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs XI I
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Freakshow!!

Yeah, H looked at me and said "you really LIKE that stuff?"

And my IC last night said "You do that and he was not trusting your numbers on the budget you figured out for the household?"

I think it's because he just cannot fathom anyone WANTing to do it. The last job I applied for when I was at the old firm, I was the only one who wanted it.

Yep, call me freak.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IF we keep pointing out all their faults and negatives and don't allow them to show us the changes, we keep guarded and suspicious we're not letting them give us what we've always deserved.

Weepy, is this really you talking?
That is the best I've heard you sounding in ages.
And way to go on the job search. It sounds extremely promising. You know we are all sending our positive thoughts and vibes out for you. Please keep us posted.
UKG - so glad your day went well. I'm with LH on the poem crap. Why in heaven's name would he think you'd ever want to hear another poem from him. Doesn't he know what a trigger this is for you. Straighten that boy out!
Ok, I don't usually try to top anyone here but I just can't resist sharing a birthday story. As you all know, I thought the OW was a friend of mine and often entertained her in my home and went out socially with her with my H and on my own. So it came as no surprise to me one year when on my birthday I walked into my home and found her and my H in the kitchen. She was cooking me a gourmet meal. They were so fucking pleased with themselves. My H was praising the OW for a wonderful meal in my honor and I was thanking her all over the place. Oh you are such a special friend. Thank you for this wonderful surprise.
I am getting so furious as I write this. What fucking balls my H had to do this! And what a fucking whore she was to come into my home and pretend to be some wonderful thoughtful friend to me. I cannot believe there are people in this world so fucking evil.
Sorry for the rant but can you see how I never suspected that she was fucking my H? I really honestly believed she cared about me. It's no wonder I dream of bashing her head into a concrete wall, chasing after her and beating her and calling her all kinds of obscenities.
ETA - I forgot to mention that once the meal was over she walked away and I was left to clean up her mess. Fucking whore!

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 7:34 AM, July 17th (Thursday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I cannot believe there are people in this world so fucking evil.

Amen, fnf, amen. And what a fucking bitch to leave the mess. Christ, it is like she "marked" your kitchen with her cooking and left her "scent" behind. And your H to be standing there smiling at you makes me want to . I do not know how these people are able to live with themselves.

Weepy - good luck with the job. Sending my vibes out to Lincoln Financial >>>>>>>.

IF we keep pointing out all their faults and negatives and don't allow them to show us the changes, we keep guarded and suspicious we're not letting them give us what we've always deserved.

I agree as long as they have made the necessary changes. But to sweep it under the rug when they are not working on the M - well THAT needs to get pointed out. In my case, my H is trying like mad to make the changes and I seem to be growing further and further away from him. I swear I felt closer to him after dday than I do now. He is out of town again for business and is coming back tonight. It is better when he is out of town. Less crying by me. Everything seems calmer. I think the sight of his physical presence triggers me. How the hell do you get over that?


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the sight of his physical presence triggers me. How the hell do you get over that?

I felt this way for a long time. I'm almost 3 years out and now his presence isn't so much of a trigger but there is never a time that I'm with him that what he has done to me isn't right on the surface, KWIM? I don't know if that will ever go away. It just gets less painful over time and something I have learned to live with, kind of a fact of my life.
I'm so upset since I wrote my post. I can't seem to stop crying. I feel like such an idiot to have trusted the two of them. She said to my H that she didn't think I could be so stupid not to have known about them and must have been ok with it? WTF????
I thought she was my friend. I thought my H loved me. It never ever crossed my mind that the two of them could have been so fucking evil.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((FNF))))))))

I wish I was there so I could give you a huge hug. I know the feeling when you write something down and the emotion just washes over you. The tears start flowing and won't stop. Try to make it cathartic....like the tears are cleansing the poison out of you.

She said to my H that she didn't think I could be so stupid not to have known about them and must have been ok with it? WTF????

Oh.My.God. what a complete fucking unbelievably fucking selfish bitch. Evil, disgusting whore! I swear I don't know how you have not run her down with your car!!!


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for being here Shirley. I am so feeling sorry for myself right now. It just hurts so damn bad at times.
I wish I could post her picture on here, I really do. You would all be so shocked to see what my H stooped to. I hope Weepy doesn't mind but when I showed her the OW's picture she said, "That's what we call a two-bagger." No fucking kidding. Even if I hadn't thought she was my friend, I NEVER would have believed that my H would want to touch that piece of shit. It makes my skin crawl to think he was with her that way.
I hate to sound vain but it is part of my problem because (here's the obnoxious part) I was so much more than her in EVERY way. I was 40 lbs. thinner, taller, prettier, smarter, and a person of character. I was and still am loyal to every one I love. My friends and family always let me know how much they appreciate my friendship and loyalty. My sister told me that it is the most notable character trait of mine. The only thing she was loyal to was her own c---.! Sorry, I couldn't type that word out even though it's nasty enough to describe her.

I dread the day I ever see her again. I know it will send me over the top. Every dream I have of seeing her in public I am screaming, She's a whore, she's a slut. I probably would do that in real life too. My DD told me that if she ever sees her she'll walk up and punch her in the face. That's my girl!
It's so awful to wish someone dead but I do almost every day. I wish she would die a painful, lonely death. I know this is something I have to get over because then I know I will be healthier but for now that's my wish for her.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fnf - it is amazing what they will stoop to isn't it? But it wasn't about you. Of course you were better in every way and, at least in my case, that was part of the problem. He didn't want someone who was capable, smart, talented, etc. He wanted somebody who would swoon and tell him how smart HE was. If I told him that it "didn't count". When they said it, he felt smart and "warm".

I also know (although we haven't talked about his much) that he got off on being Mr. Studmuffin. He thought he was god's gift to women in bed.

Hope he is happy with "Mr. Palmer" now!


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope she dies a bloody, painful death, too, FNF. All alone. Now that would be appropriate karma IMO.

What an evil bitch.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DD told me that if she ever sees her she'll walk up and punch her in the face. That's my girl!

Wanted to add that I am glad you are raising your girls the right way!!!


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope he is happy with "Mr. Palmer" now!
Thanks for that. I needed something to laugh about to break this spell.
BT - I was so afraid you'd be mad at me for saying that so it did my heart "good" to hear you wish that for her as well.
You girls are the best. What would we do without each other?


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess this makes me a poor Christian and unenlightened, but I think there are some people that deserve to be hated by virtue of the things they've done. And that OW is one of them.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the sight of his physical presence triggers me. How the hell do you get over that?

I will sit sometimes and sneak looks at him, just wondering what the hell he saw in her and she in him. Wondering who the hell he is. The triggers that go off from his presence are all sexual in nature. I can't look at him if we have sex, can't stand him talking to me during it. I don't want him to tell me what to do or ask me what I want. It's so weird, I want him to WANT me, passionately, lustfully, but I seriously freak out when it (rarely)happens. From my point of view the freakout is entirely internal. although I will kind of hurry things along and maybe be quieter afterwards. I no longer "see" him, his face doing things any more, although I also don't really look at him during sex either. Wow, and after writing that, I should be thinking "no wonder he doesn't want to have sex with me."

fnf: She Is a two-bagger. You know I finally "get" it has nothing to do with us, how we look, talk, what we do, how we think. A lot of people have posted lately "look at Christie Brinkley. her H cheated on her." And loads of others. Hey, maybe she turns into a raging bitch once she marries a guy, but you didn't hear the last 2 H's saying anything like that about her, just this one.

This is not about how great we're NOT. It's about them not being able to "compete" with how great we ARE. Their insecurities, their deficits. There isn't one case of them "trading up". These women may have been younger, slimmer, had better bodies, been more sexually aggressive, been helpless little princesses, but they are EMPTY, delusional, bottom feeders. They knew that being the willing hole for a married man, with no prospects of anything better was an IMPROVEMENT in their life????

I know my H's thought that. He was (in appearance) a strong, employed, "wealthy", handsome, kind and gentle man. He is always that way with strangers or people who hold "power" over him. And she held sexual "power" over him. Instead of meeting that with anger and criticism like he meets the fact that I have "power" over him, he was subservient to her. I think that's what makes me shake my head the most. That he gets so freaking nasty at me because of his self-esteem issues and I'm sure she never heard one mean word out of his mouth. Of course, why would she? She was doing exactly what he wanted, when he wanted, how he wanted. He told me he told her once not to write any more letters to him that he wasn't reading them, but only the once and when she kept it up, he started leaving them there or throwing them away on his way home. BUT, BUT he said she would ALWAYS ask if he'd read the letter and he always told her yes. If it was me, he would have told me they were a bunch of crap and he doesn't read or she was wasting her time, energy and paper and money.

Now, I've gone and triggered myself with DS on his way home from work.

I hope she dies a bloody, painful death, too, FNF. All alone. Now that would be appropriate karma IMO.

Hey, I gotta say here, it happened for me, it can happen for you, too.
I gotta go.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, I gotta say here, it happened for me, it can happen for you, too.

Now keeping with that idea of thinking only positive thoughts . . .


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

. . . they are EMPTY, delusional, bottom feeders. They knew that being the willing hole for a married man, with no prospects of anything better was an IMPROVEMENT in their life????

Well said, Weepy, well said!


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Fnf))))

Sorry you are hurting, my dear friend.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Lost. I am feeling better now. It's just writing that all out and remembering how naive and trusting I was and how deceitful they were really got to me today.
I do think though that my H had better be wearing a helmet when he gets home today.
How are you? For the record, you sound great and I am so happy for you and Mr. LH. It's always so good hearing success stories and I'm feeling pretty positive that you're one of them.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"IF we keep pointing out all their faults and negatives and don't allow them to show us the changes, we keep guarded and suspicious we're not letting them give us what we've always deserved."

Weepy, is this really you talking? That is the best I've heard you sounding in ages.


I totally agree... with Weepy and FNF!!!

{{{FnF}}} I'm sad to hear of your triggering so badly. But not surprised. The memory must be horrific. Evil is a mild term for their behaviour!

BT, I've been thinking I'm a poor Christian lately for the thoughts I'm having lately. I finally got a letter from FWH. He promised more but I've yet to see another. We talked after I read it. He revealed a lot (still think there's more - we'll see) and now I'm probably obsessing worse! We are both feeling down as a result so I don't know if the letter helped or not.
I'm feeling like you, HS...

In my case, my H is trying like mad to make the changes and I seem to be growing further and further away from him. I swear I felt closer to him after dday than I do now.

We just spent the last 2 days together. We were roommates. I laid awake beside him each night. This is not progress!

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, God, I have been so good lately. Probably just ignoring all the affair crap and living our life. He's remorseful, listens to me. We had the big talk about sex after 7 weeks of not having it and he was open and honest and listened and has changed. My back has been terrible this week but he mentioned for me to let him know when I was interested b/c he was as soon as I felt better. Huge change.

Then tonight i listen to that stupid Sugarland song on utube Why don't you stay. I'm sick. Just a terrible trigger. He gave 5 years to her. Every weekend. Every emotion, his time, his kindness. He gave shit to us during that time. And it HURTS SO BAD. Why does it still have to hurt so bad???? Why can't it just go away???? I have not felt this overwhelmed in such a long time. Out of nowhere. It just sucks so bad. I knew that would happen. It has been calm since thebig sex talk. I knew the emotional flood would happen soon but I though I would know it was coming. This has knocked me on my ass and H is at work until midnight and I am home with two wound up kids and I have to work tomorrow morning so have to get up early.

I'm sorry guys. I read along every day just about. Some days I can't come here as it just is so emotional. I just needed to tell someone, you know? The one person IRL who knows (a couple) never mention it. Never ask if I need to talk. They watched the kids when we went to counseling the other day and she did ask if it was better that they knew or worse and I had to honestly say worse. Someone knows but I can't really talk to her. I have no one to tell I am having a bad day and need a margarita and a good cry. I hate what he has done to me, to us. I hate him for making me so terribly sad. He's remorseful and doing what he should now....but that doesn't take away all the horrible hurt. As much as I am thankful for how he currently is, it just doesn't take away all the pain. I think LTA are just the worst thing that could ever happen to a marriage.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((SoLost))))

I think LTA are just the worst thing that could ever happen to a marriage.

Uh, you're not going to hear any argument from me on that one. When you get those triggers, do you have a plan to work through them? Is there anything you can do to help yourself through since H is working. Maybe after the kids go to bed you can take a hot bath, go back through old pictures before M with friends, anything to relax or bring a smile to your face.

Hugs, friend,
HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 5:24 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Warning: venting.

Thatís it. Itís official. I fucking hate the bastard. I could wring his fucking neck with his own testicles. He can keep his timeline. I know itís going to be a load of lies anyway. What a wanker. I hate him. Selfish, selfish bastard. Self centred, egotistical, vain, arrogant wanker.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
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