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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, March 23rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

According to her, he can't sign over his rights unless someone else is willing to adopt the child. At first I thought she was full of shit. But BIL had that problem for the last seven years until his ex married and the man wanted custody. It was only then that the state allowed ihm to sign rights over. The thing that is getting me is h not signing the birth certificate. I thought that the state would have automatically put his name on there, but they haven't. If they had, wouldn't they have sent us a notice for him to sign the damn thing? I just don't want contact to start back up again several years down the line because she found someone who wants to adopt the oc.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 5:00 AM, March 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dust, My H never signed a birth certificate, his name was automatically added to it via the courts when paternity was established. We have actually had the issue of adoption come up lately and my H has to sign away his rights in order for OW's new H to adopt OC or OW has to try and go through the courts to have his rights taken away. And your BIL is correct, no judge will allow a man to sign away his rights unless there is another man ready to adopt the child. We never got anything to sign for my H to have his name added to the birth certificate, they just make it part of the state record. Unfortunatley if you stay NC like us and 12 years down the road(again like us) the OW wants someone else to adopt OC, contact will be needed.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, March 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

scared_unsure:

I did not tell my children or my Nana about OC. WH was visiting OC weekly & taking over supplies (no $$$) until DNA came back...he paid $500 out-of-pocket at UT hospital for DNA testing & she took baby over 1 week after born for DNA....WH went over that week also (w/me in tow) to do his cheek swab, pay, & be photographed for DNA.

Anyway, MIL/FIL had not wanted to see OC, but when WH brought her home for a few hours visit & to meet her brothers, MIL/FIL asked if he'd bring her up to meet them also. I'm not sure how that meeting went, but home was weird.

Our 1-year-old had just started walking & tried to step on her many times...he'd never been around a baby (seen them @daycare)...he ended up accidentally kicking her in head while laying on a blanket on floor next 2 her (kept stealing her pacifier). Our 4-year-old kinda asked why she wasn't growing in my tummy like his brother had before. WH kinda ignored the questions he didn't wanna answer. OC cried & cried. WH had seen her about 8-10 times (about 1 hour each visit @her granny's house). WH kept asking if I was okay. He changed all the diapers & fed her, but...she kept crying & crying when she was sleepy so I ended up having to sing to her & rock her to sleep. DS#2 (the 1-year-old) was jealous, as he'd NEVER seen me hold any other babies....he was always jealous of her, once she started 4-day weekend stays EVERY weekend after that one. Yes, OW & soon-2-be husband were courting & didn't have time to be a momma & hold down a 40+ hour/week job. WH & I were on different shift, so if he was working the weekend, I had OC, DS1 & DS2 by myself all night. One in pullups & 2 in diapers & taking bottles.

Anyway, sometime around Easter, we had the 3 kids photos taken & sent them around. That's when I sent the photo to my Nana (1 state over) & revealed that WH had betrayed me & had a child w/his mistress (or is that paramore?).

My mother had known the same week I found out OW was pregnant...as I'd called OW & told her she could have WH. She called him @work & he left work & came home all upset. My mom had come over to console me also. This all happened the weekend my 3-year-old broke his collar bone.

I am not quite sure if I told MIL/FIL about her pregnancy, or if WH told them first. It's all a blur.

I wouldn't tell your kids until you know DNA is positive. And, if you go NC w/OW & OC, you may even consider NOT telling your children until they're adults or when U think OC may start looking for WH.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, March 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HI everyone, hope is going ok for everyone, I would say great but we all know at this stages in our life none of this is great.

I wrote the letter to the judge, had FWH look it over, he had not wanted me to change anything in it He added to it. So yesterday I took it down and had it filed in the courts, now I will wait for a response from the courts on it. To think I finally got to voice my opinion out. Yeppy...

FWH and I watched the movie Fireproof the other night, WOW.. just WOW.. I think FWH understand things much better now, I just had to explain that it was kind of like the roles were partially reversed, except the response between a male & female are different, so then I think that helped him better understand, what I went through. I found the Love dare journal, at a local coffee shop, and presented it to FWH. I read all of it yesterday, and WOW did that open up my eyes as well. I know now that we are gona be just fine.. Considering all circumstances. But after he had no complaints about me writing to the judge (putting in about her fertility pills and other things to prover her character) and him and me doing the love dare, it proved to me that things have changed and are becoming different for the good.. I'm just so happy...

WE have vowed to never let her back into our home or marriage, I will no longer let her comments or actions effect me and my relationship.

Great quotes I read in the love dare book.

"Lust is the best this world has to offer, but LOVE offers you the best life in the world."

If a man says to his wife, "I have fallen out of love with you," he is actually saying, "I never loved you unconditionally to begin with." His love was based on feelings or circumstances rather than commitment. There must be a stronger foundation than mere friendship or sexual attraction. Unconditional love, will not be swayed by time or circumstance.

We all have a commited, uncondtional love and our FWH had a love based on feelings and circumstances, this my FWH has realised that it was true.

When your enjoyment of each other as best friends and lovers is based on unwavering commitment, you will experience an intimacy that cannot be achieved any other way.

IJUST LOVE THE "THE LOVE DARE" JOURNAL...

Wishing you all peace and happiness as I am now experiencing..

Yes we still have obstacle to concuer, and we will do this together, now just waiting on court stuff.. but it will all be good, I feel it now..

Thank you all for your support and blessings, you all have been life savers for me, and can not give enough gradtitude to you all.

But I will always have you all in my prayers, bless you all.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, March 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just an FYI...

Guess what OW has found another victim, another married man, and boy is his wife pissed.... LMFAO.

Wish I knew who she is so that I could worn her, but I guess I just can hope this time she gets what she deserves, little homewrecker.. Maybe the twins will have more siblings LOL. Not nice to wish that on another wife, sorry.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Send a physical description of her to every married woman you know in Arizona LOL


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:12 AM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That really makes me mad!

Why do some women only choose men who are already attached? Do they think "well he committed to her so if I can get him away from her he will commit to me"? Women like that make me sick!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just posting because i'm having a hell of a bad day.

I keep watching Bec Smith's youtube video and crying.. yeah.. not really healthy right now.. and i'm watching fireproof at the same time. Guess i'm a glutton for emotional torture.
Oh and finishing up the last chapter of not just friends...
*sigh*

BLAH.... big ass mess describes me to a "T" right now...


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, March 28th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beajus stay away, stay away, thats what you all tell me ((hugs)). Sorry for the pain you are feeling, but look at the bright side, its not an everyday thing anymore, or as strong, except those days, when we get into that emotional stuff, and keep digging, and adding to it. Yes I think we all do that, from time to time.

On the other hand I have a thing I need your guys advice on, see I found OW x-husband, and actually contacted him, I know he just got his oldest son living with him, from OW, and the child is still thinking and hoping that my FWH is gona be with his mommy, well now she has the new W man, but I wanted to help them understand why he may have been so upset to move up there, so anyway long story short, the x wants my FWH to contact him so he can tell him all about OW, and maybe help with the character of her for the child support hearing, but I did not let FWH know I was or did do this, do I tell him, I have been told that if we could get a notarized statement from him, on how she had the 8 & 10 yr olds watching the twins why she went out to party, and how she is always having men come and go, and drinking all the time, they say they are trying to undo the damage she has done to his kids, and wants to help us get custody before damage is set into them as well, I am also seeking out the BS in the new relationship she has going on, to help her and as well help me, maybe getting a letter from her as well, or have her testify in court, to prove the character of OW. But it was amazing to hear all the shit, and how bad the x hates her.. Makes me feel like it wansnt the situation why I HATE so much, its cause she is truely evil, and has not true morals..

So what is your thoughts please...


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
green_eyed_devil
♀ Member
Member # 18139
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, March 29th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't been around here much lately. But now we have yet another obsticle to overcome.

Rewind to last fall. OW sick baby died (I was posting here then), we filed for sole custody of OC. The lawyers are dragging their feet as NOTHING has gotten accomplished since August. Pretrial has been rescheduled every month since NOV and we don't have another date until May.

Here's the new crap I'm dealing with. We recieved teh interogatories back from OW concerning the custody suit. Of course it's packed full of lies, which is what we expected..although she did go above and beyond.

The thing that irks me is that she has always denied the last baby was H's...even named someone with child support enforcement, although no names on birth or death certificates. She named H as the baby's father on the court documents for teh custody trial. Now I'm sure it won't affect anything with custody, but we want this cleared up once and for all. The problem is that the baby is dead. The hospital where the baby died has tissue and DNA samples on file, but OW won't sign off on them to release the info (we got the paperwork Friday afternoon, after our lawyer left for the day, so we haven't spoken to him to get them court ordered yet). I'm about 99% sure she is lying to cover her ass with her latest husband...she doesn't want him to think she's the hge slut that she is. She only married him because she was once again pregnant, and it looked bad to her lawyer (and the judge) so he told her she should get married to make it look better in court. She miscarried the baby in Jan.

HOW do we get paternity tests on a dead baby? The state doesn't care since it's a closed case...no child to go after support for. H spoke to OW's caseworker at DFS and she said not to go for the tests, to let it go thru court and nail her for lying about it and not having proof of who the father really is (OW said testig was done with the other guy, but the state vital stats office shows no test was ever done, that the baby's DNA is on file with the hospital, but no mother or father DNA is on record.

Like i said, I'm sure this isn't H's baby, but if it is I'm hunting that whore down and kicking her ass (since I stepped up and helped her out during her pregnancy and took her to make funeral arragements for the baby). H and I will have it out in court.


Me FBS 30 Him FWS 31
Together since 3/96, married 03/07
our children D13, S10, S8
EA began 3/02 which lead to their marriage in 7/02, left her 9/03 divorce finalized 10/04
D day 5/02
OC born 5/03,

Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Missouri
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, March 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW was induced starting at 7 am ths mroning. My heart is broke. SO was very quiet this morning... this whole situation is eating him up. I'm glad in a way. But in another.. i dunno... He'll be headed to the hospital after work today. I've been in tears most of the morning. My kids are excited. I can't blame them. All they can think of is a baby, they don'tunderstand what it means for everyone else involved.


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
SadMommie
♀ Member
Member # 17718
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, March 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((beajus))))))

I remember that day. It hurt so bad. You are in my prayers.


Me - 36
H - 35
Kids - D-6years, S-3year
OC - 2 year old
OW - POS crazy 25 year old
D-Day - April 10, 2007

"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey

"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu


Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Virginia
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, March 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{beajus}}}

I will pray for you today. Your post brought tears to my eyes...I can feel your pain through your words.


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, March 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, March 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beajus,

I will be thinking of you today.

Greeneyed,

I don't know if you can get a court order for this or not. Hopefully your lawyer will come up with a solution. I have been thinking about you and I am so sorry that this situation just drags on. I too will be thinking of you.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, March 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((beajus)))))

Sending you love and strength today.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, March 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The baby has been born.
SO made it up to cut the cord, but only by literally a minute or so.
The baby is very healthy. She was 7 lbs 9 oz and 19 inches.

I'm a mess.... SO wants me to come up to the hospital. To be honest if it was just SO and OW, i would, but i just don't want to be around OW's family.


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
SadMommie
♀ Member
Member # 17718
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, March 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there.

Do what makes you comfortable. It is a tough day but you WILL get through it and be stronger for it.

I am thinking of you. You are in my prayers.


Me - 36
H - 35
Kids - D-6years, S-3year
OC - 2 year old
OW - POS crazy 25 year old
D-Day - April 10, 2007

"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey

"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu


Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Virginia
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, March 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beajus,

The sting of this will get duller with time. I know it hurts. My honest opinion, your SO has been at the hospital long enough and he should be coming back to see how you and your kids are doing. JMO.

Keeping you in my thoughts.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 2:20 PM, March 30th (Monday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, March 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He came home shortly after i posted.

We're gonna head back up together later tonight present a united front to her.

We'll see how that goes.


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
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