I read your profile, WOW. I think at this point if you have decided to leave it is probably for the best, sorry JMHO. It sounds to me like your H is still having a full blown A with OW if she had another child by him , and it doesn't sound as if he has any intentions of ending the A.
Please stay strong for you and your baby. Good luck to you
XWH died Dec. 2010
I think you have put up with enough. If I read correctly Ow has 2 OC with your H and a 2 year old that calls him daddy too? The difference between you and me, you knew when they were born, I didn't find out about OC until a year ago.
He just doesn't seem remorseful at all. I just don't see any excuses that can be made for him, there are none. Please take care of yourself and nail him to the wall for CS. I know you said that you don't have any supports, one of the reason that you probably tried to deal with this mess. But you can make it and you will make it. If you ever need support, we are here and will do the best we can to support you.
Was worried that they might have ended up with the same appointment time, but on the 28th OW posted on her myspace
heading "DNA test on Monday and we all know what that is goin to say, (H last name) Look alikes they are. WTF
Why does she need to put our last name in her heading, and the last sentence did not make complete sence to me, sounded like she is saying they just look like him, not actually his. What do you think.
Has anyone ever just sent a truths letter to OW if the OC are H. I have been thinking about sending something along the lines of calling pease to the situation, on behalf of the OC. But just not sure, I dont know if it would even do any good, or stir things up with her more. Just curious if any of you ever have done or thought about something like this..
Had a good talk about my guidlines I had posted, went quit well, and he has agreed that he can do all of them. Yeppy. But as we all know time will tell, also told him that he needed to step it up, cause I was and am about to give up, cause I don't see him working as hard as I would like, I realise that IC & MC again he will not try.. Thinks we can do all this on our own, hope he is right.
[This message edited by bigheart9 at 6:21 PM, December 3rd (Wednesday)]
[This message edited by lonely&depressed at 8:35 PM, December 2nd (Tuesday)]
So sorry you find yourself joining our little group here. Loneyly&depressed gave you some great information. The only thing that I would add really is even if OW says she doesn't want CS, if she is on state assistance the state will come after your H for CS, that is what happend in our situation.
Please think of yourself and your COM first in any decisions you make, we didn't ask to be pulled into this mess our H's have created. Stay strong and post here whenever you need to
Sorry that you find yourself here in this situation. If and your H are going to R, there MUST be boundaries concerning the OW and the OC. Whatever involvement there is should include you.
Take care of yourself and COM first. And yes if OW is on the state they will come after your H especially if DNA has been done, that is part of the process for the state to get reimbursed for any benefits that OC will be receiving.
Good luck to you and we are here if you need us, It is going to be a hard, long road no matter which way you go.
BS - me 41
WS - the cheating liar 38
OW - "the skank" 24
14yrs married I won't get back
D-D 6/5/08. 12/6/08 skank PG
I'm really so sorry about what happened to you, it's not fair at all. One of my co workers is 45 and was told she couldnt' have children and is due with a baby in Jan. Your time isn't all the way up hon (hug) You still have time to start over.
I hope the child isn't your WH's that way he'll lose everything, you her and the child he thought he was going to play daddy too!
The best revenge is your happiness with out him... keep remembering that ok?
There are some of us in here that are living separately from our WS, there are a couple of members who have been thru the same thing as you, not being able to have a child and then the OW has one, and some of us that are trying to repair our families. There is no right or wrong here, you have to do what is right for you.
What I am saying is your feelings are normal and you will get support here because we understand. You will also get support from D & S forum as well because members there will know what it feels like to try to start over.
I remember when I found out that 10 years of my marriage was a lie, I felt like the wind was sucked out of me. Not only were there OC involved, my H also gave me cancer from an STD. If you had told me last year that we would be in R, and raising these OC, I would have never believed it. But I was prepared to go the other route as well, I had a separation agreement prepared for him to sign. And we were separated fro 3 weeks after d-day.
So, if you know in your heart that you can not accept OC, there is nothing wrong in that and you are not obligated to accept or support the OC. As I said to you before, take care of you first. Use the strong feelings that you have now, to protect yourself.
I assuming he is older and she is younger? We will see how this plays out, might not be greener on the other side.
I just wanted to say that I know how hard that was for you and I want to say that I am proud of you and you showed great courage and grace in this situation.
As I said before, don't let the boundaries get blurried. You and your H need to serious sit down and talk and agree on how this situation will be handled. You have to set it in stone because if you don't the OW will use every opportunity to go over that line.
As far as MIL is concerned, does she treat the COM with the same excitement as this new OC? Because if not, I would examine my family's relationship with her as well. Sometimes they can be so insensative.
Main thing is be prepared for the legal stuff ahead of time so it will not be such a shock when it happens, because if she is on the State once they identify a father, they will come looking for reimbursement.
It is going to be a difficult and hard struggle, your H will have his emotions changing all the time, that is what I went thru. I had to remind my H that you are asking me to accept something that you did wrong, you need to own that and don't ask more of me then I am ready to give.
Good luck to you.