Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, November 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadmommie, I think that if he does this without you, he is making it very clear what he chooses

I agree, and if he can't see that even after the MC told him so then it is only cause he chooses not to see it. Like BMC said, plenty of parents who aren't together for whatever reason have seperate parties for thier kids, and also the OC is only going to be 1, not like he/she will be devestated for the rest of thier life if your H isn't there. And if it is that important to your H that he be there then you should be able to go too JMHO.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
SadMommie
♀ Member
Member # 17718
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support. I know that I am not out of line on this. I guess we will see what he choses to do.

I am spent and I need to move on from this disaster one way or another.

[This message edited by SadMommie at 8:08 AM, November 12th (Wednesday)]


Me - 36
H - 35
Kids - D-6years, S-3year
OC - 2 year old
OW - POS crazy 25 year old
D-Day - April 10, 2007

"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey

"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu


Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Virginia
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((HUG))) sadmommie


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, November 13th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question...............
Does anyone here believe that if the roles were reversed their H would have stayed with them
?

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, November 13th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know I really don't know. But I think if he had, he probably would have made my life unbearable.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, November 13th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can only say hypothetically, but I asked my H this once and he said it would be hard cause as the childs mother I wouldn't be able to go NC like he did. And he would want the childs father to give up rights so he could adopt the child so the "OM" wouldn't be in the picture. But my H said he would make a go at it.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, November 13th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UGh triple post...

[This message edited by beajus at 4:23 PM, November 13th (Thursday)]


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, November 13th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UGh triple post

[This message edited by beajus at 4:23 PM, November 13th (Thursday)]


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, November 13th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah.. my oldest does not belong to my FWH. We were not getting along and had kinda broke up when I got pregnant. But we were still living in t he same apt. and such and hadn't really cleared it with each other to see other people and stuff. He stayed with me and signed our son's birth certificate knowing the truth as far as conception dates were concerned.


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, November 14th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

see my post in genral... i cannot stop sobbing i'm hurt so much worse than the affair!!!!!!

I can't BEEEATHE


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, November 14th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lonely, my H was cheated on in his first marriage. They did split up for a while, and his wife got pregnant, but her boyfriend didn't want anything to do with her after that. So she came back, he took her back, and his name is on that child's birth certificate (long story, but a lot of things happened, my H and his wife split, and she put that child up for adoption at age 1 or 2). So he was willing to accept it as his own, despite what his wife had done to him.

Now, if it was me? Oh, I get told if I even so much as had a revenge affair, then the marriage "would be over, because you didnt' really mean it when you said you wanted to work it out." Yeah, but somehow he excludes his own actions, doesn't he? (sorry, feeling a bit bitchy today).


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
shockdbyndbelief
♀ Member
Member # 21286
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, November 15th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone,
I've mostly been a lurker here...D-Day was a month ago. I made a few posts when I first found out that my bf had a ONS that resulted in a C.
Today, we broke up. He was unwilling to allow me to visit the C with him (OW's demands), and he refused to minimize contact with OW.
I just wanted to say thanks to all of you, for either responding to my posts...or just helping me indirectly by me reading your posts.
You are all amazing and strong people, and I feel so lucky to have found support here.

Posts: 145 | Registered: Oct 2008
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, November 16th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shocked, I'm sorry it had to come to that, but it was probably for the best. It sounds like your BF never had your best interests at heart. Good for you for moving on!


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, November 16th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Redvixon, I funny how our H's want to be forgiven for all they have done. How dare your H make that comment to you. He should feel indebted to you for giving him another chance. Perhaps you should point out that he didn't take his marraige vows seriously. If he did he would have never had an A. I don't think I will ever understand men. It's always do as I say, not as I do with them.

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, November 17th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((shocked))))
I'm sorry it came to this, but bravo to you for not settleing for less than you deserve.

(((redvixen)))

Sometimes men say the stupidest thing's


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
SadMommie
♀ Member
Member # 17718
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, November 17th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I am back with yet another update....

After several days of not really getting along with my H we started to have two better days. Then, on Saturday, he lets me know that the OW's mother will be going out of town the week of Thanksgiving and is asking if my H can take care of him. Never mind that the OW will be at home the week of Thanksgiving. I became very upset. I asked if this is what evey Holiday was going to be like. Us having to deal with the OC to accomodate them????? He said that this was a special request - yada, yada, yada. Whatever!!!! What is wrong with the OW taking care of her own child?????

Well, things went from bad to worst. I just see the writing on the wall. Every holiday and event will have some drama b/c of the OC and his family. I told my H that I need to be alone for a little bit. I am emotionally and physically spent on this disaster. I just want to be a mom to my kids.

Then my H said that he would give up the OC IF I could commit to living on or very near our farm even if my townhouse doesn't sell and promise to never get mad at him for the affair again. I can't make those promises. I don't want to be near that farm and I will probably have bad days now and again. Plus, I believe that he will not give up the OC - I think it is an empty promise.

Then this morning he became upset with me b/c I am upset with him for speaking to the OW and going to her place of work to purchase farm medications. He told me that I needed help, that I had something wrong with me.

Plus he keeps telling me that I am the one pushing him away (from me) and that I am pushing him toward her!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!??????

I am so frustrated. Who does he think he is??????

[This message edited by SadMommie at 8:23 AM, November 17th (Monday)]


Me - 36
H - 35
Kids - D-6years, S-3year
OC - 2 year old
OW - POS crazy 25 year old
D-Day - April 10, 2007

"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey

"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu


Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Virginia
SadMommie
♀ Member
Member # 17718
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, November 17th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let me add one more thing - I just check her MySpace (I know - It is not healthy). Well, there is a photo of the three of them carving a pumpkin - funny I didn't know about this. What a POS!!! I am over this. They can have each other. Neither are that great and my best revenge will be to live a good life. And if they think the OC will get any part of that farm - they are wrong. I will sell it for the 1.6 million dollars it is worth and by myself a beach house.

Boy am I mad!!!!!


Me - 36
H - 35
Kids - D-6years, S-3year
OC - 2 year old
OW - POS crazy 25 year old
D-Day - April 10, 2007

"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey

"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu


Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Virginia
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, November 17th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadmommie,

I think it is pretty clear that your H is a fence sitter. The good part of this is that you are already living on your own, which is probably one of the biggest hurdles to overcome.

R requires compromise, but it is not one sided like your H is demanding. Obviously he wants to be like my H was, having 2 families, one of here and one over there. It doesn't work and it is not fair. So it is time to make a move and only you know what that is. Time to knock him off his cloud.

You are in my thoughts.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 6:30 AM, November 19th (Wednesday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, November 20th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

God, when will this damn nightmare be over?!

We got a letter from the IRS today saying that someone other than us claimed OC on thier 2007 tax returns(I'll give you 3 guesses who it was ). The bitch OW pulled this shit on us 2 years ago too! We pay her extra in CS every month so that we can claim OC on our return every year. Does she really think that if she claims OC too, that it isn't going to show up on some IRS desk sometime and get back to us?

So I called my tax preparer and he said she should be getting a copy of the same letter that we got from the IRS and since we are the ones who have the legal right to claim OC,OW has to ammend her tax return. But he also said that if OW doesn't ammend her return from 2007, we may have issues with our 2008 return!

I can't wait until the adoption is over so I don't have to deal with this crazy bullshit with her anymore.

I sure could use some of that good ol' SI mojo to get the whole adoption process going faster so it can be done.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, November 20th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Auntcis, I'm sending MoJo as fast as possible for that adoption to be done. Enough already!!!

Though it's a tough season for us all, I hope we can each find something to be thankful for. I, for one, is thankful I found all of you. No matter what crazy feeling I may have, I can find someone here who feels/felt the same way. So thank you, all my SI friends, for being here when I need you.


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.