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Newest Member: ThrownAwayTwice (43226)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, October 28th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah Aunt Cis,

Let see what she has to say. Maybe you will get a better feel for what is going on.

Good Luck


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, October 28th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Having a rough day. FWH has been home the past two days with the flu. i hate when we don't see each other much to burden him with various conversations about the A. and the OW. But since he's been home. I decided today was a good time to tell him how I"M doing with everything. Especially since she's been trying like hell to get ahold of me and it's brought back some not so pleasant thoughts and feelings. So we're laying there talking and someone calls and he talks to them for a bit (it's about getting a window replaced) but then his voicemail beeps and i guess when he was on the phone with the window place SHE beeped in). Anyway he let me listen to the voicemail and she's all like I"M worried about you, you're ignoring my emails and now you're absent from work. What is going on? please call me or email me and let me know what's going on and if you're ok.

*GAG*

I texted her back as WH with his blessing and said, I told you to stop contacting me unless it pertains directly to the baby. It's none of you business why i haven't been at work.

Kept waiting for a response but didn't receive one. A couple of hours later she calls and i stand there as he's talking to her. of course i can nly hear one side of the convresation, bug grasp the gist of what she is saying. She asks if he even wants any contact with the baby at all and he says yes i do and she says cause if not i'm taking the baby and disappearing ane he said i told you want to be involved. Then she says something and he said..Look there is no need to talk to me at work, drop by my desk, or call or email or text me unless it is about the baby and it's something important. She says My only contact with you IS about the baby and he says calling to see why i haven't been at work has nothing to do with the baby. He says, i'm not going to fight with you, you heard what i said and then she talked for a couple minutes while he rolled his eyes and then he hung up w ithout saying goodbye.

How do I make HIM stronger? He's got no problem dealing with her with me backing him up and giving him moral support, but i know he just avoids her at work instead of saying.., get away from me. Plus he doesn't want to start a confrontaton at work and that I cannot blame him for.

I'm just wore out today, first with the talking about her on and off all day and then with her calls....

Anything having to do with her puts me in a bad mood and then I'm not able to be the best parent i can be to my children

PHOOEY


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, October 28th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((beajus))))

At least he is willing to tell her to back off and have you present when he has to have a conversation with her

There really isn't anything YOU can do to make him stronger, he has to do that himself. But he seems to be taking steps in the right direction


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, October 28th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((beajus)))

He definitely seems to be headed in the right direction, and I can understand why he wouldn't want to start any trouble at work. Has he given any thought about asking her for a paternity test? Or does he just assume this is his kid? (Sorry for the question, I'm cynical about stuff like this). And you're certainly doing the right thing by saving all of her crazy texts. You'll never know if they'll come in handy.


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, October 28th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys :)

baby will be paternity tested as soon as it's born. dates align exactly though, so not much doubt it's his. But we're testing on the off chance LOL. A girl can hope right?

I"ve got all the crazy texts and the even crazier IM's and emails. I also have a journal of everytime she makes contact with either myself or him and what is said etc.


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, October 29th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I"ve got all the crazy texts and the even crazier IM's and emails. I also have a journal of everytime she makes contact with either myself or him and what is said etc.

Great! It can really come in handy later


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, October 30th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In case you don't post in General, I have court tomorrow to decide if the twins stay with us or go back to their mother.

Everyone please send us some good thought and SI mojo that the judge will make the right decision.

Thanks for your support.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, October 30th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck with your court, Hope everything turns out great for you.

((((Hugs & Love ))))

We got her response back on the paternity paper work. She wants H to pay for all the testing, thats fine, as long as its done... And she also added the she wants full custody and to claim them on her taxes every year, and also for H to only see the kids every morning before work. Which I would not be able to go. Yeah right like she will get what she wants, over my dead body..

So now everything for us is on hold till court end of next month.

Hope everyone out there is doing ok.. Good luck..

Have a great Halloween, Hope you all get treats & no tricks.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, October 31st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thinking of you today BMC!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, October 31st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Got a response to my email from the OW today. Apparently her other daughters father HADN'T already given up his rights like she had told me he had. So she said that they are still waiting to hear from that daughters father before they can proceed with the adoption, cause they want to have her new H adopt both her daughters at the same time. So she said there will be no issue with my H and I claiming OC on our taxes and the adoption will still happen, it will just take longer than they thought


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, October 31st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamer............Is the OW crazy or something. What nake her think he can devote that amount ot time to her OC. It's not like they leve in the same house. She must be getting high. Maybe it's just me but that seems excessive. What if you have something you want you H to do in the mornings? I'm just not that flexible. I tild my H that OC has to get in where she fits in. I', not going to be inconvenienced for OC. He goes once a week on his day off while i'm at work AND OW is at work. To me thats often.

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, November 1st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Greetings ev1,

well I did get custody yesterday, but not like I wanted. If you want to read about it I have post it in general, so i have a pitcure of the girls in their Halloween costumes.

AuntCis, I am glad to hear that this is still in the works, atleast there is light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe I will lose a couple more pounds before we have our celebration!

Dreamer1, She cannot dicate everything. Yesterday teh judge asked all of us when visitation would be a good time fo all of us. I am sure that will happen in your case too. What a piece of work!

Thanks everybody for your continued support!


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, November 1st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who thinks the OW got pregnant on purpose??

*raises hand* I was reading some of her emails and in one when I asked her to consider an abortion, she said "I just can't do that, this may be my last shot at having another baby, I know it's not ideal circumstances and it wasn't planned but my clock is ticking"

I'm sorry but i think she did tihs on purpose...

So does anyone else think the OW did it on purpose???


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
1234
Member
Member # 20346
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, November 2nd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ow totally did it on purpose. Let's see.....she sent me a text claiming wh told her he wanted to have her children. Uh moron he had a 2 yo and a newborn with me at that time. She said that he would marry her but not in a catholic church. What he said was he was not catholic and therefore was not able to GET (because he did get married to ME) married in a catholic church. And she got a tattoo of his and her zodiac sign entwined, BEFORE the affair even began. And when she found out he wanted to stay with me she turned from being VERY concerned about him telling me not to use my girls as pawn ect to telling me he is scum. Now she found out she is having a boy and is naming him what WH and I were going to name our 10 month old if she was a boy. Coincidence???? I think not! All she keeps saying is "I want WH in my baby's life, that's all"


"I'm a rockstar!"

Posts: 496 | Registered: Jul 2008
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, November 2nd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know OW got pregnant on purpose. I was 6 months pregnant with my DD when H and I got married, so she figured that since he had married me(she thought it was ONLY cause I was pregnant)that he would marry her if she had his child and then she would have a father for her 1st child too Um, stupid he would have to divorce me first!!

[This message edited by auntcis at 8:30 AM, November 2nd (Sunday)]


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, November 2nd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They are just evil.... all of them.....


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 1:16 AM, November 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Yes other women in our cicumstance purposely got FWH drunk and forgot the condom, then after she found out, she told him she was taking fertility pills, to trap him, thinking that would make my 48 yr old H drop everything and want to start playing house with this crazy women, just the other day OW texted me, almost pledding for me to call her 8 & 11 boys and ask them what is going on between my H and her. What white trash, drag your children into this, shit, hell I wouldn't be in this if I didn't have to be. She is so SYCHO....


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, November 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

O.K. I may just be rambling here, but thing's have been a little rough the past couple of days(A related) and it got me thinking about some thing's. And one of the thing's I was thinking was, would it be a less bitter pill to swallow if my H decides in the future to have contact with OC if she knew the true story behind her conception? I mean OC in our situation is a bit older than most are dealing with here(OC is 11 years old)and I'm not saying give her all the gory details, but just the simple fact that she was the product of an A. I'm not sure what kind of bull her mother has told her, but would it be less tramatic for me if I knew that she knew the real story? And I realize I am talking about a child here and I am not looking for her to be hurt, but maybe if she saw her mother for what she realy was it would be easier for me to take. I don't know if any of this makes sense, I just had to get it off my chest Thanks for listening.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, November 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AuntCis,

I understand where you are coming from and I think if done in the right way the child can be told. My H explained it to the 10 yr. and told him do you know what it means to be married? And the 10 yr old said, yes that means to you belong to someone forever. And my H explain that he was married to Ms. B but that I slept with your mother and that was wrong. He did not make the child feel bad about being alive, but did explain that my H's relationship with the OW was wrong and that it hurt me.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, November 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have an answer but I do think age appropriate info should be given.
My kids are younger. But they are going to wonder where this new child has come from and they will eventually be hearing this child call FWH daddy, so i've got to tell my kids something.

My 7 yr old is very mature and due to some stuff he heard on the school bus, he knows how babies come into the world lol.
With him my intent is to remind him that only people who lov e each other VERY VERY much should have sex and that mommys and daddys should only do that with one another, but that daddy made a very bad choice and had sex with a woman named Tammie and that is how this little baby came to be. That daddy loves the baby very much and then as well but does not love Tammie and daddy loves mommy (my intent is to have FWH here during this talk as well).

My 6 yr olds... I will just tell them daddy made a bad choice and had a baby with another woman and that daddy loves them and the new baby very much.

WIth my 3 yr old, we'll just tell him this is your new brother or sister and leave it at that LOL he loves other kids and babies so he'll be cool with everything.

My little one that is 17 months will never know life any differant.

Not sure if that is helpful or not.. my kids are all hyped up on candy still from last night LOL and i can't think with them all yelling over my shoulder!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
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