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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamer1, here is hoping that the tests go the way you want it. There is still a 50/50 chance so there is hope until you find out differently.

Woundedgirl, glad to hear from you and hope all is going well in your new relationship.

Lonely, I am so sorry that he just doesn't get it. I am still going thru that. Menn can be so insensative, but atleast you are getting out with your friends and that helps alot.

1234, it's it funny how they put us in this situation then get mad because we won't do things their way! Everything is our fault! Well he will sure see that the grass is not greener on the other side when he has to live with a friend or a relative or get a room at the YMCA or live in his vehicle because he can't afford to live paying child support. These men are too much!


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, October 2nd (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamer, I'm so glad that you are getting the testing done!

Praying for you to get the outcome you want!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

O.K. so 2 weeks ago I finally resorted to sending OW a letter via snailmail asking for any updates on the adoption, still no reply. So I broke my own rule and went on her myspace to see if there was anything on there indicating what might be going on. She has stuff all over her page saying how happy she is and how married life is so much better than she ever expected it could be. All fine and good I guess since I was hopeing that her H hadn't changed his mind about being married to her already, but no news about the adoption. It's so aggravating that she gets to just move on with her happy new life and yet again I get to sit and wait and wonder


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Auntcis...........Try to clam down. Don't show your eagerness to OW. Just for spite she may change her mind or slow the process down. Try to go along with things the way they are for now. The adoption will happen. Don't drive yourself crazy. It sucks to be in our position. Focus on your family and be happy. At least you don't have to worry about your H wanting C.

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks L&D


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
usedtobloved
♀ Member
Member # 10967
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, October 8th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its been decided that FWH will go totally NC with FOW. She used to use the OC's as an excuse to get my H to contact her.

I have a ?, the OC's have been sick and I know that my H would want to know how are they doing, how can we do this without contacting her?


"Love is a fire.
But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house,
you can never tell."

DDAY 01/06 - "BitchSlapMe"


Posts: 3821 | Registered: Jun 2006
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, October 8th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

usedtobloved, I'm glad to hear that your H has finally agreed to go NC

As far as OC's being sick is OW taking them to the doctor? If she is and your H knows which doctor she takes them to your H has every right as thier father to contact the doctor and ask what is wrong and what is being done. We had to do this a couple of times when we started getting a lot of insurance claims from OC doctor. We thought it was odd that a 2 year old child was seeing a chiropractor and we wanted to know what the hell was going on! Your H has just as much right to the OC's medical records as thier mother.

Or if there is a nuetral third party that could find out info to share with you, you could try that route.

Good luck

[This message edited by auntcis at 7:26 PM, October 8th (Wednesday)]


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, October 8th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do u and ur H feel about text messaging? Or maybe all contact can go through u instead of ur husband.

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, October 8th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UTBL,

I am glad to hear that your H is going NC and I hope it sticks.

If you don't have the DNA test back and he is not listed as the legal father or signed an affidavit of paternity he may not be able to get the medical info.

With the nasty messages that you have been getting from OW, I would not recommend you having contact. You mentioned in your other post that OW had someone call your H, could that person maybe act as a liasion?


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
usedtobloved
♀ Member
Member # 10967
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, October 8th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was thinking a third person also, she only have the house phone because you can get it on the internet but she does not have mine or my H cell phone #.

We travel a lot so we wont be at the house that often.

BMC0415
I read your post and I am so sorry you are going thru this, you deserve the world.


"Love is a fire.
But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house,
you can never tell."

DDAY 01/06 - "BitchSlapMe"


Posts: 3821 | Registered: Jun 2006
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, October 9th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks UTBL. I just hope that I can keep them after all of this.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, October 10th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok if anyone can help that would be great! FYI I don't have internet at my house, so if any can send me a pm response don't be discouraged if I don't read it right away. I try to get on once a week from the library. But here is my question. We have been talking to ow and she still won't let me and my h take out the oc for one day. We dont even want him overnight, just for a couple of hours. We are just tired of having her at all the visits. So she said that my h isn't legally considered to be oc's father, even though dna proved him to be. She said the dna test was just done to issue cs and that visitation was a completely different department. Now I understand that. But my concern is that she said that in order for him to be legally responsible, he had to fill out a consent of paternity paperwork. He hasn't done that because we didn't know we had to. So we asked her if she would agree to that and she said no. Then we asked if he could sign the birth certificate and she said she would think about it. Now I live in Florida and I know all laws are different. But do we really have to sign a consent of paternity form just so he is legally deemed the father? Or will just signing the birth certificate suffice? If there is anyone else who has had this problem, please give me some advice. I will try to sign on in the next three days to check up on my responses.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
firstandthird
♀ Member
Member # 17022
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, October 11th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

in my state, CS and visitation are handled separately. Take her to court. Let a judge decide, that way she can't continue to call all the shots or hold this over your head. Get an order for scheduled visitation. Do you have an attorney? If not, you should probably get one, and let them advise you. Either way, you don t have to negotiate with her this way if you have a court order. I have no idea what the exact procedure is in Florida, but there are lots of attorneys who specialize in this kind of work. From a legal standpoint, there's not really anything that complicated about filing for visitation or anything like that. Anyway, hope that helps a little.


Me: BS 26
Him: WS(ONS) 27
Wedding Day: Mar 17, 2007
ONS: Sept 4, 2007
OC born: May 22, 2008
Nov 25, 2008: Found out the OC is not his!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: ohio
shockdbyndbelief
♀ Member
Member # 21286
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, October 17th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone,
I almost feel silly posting here, since you all have much more complicated and painful situations going on. But I just feel so alone.
I found out a few days ago that my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years cheated on me and the woman had his baby. I'm still in shock and we haven't discussed the details of the affair yet.
But he says he loves me, which I believe, and he wants to be with me. I love him too, so that's why I haven't walked away.
But I really don't know how I can handle this...or if I should. I guess only time will tell.
I fear the OW is slightly crazy. She is/was in love with him apparently. He did not want her to have the baby, but she did, and named it after him.
He confessed all of this a few weeks after the baby was born. I knew about the baby--he went to the hospital the day he was born. Long story short, the OW is a personal organizing client of his (among other things come to find out) and he told me he was going to help out that day and run some errands. I told him I thought it was all very strange that she would want him there, but he was cool as a cucumber about it. I even asked who the father was, b/c I knew she was single, and he said, Oh I don't know...
It makes me so sick...that this person who I loved, and thought I knew, could do this. He has basically known about the pregnancy since the beginning and has hid it from me. We even moved in together a few weeks before the baby was born!!!
I know it's really not my concern, but I love him and am worried about him--I think he is so guilt ridden that he hasn't looked into any legal things at all...he and OW have a "verbal agreement" that he doesn't have to pay CS, and he hasn't taken a DNA test. When I asked him if he had, he said, it's mine, it looks like me. How do I convince him to have it done?
I feel like I am not even dealing with the fact that he cheated at this point--this we could work on and try to move past. But we will never be able to move past the C. He is upset that I will "always hate the C" as he put it, and I told him that the C is living breathing proof of his infidelity and always will be.
Well, I will stop prattling on for now. Any advice would be appreciated.

Posts: 145 | Registered: Oct 2008
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, October 17th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shocked,

First of all welcome. I am so sorry that you find your self dealing with this, it is one of the most hardest things.

Your BF must protect himself and you if you are going to stay together. Therefore he needs to get a paternity test ASAP. If this OW is a little crazy as you say, it is only going to get worse if you stay in your relationship and I can guarantee you that verbal agreement will become history.

Did he sign an affidavit of paternity at the hospital? That makes him the legal father even without a DNA tests. If he did sign it, check with your state you may be able to rescind it within a certain time in my state you have 60 days. Oh and if you want to give him a real life good reason to get a DNA test, feel free to share my story with him. Even if he does not want to have OW ad OC in his life he still would be responsible for CS, so legal advice is strongly recommended.

Good luck to you and feel free to PM if you need to talk.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:03 PM, October 17th (Friday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
shockdbyndbelief
♀ Member
Member # 21286
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, October 18th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the advice, BMC. I am having trouble getting through to him right now. He is being very incommunicative. I think he has been so guilt-ridden for so long, he can't see that he needs to protect himself.
I'll probably PM you soon!
Thanks.

Posts: 145 | Registered: Oct 2008
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, October 18th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with BMC0415, do what ever it takes to make sure you are protected, before its to far along, I went and picked up the papers myself at the courthouse had husband sign them, then I made sure they were served. Best relief I have had in a long time.

Good and bad news on my part, need a little advice.

1st off tomorrow her responce time for replying to the paternity order expires, has any one else have that happen, not sure why OW would just ignore a court order response, if she believes that he is the father, this waiting is driving me crazy...

2nd thing I'm not sure if this something I should be alarmed about, but see H has no means to cash without asking me, cause I do handle all the financial things, and see the other I checked his cash situation, and he was ok, but last night we went out for date night, and he pops down a $100 bill, for drinks & dinner. Just puzzeled me, that maybe he is keeping stuff hidden from me..

3rd thing, good one this time, Our date night last night happened to be at a restrauntright down the street from OW house, in her town. HA HA HA anyway there was people from my H work, that new about the A there to, and 1 girl with the big mouth in town, so they had these compitions there and I actually got my H to perticipate in one event with me, and the other I actually won an arm wrestling contest. LOL Iam very petite person, so all this will be forwarded on to OW, LMAO. Made me feel very special that he held me so dear last night. In front of everyone. Been all long time due for a night like that, tonight we are on another date night in the same town.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
SadMommie
♀ Member
Member # 17718
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, October 20th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone,

Things are still nutty around here. : )

My H or STBXH(?) asked my if I would be willing to gift my share of our farm if the OC wanted to run the farming operation (20 years in the future)!!! Is he crazy????? Why would he even consider asking me. Why would I give that child anything, expecially an asset that belongs to my kids????

I was pretty upset about it yesterday but today I can only laugh!!! It is just nuts.


Me - 36
H - 35
Kids - D-6years, S-3year
OC - 2 year old
OW - POS crazy 25 year old
D-Day - April 10, 2007

"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey

"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu


Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Virginia
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, October 20th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadmommie,

Now that I have gotten off of the floor from laughing

Is he crazy?? Do you have horses on your farm? Maybe he fell and hit his head!

I am so sorry to see that much as not changed in your situation, he just doesn't get it.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 10:35 AM, October 20th (Monday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
SadMommie
♀ Member
Member # 17718
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, October 20th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have one horse but he doesn't ride often. I just think he is CRAZY!!!

I haven't been able to stop laughing all day.

Things aren't better. He will never get it. He still wants to R but wants me to move back to the farm where everything took place. No Way!! He wants to move on and forget everything. YA - like that can be done. And now he wants me to gift the OC my share - whatever!!!!

He needs to get a grip on reality.

I am glad that I could be a good laugh.


Me - 36
H - 35
Kids - D-6years, S-3year
OC - 2 year old
OW - POS crazy 25 year old
D-Day - April 10, 2007

"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey

"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu


Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Virginia
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