My H and I didn't D, but unfortunately I don't think you can make any stipulation concerning the OC. I think unless you can prove the OC would cause harm to your COM, once you D you won't have much say as to whether or not your H tells COM about OC or has visitation with them all at the same time. I could be wrong, but I don't think there is much you can do
[This message edited by auntcis at 3:04 PM, August 20th (Wednesday)]
How could he?
How could he have unprotected sex with his whore the DAY AFTER my egg retrieval for IVF?
How could he give her a baby, when he can't give me one?
And how will I survive this?
I am so sorry that you are going thru this. They just don't get the point, they find anyway to reach out.
One thing I can tell you about Ohio, they are one of the worst states for paternity and child custody cases, my sister went thru 10 yrs. of hell to get her boys back from her ex- who kidnapped them when she had custody and the state let him keep them.
You said you have an attorney already, what does he say about this? If you haven't discussed with him I would.
1234, so sorry for your situation as well. If you fear for your children's safety, document everything to get a possible RO from with OW. And as far as the part time daddy comment, she made that choice when she had OC. I would go NC with her ans direct her to my attorney if you have one.
My H had a long talk with the OW and her mother (who is raising OW - mostly). They told him that they wanted hom to be more of a father to the OC or not be a father at all. They want him to take the OC overnight once a week and see him more!!! I went nuts when I found this out. I told him months ago that I couldn't handle that and he promised to not do it b/c it would hurt me. Well, another promise broken. What should I expect from a cheater!!! What did they expect from a married man???? For him to a full time father to the OC???
I ended up going for a walk last night and when I came back I told him that he needed to think about what he really wanted. They have placed an ultimatum on him and so have I. I have tried to be decent and told him what I can handle emotionally. This is a deal breaker for me. I love him but I don't love the drama.
I firmly beleive that they are trying to drive a wedge between my H and me. I have had enough. If she thinks he is such a peach, she can have him. He is so self-centered and selfish. It is all about him - forget the rest of us. My need and desires are not important to him. I am so angry. I can hardly stand it. I just hope that he leaves me alone tonight and I get some rest. My little girl goes off the kindergarten tomorrow. I can't believe she is big enough to go to school.
Thanks for listening once again.
"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey
"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu
I am sticking to my guns. He made promises to me and I expect him to keep them, as well as, put me and the COM first. If he can't, I am fine. I have my house and my two wonderful kids.
He thinks that I am being absurd and that my feelings will change in time. They may but it is not now. The agreement that we currently have is that he spends every other Saturday with the OC. That seems to work well but they say that it is hard on the OC.
I think it is time to walk away. I have tried but he wants what he wants. I have repeated that same line so many times that I am blue in the face. I just want to know why????? Why did this happen to us????? Aren't we good people who didn't deserve this crap?????
Sadmommie I was hoping that thing were geting better. So sorry! Sounds like a cake-eater!
And you don't have to get along with the OW, I would tell him and her to go straight to he double hockey sticks!!
My H knew better than to ask that of me. He just wanted me to leave her alone. She is scared of you he says, I said and so she should be, but she wasn't scared of me when you were screwing my H for 10 yrs. behind my back, so don't get scared now.
I know tha you have been living seperately if I remember correctly. He has NO right to ask you to accomodate or cater to him or her. I have said it before, only you know what you can live with, ask your self is this how you want it? Your H is being completely selfish to you and COM needs. The fact that he won't go NC with OW speaks volumes. Her mother is raising OC, ther is no need for him to have any contact with her.
I am so sorry that he is in the deep, deep fog.
I don't know if you read my post in general, but OW showed up yesterday and contested to the court us having custody and they are seriously considering giving them back to that crackhead!
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:03 PM, August 26th (Tuesday)]
XWH died Dec. 2010
So sorry the results came out this way. Each state varies for how they figure how much CS is taken. Most states take both parents income and figure the amount from those numbers. Your H does not have to have contact with OC, nobody can force him. My H is NC with OC and he has his CS taken directly from his paycheck each week so we don't have to worry about it. That is also easier cause once you get used to the amount being gone from the check you start to forget that, that money used to be there in the first place. Hang in there.
We told our 2 oldest COM when DD was about 8 and DS was about 6 1/2. They had heard OC's name mentioned and had begun to ask questions about her and who she was. We told them age appropriate information only. They were very upset with my FWH, but they got over it pretty quickly, this was one of the reasons we told them early, we figured younger children would be quicker to forgive. Also we didn't want them to be resentful of us for keeping a secret from them thier whole lives(OC was born inbetween our 2 oldest COM). We have been in disagreement about when to tell our youngest COM, cause OW wants her new H to adopt OC so she won't be talked about as much, so my H doesn't want to tell our youngest yet. I think we should tell him soon so he doesn't feel like his brother and sister knew and he didn't KWIM. That's how we handled our situation, but everyone has to do what they think is best for thier families.