It still bothers me when OW calls about OC, and I no longer worry about her wanting my H. Just gives me a sick to my stomach feeling. However I don't let her know that.
We were able to change phone numbers (we had just moved and our cell contract was up), and we only gave her my number. She was pissed at first saying that she wasn't going through me for the next 18 years. I told her fine - don't bother calling then. I'm ok with H talking to OW but only if I'm there. That is why we only gave her my number. I checked our phone bill for quite a while to make sure that he wasn't calling her. Anyway, point being, if she doesn't get to talk to him, she may quit calling. He needs to block her number for calls and texts.
At least your H seems to be trying finally take you and your feelings into consideration. Have him send her a NC letter and tell her there will be no more need for any contact until the baby is born and a DNA test is done. Tell her any further attempts at contact will be considered harrassment and legal actions will be taken.Then once the baby is born have your lawyer contact her for a DNA test, please don't try to do any testing or anything on your own, most states only recognize testing done through the court system.
As far as her doctor only having her do a pee test, it is possible, cause all 3 of my pregnancies all I had to do was pee in a cup for the doctor to verify that I was indeed pregnant.
Sorry you are having to go through this nightmare
I just want to say I completely understand what you are going through! I am dealing with a very similar situation myself. OW is being very shady about her pregnancy and it is driving me nuts. I too would like this nightmare to end. Unfortunately I cannot offer any advice to you as I'm struggling myself with how to get to the bottom of this and the best way to handle. From what I hear NC is the best way so that is what we are doing at the moment. But it's so extremely frustrating to feel like she's in control. So frustrating!
Continue to post here. You can get great support!
Why am I living in this fucking mess? I just wish this game would end. I just want to know the truth.
I know it is hard cause we are curious as to what is going on, but I got some of the best advice ever from people here and that advice was " stay off the OW myspace page"! I have learned the hard way that all that checking her page does is cause me anger, frustration and pain Do yourself a HUGE favor and try to stay away from her myspace, you will be glad you did.
My fiancee has a 21 year old daughter and the ONS happened while he was M'd to her mother - they have no idea about this - I am the only one who knows. He has a great relationship with his daughter and with his EX wife and I think he is worried about them finding out.
If the child is his I think he will consider getting counseling to deal with these issues, but in the meantime I was hoping there might be a support site he could visit as I think this is weighing very heavily on him.
Any thoughts would be much appreciated. Thank you!
So, I deleted my myspace account tonight and don't plan on looking at it again. I even thought about having my H block the site and not give me the password. We'll see. I'm hoping I'll have enough self-restraint.
Few questions for you...can we initiate the petition for paternity? Meaning what if she doesn't put his name on the birth certificate or ask for cs, can we still ask for a paternity test through the court? She's led him to believe he's the dad and has not said otherwise. I guess the other thing I struggle with is she had pretty much left us alone until his boss stirred this up again. Since then she has only sent one text. So what if she never communicates again? Do we just let it go and be happy with that? I'm not sure I would be ok with that. I feel I would constantly wonder about it.
There's definitely a possibility this is not his child. The OW in our situation doesn't seem to be playing some of the games the other's have. Meaning she doesn't take any opportunity such as drs appts to give "updates". What do you guys think about that? She would know the sex by now. She did tell his boss they were thinking it was a boy and she had U/S scheduled for next day but she hasn't sent a text or anything. One of the people who know about this in my life said maybe she's decided she's ok with H not being in picture, that things would be easier if he wasn't or that maybe she won't ask for CS because she knows that would open up visitation rights for him. Does any of that sound reasonable to you? I mean I could see that for someone who simply used my H to get pregnant but if that's the case why even tell him you're pregnant?
I hate trying to figure out the mind and moves of a woman I don't even know and want nothing to do with! UGH! I need to go to bed.
[This message edited by firstandthird at 5:56 AM, July 31st (Thursday)]
Try not to get too excited that the OW hasn't tried to contact your H, I have learned over time that silence is NOT always golden when it comes to OW. OW in our situation would drop out of sight for long periods of time, then out of nowhere she would drop a bomb on us. So be careful. Don't waste your time trying to figure out how the twisted mind of the OW works, it isn't worth it.
Good call on deleting your myspace, it is absolutely a positive step in your healing!
I agree that a paternity test is a must. We'll have a small window to ask for that because the supposed baby is due in November and she says she is moving to another state in March.
The thing that royally sucks about all this timing is my H has a HUGE test in November. This test is so important to us it's not even funny. And it's the weekend before the supposed due date of OC. THE LAST THING we need is her giving updates of labor, etc. If the communication picks up towards that time I'm guessing it would be best to change his number. Or at the least block hers.
Ok, I'm rambling and must get ready for work. I'm sure I'll have more questions!
[This message edited by lonely&depressed at 10:40 AM, July 31st (Thursday)]
Sorry about your anniversary and the fact that your H has been making butthole comments like that to you
But congratulations on the negative test results!!!!
I don't have much to say tonight but I feel like posting. So far so good on not checking the myspace...day 1 of breaking my habit.
I called and scheduled with another MC today - this will be our 3rd. He is certified in marriage counseling although that doesn't necessarily mean he's good with dealing with infidelity. So that appointment is on Tuesday. I'm so glad my H is just as willing to go to these things as I am. He's currently in IC every other week.
Think we're going out of town this weekend. Taking the family boat out on the lake which my H loves! Will do him some good. Might go to a comedy club tomorrow night. I tell ya, laughter truly is the best medicine. I get funny forwards all the time at work and this morning I was laughing so hard I was crying. Felt good. Gave me that rush for the rest of the day.
Ok, sorry, I'm rambling. I know this is a thread for OC and not general chit chat. I just like the feel of this thread and the fact that it's a smaller group.