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Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A thread for those personally dealing with this situation.

[This message edited by kdny at 5:01 PM, June 13th (Friday)]


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, thank you, thank you!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Probably a good idea, this thread. We could keep posting and disagreeing and reposting and re-disagreeing endlessly.

Thanks.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is like I said before, it is your life, no one can tell you how you are suppose to feel about anything.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
kdny
♀ Member
Member # 760
Red  Posted: 7:35 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a reminder on this thread of what was said on the other one about starting this.

Neither is to be used for talking about the other or posters on the other.


Whether we remain ash or become phoenix is up to us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes the fine line between a nervous breakdown and knowing things will be okay is a pair of furry pants~unfound

Posts: 81335 | Registered: Dec 2002 | From: Slightly left of center, standing on my head
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No problem


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No problem, just stating that we are going thru different things and we have different feelings and everyone has the right to feel the way they feel.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
life_will_go_on
♀ New Member
Member # 18042
Content  Posted: 8:05 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

today is a good day.....contacted the hospital website where the baby was born about taking my SO's name off the birth announcement. They apologized for having it on there and today it's already changed. I wonder if she'll send him a text message about it being changed?


ME: 42
WSO: 41
Not Married, but together 13yrs.
D-Day: 12/10/07 (yeah merry x-mas to you too)
4 children (3 mine, 1 ours)20, 17, 14, 6
1 year Military Deployment Affair
Attempting Reconcilliation



Posts: 23 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Wisconsin
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

life_will_go_on,

That's great that they changed the announcement! I am kind of suprised that they would have put your H name in it without him being there to begin with. If OW does text your H about it being changed, please for your own sake try to ignore it and not let her upset you.

Also I realize he is not techincally your H, but it is a habit when typing,sorry .

[This message edited by auntcis at 9:10 AM, June 14th (Saturday)]


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
life_will_go_on
♀ New Member
Member # 18042
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It won't upset me..I'm pretty sure it will make me smile.

She really has a bizzare way of looking at their relationship. Even though he continually tells her there is no relationship she still thinks there is.


ME: 42
WSO: 41
Not Married, but together 13yrs.
D-Day: 12/10/07 (yeah merry x-mas to you too)
4 children (3 mine, 1 ours)20, 17, 14, 6
1 year Military Deployment Affair
Attempting Reconcilliation



Posts: 23 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Wisconsin
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW in our situation was/is a bit bizzare too. She first dated my H when he was 15 and she was 18. My in-laws didn't approve of the relationship so they sent my H to live with his Uncle for a summer hoping he would have lost intrest in her by the time he came home. Thier plan worked and by the time he moved home at the end of that summer she had moved and he was over her. He never heard from or saw her for the next 3 years, he even dated quite alot between she and I, so he wasn't holding a torch for her by any means. They ran into eachother about 3 months after we got married and thats when she started stalking(IMO)him. She even used H name to get herself a job where he was working at the time while he was out of town with me, attending the birth of our daughter. We were living apart but not seperated at the time, in case you haven't read my profile. Turns out that she had been planning thier wedding the entire 3 years they didn't see eachother. She told me once that she and my H had hatched a plan to run off to Vegas and get married once he turned 18 since his parents didn't approve of her . So the entire time they were apart, even though he had moved on and she had a child with someone else, she was planning the wedding she had planned with her 15 year old boyfriend 3 years ago . The best part she actually expected him to divorce me and "hold up to his end of the bargain" and marry her!!! And when he told her no, she got pregnant on purpose(she admitted it).

So I know exactly where you are coming from, dealing with a woman who has a screwed up view of reality.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
life_will_go_on
♀ New Member
Member # 18042
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

when I found out about the A. She was calling herself his wife. As a matter of fact, when she went into labor last week, she told her labor coach that he was on his way to the hospital to be with her. Not true.

She hasn't admitted it, but I too believe that she got herself pregnant.


ME: 42
WSO: 41
Not Married, but together 13yrs.
D-Day: 12/10/07 (yeah merry x-mas to you too)
4 children (3 mine, 1 ours)20, 17, 14, 6
1 year Military Deployment Affair
Attempting Reconcilliation



Posts: 23 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Wisconsin
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like I said, I don't think alot of OW have thier feet planted anywhere near reality.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For sure, OW in my case didn't have her feet firmly planted in reality--good way to phrase it. H broke it off twice, and he says they had many "discussions" about the fact that he wasn't leaving his family, she'd blow up and they'd argue, then he describes it as her backing off and acting like he never said what he said, til it built up again and they'd have another blow-up. Sounds like a fun relationship, huh?

I'm just sorry H was so enmeshed and enthralled that he couldn't just stick to his guns or man up or whatever, and end it sooner rather than enjoying the perks despite the angst for so long. Will never understand the dynamics of that relationship--except in the context of both H and OW being fucked up and selfish.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Life,

Great news about them taking his name off and being understanding about the situation.

I dont recall, he is getting DNA done right?


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
firstandthird
♀ Member
Member # 17022
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just an update:
The OC is here, born May 22, 2008. OW waited for a couple of weeks before sending a notification email, which was fine with both of us. She did send pictures which I looked at. I was just trying to see if he looked like my H, on the off chance it MAY not be his.(sliver of hope, I guess the prenatal test we had done is pretty unreliable and she was still sleeping with her fiance at the time), but most likely it is. She let us know that CS paperwork should be on it's way. Nothing too dramatic, thank goodness. We'll finally be able to establish what we're dealing with for sure once the court-ordered DNA has been done.

It almost feels like a relief that something is happening, we have mostly been treading water lately. I have this feeling, like once the court stuff has resolved as much as it can, we can start making real decisions about the future, whether we stay together or not. So, cross your fingers for me on the off chance this child is not his.


Me: BS 26
Him: WS(ONS) 27
Wedding Day: Mar 17, 2007
ONS: Sept 4, 2007
OC born: May 22, 2008
Nov 25, 2008: Found out the OC is not his!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: ohio
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 5:39 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((firstandthird)))

Keeping my fingers crossed for you! It is a relief one way or the other just to know for sure oddly enough.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
charlotte
♀ Member
Member # 3663
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((firstandthird)))))

I have my fingers crossed for you. Hopefully this nightmare will end for you soon.

This thread is an excellent idea.

Thanks SI Staff



Posts: 3983 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: Maryland ES
kwash
Member
Member # 13957
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

firstandthird - my fingers are crossed for you. Cross yours for me too please!!

Posts: 2178 | Registered: Mar 2007
doistay2008
♀ Member
Member # 18898
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Guys,
I just wanted to put in my two cents and say THANKS to the mods for this thread.

Also hugs to firstandthird.

Update on my story. H asked OW for a paternity test and she said no. So we have to go through the courts.

H is kind of blaming me for the way OW is acting b/c I called her to tell her to stop asking my H to babysit. I said he was not going to have a realtionship with her and the child on her demand. He felt like he could handle her. I feel like if he could handle her, we would not be in this situation. I will not take responsibilty for his or her foolishness. I hate that he is handling her with kid gloves. I get that he feels guilty b/c he lied to her about being married. But come on. If he had treated me with the kindness that he seems to be showing her, we would not be in this situation.

Sorry this post turned into a bit of a vent.

But just wanted to close with another THANKS to the mods for this thread. :)


Me: 30
Him: 30
Married 2 years/
Togetherish 8
OC: born feb 08
No COM

Posts: 210 | Registered: Mar 2008
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