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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: For those suffering P T S D
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
burnt_toast
♀ Member
Member # 16891
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks mods! Woooho!!!


It is what it is.

Posts: 4681 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Quelque part
burnt_toast
♀ Member
Member # 16891
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to go to work, but in the meanwhile, here is some introductory reading on the matter.

http://www.drbalternatives.com/articles/gc5.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-traumatic_stress_disorder

I'll catch up later... there is so much to say.

[This message edited by burnt_toast at 7:01 AM, June 6th (Friday)]


It is what it is.

Posts: 4681 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Quelque part
groundhogday
♀ Member
Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My new IC (I'm two sessions in) thinks I should stick with her rather than go and seek separate help for PTSD. I was diagnosed by a therapist, not a psychiatrist, although he did report back to my GP. I've not been treated specifically for it, and am reluctant to add additional therapy to my current group and IC.

I don't function the same way I did before d-day....still can't really listen to music, watch much TV, and loud noises like fireworks freak me out. If I'm in a stressful situation (I was recently on a bus trip with a loud drunk, with no way of escaping) I wrap my arms around myself and try not to rock (or scream).

I feel like announcing to the world that I am not a basketcase...I was perfectly normal, and this is just the new normal for me.


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
wildturkey
♂ Member
Member # 13629
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THANK YOU MODS!!!!!!!!


Me - BS
Her - WS
married 20 yrs


I'd like to believe in the healing hands of time
but the truth is I really can't say,
if I'm getting better,
or just used to the pain.

Tracy Lawrence


Posts: 512 | Registered: Feb 2007
ispyonyou
♀ Member
Member # 18478
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you MODS for this thread! I am eager to learn from others inorder to help myself. I have read a few things about PTSD but I am not sure if I truly have it. Some of the things I experience are difficulty concentrating even on the smallest tasks(reading,listening),Sensory overload(can't handle loud music,people talking,noice in general),struggle some days to do food shopping, showering and seeing people(honor social/family obligations as well), difficulty at times sleeping (due to thoughts/nightmares).Any advice would be appreciated!


BS DDAY Feb08 " ...I faced it all and I stood tall; and did it my way..."

Posts: 129 | Registered: Mar 2008
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome, and thank you Mods & burnt-toast!

I do have this.

Its also a lot worse when one is over 50 & does not have that youthful "bounce back" or "resiliency", have more health problems, etc.

And to me, the very worse thing about having PTSD, is having been born A Highly Sensitive Person/HSP.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
reallylost
♀ Member
Member # 18185
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so relieved to see this thread..I have been paralyzed by what i felt is ptsd since dday. I feel like I am such a wimp..of course, this is the only outlet and support I have. I haven't sought counseling and not sure that I will, have told a couple of friends but not sure they understand the magnitude of the pain and grief. My h had ea's and some people I think feel I am overreacting..after all there was no physical contact that I know of..and hey ...do we ever know it all? i have been so terrified by my emotional state ...it can effect everything...I have to get to myself for fear I won't be able to control myself...crying ...mind wandering..it can hit out of no where..anywhere..anytime..how are any of you that have experienced this coping? I was doing better and seem to be having a relapse.


Me: 47
WS: 38
D-Day:12-26-07
Married: 11 years
divorce final: 11/19/08
3 children: d25, d21(autistic),d8(ours together)
divorce final: 11/19/08

Posts: 166 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: KY
unarmbears
♀ Member
Member # 7480
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope I can step in since I am now almost fully recovered from the effects of the PTS symptoms I had 3 years ago at diagnosis.

My therapist said that avoidance of triggers, keeping yourself "too safe" can mean that you are keeping yourself from healing.

She taught me how to relax through and learn what I needed to resolve in my triggers. She was so very helpful!

My heart goes out to you who are suffering right now!

Breathing exercises and physical exercise and therapy exorcised the demons. My therapist worked with me for a year. She had said that after a year she usually refers her clients for EMDR. We are in a big state with few resources so I would have had to travel nearly 400 miles for EMDR therapy. Luckily after a year of IC with this marvelous therapist I didn't need the EMDR.


FBS-Me, 60
FWH-Him, 55
2 Sons 25 and 30
2 Daughters 28, 24 And 3 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie

Posts: 4886 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: From where the trees lean east...
Isabella39
♀ Member
Member # 19404
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really know NOTHING about PTSD and have only read a little bit about it...a little.

BUT in what I have read, I would agree yes, I have those symptoms, but my question is this:

Don't all BS have these symptoms? LIke being triggered by the trauma...flashbacks, nightmares.

When do you know you really have it? Or do we all really have it?

Sorry I'm just a bit confused on it.


BS (me) - 40
WH - 43
Children - 3
Dec 07 - Confronted, denied denied denied
Jan 08 - Confronted, admitted paritally
Feb 08 - "The whole truth, nothing but the truth"
Status: In R but who knows (he still works with the OW)

Posts: 1094 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Oh Canada!
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay! Another thread for me!

Pressed for time but I'll be back.

7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another thread for me too. Yippee.

Going to IC and go over yet another traumatic flashback/trigger just last weekend. She talked about EMDR once, maybe I'll try it.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
1Forward1Back
♀ Member
Member # 11057
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7 yrs!! Weepy!! We are in another thread together. :) :)

Even though I have recovered a lot since D-Day, my IC is certain I suffer from PTSD. I always reserved that diagnosis for those who had witnessed or experienced horrific events, not for something like finding out your FWH was having an affair! Whoa was I wrong!!


Me: 60 Yrs. (BS)
Him: 60 Yrs.(FWH- life long sex addict)
-2 ONSs followed by an A-2005/06
-cheated while we were engaged
-seems to stray every 30 years or so
D-Day-June 10, 2006
Working on own recovery. His is his!
Married: 37 yrs. Grown ch

Posts: 966 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Canada
usedup
♀ Member
Member # 11701
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

o thank God and the mods!!!!!!!!!
I'm a freakin lunatic now...loud noises..the washer can get off balance and I lose my mind..jump outta my skin...
and the rocking urge in a sitch I can't escape is enormous...I was trapped at the urologist with a paper sheet and they were playing radio...regular radio..not Christian...and they played some old olivia newton john I honestly love you...that thing flipped me out "there you are with yours and here I am with mine" yada freaking yada....I miss myself people...I can't wait to check articles and stuff from here...I can't be closed in...when I am on here,I'm in the den...it has 4 windows and a set of sliding doors and a set of french doors on the opposite side..I can't /won't be trapped somewhere...I feel like a pow,honestly
edited to add---bears baby share all you know

[This message edited by usedup at 9:14 PM, June 6th (Friday)]


Posts: 15831 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: found
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, 1F1B, ALL the spouses of SA should be here. I would be surprised if there are any that don't suffer from PTSD.

MASH pretty much says so, although they call it "sexual trauma" and lump other stuff in there. It's a form of PTSD, plain and simple.


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 12:54 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My PTSD "stuff"

* Lack of concentration

* Lack of retention of information (this is a dramatic and frightening change for me) I can't read anymore, I forget what I've read.

* Insomnia

* Racing thoughts

* Triggers (dates, places, people.) I refer to this as "living in a mine field." Every time I turn around KABOOM!! These cause "flashbacks" and I have the same visceral response as I did on my D-Days.

* Panic attacks (usually brought on by a trigger but sometimes they are random and seemingly unexplained)

* Hypervigilance

* Rageful outbursts (usually brought on when I try to suppress the panic attack brought on my a trigger and it all builds up until I explode and anger feels safer than crying and vulnerability)

* Sudden, seemingly unexplained, tearfulness. I just cry at the drop of a hat.

* Frequent headaches and bouts of stomach flu type intestinal distress. (I've always gotten gastrointestinal upsets when I am frightened or extremely upset, they are more frequent now)

* Extreme fatigue.

* If awoken from sleep I jump out of my skin and have a panic attack.

* Nightmares that are so real I wake up ANGRY at my FWH for what he did in the dreams.

* I feel very disconnected. A profound loss of "self."

My last point there leads me to think that rather than plain old PTSD I fall more into the C-PTSD or Complex PTSD.

"As a descriptor, PTSD fails to capture some of the core characteristics of C-PTSD. These elements include psychological fragmentation, the loss of a sense of safety, trust, and self-worth, as well as the tendency to be revictimized, and, most importantly, the loss of a coherent sense of self. It is this loss of a coherent sense of self, and the ensuing symptom profile, that most pointedly differentiates C-PTSD from PTSD."

I copied that from:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder

My symptoms are not just a product of my DDays but also:
*The 7 yrs of deception before discovery when he was being emotionally abusive to keep me "down" to justify his acting out.

*The eleven months of full blown gaslighting he engaged in after Dday#1. He quite literally tried to convince me and our counselors that I was CRAZY and almost succeeded.

*The past year or so of his recovery during which my recovery has been summarily dismissed and ignored (by FWH)

Anyway, does anyone else think they fall under C-PTSD moreso than PTSD?

7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
Andrew
♂ Member
Member # 10807
Default  Posted: 1:49 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a head on motorbike crash four and a half years ago when a scum driver with no licence or insurance chose the wrong side of the road.
Much to my suprise I found that not only did I have a lovely collection of broken bones and some brain injury but also this strange thing called PTSD.
Nightmares, inability to sleep, emotional, irritable, sensetive to loud noises, hyper viligant, inability to do or enjoy many things I had before, obsessing about something I was at the same time trying to avoid, no feeling of a future. At the time I felt like I was a wollen jumper that was unravelling and when the last thread was pulled I would disappear.
I didn't want this, I didn't expect to react in this way, but I did.
For some considerable time I was in denial over this. I didn't want to have this, I didn't think I should have this, I didn't want to deal with this. I thought I was falling apart. This wasn't fair. It was enough to deal with the effects of the accident let alone going mad (as I then saw it). This reaction didn't help!
Two and a half year ago I discovered my wife's infidelity (her affair started a very little while after my accident). I had a PTSD like reaction that was in some ways more severe. My physical life wasn't threatened, but things I cared about more than that were, like my family and marriage.
This threat to those I love (I guess I didn't love myself enough to deal with my accident PTSD) was enough to force me to work at my own recovery so I could help my family and be the best man I could be.
The good news is that no matter how bad your PTSD like symptoms are, you can recover.
What helped me in the end was me!
All the PTSD is in me, in my mind and in my body. If it is within me I can control it. If I cannot control it I can influence it. If I cannot directly influence it I can control my response to it. I can aid the healing. I can work at becoming physically healthy. I can work at becoming mentally and emotionally healtheir (note the eir bit!). I can consciously work at responding positively and in a healthy way so that my mind and instinct can rest and eventually follow this route too.
After a lot of reading, self help books (Coping with Traumatic Stress and also Ten Steps to Positive Living were good), posting and reading here I feel I got myself a failry long way towards recovery.
Strange things helped. A doctor I saw wrote in his report "Mark could be helped by the knowledge that though he could have died in the accident, he didn't." I saw that this also applied to my marriage. OK, terrible things had happened, but I hadn't died! Major thing I had overlooked! My mind and body had acted and were acting as if they were still in actual and imminent danger, but they weren't. I could work and resolving these fears, I could comfort myself in healthy ways, I could work at adopting a positive attitude that would over-write the negative PTSD programming.
A session of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy helped me. I understand that EMDR can have a very rapid and dramatic effect in terms of healing from PTSD for some people who cannot be helepd by CBT. This CBT was not easy of comfortable at times, I had a failry bad reaction to one of the intensive reliving sessions, but it has worked well for me. I am due to have my last session in a few weeks. After four and a half years I really feel as if I have my life back, as if I am recovered. I am not quite the same person as I was before, but on the whole that is a good thing. I feel I have grown, matured, am stronger.
Many people will respond with PTSD like ways after a life threatening incident, or one that is deeply emotionally threatening. There is nothing wrong with this, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Some people are affected for only a little while, some for longer. Again, nothing wrong if your reaction is stronger or last longer than you think it should be. Accept it, don't fight it. Process your feelings, write your thoughts down, do whatever it takes to allow your brain to deal with it's hurt.
I think that if you are here reading this you have an amazing opportunity. An opportunity to accept and care for yourself, recognise your hurt, and repair not only the hurt from the affair but also others that up to now you haven't cared enough about yourself to resolve.
There is real hope, and there is real help out there for you.
That help and hope rest within you.
You can do this.
Mark aka Andrew


Me BS 48, WW 47 Three sons

Posts: 1494 | Registered: May 2006 | From: UK
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Accept it, don't fight it.

So the fact that I have this "I need to be perfect" complex is also dragging this out.

The internal dialogue of "I shouldn't still be hurting, still be upset, still harbor all this anger, shouldn't cry like a big baby at everything" is compounding this?


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
burnt_toast
♀ Member
Member # 16891
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the hardest thing for me is accepting my new limits. While the psychological symptoms are often discussed, this thing takes a tremedous toll on the body too. I guess the shock did some physical damage to the brain and body.

It's hard to accept this new normal of being easily tiered and sick, needing to sleep a lot more, having to switch to a more gentle exercise routine, having to avoid stresses, and so on.

Weepy, I am totally with you on the need to be perfect part. Boy did I had to give that up! But as far as I am concerned, that may be an improvement... a worthy lesson learned.

[This message edited by burnt_toast at 8:27 AM, June 7th (Saturday)]


It is what it is.

Posts: 4681 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Quelque part
ispyonyou
♀ Member
Member # 18478
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this thread is great.Thanks 7yrs. your post was extremely informative! Weepy, is that need for trying to achieve perfection screwing me up bad? I am trying to use the mantra "be the Best You can be" instead but I just don't buy it as an alternative for me.


BS DDAY Feb08 " ...I faced it all and I stood tall; and did it my way..."

Posts: 129 | Registered: Mar 2008
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