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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reading all of these posts here is another reason why I stay seperated and have taken NO legal action like D/LS.
My freak will just lie with impunity.
So long as he does not bother me & wants to live like a secretive hobbit, its just fine with me.

That's because your N is different. Mine still messes with me and harasses me about "our relationship" even though I had a plant sitting on my table from one of his whores just a few weeks ago. The fight will be well worth it.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to divorce my freak. I could not stand to be married to the evil piece of dirt any longer. Getting that divorce certificate was worth the fight. Freedom from him emotionally, legally, finacially etc. Had to be done!

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's been blowing up my ph today sending TMs and calling.
I haven't responded.
The 180 ya know.

First he won't be here til Sat.
Then he'll be here Fri.
Sheeeesh!
I guess I'll have to send that email tonight.

Give me strength y'all.I'm gonna need it.

The roller coaster has my butt superglued in the seat permanently.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{heartless bytchh}}} I am sending you hugs in braces for strength.

*do it, girlfriend*


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello V, fancy seeing you here.

Sending it now.
If you see fireworks over the horizon, you'll know why.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's sent.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB -- You go! Sending you the strength to deal with him.

I'll be thinking of you - and watching for those fireworks


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7636 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 2:15 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB - will I be able to see the fireworks this side of the Atlantic?
It's got to be done HB. Best of luck with the inevitable backlash - we are here for you.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Concerned  Posted: 8:26 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still no answer...
Oh, the phone is ringing even as I type this.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Frustrated  Posted: 9:22 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And so it begins.

He just sent me a text
Just got your email,pls let me text for now so I can get through this much ok?don't know what I did but this wknd I need both of you just like I have had enough.

See how he has no respect for my boundary?

And why does he need us this wknd after he hasn't bothered to call me or DS since he left a few wks ago?
I'm sure he burned up both of his phones calling his OW's.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to talk to him.
There's nothing for us to talk about anymore.

And that last part made no sense at all.

And something else I realized recently.
He told DS and I to not TM the secretsquirrelsucksasssexphone anymore because the TM feature was going to be canceled.
Ok, fine. No problem.
But he's sent both of us several TM's from that same ph since then.
WTF is up with that?


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB,

See? HE (the all-important one) needs you and DS this weekend. He needs you to once again put aside your own feelings and needs in order to help him out.

Well, f*ck him and his needs. Yours are more important. He can seek comfort from his skank hos.

Now, he probably is hurting with Niki's B-day approaching, but it's not your job to be his grief counselor. He fired you from that job, remember?

It's your birthday, and it's your time to grieve in your own way. You be firm with him. Keep your boundaries firm. Do make sure that you give DS the option of spending time with his dad. He may need the comfort and safety of both of his parents.

Oh, HB, so much loss and grief in your lives. I'll be thinking about you today while I'm at work.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7636 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HB))) I think it would be best if you just did not respond. What an idiotic asshole.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
gillianbx
♀ Member
Member # 18465
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need advice. How do I divorce this bastard? He wants to stay married to me, I don't know why. We live in seperate towns. He lives with the filthy whore that he left me for. Every other weekend, I have to drive two hours to his town so that he can see his daughters. Then I have to wait there seven hours until he is done, so I can drive my daughters back home. (He is an alcoholic and cannot be trusted to drive sober with the girls.)
We have been seperated for three years and still no sign of a divorce BECAUSE:
When we were together, we owned a car dealership and several cell phone stores. Unbeknownst to me, my X was laundering money through our businesses for drug dealers. He was also involved in several bank fraud deals. (I actually have three car loans in my name because he forged my signature but I don't even have a car of my own!) He took money out of our businesses on a regular basis and put them into secret accounts that I cannot find. Hundreds of thousands of dollars. When he left me, our house was foreclosed on, everything in our businesses was repossessed. My girls and I had to move into a small condo and I work two jobs just to barely get by.
Every month, I have to beg him for child support and I have to make sure that he gets his visitation or I won't get the child support that month.
I cannot afford an attorney. He already has three attorneys. He has a criminal attorney that he put down a $25,000.00 retainer for because the FBI is investigating the money laundering and bank fraud. He has a bankruptcy attorney and he has a divorce attorney just in case I decide to file. He has promised me that if I file for divorce, he will claim that I was the mastermind behind the illegal activities in our businesses and he will make sure that I go to prison. How do I fight this? I can't even afford a $1000.00 retainer for a sub-par divorce attorney and he has all of the resources in the world.


"If you want to change your reality, change your focus. If you want to change your focus, change the questions you ask yourself. Questions control your focus, therefore questions control your own experience of life." -Kobi Yamada


Posts: 128 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: missouri
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((gillianbx))),

I hear the "can't afford" part. I really do. But I think you can't afford not to get an attorney. I know NOTHING at all about the ins and outs of working with attorneys, so I can't offer any advice about how. Have you checked with local women's groups? Maybe they can make some suggestions. How about legal aid? Just a quick Internet search turned up this site: http://www.abanet.org/legalservices/findlegalhelp/faq_freehelp.cfm
Maybe there is something useful there?

I wish you luck.

LL


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has promised me that if I file for divorce, he will claim that I was the mastermind behind the illegal activities in our businesses and he will make sure that I go to prison.

What evidence does he have? The FBI is investigating him, correct? So why would they all of a sudden focus their attention on you just because he said so?

He wants to remain married to you because as his wife, you cannot be forced to testify against him. THAT'S what he is afraid of. Longlost is right -- contact legal aid and see what you can come up with. You've been separated for 3 years; many states will give you a quick divorce. At least look into the possibilities.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He needs me?
Now?
Like one of our posters here posted awhile back on another thread "FUCK THAT NOISE"!

He can just take his sorryass NeedyPatheticDisgusting self elsewhere to feed his whatever at the moment need somewhere else.

Ees nawt mai jawb ennymore.

I haven't bothered to reply to him.
No message is a message,right?

GillyB, I had a stoopid thought.
Do you have any papers showing any of his $$$ laundering?
I'd be tempted to go to the IRS and the Feds if so.

I think they'd be very interested in what you have to say.

Here's something I'll bet you haven't thought of.
I'll bet he's got $$$ stashed in accounts under your name you know nothing about.

How else would he be able to say you masterminded everything?
Since he was laundering money for drug dealers,it's possible the mob is involved.
I'd go to the Feds and tell them you are scared for you and your kids' lives and you need help.
Take your paperwork that shows what you're making, what bills you have, etc. and see if they can help.
Show them the paperwork on those 3 cars in your name that you don't have.
Tell them you think it's possible that is more stuff in your name that you have no knowledge about.
They have the resources to research this kind of stuff.

They may be able to because they could use your testimony in the future.
I think this would also help negate any charges of you being involved in his money laundering allegations.

Think about it, if it was true, why would you go to the Feds and lay everything that you do have or know to them?
That's what the Feds will be thinking to themselves.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
gillianbx
♀ Member
Member # 18465
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB -
I don't have any papers or any proof. The feds already know about the car loans in my name. I don't have any other info that I can give to them. I have already told them everything that I know.
I have already spoken with the IRS as well.
Yes, the Russian mafia may be involved. (last month one of my X's friends was shot and killed and the police found a bag in the man's house that had $100,000.00 of foreign currency in it).
Not only am I dealing with a vengeful NPD, I am also dealing with a man who has no morals and will definatley do anything criminal in order to make more money. He may have mafia connections and he obviously has more money than I do. How do you divorce that and walk away with a normal life?

Right now, as long as I follow all of his "rules" for my life, then he leaves me alone most of the time and pays me monthly child support if I beg for it. I still have to run errands for him and let him have the girls on his whims and give him whatever he asks for from storage. His cousin lives with me in my house to make sure that I follow the "rules".
If I get free legal counsel, I am afraid that I would not be able to find someone qualified enough to deal with all of this crap. Especially if things turn ugly and apparently from the posts here on the NPD thread, if it goes to court, it will turn ugly. At least now, I am not considered the enemy, so he is not trying to punish me.
Oh, and he told me that he is protecting me by not divorcing me so that he doesn't have to testify against me in court. He said that as long as we are still married, I will not go to prison. But if I file for divorce, then I will no longer be safe from his wrath.


"If you want to change your reality, change your focus. If you want to change your focus, change the questions you ask yourself. Questions control your focus, therefore questions control your own experience of life." -Kobi Yamada


Posts: 128 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: missouri
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

gillianbx,
Big hugs to you.

I know you don't think you have the money, but you have GOT to find a way to get it.

Can ask a friend or relative to borrow the money? Is there something that you can sell? Anything at all??

First thing you should do is go talk to an attorney (free initial consultation) and explain your situation. Maybe they would have an idea how to help.

--------------------------

Somebody posted earlier about how reading stories like this have caused them to take NO legal action against their N and opt instead to just stay seperated.

Reading storied like Gillianbx's and others should have us all RUNNING to the nearest attorney's office and or to the courthouse and filing for divorce from these lunatics.

Gillianbx's story is just another example of the damage N's can do to their spouse. By staying married to these N's, they have LEGAL access to our home's, our money, our children, our property, our identity, and pretty much anything else they decide they set their sites on. Unless and until we get the courts involved and they are ORDERED to stop, this type of craziness will continue.

I cannot imagine still being married to my XNPDH, even IF he didn't bother me. I would be so scared to death that he would come barging into my home at any moment (just because he could) and there would be NOTHING I could do about it. ((((Quiver))))

I didn't have any money to get my divorce at the time either. I somehow scraped the money together and to my horror the whole thing ended up taking longer and costing 10 times what I thought it would cost.

BUT, the peace of mind and the quiet life I live today is SO WORTH it. Looking back, I would have spent TWICE what I did to be rid of him and to have what I have now.

I'm sure the others who have been through this would say the same thing.

To those of you still contemplating divorce, who are fearful of the threats, violence, etc of your N; toughen up. I'm not going to tell you it will be easy, because it won't. It will most likely be one of the hardest things you have ever done. But you will be rewarded in the end. You cannot put a price on peace of mind.

I have faith in each and every one of you. You just have to get to your own breaking point when YOU have had enough. YOu will find a way to make it happen.

Good luck and BIG hugs to you all.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like Veritas said you can't testify against him because you're still M to him.It's a law and he's using it to his advantage.
He's not protecting you from jail, he's protecting himself.

His cousin being in your house alarms me.
He's a watchdog set to keep an eye on you.

Your NPD has you on a very short chain.

After what you told me, I feel even more that you and the kids' lives are in danger.
If not from him, than from his russian mob connections.
I think he's made a deal with them about you.
If the deal goes bad, (and we know it happens a lot in the drug world)they may decide to take you and the kids out to teach him a lesson.
That's why cuz is in the house.To keep an eye on you.

If you were to do anything they didn't like, they might shoot him.

You really need the Feds to help you.
Go to them again, secretly and tell them you fear for your life and your kids' lives.
Be very careful when and how you do it.
I'm sure your phones are being monitored and possibly your computer too.



Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and he told me that he is protecting me by not divorcing me so that he doesn't have to testify against me in court.

That would only make sense if YOU were being investigated. HE IS THE DEFENDANT. He's protecting HIMSELF. Since this is a matter of life and death, I won't tell you what to do, but I will say that the FBI will probably give you a better deal than your NPD husband. My cousin's husband was running drugs on sugar cane trucks for the Mexican Mafia. SWAT teams broke her door down at 6 am and started tearing the house apart. 2 years later, he's in the federal pen for 8 more years. What happened to her? Not shit. Why? Because she divorced him and told the ATF everything she knew. Your life, your decisions. It sounds like you're already imprisoned to me.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
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