having said that, my ex has some very strange "issues" like the things you are describing. Things like other peoples farts make him sick and he flips out. He spends a long time on the can and can't stand to be bothered. It makes it hard since we had only one bathroom.
No idea if it is all part of the selfish crap these people have as part of their make-up. It sure is annoying to say the least.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Don't know your story fully lola, but are you guys in MC?
From reading here at SI, I've heard some doozy stories, so it's vitally important to get a good one...a lot of them are complete incompetent quacks & do more harm than good.
Sounds like a good MC, one who is familiar with NPD and infidelity....perhaps an actual MD/psych who can help prescribe meds to control the secondary behaviors?
Cuz that's all that can be done, apparently. If he IS N, the basic underlying problem can't be fixed.
Finding the first NPD thread & reading through it would help too:
it's got tons of stuff, incredibly helpful.
I hope for your sake he isn't N.
H doesn't think he need IC
No, the narcissists don't think anything is "wrong" with them.
Even if he's not a full-blown N, there's something strange with all of the sensitivities he has. I work with a girl who is super-sensitive to all things - noises, smells, air temperature - any kind of discomfort is hugely amplified for her. It drives me batty; I can't imagine being married to someone like that!
Keep reading up on the Ns. Any knowledge and information is helpful and good.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
For example, does he give you the same courtousy, privacy, etc that he demands for himself? (without you asking) Or do the rules only apply to you and he can bulldoze around house doing whatever he pleases?
Does he own ANY of the problems in the marriage? Or are they ALL your fault? Are his affairs even your fault?
Hmmmm.....I think I smell a narcissist.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 1:33 PM, December 30th (Tuesday)]
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
And as far as the issues we have in the marriage, he says he's been emotionally abused and has had to seek refuge from me in the form of emotional A's, but then says he's not justifying the behavior but "explaining."
I've snooped on his computer and discovered that he's watching young Japanese girls stripping on youtube videos instead of spending time with me. I confronted him...he lied....said they were "pop ups." And now he's mad at ME for snooping and is going to change his passwords. So I'm always the problem. If I just "let him be himself" there wouldn't be any problems according to him.
It's not looking too good right now, is it?
[This message edited by lola99 at 3:56 PM, December 30th (Tuesday)]
Hugs to you.
Sadtoo is very right about the sensitivities. My ex had his but then would "forget" when there were things that upset me or the children. He is special and the rest of us aren't. Of course he caters to the wifetress now....but mark my words, her time will come too.
Peridot: He is a high maintenance guy with a killer wardrobe, tons of shoes....top notch suits, leather jackets, hat collection. I consider myself an attractive woman but when he and I are out in public, he gets all the admiring glances from woman AND MEN! He constantly gets compliments. In fact, I feel like the spouse of a celebrity who's pushed aside while he's the center of attention. It's a really weird dynamic.
We recently went to Montreal for the weekend and two French men actually approached my H and asked if they could take his picture! I stood off to the side while they snapped his photo!
He's like a magnet and I just can't explain it....but of course he loves it but will never admit it....
Welcome to the NPD Thread, sister!!
Have you gotten through that book yet? You'll have to let us know what you learn!
[This message edited by woundedby2 at 12:15 PM, December 31st (Wednesday)]
I remember that happening with my XNPDH too. We were participating in this annual event here in the local area and there happened to be a movie producer in town looking for "extras" for a movie they were planning and he asked XNPDH to come for a shooting. I never heard the end of that, even though the movie was never made.
The weird thing was though, that he never really "fit" if you know what I mean. He always looked the part. It was almost like living with someone who was a living costume party or something. For example, he wouldn't be caught dead in the barn in a pair of tennis shoes. He HAD to have on cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. I was like, "Who gives a shit? The horses don't care what you look like." If we went out, he had to dress to kill. Again, he looked the part, but he never "fit". I'll never forget one time going to one of my company functions. It was not black-tie, but close. Everyone was in the lounge for after dinner drinks and XNPDH says to the waiter, "I'll have a glass of Caug-Nack" The waiter snickered and said, "How about you ma'am..." I was like, "What did he order?" Then I saw the cognac and LAUGHED out loud!! I honestly thought XNPDH was trying to be funny, but he was SERIOUSLY STUPID.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 4:49 PM, December 31st (Wednesday)]
sadtoo: Wow...I thought my H was one of a kind but sounds like you had a doozy too! The cowboy costume thing is a hoot...and the Caug Nack had me in stitches! Yes, you're right, they look the part but don't fit in. I always tell my H that the reason he gets so much attention is because he has to look "different" to be noticed...He'll never admit it, though but sticks to his story: "I like to look nice." It's snowing here right now to beat the band, and he's changed twice already to go to the market. First trip he wore a brown leather bomber jacket with brown hat and boots. 2nd trip he changed into a black leather jacket with matching hat and boots....Who's he trying to impress?!? Anyway, Happy New Year!! Hugs, Lola
[This message edited by lola99 at 5:50 PM, December 31st (Wednesday)]
All this dressing up reminds me of 3 year olds. LOL.
Happy New Years !!!
Happy New Year to you too Bob. Hope you and the girls are doing well.
Happy New Year to all!!
Ummmm.. no dear.. it says Et Al.
Seriously.. they never cease to amaze me.
About ~C.? I hear she even keeps a bottle in her desk at work. Not in an alcoholic way but in a kick ass Humphrey Bogart kinda way.