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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, August 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He thinks the judge is going to kick me to the streets with two small kids just because he wants to sell the house. I just don't see that happening. If he pays child support and alimony then add my job to that. I should be able to make the house payment. The mortage is cheaper than any apartment I could rent.

So who is driving the new car? Her?

I hope that mine is not stupid enough to try and mess with the kids. He will have one hell of fight on his hands if he messes with the kids.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, August 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, rent here is terrible. I think it would be about $2500 to rent a similar house in this area, so I'm going to do all I can to stay here. My mortage, plus the equity line payment, plus property taxes and insurance is still not near $2500. Even if I have to take out more loan to buy him out, I don't think it would be as much as renting.

Yep, she is apparently driving around in the new car.

Don't put anything past him, p. Do not be shocked when he starts saying he wants 50/50 custody. Mine did that. He was voluntarily having visitation 11% of the time. eleven percent. As soon he had talked to a lawyer, he wanted one overnight every other week, so he was up to maybe 15%. By the time we went to mediation, he was demanding 50/50 - week on/week off.

No, they will stop at nothing. There are no rules, no boundaries, no shame.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, August 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes, but even N freaks have an *achilles heel*...its incumbent that we FIND whatever it might be.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, August 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ya know what, y'all? It doesn't really matter whether they =want= to keep you on the back burner or not. What's really important is that YOU have made the decision that you don't NEED the asshole and that you are not going to be back-burner material for ANYBODY.

Whatever they say--especially if they say anything that makes you feel hopeful for the future (as regards them, anyway) or sorry for them, just remember--it's all about them, and it's all bullshit. Don't count on anything from them.


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ditto @ Ll!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, Asshat is out of town on business this week, so it's just me and the kids all week long.

Ah, peace....

I was walking my puppy dog last night, and I realized how free I felt with him being so far away. I just felt a moment of lightness, and I so loved it.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe))),

Away from an N, is best. I wish you all well, those that are escaping that which is N.

BoB RePoRt: (LOL)

The Authorities called today inquiring about STBXPDW's insistence that the kids live with her 50% of the time (as she claims with the Social Services people, so as to collect benefits). They asked if there was a court order dictating such, as STBXPDW claims that there is. There isn't.

BoB, out.


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Is it possible to have a mediated divorce from a narcissist?


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Why)))
I've tried. I'd say probably not, as a mediated divorce seems to be based on the good faith of the parties involved and their ability to co-operate.

I believe by definition that would rule out Ns.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he keeps saying he wants to use a mediator, then he seems to find some excuse not to actually proceed.

when the shit hit the fan first, in dec., I made an appt. for a mediator a week later. we both went, then he refused to discuss it.

he sends me a link for a mediation firm, I call them, they tell me we both have to be on a conference call, then set up an appt. together. I tell him this, then he says what am I supposed to do, tell my boss I need time off from work to get a divorce?
(he has told me that he told everyone at work he's getting divorced.)

then he proceeds to insult everything about me, including every member of my family, and says I have deep seated repressed issues and that I am going to have a breakdown.

he gets completely nuttier every time I see him. (we pretty much live in separate houses most of the time.)


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
throttled
♀ Member
Member # 20582
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

then he proceeds to insult everything about me, including every member of my family, and says I have deep seated repressed issues and that I am going to have a breakdown.

Sounds so familiar, knock you down, kick you while you are down. When things aren't going their way it gets very ugly.


Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level. - Dr. Joyce Brothers

Posts: 191 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: hell would be an step up
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


It's almost to the point where it doesn't phase me.

he is just so fucked up. I have spent nerly the entire summer away from him, and being near him now is like sticking my finger in an electric socket with wet hair.


I don't want it to cost a fortune (friend is up to over $70k from divorcing her physically abusive NPD), so I'm ok with mediation. he is just not cooperating, and it was his idea. I think it's his passive aggression.

after seeing all of these people here spending thousands upon thousands, maybe mediation would be better.


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I just found out today that we are probably gonna have to do the trial thing since he doesn't want to agree to anything. That's going to cost at least another $1500.

then he proceeds to insult everything about me, including every member of my family, and says I have deep seated repressed issues and that I am going to have a breakdown.

I am sorry and I know it is not funny but I have heard pretty much the same conversation many times from my STBXH. I started laughing as I was reading your post. Especially this part. It could have been one of our conversations. I swear this thread is like dejavue.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why,

You should have no trouble mediating with him -- so long as what you think is fair is exactly what he thinks is fair. Anything less than what he wants and you will be "unreasonable", "unfair", "inflexible", "nickel and diming him", etc...

I read your profile, and given that he is abusive, I can't think that you will be successful in mediating with him. At the very, very least you need your own separate attorney to look over any agreements before you sign. Be prepared for him to throw a tantrum like a child and not agree to anything, and then you will have to lawyer up anyway.

Getting away from the Ns seems to be a costly endeavor, for sure.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mediation is not advised in relationships where there is an unequal balance of power in the relationship. Given the abusive behaviour and the mental abuse heaped on the spouses of there freaks, there is definitally unequal power in the relationship. These people also need to be able to agree to something and actually intend to carry it out. Most of these people will say whatever they think will make them look good and then do whatever. Much of the time, unless the mediation becomes a court order, it is a total waste of time. More often than not they will agree in mediation and then refuse to sign because they have "changed their mind". A real waste of time.

Also in mediation they are not in control so unless the mediator is skilled and knows what they are dealing with you will be in for difficulties. You will either be made to look like a nutcase or they will manipulate the mediator in some other way.

I know with mind mediation was totally out of the question. It took about 5 minutes in the room with the 2 lawyer trying to negotiate before he flipped and started screaming at everyone including his lawyer. It was a sight to see.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

already spoke to a lawyer and am planning on him reviewing things if we do mediate. otherwise, this guy is a pro at dealing with npds, but he's $300/hr.

he did manage to extricate my friend from her situation, and is an older man who grew up in the bronx, so there isn't much shit he puts up with. so, if I have to go that route, I'm prepared.

I thought maybe mediation with work with stbx because he suggested it, and also because he acts normal in front of others. (even my daughter pointed this out.)


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is all so familiar.
I cannot stress enough that trying to divorce an npd in a reasonable manner is impossible. Use the law and have no contact with the freaks. I don't think there is any other way.
My solicitor said to me that my freedom from the freak was the way to win. Anything else was a bonus.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Should I be a bytchh and send that email Thursday about midnight or later?


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lied2 brings up a good point about the N in mediation, whyohwhy. My freak sat in a court-ordered custody mediation with me for 2 1/2 hours. We had almost everything worked out. There were 3 issues left for the courts to decide at our hearing 2 weeks later. Well, at the hearing, his attorney announced that the freak would not be agreeing to anything in the mediated agreement!! He "didn't realize the permanence of the agreements". WTF? Were we both at the same mediation session??

Truly, they will say whatever it takes to get what they want without ever intending to follow through. Up to and including lying on the stand to the judge.

Just be very cautious, whyohwhy. Especially with custody issues and support. You don't want for your kids to end up getting the short end of the stick.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reading all of these posts here is another reason why I stay seperated and have taken NO legal action like D/LS.
My freak will just lie with impunity.
So long as he does not bother me & wants to live like a secretive hobbit, its just fine with me.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
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