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User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, August 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see you, scout...

Here for the NPD's or the frogs?


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
ktshadow
♀ Member
Member # 10920
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey guys..I haven't posted here in awhile..things have been relatively quiet with my psycho. He left for his OP back in November. I ended up meeting up with her for lunch bc she was going to be meeting my son. She seems okay. Poor girl has no idea what she's in for.
Just when I think he might be normal, he reminds me that he's not. Our son was getting a big boy bed and I was planning on giving his crib to my sister. He said "I was going to take it. I'm going to need it someday.". I simply asked him if he had run this idea by his girlfriend as she may not want the crib that his ex wife picked out for our child. He "hadn't thought of it that way". I have done everything in my control to make this situation manageable for my and my son's sake. Nothing is ever enough. The audacity to even ask for the crib is beyond comprehension. All I can say is that I really want to send this girl he's with a fruit basket or something for taking him off my hands. And he still comes to me for supply, I just know it now. Sometimes I slip into the trance, but I snap back much quicker than I used to. His favorite is to ask me "is everything okay? you seem like something's wrong." Which with a normal person one might be inclined to share stressors or concerns. That always comes back to bite me in the ass. Keep on truckin, I guess.


Don't let only one person decide if you are loveable or not. Be around the ones who have already decided that you are.
I traded in my intuition for his analysis.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2006
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, KT--

I'm sure you'd rather use that crib as firewood than send it over for him to use! What an asshat. Ya, I wonder if the GF knows that he's planning on having more kids???


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, you guys, why can't he just leave me the fuck alone? I'm so tired, tired, tired of his bullshit. Sick and fucking tired of it. All of it.

I had such a nice vacation with my kids, and 5 days of peace and quiet with absolutely no contact. It was heaven.

I just want to be left alone. I hate him and what he's done to me and my kids. I hate him.

Sorry. Bad day. Phone call at work. Usual NPD shit. Me near to tears. Him probably laughing. Fucker.

Anyone have any hugs to spare today?


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((WB2)))

(((HUGS)))
(((HUGS)))
(((HUGS)))
(((HUGS)))...

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And here's another one (((((((WB2)))))))

LL


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Bob and LL.

Why does every little thing have to be a battle of epic proportion?

He's all pissy because my L sent his L a letter suggesting that co-parenting classes might be a good idea and requesting that she verify that he has the "adequate" sleeping arrangements for the kids. So he's demanding to know is it me or my L who's so worried about the kids having separate beds? And the parenting classes are just another way for my L to run up the attorney's fees. Yup. That's it.

Then it's all my fault again that the attorneys' fees are mounting. That this thing is never going to end. That all I am trying to do is get every penny that he has, so he'll never be able to have his kids. The reason he doesn't have separate rooms for the kids is that he can't afford it - my fault again. His relationship with the kids - my fault it's not good. I'm supposed to fix it for him.

He's already in arrears on C/S. He refuses to pay me what he was owing from before we had orders from the court - what he was voluntarily giving me to help support the kids. Now he suddenly doesn't feel inclined to make good on that $600 he owes. Fine. Has he paid the C/S arrears from July yet? He says he has made a "payment" - check my bank account. He paid $150 Then I had sent him an email with $105 in medical and sports expenses for the kids. He replied to me with "please provide receipts." I swear I could throttle him! I told him that I'd have my attorney's office forward the receipts to him early next week. Or, he could just put the money into my bank account.

Fucktard's never asked for receipts before - honest to God... He's going to start getting receipts. I'm gonna keep track of every damn dime, and he's going to get the receipts. I'm so mad at him right now. (Can you tell? ).

Oh, and I called my L's office and asked that whatever motion needs to be filed be filed to get the wage assignment done for the C/S. I'm not putting up with this shit any longer.

Now, where's my wine? I need a drink!


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
throttled
♀ Member
Member # 20582
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

KT, woah... you are NOT serious, he asked for the old crib for his new girlfriend. I was so picky with my first child, everything had to be new and just for my special bundle of joy. I would have had a FIT if my H would have given me one from an ex-wife.

How can a N not see that? How can they be so blind? I feel sorry for the subsequent women in the N's life. To start out so soon without your opinion being counted...

Then again... he's not buggin' you anymore. That is definately worth a fruit basket AND a bunch of flowers.


Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level. - Dr. Joyce Brothers

Posts: 191 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: hell would be an step up
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

W2 ((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))

I keep track of everything that I can to make him pay for. He doesn't pay nearly enough support so when I can get some help, I take it.

Keep receipts of anything you can. If it ever comes to someone questioning the expenses you have proof.

These freaks get me so pissed off. Why do they have to go around causing problems? Either get with the program or go away. Mine has basically gone away. Most of the time it is the best thing. I just am struggling because this single parenting thing is so very difficult.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
throttled
♀ Member
Member # 20582
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

woundedby2 - I am a total newbie at this NPD thing...

I can tell you what I have learned about the THEORY of dealing with an NPD. Never engage them, have them go through your lawyer. I am at the stage where I am unsure what to do, but I can just hear my NPD blaming me for everything like you describe.

I am sorry you are going through this, it has to be very painful to listen to all the blame and accusations. Try to protect yourself from him as best you can.


Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level. - Dr. Joyce Brothers

Posts: 191 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: hell would be an step up
discombobulated
♀ Member
Member # 6580
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't post much because stbx npd sa lurks. But thought my experience might be instructional...

stbx npd sa moved a woman/parmor/stupid whore into my house a couple of weeks ago. He told all the neighbors that she was "just visiting" blah blah blah... He told my kids to lie to me about it. My younger son has been very upset, but wouldn't talk about it with me per his orders.

I went over to my marital home one morning to take pictures of all her garbage to prove to the judge that she had moved in and was living in the house I own. (The sheriff's office advised me to move out 11 months ago due to repeated violence and abuse, so I did which created all sorts of additional legal problems in regard to custody and posession of the house.)

Imagine my surprise to find my husband's whore asleep in the bed I bought, in the sheets I chose, in the room I painted. I got some great photos. I framed her up in the camera and said LOUDLY, "GOOD MORNING! I'M MRS. K - WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" click, click, click...
She didn't like having her "pitcher" taken, lunged at me, grabbed myy camera and threw it across the room. Then she came after me. It's amazing how strong you can be with some adrenaline flowing. When she grabbed me, I shoved her away forcefully and she went backwards into the kitchen cabinets. My Wise Woman Self told me - time to go.

Of course she called my rat bastard husband and they called the police. I was hauled out of my office in handcuffs and spent the weekend in jail - accused of "burglary" - for entering my own home and repeat violence from a woman I had never laid eyes on before.

Bail was set at $50,000!!! No priors, no arrest record, no speeding tickets! At hearing the judge released me on my own recognisance. But I spent a fascinating 36 hours in the county jail on a false arrest.

At hearing, the same judge threw out the charges - no restraining order, but I had to pay a criminal defense attorney a boatload of money.

My children have been told I'm a monster. I haven't had visitation with my youngest son in 3 weeks - a violation of the court order for visitation. What a mess.

stbx npd sa has repeatedly violated court orders, done a phenomenal job of showcasing the worst possible parenting techniques and here I am with no support, no time with my kids, enormous legal bills and now an arrest history (for a pillar of the Community!)

the moral of the story is this: if you think your spouse is npd - don't waste your time with counseling, reading books, trying to reason, because none of that will help - it will obnly give the npd leverage to manipulate you and further obscure the truth. If you suspect npd - RUN! Run as fast as you can and get safe, get your kids safe - run! And don't look back at the face of evil.

Despite all this trash, there have been some amazing blessings from my church, friends, community and family. Don't hide from people. Ask for help and you'll get it.
Blessings,
Katherine


BS - age 52- married 27 years, in IC, support groups
WH - age 57 - sex addict/porn addict, NPD
Children 2 boys, 19 & 16
D-day #1 2/2/05, D-day #2: 1/22/06
R 4/21/05, but that was another lie, just a game.
D-day #3 11/06
Divorce final may 09

Posts: 2151 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: Florida
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I hear you, Disco. I do try to avoid him as much as possible. He is no longer allowed access to our marital home (stalking and snooping). Child swaps are done curbside.

Mine is currently living with OW, but officially "renting 2 rooms" at her friends' home. Not living with her -- why would I think that? Well, maybe the fact that the kids have never been to friends' house to stay in the rented rooms? The only times they were at that house were when he was having them help him move his shit there from his studio apartment that he could no longer afford to rent.

Fucktard. Accuses me of immoral behaviors with the kids because dd9 has been sleeping with me in the king sized bed. Nevermind that he and OW are constantly swapping tongues in front of them, and ds13 heard her fucking bed banging half the night when he had the kids at her house (where he doesn't live) for his weekend last time. Yeah, dd9, who has been devastated by this, sleeping in my bed is a real crime alright.

Honestly his own kids are so far down on his priority list that it's pathetic. Yet it's all my fault that they don't want all that much to do with him.

I think his priority list goes something like this:

1. Me
2. My dick
3. Myself
4. My dick
5. I
6. My dick
7. My wallet
8. My image
9. My cumdumpster
10. My cumdumpster's kid
11. My job
12. My kids (or should I put car here? )
13. My car
13. Other responsibilities that I choose to ignore.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, August 16th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Disc and Wounded - what a pair of bastards. I feel for you. They will do anything they can to get to you. You have to take each step at a time, looking at the big picture is too much of a mountain to climb.
Wounded - give him the receipts if your lawyer thinks it is worth doing. Otherwise ignore him. He is trying to get to you and define the rules of your divorce. Ignore it as the only thing that matters is the law. Follow the advice of your lawyer and ignore everything else. Trust me, that is the best way. Who cares what his priority list is...just think about yours. Are you in counselling?
Disc - even the greatest mess will resolve itself eventually. Things will improve for you.

Lied - as always you hit the nail on the head. I am finding single parenting so hard at the moment. I feel that because I have to do everything, I never get to do anything of quality with my kids. I don't even know if I enjoy them anymore as all I feel is that it is one chore after another, followed by emotional issues that we have to work through. Hard work.

Saying that, the freak has the kids for four nights next weekend (his annual holiday with them) and I am going to Paris with a friend for shopping and sightseeing. My consellor thinks this really will be the beginning of my new life as I am achieving a long-held ambition by doing this.
My point is, this time last year this would have been an absolute imposibility. A year (even in npd land) has made a difference for me. Just think where we could all be next year.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 2:38 AM, August 17th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Itsa,

Thanks for the advice. It's just so infuriating that I can be having a great week, and all it takes is one single contact with him to turn everything on end. He is just pushing my buttons, trying to control and manipulate me. I had a great session with my IC today. I am going back to strict email-only contact with him. I will not let him affect me like this.

I had a much better day today. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, August 17th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NPD's are PRO's at baiting. Don't allow yourself to be baited.

NO contact is the only way. Communicate through your attorney or a third person. If you must communicate, do it through email so you have a paper trail. Insist on it and don't let them bully you into a verbal conversation. These nut-jobs will do anything to get you to react and or fly into a rage and they will be the first one standing there going, "SEE! I told you she was crazy!!" And they will likely have a video recorder to capture the moment.

I am not at all surprised by discombobulated's situation. (Sad and horrified yes, but not surprised.) This is what an NPD is capable of doing and will think NOTHING of doing this.

Hugs to all.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, August 17th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dis they are such capable liars it is frightening. Not a game you want to play with them because unless they flip out (and a proned to freak outs) you wioll be made to look like the bad guy.

Don't let him pervoke you at all.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, August 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted this in the D/S board but wanted to get some thoughts on this.


The STBXH was over the other day to see the kids, he has sup visits. At the end, we talked, huge mistake I know. I think that I seen a glimpse of cake eating. He said that he wanted a clause that I can't have men over at the house and he couldn't have women over at his. I have no problem with this. I had thought about adding the same thing even he will have sup visits, just in case one day he doesn't. I have to cover all my bases with his NPD ass.
I guess he forgot about the sup visits and he said that he would make sure she wasn't there. First, he is getting sup visits. Second, even if he weren't, they live together. She has no one here except his family and none of them can even stand her. So where would she go? She is a nut job with pending felony charges against her. Just another reason to have the sup visits. He doesn't even have enough sense to cheat on me with a decent person.

Then he starts in on how he doesn't want to loose the house but he basically doesn't want me to get it. He can't live here then neither should I basically.

I think in his NPD world he is trying to keep me from dating. Not that I want to anyway. I think he thinks that if that clause is in there then I won't date and he can keep me on the back burner so when they break up I am still here waiting and single.

He's also been really freaking chatty here lately. What the hell is up with that?

Anyway, I realized tonight that he is still freaking cake eating. He tells me that we are over, like I need him to tell me that, but he is trying to keep me on the back burner.

What the hell, he is the one who has a woman living with him. He is the one who is moving on with his life already even though we aren't divorced yet.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, August 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((dis))) The minute I said I wanted a divorce and that there was no way in hell that I would give him custody of the kids (he wanted to take the boys and me take Lola so he would not have to pay child support), he called up my parents, told them I was an alcoholic, and said that they were going to stage an intervention. These NPD freaks have absolutely NO SHAME WHATSOEVER. NONE.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, August 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine told everyone that I am crazy,bipolar!

His favorite line for trying to get me to do what he wants is that my attorney works for me and she should do what I say. Granted she is the one with the legal degree not me. He wanted to send the car back to the bank and me get a new car in my name,the one I have is in his name. He thinks that if the car is in my name that he won't have to make the payment. Too bad he hasn't done that with the house. I would probably take him up on that one,lmao!

Then he wanted all the utilities out of his name.

We have court on Thursday for all the contempt charges he is facing for selling his truck and getting a new car because the whore wanted a new car. Then there is the long list of bills he is court ordered to pay and isn't. I am hoping that his check will get garnished and I won't have to deal with him anymore to get the bills paid. I was the one who took care of all the financial stuff in the marriage and it is killing me that everything is always late now or doesn't get paid at all.

Court should be fun and interesting!


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, August 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, V, my freak also thought he would take DS and I would take DD. Like they're a set of pots and pans or something. Ok, you take the dutch oven, and I'll take the skillet.

peridot, mine also continues to try to string me along. Also, when they start being "pleasant", they're up to something. Be cautious. About the house, yeah, I can see this. Mine seems to be jealous that I'm planning on staying in the house. That I have the means (parents) to buy him out. I know he would like to see me paying ridiculous rent for a horrid little apartment (just like he had to do). We deserve to be punished like that, you know. For all that we've done to them. We are evil after all.

Oh, and yours sold a car too, huh? Mine did that also. Traded in our truck which had less than a year until it was paid off. He got himself a little black car with a sunroof, and now I only ever see him driving OW's truck. Hmmm....


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
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