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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 12:59 AM, October 7th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How right you are Sad!!

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, October 7th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadtoo,

I added that to my collection of insightful and wise quotes. Awesome !!!

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 2:24 AM, October 9th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))

I posted a couple more tunes. PM if you are interested.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, October 10th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tribe--
I've got some things weighing heavy on my mind today. I will also be posting about this in S/D, but anyone here who has experience with this, please, any advice is appreciated.

Last week, I had DS13's IC asking me about how the kids can be heard in court. Have I considered "Minor's Counsel"?

Then yesterday, DS's psychiatrist was not happy with DS's current mental state, and she asked me if I was pursuing psych evals in my D. She said, "I don't see this situation (NPD dad's behaviors and abuse) improving".

I was hoping to avoid further expense and legal entanglement, but the wisdom of 2 mental health professionals is too much to ignore. Perhaps it is time to go this route.



Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, October 10th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That must of been a difficult thing to hear Wounded.
For what it is worth, I would listen to the professionals and go down this route. We have to do everything we can to support the kids against this trauma these twisted people inflict upon them.
This is a hard one for you all but I think it will be the best thing. You are a fantastic mom Wounded, always remember that.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, October 10th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe this will help you get a better custody schedule in the long run.
The one y'all have now is whack.

No stability, too much shuffling back and forth during school week.

Not to mention the destructive behaviour of his dad calling him names and the whole food issue with the kids.

It's no wonder the kids are where they're at mentally.
It's not going to get better either until there is a change.
Right now, they need stability and dad's not supplying it.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, October 12th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Tribe!

Wanted to let you know there is a new book out "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?" Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers. by Karyl McBride PhD

For the most part it is all stuff that I have learned along the way; but for others this would be a good read. It covers the romantic fallout and our parenting choices along with how to deal with mother in a healthy way. A lot of the information can transfer over to how to deal with any N in your life. The focus of the book is how to heal yourself - changing the negative voices into positives and proving to yourself that you are not an N.

She's got a website too.
http://www.nevergoodenough.com/

Many positive thoughts.


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, October 13th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got an email from nutcase and I noticed in the header that he has my name listed as my maiden name. I have not changed my name back and have no intention of changing it. I can only guess that the new wifey things she gets to use that name and I don't. I called him on it. I am kind of pissed that he would address me like that. Maybe I should address him as A$$Wipe since I have changed his name to that.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, October 13th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, sounds like Mrs. High Maint is having a Supreme Hizzy Fit, lied2.
(Hey, sounds like a BAD pizza! )

He, MegaAsswipe, deserves his JUST REWARD!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe another common thing among NPDs. Soon after I split with psycho-man, he began to refer to me as only my maiden name. No first name only my maiden name.

In the end after the divorce was finally over (some two years +) and because we didn't have any children, I did change my name back,

Lied2, I don't know what to tell you about yours. He just seems to dig his heels in about things and won't budge. (Like giving you the phone number and other things) Then he does this, like you won't see it. It's almost like he's intentionally trying to get your goat. What a CREEP!!

(((Hugs)))


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lied2))) Poor lied2 -- I know it absolutely crushes you that bonehead no longer thinks of you as his family!


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Recoveringwife
♀ Member
Member # 21054
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by Recoveringwife at 6:19 PM, August 24th (Tuesday)]


BW: (me)38
2 kids
dday Feb 2008
Recovering


Posts: 847 | Registered: Sep 2008
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been considering whether or not I want to change my name back to my maiden name. I can see the upside and the downside of going either way. Still thinking on it.

On the NPD front -- seems things may not be all wine and roses in Happy Familyland. I discovered that he has recently registered and posted a profile at Match dot com. I wonder what OW would think??


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I couldn't get back to my maiden name quick enough!!

He phoned me this morning to ask if he could pick the kids up from school as "he had been laid off from work for the day". I said yes.
When I put the phone down I realised it was his birthday today and he obviously felt he should see his kids today!
Weirdo!!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So this is where the advice part comes in. The OW's H and I have developed a friendship, but haven't emailed in a few weeks. Is this something I should discuss with him? Any way I could help him? He's probably aware of it already but I'm just wondering if I should leave him be or discuss with him.

To be honest, I would be wary of diagnosing someone through a third party. Unless she has done something specific to you that you could point to, I wouldn't consider it. Judging from the letter that your husband wrote to her, I wouldn't say she was NPD, and I am kind of curious as to what you're basing your assessment on. They obviously had a lot of deep introspective conversations, something that many NPD's don't have time for. Flattery, charm, and repetition are usually what gets them going. If your husband had not engaged immediately, she probably would have lost interest in him, IF she was truly NPD.

[This message edited by veritas at 12:42 PM, October 14th (Tuesday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it absolutely crushes you that bonehead no longer thinks of you as his family!


Yup I sure am. I'm laying on the floor rolling in....laughter

I know from facebook that she has taken his name so I am sure calling me by my maiden name is for her benefit. He knows that if he pisses her off he won't get his much needed supply. I know she is threatened by me. I think he needs to let go because he seems to be the one needing to take potshots at me. (emails about me being alone and he is not, changing my name, picking arguements about anything and everything). definitally not indifference like I feel most of the time. It kind of grosses me out that somewhere in that defective mind he still feels a connection to me. Go away already.

As for the mirroring, they do it to the extreme. I can see my ex doing it in the few times I have seen him over the summer. The way he talks, speaks, and dresses all shout her.

I would leave the OW's H alone. If her wants to talk to you then he will call. It sounds like contact would not be a health thing but hold you to the OW and her actions. regardless of what happens from this point that crap is healthier in the past.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Recoveringwife
♀ Member
Member # 21054
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually, she has exhibits every trait that is listed on the N.P.D. website as a signature of N.P.D. I would not diagnose her either, just something to discuss that might help her H who is struggling.

The letter my H wrote is more a reflection of his thoughts and feelings than hers. I think he felt so guilty that he discussed his feelings quite often. She would always try to change the subject back to her. He was in leadership position and she wanted to be in that position so she was doing anything to impress him and get his attention. There is much more to the story than what has been discussed here.

She mirrored him to the extreme...so much so that H thought they had everything in common. But when time came for her to actually do those things, her inability and incompetance became extremely apparent.

She was ALWAYS complaining. She never got enough recognition. SHe never got her shot. She should get somewhere faster because she was older...etc. She didn't get enough credit for her ideas...and on and on.

She used my H as a vehicle to complain and to get whatever she wanted at work (because he was in power position). And he's very sensitive...good target for that.

She has a sense of entitlement and lack of empathy. She started hitting hard on my husband a few weeks after I gave birth to a child. Coincidence? I think not.

Envy. Told my H people were just jealous of her because she is pretty and talented.

Brushed off others achievements, even my H's. But still trying to kiss his ass to get what she wanted. Wanted to associate with him because he was successful in the field.

Was obsessed with wanting to leave HER mark on something/anything. Was always complaining about not getting her shot. (She was right out of school but didn't go to school until her 30's)

Told my H, her daughter has big brown eyes so she'll be able to get whatever she wants in life. Talked about using her looks to manipulate others.

Requires excessive admiration. Constantly looking for validation for others. This is even why she started the affair. Said she wanted her H to fight for her and to see her pulling away.

Show arrogant, haughty and patronizing behaviors.

Believes she is 'special' and tries to associate with others who are in positions of power. Her H told me she has always been drawn to men in positions of power. My H had success that she wanted, so she sucked up to him.

Has no sense of humor. Can not laugh at self.

Always talking about how pretty she is and how people always say she's so 'put together'. Would tell people how she was a cheerleader and beauty queen like she was embarrased by it..and then go tell the whole office..

I could go on.

[This message edited by Recoveringwife at 1:48 PM, October 14th (Tuesday)]


BW: (me)38
2 kids
dday Feb 2008
Recovering


Posts: 847 | Registered: Sep 2008
Recoveringwife
♀ Member
Member # 21054
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another thing to mention, the OW's H likes talking to me. We've corresponded for months now. I was the one who just recently wanted a break from communication so I could have a break from another reminder of the situation.


BW: (me)38
2 kids
dday Feb 2008
Recovering


Posts: 847 | Registered: Sep 2008
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is much more to the story than what has been discussed here.

I hope so, because what's here doesn't say NPD. Selfishness, vanity, etc., yes. But she was so crushed by the second letter that your husband sent that she finally realized that the gig was up and confessed all to her husband, according to your posting. That is SOOOOO NOOOOT NPD. An NPD voluntarily admit to wrongdoing? Admit they were living in fantasyland? She might be a few french fries short of a happy meal, but I don't see an NPD diagnosis at all.

ETA: I read the things you listed. Some of them are selfishness, some of them could be things that were twisted (like her daughter having brown eyes and using her looks to get what she wants -- I've had strangers tell me that about my daughter!), some are vanity, etc. Nothing really screams out NPD; just a pathetic social climber who is disappointed in life and wanting to relive her glory days. I'm no expert, but I've never met an NPD yet for whom even being caught in the act was a deterrent to lying.

[This message edited by veritas at 1:21 PM, October 14th (Tuesday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Recoveringwife
♀ Member
Member # 21054
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted detail to the above note where I list NPD traits.

She did express some remorse in the letter she wrote to her H, however, she was still trying to validate herself in it at the same time (again hard to explain). Mainly, she was forced to reveal the details of the affair, because if she didn't my H would. She acted like she was unaffected by the letter...saying that "the voice fell flat". It was not like she fell apart because of the letter, but more held up against a wall with no where to go.

I do understand that I shouldn't be diagnosing anything, especially given the situation. And I probably shouldn't even bring it up with her H. It's just that she fits the profile so closely it is kind of astounding.

[This message edited by Recoveringwife at 1:45 PM, October 14th (Tuesday)]


BW: (me)38
2 kids
dday Feb 2008
Recovering


Posts: 847 | Registered: Sep 2008
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