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Newest Member: yearsofhurt (44293)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Tactical Primer
TwoHearts
♂ Member
Member # 20647
Happy  Posted: 8:57 AM, September 26th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

6-9 months are full of mood swings from "it's going to be okay" to "Why am I even trying." Your thoughts are emotion driven and not dependable.

9-12 months you can actually go about 15 minutes without thinking about "it." One morning I stepped out of the shower and realized that I hadn't thought of the affair yet. But sadly, those times were few and far between. You're still up and down emotionally.

Then at 12 months, sobbing again with the disappointment in your spouses selfishness

14 months you are able to have a heartfelt happy moment.

18 months the incredible crush of despair is gone. You wake up one morning and realize that the A was something that happened, not something that is happening.

20 months you no longer feel like your world is in danger. Trusting again, with your heart if not with your brain. Constantly questioning your own feelings but you realize it is fear stalking you now, not danger.

22 months you can see a future. You don't cry at the drop of a hat. You can watch television without falling apart at a love scene. Actually feeling almost back to your normal self. You finally loose that sense of being "outside" yourself. The phases can trick you, you think you're doing great at five weeks and then you hit the bottom of the well at 12 weeks. You can be raging at 10 months with a horrible anger that never appeared early on.


Great help, even to those of us who have been around here for a while. The only thought I had about what else might help is the time line quote from the healing library.

What you said was very helpful and when I combined it with the general time lines experienced by BS's it really helped put it all in perspective. Like you said, a general tactical process that might help newbies know what to expect and how to deal with it.

Well Said,

Thanks Again


1Sa 22:23 (NIV) - "Stay with me; don't be afraid; the man who is seeking your life is seeking mine also. You will be safe with me."

Posts: 681 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: 2nd Place
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, September 29th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, October 9th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
twopercenter
♂ Member
Member # 17024
Default  Posted: 3:46 AM, October 13th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I had been able to read this two years ago.

Posts: 273 | Registered: Nov 2007
tractorgirl
♀ Member
Member # 21226
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, October 15th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BS=me, late 30's
FWH=him, early 40's
Married 15 years
OW=19 yrs old
2 boys: 12 & 9, wonderful!!
Reconciling

Posts: 1368 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: nebraska
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, October 15th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even though I am over 2 years out from initial dday your primer is still a very useful tool.

Thanks SerJR for putting it together and putting it out here for all the newbies (and oldtimers).


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
toohurt
♀ Member
Member # 21245
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, October 15th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I have 'just found out', this is the most important piece of information I have found to date anywhere on the internet. Even my counselor hasn't been this much help.
Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.


Be the kind of person your dog thinks you are...

10/24-What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. That better be damn true.


Posts: 2919 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Michigan
keeks
Member
Member # 10814
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, October 15th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ser GREAT JOB!!!! This should be either in the healing library or my preference at the top of this forum....Just a hint mods...

Posts: 371 | Registered: May 2006
hurtingstudent
♀ Member
Member # 17432
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, October 24th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping back to the top for new members.


If epilepsy has touched your life, or for more information visit:

for support & info: www.epilepsy.com
for info & research: www.epilepsyfoundation.com
to track seizures: www.trackseizures.com


Posts: 4507 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: indiana
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, October 24th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
tractorgirl
♀ Member
Member # 21226
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, October 27th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BS=me, late 30's
FWH=him, early 40's
Married 15 years
OW=19 yrs old
2 boys: 12 & 9, wonderful!!
Reconciling

Posts: 1368 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: nebraska
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, October 29th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

btt

Posts: 6425 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Behindthemask
♂ New Member
Member # 21522
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, November 7th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im glad LostatSea4 sent me this link. This really is a good thing to look over. Thank you


D-Day: October 31,2008
In counseling, trying to Reconcile
9 years married, together 13
Me (BS): 36
Her: 32
Children: 5 & 6
WS: On the Fence
Two steps behind the mask

Posts: 18 | Registered: Nov 2008
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for the new, hurting ones.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7781 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
mella_love
♀ New Member
Member # 21579
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow ... I'm really glad that I saw this. Its been three months since my d-day and I'm still so lost.

I just joined SI the other day. I've just been reading everything in the Library (along with some of these posts) and I already feel better.

So thank you.
ML


"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."
- Unknown

Posts: 4 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Florida
HoBeGone
♀ New Member
Member # 21567
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THIS is absolutely amazingly perfectly well stated and needs to be seen/read by EVERY SINGLE BS!!

Thank you for posting this AND to everyone who replied ..


Me - 35F - BS - Smart, Beautiful, Faithful
Him - 29M - WS - Asshole, Diagnosed Sex Addict
Son - 5
Together 7.5 years, Married 5.5 years



Posts: 31 | Registered: Nov 2008
LostatSea4
♀ Member
Member # 21497
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, November 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am really happy it helped you BehindtheMask. It helped me a lot too when Ser put it up on one of my posts!
Thanks Ser.


R takes not one but two!
BS-me WS-him
Too many to talk about.

Posts: 992 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: SE
soldieron
♀ Member
Member # 21466
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, November 13th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


when there's nothing left to burn
you have to set yourself on fire

Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: pacific northwest
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, November 25th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
Missjane
♀ Member
Member # 19244
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, November 25th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this should be a must reread before joining the club nobody ever wanted to be a part of...

then again, it could be in inspirations, the healing library, and reconcillation....

glad I stumbled upon it...


Me - 32
WS - 38
D - 5
Together 14years, Married 9
Dday - To many to count
Divorce Papers Filed 05/08/2009
09/2009 - Divorce on hold. Attempting R. Things are looking up, the fog appears to have lifted.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Northeast
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