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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Other Child Support Thread II
KikiD
♀ New Member
Member # 26717
Frustrated  Posted: 2:30 PM, December 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm new to this thread. I must say it's a little sad to realize how many other people are dealing with this situation.

The OC is not quite 18 months old, lives out of the country with the OW, and in a huge way I'm relieved that they're not closer. I don't know how I'd cope if they were.

I just found out a little over a week ago and I'm still reeling.

Is it right to be angrier about the fact that my husband's family knew about it MONTHS before I did?!?

I have no idea how I'm supposed to behave around them now.


Posts: 14 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Washington State
HowStrong3
♀ New Member
Member # 26721
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, December 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello. I am new to this site. I just wanted to share my story since I keep this all bottled up inside and I was hopping that it would help to talk with others in similar situations. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years. WE have 3 daughters ages 8, 5 and 3. When I was 3mths pregnant with daughter number 3 I found out that he had been having an affair. He then moved out and she started living with him. That was the lowest point in my life. My world crumbled before my eyes. I was alone and pregnant for my 3rd child with a man that I felt like I didnt even know. I cant even begin to really describe what that pregnancy was like. I actually had a doctor on the phone talking about an abortion, but there was no way I could go through with that. I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. He played the back and forth game between her and me for a very long time and because I was very weak and almost in a daze, I let him. It has been 4 years since I found out about the OW. This time 2 yrs ago I saw a picture of a baby girl on our home computer and asked him who it was. To my horror, he confirmed my worst fear. It was the OC that I had known nothing about. He then told his family about the OC. She was a couple months old at the time. We have been living in the "limbo" ever since. He said that he wanted to change so many times that the words mean nothing to me anymore. We were actually starting to do a lot better for a while, he got a good job, we moved into our first house, etc., and then this past summer I haer from the OW that it happened again. My kids dont know anything about the OC. My oldest remembers the OW and will sometimes bring it up. I keep this all inside and just go with the flow of my busy working mom life. I dont want to go back to that horrible experience that I had when this all began, but I know that something needs to change. They only just had a DNA test this year and confirmed he is the father. He does not pay CS (that I know of) and she said that the only way he can see the OC is to go to her (the OW's) house and visit. She wants everything to be on HER terms. She is supported by the system (she works part-time too) and the only reason they are not coming after my H is because she did not put anyone as the father on the birth certificate. I am not even sure if he goes to her house behind my back to see the OC or not. After all of the lies, I just dont believe a word he says and dont bother asking. I know, this is a really messed up situation. For all who have taken the time to read it, Thank you.

[This message edited by HowStrong3 at 3:11 PM, December 15th (Tuesday)]


Me: BS
Him: WH
3 Beautiful Daughters
Ages 8,5 and 3
OC:Age 2

Posts: 22 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: NY
KikiD
♀ New Member
Member # 26717
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, December 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((HowStrong))

I can't imagine how hurt and betrayed you must feel. I know how horrible it feels for the OW and her child to simply BE....let alone be in the same proximity! The fact that your WH might still be seeing her would tip me right over the edge.

I'm very sorry.

Stay strong and if you can, try to see a counselor. Perhaps he/she will help you find out what you really want and will help you sort out how to get there.


Posts: 14 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Washington State
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, December 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right above this is a more recent thread for other children. Mayb eyou could copy and paste your posts to that thread, so we don't have so many going at once.

I"m sorry you guys are dealing with this.. I just sucks as I well know :(


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, December 16th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome KikiD and HowStrong3,

Sorry that you are both going thru this, but we are here to support you and give you extra understanding. I would also say post in the other thread as we have not looked at this one in a long time and the other thread sees more action.

Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk I most definately know how you are feeling.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
BrokenMom1
♀ New Member
Member # 26779
Sad  Posted: 6:23 PM, December 16th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H says he doesn't want anything to do with OW, but hesitates about what kind of a relationship he wants with OC. He is an "honorable" man. But I don't want OC around my son or me right now. I am in a jealous stage and don't want to share my H with OC... We are trying to make our M work and I think if I saw that baby in my home our M would be over... She is due in March. What is worse is that I am a Labor and Delivery RN and she plans to deliver at my hospital... I am so sick with stress. I feel humilitated. I do not know what will happen if my co-workers ask me about why my H name is on her prental records as FOB. I am trying to move forward but OC puts a different twist in life and making a M work...


BS(me)26 WS(him)30
D/day #1 April 2009 admitted EA
D/day #2 July 9, 2009 admitted sexual A

Married 6 years Dec 20
Our son 16 months
OC due March 6,2010


Posts: 3 | Registered: Dec 2009
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, December 17th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((BrokenMom1)), I am so sorry that you are going thru this and that fact that she is delivering at your hospital, a cut to the gut. Did you have a prenatal paternity test? If not, your H's name should not put be on paperwork unless the OC is proven to be his and make sure that he does not sign an affidavit of paternity. Please check out the other "OC thread" as more members respond in that one. I also reposted an OC Handbook on pg. 37-38? It has some good suggestions. Please feel free to PM me if you need to, you are not alone.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
Camp12
♀ New Member
Member # 42053
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To make a very long story short. I am trying to cope that my husband(then fiancÚ) cheated on me with a one night stand and a child was conceived. My husband was living abroad at the time. We soon married and immediately started working on a family shortly after he arrived.. My husband didn't have children (I have two from a previous relationship). We are in our 30's thus why the urgency to start a family. Up until "D-Day", we had what one would consider picture perfect. We built excellent communication and rarely had arguments or felt upset with one another.

D-Day...11/12/13
About a week after I found out we were pregnant. I saw durin my B-day weekend he had a FB app on his phone. So my intuition lead me to search for him.. I mean if he had an account I should be his friend. Well when I found his page I saw he had a picture of a newborn as his profile and wall. I clicked on pictures and saw liked by a woman. Went to her
Page and saw picture on her profile of them together. He
Confessed it all. He said they hung out while she was vacationing and only had sex the last night which happened to be his birthday. He said he was intoxicated and was stupid for sleeping with her. (i test regularly and so far negative). I found out about the baby when she was 3 weeks old. A month after d-day we found out we are carrying twins.

I could move past the infidelity but this OC makes it seem impossible. He said at first and until after she was born he denied the baby and wanted nothing to do with the OC. He said the entire time he had hoped someone else could've been the father.
The OC is now three months old an I am four months pregnant with twins. I find it so unfair to have to cope with his child. He says he will take he DNA but he know it's his
Because she looks like him as a child. I tried reaching out to the OW when I discovered this all but she never replied. Since I discovered this all pictures of him and her were taken offline. She has even changed her FB profile not realizing I can still see her. She wants him to meet the baby and asks him if he doesn't because of me. He now says he loves the baby an wants to be in her life. I am so devastated. I scarificed myself by having more children. I don't know how to cope or move past this. He wants to be with me and just wants to be in the childs life. I get so mad because I am no longer a priority . Had I been the only mother then no one else could make demands. I don't think the OW should have any benefit. The baby don't know if he is there or not. The OW shoulldnt feel whole while I feel incomplete . I don't think the OW deserves any bond with my husband. If it were up to me I would prefer little to no contact until this baby can talk for herself. Until then what's the point. Why should she save face and my dignity is destroyed. How does someone work through this?
I so badly want to contact the OW and tell her to back off! The baby does not know my husband exist. They live in Canada we are in US. He will be there for the OC when it matters. Is this too much to ask for?

[This message edited by Camp12 at 9:52 PM, January 14th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 11 | Registered: Jan 2014
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Camp12, I am sorry that you haven't gotten any responses, this thread has not been posted on since 2009. There is another, much busier thread that is for BSs only (betrayed spouses only).

What you are feeling is very natural, and what your husband did is very wrong (sneaking around behind your back), and does NOT show his commitment to you or the twins.

Have you attended marriage counseling?


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1957 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Topic Posts: 329
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