Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Other Child Support Thread II
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"And I hope I'm not still delusional thinking we can go into our golden years with a pretty good marriage, despite the hassles and pressure of an OC, and continued contact with OW. Maybe I am but I'm willing to gamble that we'll get through it all somehow."

I'm with you wimsey .


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to say goodbye to everyone. I have decided not post anymore. I dont feel supported anymore and I dont feel that I am supporting anyone else.

I guess everyone thinks I have it all figured out, but I dont, I am dealing with some serious issues and talking about them is not helping. I will like to thank those who have supported me and who feel that I have provided them some support.

Good luck everyone with what you are dealing with. I wish the best of you all.

BMC


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
crazedNconfused
Member
Member # 11075
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC. Hate to see you go. You are incredibly strong and from some of your postings are in a better place (mentally) than I could be. Best of luck to you and we will always be here.

Thank you all for your support over the last day or so. It has been uplifting and inspiring. I guess we are all allowed to have a pity part from time to time. I just went for a long walk...and just thought about the good things and the good times I've had in life. It's sad to say but none of them were associated w/ the H. I asked myself why...spoke to myself out loud...tried to give myself little pep talks. And i think it feels a little better. But there are still many "Why?" Oh well..i'm a mommy now and my baby needs me, so enough crying for one day!

Good night!


Posts: 104 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Texas
marysway
Member
Member # 5388
Default  Posted: 1:23 AM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{{{{{BMC}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Yes you show that your strong. I know you are as full as one can be with what is on your plate not only physcially but mentally.

I know I've probally taken it for advantage the strenghth that you've shown here and the support you've given to me as all of the bw's here dealing with oc's. I hope that you don't leave and start talking yourself. You deserve support too.

You know how I feel about you and I also know that you have got your hands full and again, I hope you stay!

I love you girl! I know we don't know each other but you put your hand out to me and have had several conversations with you that I appreciate sooooo much!


Marysway

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

- M


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Over here somewhere
crazedNconfused
Member
Member # 11075
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it's official...i'm officially crazy. lol!! i'm going to love OC now like i love my own. they are all one in the same. if i want H to love me and accept me that it is what i must do.

Posts: 104 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Texas
doistay2008
♀ Member
Member # 18898
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wow. that is a revealation. good for you for making the leap. What is your plan of action? How are you going to keep your feelings in check?


Me: 30
Him: 30
Married 2 years/
Togetherish 8
OC: born feb 08
No COM

Posts: 210 | Registered: Mar 2008
crazedNconfused
Member
Member # 11075
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it's not really a relevation...it's defeat and succumbing to my pathetic existance. i'm going to give up. i'm going to stop trying to get H to understand me. I'm going to stop trying to understand why this happened to me. i'm going to accept the defeat and accept that i have become a unlovable person who is destroyng her marriage and with one COM and one on the way. if i dont get my act together my H will leave me so that he can be the 20% father he needs to be for OC. b/c he says that he will divorce me and be glad to be a 50% father to COM if i don't get my act together and accept OC and start being a supportive wife so that he can be a father to OC. COM deserves half a chance at life too...life gave me lemons and i have been refusing to make lemonade. so its time to make lemonade and pour in lots and lots of vodka along with it! :P

i had loving bf..i had men who loved me and wiped away my tears. but i choose to marry the man who has done nothing but make me cry and has broken my heart and soul into a billion pieces. i made this decision so i will live with it. cause he is good now and he is a good father. no one will love COM like their own biological father. if i died someday i too would want some women to love and accept the COM would i not?

i give up the fight. i dont know what i did to be an unlovable person, but right now i am unlovable and this marriage is crumbling. i give up trying to be understood and trying to heal. i give up. i made the decision to accept this so i'm going to just do it. i don't really have a choice if i want him to stay.

he told me yesterday...that i alwaz act tough and i throw my fits and i push him with my hurt, anger and rage. that is until he threatens to leave me and divorce me...then i crumble and i cry and i beg him not to leave me. i cry and i beg to be a better wife and to be a better step-mother. i am pathetic and i accept that. he is right. i use to be a proud successful person...a person young girls wanted to be when they grow up. and now...i am someone i hope no young girl becomes. but i choose this...so i will live with it. b/c i hope someday he will love me enough and care about me enough...someday. i will try to do everything for OC and COM equally...b/c they are all just children...i am an adult and i made this choice.

sorry to ramble on and on...thank you for reading...i feel psychotic right now...i sound delusional and i feel like i've snapped...but oh well. we'll see how long this will last...having a child with a perfect stranger off the street is pretty psychotic too...but shit happens...

[This message edited by crazedNconfused at 12:43 PM, June 18th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 104 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Texas
charlotte
♀ Member
Member # 3663
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((crazed)))))

Honey I am so sorry. I can feel your pain through the computer screen.

Do you think this is the best choice for you or your COM?

You are not unloveable. Please do not beat yourself up.

You did not cause this.

I am so sorry for all of your pain.

You are not pathetic.

Why does he feel the need to threaten you?


Posts: 3983 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: Maryland ES
doistay2008
♀ Member
Member # 18898
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((crazed)))

I too feel your pain. I know that the affair, the OC, the OW -all of it hurts like hell. It hurts down to your very core, but please don't be defeated.
You are worthy of love. You are worthy of respect. You have a right to be angtry b/c your husband broke your heart. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

If you choose to accept the OC, please do it on your terms, not b/c you feel like your back is against the wall.

I know you are in a scary place with one child and one on the way. But pleae, hon, please know that you ARE WORTHY OF LOVE AND RESPECT.

(and i will let you in on a little secret that i had to learn - i have to love and respect myself first. i had to realize that i would be ok if my h left me. once i realized those two things, i could then start to demand resepct form my h. does that make sense?)

Hang in there. Hugs to you.


Me: 30
Him: 30
Married 2 years/
Togetherish 8
OC: born feb 08
No COM

Posts: 210 | Registered: Mar 2008
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crazed............you can never love any man more than you love yourself. Don't take on more than you can handle regardless of what your H says. You may not think so but eventually your H will have to respect you for being string and hoolding your ground. In this situation you have to maintain some sort of control, even if it's over yourslef. Don't let him force your back against the wall. Understanding that Oc exists and allow him to hace C with Oc if he wants but your not obligated to do any more than that. I know yo love him but you have to ask yourself how much does he love you after all he has put you through and has the nerve to get up an ultimatum. You deserve better than that and don't let him make you think otherwise. I f he leaves sooooooooooooooooooooo what. At least you have your self- respect and dignity. It may take a while but if he leaves you will get over him. Sorry Hun! I doesn't sound like he deserves a woman like you. He's the one a screwed up! Remember that!

[This message edited by lonely&depressed at 1:40 PM, June 18th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
coastofsomewhere
Member
Member # 3624
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

b/c he says that he will divorce me and be glad to be a 50% father to COM if i don't get my act together and accept OC and start being a supportive wife so that he can be a father to OC.

I hope for you and your COM that one day you will realize that you deserve better than a man who threatens and manipulates you to get what he wants.

You deserve more...and your COM deserve more.

(((hugs)))


Posts: 5203 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: on the coast of somewhere beautiful
charlotte
♀ Member
Member # 3663
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

crazed please listen to coast. She is so right about this.

lonely&depressed sweetie I think you have me confused with crazed.

But your advice is perfect for her.

Crazed we are here for you please talk to us.


Posts: 3983 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: Maryland ES
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((crazed)))

I couldn't really add more than the others. Just wanted you to know we are here if you need us


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
SadMommie
♀ Member
Member # 17718
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Crazed -

I also feel your pain. My H has tried to push me around a bit too. You did not create this disaster - do not take the blame or the responsibility. If he chooses to leave you, then that is his problem. Your COM will know that you are a a strong person that will take care of them and yourself.

DoIStay said it best - you have to love yourself first and you will be OK.

The OC deserves to be loved but he/she is not your responsibility. You and your kids are your first responsibility.

Your H doesn't deserve someone like you. He should be ashamed of himself to not only have an A but to treat you so poorly!!!!

Keep posting. We will help hold you up. : )


Me - 36
H - 35
Kids - D-6years, S-3year
OC - 2 year old
OW - POS crazy 25 year old
D-Day - April 10, 2007

"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey

"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu


Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Virginia
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, June 19th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question......... How can I look at my look at my husband and not be disgusted? How do I try to move forward. It's been four months. I don't cry as much any more. I still love my H but not like I used to. Has anyone experienced this? How deal you cope? I don't know if this is permanent or temporary. Physically, I feel sick. Now I know what a broken heart feels like literally. I would never want the people I love the most to feel how I feel. I don't think I will get any better. It just seems to be getting worse for me. In general, I have a hard time getting over things that are intentionally done to me. I wish the day would come when this didn't consume my every thought. We tried MC once but I didn't like the therapist. I thought the advise was general, impersonal and opinionated.

[This message edited by lonely&depressed at 4:11 PM, June 19th (Thursday)]


Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
charlotte
♀ Member
Member # 3663
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, June 19th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((lonelt&depressed)))))

I am sorry for your pain. I know how bad this hurts.

This is still very early for you. It takes time. It takes alot of time.

It takes the actions of your husband.

We went to 2 MCs's before we finally found one that we liked.

I am like you. I have a hard time getting over things. I have a hard time letting things go.


Posts: 3983 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: Maryland ES
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, June 19th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am like you too. I thought it would never get better. It took me 9 months before I had a day when I didn't think about it at all. I lost 20 pounds the first 2 months because I was sick to my stomach. Plus I had to pretend everything was ok to my friends and family.

But it did get better. It wasn't easy and I cried so many tears. Your H needs to be the to support you and help you heal.

{{lonely}}


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, June 19th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yea, I'm becoming a great actress.

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, June 19th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lonely&depressed)))

At 4 months out I was still in hysterics on a daily basis! Like Charlotte said it will take time and the positive actions of your H to help you get through this. It will get better but it doesn't happen over night. If I am being perfectly honest and I hope it doesn't upset you to hear this, but it took me YEARS before I felt like I was going to survive this situation. But I am surviving! There are certainly days when it still makes me angry , but dealing with all of it doesn't cripple me like it used to. Please don't give up hope, it will get better


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, June 19th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never was a very good actress. I didn't feel the need to be. Lucky for me I had/have very supportive family and friends who allowed me to talk as much as I needed. And quite frankly I wasn't interested in protecting my H image from anyone, why should I he was the one who screwed up not me.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
Topic Posts: 329
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17

Return to Forum: I Can Relate Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.