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User Topic: Other Child Support Thread II
life_will_go_on
♀ New Member
Member # 18042
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((sad)))

vent away. I feel the same way most of the time. How do they find women like this. Mine once told me that he picked her because she told him everything that he wanted to hear and gave him sex whenever he wanted it.

My OW probably has a blog that she's spewing the same garbage that yours does. I've been trying to search for it, but can't find it. How did you find her blog?


ME: 42
WSO: 41
Not Married, but together 13yrs.
D-Day: 12/10/07 (yeah merry x-mas to you too)
4 children (3 mine, 1 ours)20, 17, 14, 6
1 year Military Deployment Affair
Attempting Reconcilliation



Posts: 23 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Wisconsin
coastofsomewhere
Member
Member # 3624
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The last thing y'all want to do is read their blogs! It will be nothing but a bunch of delusional crap geared to make them look good and/or the victim...and then there are the ones who blog hoping the BS will read it and get hurt.

For your own healing...steer clear.

[This message edited by coastofsomewhere at 3:42 PM, June 13th (Friday)]


Posts: 5203 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: on the coast of somewhere beautiful
SadMommie
♀ Member
Member # 17718
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh - I try to stay clear but it is hard. All she is trying to do is hurt me so I will kick my H to the curb. My favorite entry was when she told the world that she had a STD!!!! Funny - I had been tested and came back clean. I love how she made herself look like a fool!!!

Oh - she has a Myspace account. She is just a piece of trash that I wish would find its was to the dumpster.
: )


Me - 36
H - 35
Kids - D-6years, S-3year
OC - 2 year old
OW - POS crazy 25 year old
D-Day - April 10, 2007

"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey

"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu


Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Virginia
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, You can't believe anything she puts on her Blog. She is probably writing just because she hopes you'll read it and get pissed. Don't bother with the immature slut. SHouldn't she be changing so dirty diapers instead of blogging.

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
coastofsomewhere
Member
Member # 3624
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, if she has some sort of tracker on her blog or her MySpace page...she knows you are viewing it.

I know it's hard, but each time you get the urge, remind yourself why reading it isn't a good idea...how it is going to make you feel...how it will influence your happiness and your day.


Posts: 5203 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: on the coast of somewhere beautiful
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have learned the hard way to stay off of the OW myspace page. All it ever did was upset me. I know it is hard, but you would do yourself good to stay off.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 4:49 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FYI

We will be starting a second OC support thread for BS only. This thread will stay open for everyone.

We trust that neither thread will be used to talk about what is happening on the other or talk about anyone posting on the other. Each thread should be used for support and idea sharing.

If anyone has any questions they can PM one of us.


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
coastofsomewhere
Member
Member # 3624
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great idea!

Thanks!


Posts: 5203 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: on the coast of somewhere beautiful
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's great, thanks.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Probably a good idea to have a separate forum--I hope those with OC's won't stop posting here though--I have the feeling that as OC gets older, there will be issues I'd like a perspective on from the other side of the fence so to speak!

And the OW in my case isn't amenable to my input in any way--still wishes I would disappear I'm afraid.

Thanks.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad that the need for this was addressed. I do appreciate the perspective that I have received from FOW on this thread, but there are some issues that we go thru that they will not be able to agree with or understand. No right or wrong just different strokes.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
marysway
Member
Member # 5388
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously Mary...does that really matter? I'm sure in the selfcentered can't see passed yourself state of an active OW it matters. But in reality...does that really matter. The man was married and I don't care what he said or how he acted...in my book, if you are married you don't go looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend. And you certainly don't take a MM as a boyfriend. But that's just me.

No it does not matter. I know when people ask what were they thinking is used to so much that is why I said it.

Okay...so why bring it up. Obviously, it must have justified it for you at some point. I mean...you did knowingly go into an A with a MM with COM, right?

At the time justification for both of us....not just me, but again, there is no justification as of for years now.

Which is exactly why I have such strong opinons about cheating and what it does to the children/the family. The tone set is cheating is an option...who gets hurt, doesn't matter.

True, it's an option. No disagreement there.

Again...the OW was sooooo wrapped up in herself that she didn't give a flying flip about the COM, but now, the OC IS suppose to be thought of.

You see what I expected from mm or bw was NOTHING. What I would have liked was for her to be thought of...but I never expected it. I accepted it.

We will have to disagree with your point of not bringing your children into the A also. Because from my point of view when a parent has an A, they are bringing their children into it. Your (in general) actions played fast and loose with their family and with their sense of safety and security. Your actions were also teaching those children that affairs are okay.

Okay one huge mistake out of 9 years. Something that I've spent years making up for and showing different. Your past does not always say who you are today. Why is it that the ow is forever branded for this? My kids know what happened. My xh gf told one of my twins. So I had to tell them before the counseler felt they should have been told, but they had been given little tid bits preparing them for it, and because of the gf talking, it had to come eariler. My kids have never met any man I've dated. If they are not marriage matterial then they are not coming around my kids. Plain and simple. The affair was a huge mistake Coast, but it is not who I am nor does it brand me for life. At least my kids know that I made a mistake but am able to overcome that mistake and have proven what and who I really am. Just as so many MM's have been able to do as well.

Because you say this...
But I did also think about mm's kids before he even did.
but didn't think that much of them when you decided to have an A with their father.

yeap you are absolutly right.

My point is the OW wanting what's best for the children only became important when it was her child. And expecting of others that you (in general) wouldn't even do yourself...well that seems a bit hypocritical to me. But, that's just my opinion

If you mean if the table was turned? I can't say that I would not do it. I do think if I could not handle it, I'd walk away though. that is just me though. I can't speak for other ow's.

I also wonder why OW's with OC are so surprised when the MM doesn't step up to the plate when it comes to OC. I mean, he is already cheating and betraying not only his wife but his COM...why in the world would you (in general) think he is going to start acting like some moral, selfless man with the OC.

good question. I know it was NO surprise to me. I expected it. My gut told me. I to do wonder why it surprises some ow's but then again there is that "Fog" again. He's the best thing since bread and butter.

And it seems to me the tone was already set before OC was even in the picture. And that thanks goes to the 2 adults who were actually in the know...the MM and the OW.

Coast if you re-read my post regarding tones, I've mentioned it on ALL sides not just the bw or mm. It goes for the ow as well. I've met a few wacked out ow's as well. I just know that for me even though there is NC I have never put her father down to her or was rude regarding anything towards him to her. You never know what tomorrow brings. I don't know your whole story so when I say something it maynot be directed at you or it may be a assumption that we all do. Kwim? I've met a few bw's as your mom who was the only adult there as well and how sad for the oc as there could have been a chance that the oc had two great families to love and adore them.

As I said before, this is simply my opinion. It's the whole "Do as I say, not as I do" thing that just gets me.

I understand that statement, but we all are going to make mistakes raising our kids. Some are going to be bigger mistakes than others. Do we teach our kids that there are things we should not do and if we do make a mistake that we learn from it and become a better person better example to them, or that nothing is forgivable if a mistake is done?


Marysway

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

- M


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Over here somewhere
MollyJo
♀ Member
Member # 18820
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sad--

The only reason I'm not absolutely certain that you and I have the same OW is that mine isn't due for another 2 months. Otherwise, they're pretty much the same psycho-bitch. Apparently, there's a factory somewhere churning them out from the same mixture of slime and self-deception.

In my case, the cOW has invented a world where she was involved in a great love affair with my WS, only to be unceremoniously dumped when she got pregnant. Brave girl, she's finding a way through it with the love and support of her many, many friends.

In reality, she's known me for as long as she's known him--about 7 years. In reality, they were sex buddies who broke up a dozen times in the 5 years they were screwing around. In reality, he dumped her last August, and when she found out i was in fertility treatments, she ran back to him for round 13 in November.

In the opinion of those who know both of us, she's making up these stories for 2 major reasons--first, she's really and truly a little nutty, and can convince herself of just about anything if she wants to believe it bad enough. Second, she is STILL hoping to get him back, and if her blog can get me to break up with him, she's just sure he'll come a'runnin. And if that doesn't work, making me miserable is a reward in itself.

DON'T READ THE BLOG. it's exactly what she wants, and you're playing right into her hands.


Me: BS Him: SOB OC born 9/08. We've split up but I still see him every day and the OW occasionally. Lost my whole life because he couldn't keep it in his pants.

Posts: 219 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: midwest
MYOC&ME
♀ Member
Member # 10539
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

__insert name____ can convince herself of just about anything if she wants to believe it bad enough

This is IMHO why SI is such a popular place and always will be. All humans adapt beliefs of some kind and live their lives accordingly. Most belief have a basis in reality even if they evolves into fantasy. I think most player in this scenario is guilty of convincing themselves of what ever it is THEY need to believe to move forward on their chosen path. The problem is that when you are the one deluding yourself you can't see it or it wouldn't be a delusion.


Decided today that how I got here is less important that what I do here.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Eastcoast
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some people continue to remain delusional even after being shown the reality, OW in our situation sure did.

[This message edited by auntcis at 5:40 AM, June 16th (Monday)]


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
crazedNconfused
Member
Member # 11075
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i will never understand. how do i become a bigger person? how do i be a better person? especially when i wasn't the bad person to do this to myself to begin with? and now apparently i'm not holding up to my end of the bargin as a wife and as a stepmother...and at the end of the day he'll end up divorcing and leaving me.

i put up with the baggage...i put up with all the things he did wrong to me that is in addition to his dirty ONS and the existance of the OC...yet i don't do enough. why did god curse me this way? i will never understand.


Posts: 104 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Texas
doistay2008
♀ Member
Member # 18898
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hugs to you cnc. (((cnc)))
I know that this isn't a relgious thread. Just wanted you to know that I felt the same way. I've asked the why God question many times. Sometimes I still do. THe answer that I get back is this: HE is making me a better, stronger person. I now know that I am stronger than I ever thought. I know that I will be ok with or without my husband. I know that no man is perfect and that only God should be my first love. I know that sounds a bit hooky and maybe a little preachy. I'm sorry about that. I just wanted you to hear from a fellow "Why Me God" person.

I have no idea why God has allowed any of this to happen. I know I didn't ask for it. I also have faith that he has bigger plans for me. THe hurt that I face now is only preparing my for something else. I hope this helps you. I hope I didn't offend anyone. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone with the Why God question.


Me: 30
Him: 30
Married 2 years/
Togetherish 8
OC: born feb 08
No COM

Posts: 210 | Registered: Mar 2008
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CNC & doistay,

I know it's not a religious thread, but I just try to remember what my grandmother told me when I found out OC was my H. She said "God never gives us more than we can handle", it helps me,hope it helps you.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
MollyJo
♀ Member
Member # 18820
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CNC;

I think you might be confused about the WHY of being a bigger & better person...the point is not to be better so that he'll stay around--his ONS had nothing to do with how good YOU are and everything to do with how good HE is. In fact, he's already proven that he's pretty drastically inferior to you, so becoming "better" so that maybe he'll love you more is casting pearls (you) before swine (him).

The point of being better and stronger is to NOT fall to his level or the level of the OW even though they've done terrible things to you, and even though you'll be extremely tempted.

He screwed around. You didn't. You're better than he is already. You will be tempted to do so in the future to get back at him. You still won't, because you're bigger than that. The OW will undoubtedly try to make life difficult for you. You'll ignore her and live your life because you're better than she is.

Better means keeping your self respect and not sinking to their levels, even tho you'd be perfectly justified in doing so.

And as to why God cursed you like this, has it ever occurred to you that in the big scheme of things, your part might be more minor than that? Perhaps God blessed you by showing you what kind of man you're married to, so that you can get over it and go to the next big thing he has planned...maybe the "curse", if there is one, is really reserved for your WS or the OW.


Me: BS Him: SOB OC born 9/08. We've split up but I still see him every day and the OW occasionally. Lost my whole life because he couldn't keep it in his pants.

Posts: 219 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: midwest
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This business of being delusional--we're all guilty of that to some degree. I know that OW was delusional--a single, middle-aged woman who thought that I should have "felt" something wasn't right during their cheating years--doesn't understand about the trust that's built up in a long term marriage, how if things are drifting apart for a time, the first thing that occurs to a BS is NOT infidelity. Burns me that she said that to me still!

She was delusional in that H told her from the start that he wasn't leaving his marriage and family, she'd argue and weep and then stuff it inside herself and go on as if they were just fine, then blow up again when H wouldn't go on vacation with her or something. And H was delusional in thinking he could handle the situation, let her down slowly, and have a marriage with his wife that was real and with a wife who wouldn't ever know.

I was delusional in thinking that our drifting into parallel lives was part of being married for so long--thought of every reason in the book except that he was cheating. Not naive any longer--still miss the sense of trust in H's integrity.

And I hope I'm not still delusional thinking we can go into our golden years with a pretty good marriage, despite the hassles and pressures of an OC, and continued contact with OW. Maybe I am, but I'm willing to gamble that we'll get through it all somehow.

I've gained a remorseful H who is trying pretty hard, I could lose an unfaithful H who couldn't keep his boundaries intact. I'll try with the remorseful guy and we'll see.


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