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User Topic: Other Child Support Thread II
auntcis
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Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H did try to tell me the OW was "a bit off" I won't deny that. But she did her very best to prove him right all on her own!! My H never tried to rewrite history, he eventually fessed up to what he did, he actively and willingly had unprotected sex with this woman over the course of a month. OW was the one who tried to rewite history, SHE is the one who would call me and tell me my H was asleep in the bed next to her while he was actually sitting on the couch next to ME as we spoke!

You may not have willingly been the OW, but the OW in our situation was. She knew of me and tried to convince my stupid 18 year old kid H to leave me and our child! OW in our situation got pregnant on purpose to try and steal my H, and has admitted to it!!

I don't hate OC. I just chose not to have her as part of my life. If OW does ever decide to let my H family see OC regulary again even though she can no longer get information that way I have accepted that.And I hope the man that OW is getting married to is good to OC. But my H and I don't have to be a part of her life for those things to happen.

And like BMC, when I look at my H I remember what he did. But I also see the man who has done all he can to be a good H and father to me and our COM.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Funniest thing is the OW thinks I won. What the hell did I win? I don't know what is wrong or right, all I know is that this is a shitty position to be in that I would not wish on anyone.

Yeah, OW in our situation has said to H that I "won"--one could say I won the cheating H--she won the child she longed for. Who got the better deal from an outside point of view??

I know part of the problem for me is that there was a R between H and OW, he says he never planned to leave me and our family, but for various reasons, they stayed in the LDA, arguing over the fact that "he was meant to be with her", etc. And the pregnancy rocked the boat.

But for me as a BS to be totally confident about our future, there should be NC with OW--and there isn't cuz of OC, and that is what is worst for me. Trust that OW doesn't harbor and work toward a renewal of their R, for herself and now OC, and trust that H won't renew the emotional part of their R--part of our boundaries preclude resuming anything else but I guess you never know, do you???

Anyway,our choice is C with OC, and I also can easily be reminded of the mind movies of conception of OC and mind movies of H and OW just sharing together every time we visit, or H calls to talk to OC. And that's the part that remains painful, whether it's paranoia or not on my part--H insists of course that it's all in the past, etc., but who really knows?

As marysway says, it is what it is--and I've chosen to try to get through it all and live our lives with C with OC and as little C as possible with OW--and maybe as OC grows up some, it will get easier.

But the underlying feelings about thinking NC is the best are present in me, even though I agree that it's not best for a child not to know his dad at all, it is the easier path, and I can't judge those who do it. But I do agree that the child suffers--

In fact, all parties suffer--I just don't really care about OW's pain, and do care about a child's pain and H's pain about not being a father the way he was for ours and my own pain in having to adjust to all this at all--and I know all the arguments about all sides--and I see that the situation sucks for all and forever in some sense.

Sort of rambling here--think I'll stop!!


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
marysway
Member
Member # 5388
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My affair was not the proudest moment of my life that is for sure.......and BMC and 25 both brought up a point......who won here? A cheating husband......a child.......Quite a few friends have made that same comment to me over the years. I get that comment.

Nor did I set out to get pregnant. Yes I was stupid stupid about birth control, but having another baby in the frist place then let alone with a man who had been lying to me about everything was not my ideal stitch. I was smart enough to know he would not be a father to his child. My gut told me. I made a choice him or the child. I chose the child.

What is ironic in xmm's life is he played out history 100% in full circle.

His birth parents had an affair and he was put up for adoption. He has more issues with abondment than anyone I had ever met or will meet and he had great adoptive parents.

That part of the chain I will do whatever it takes to ensure my daughter does not have.

The person I think I know of xmm (I knew him 13 years prior of affair) I think has issues with what he had done to his child. But I also know xmm well enough know that he will do what is best for xmm.

While pregnant he told me ya know Mary my parents never came looking for me.....and I told him no they did not but you sure did go looking for them.......and he said I know. I fully expect her to come looking for me one day.

I was rambling too, but my point is I understand me%myoc's point. regardless of title. I also see the bs point too. I look at bmc and see what she has gone out of her way to include, and raise not only a oc, but two others that don't even belong to her husband. And I know she is a strong woman. All the children are a concern here. com as well as oc's. I know the bs is also a victum in this but as an adult decissions can be made.

I've seen a lot of com of the marriage accept oc's in there life as there sibling and forgive there parent. I think it sometimes easier for the com then the bs. Again I'm not judgeing....and Auntics I'm not saying you are......and I could see where it would bother a bs that the inlaws are involved. I just don't think I could pretend I don't have a grandkid, niece/nephew out there and not be involved although I know with boundries.

IMHO all fathers should be a father to all there kids, but it's not always that way and as I always say "it is what it is" and learn to deal with it the best positive way you can.


Marysway

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

- M


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Over here somewhere
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Marysway -- I see what you are saying. And I think we are closer to agreeing. Contact or No Contact is individual. Do I think that most children do better with both parents in their lives? Yes. Do I think that is always possible? No.

As someone who is living NC, I can tell you it is NOT the easy road -- but I suppose in some cases it is, or may appear to be. None of us can really know as we are not walking in anyone's shoes but our own.

I really believe it is wrong to jump on someone who is newly found in this OC situation and ridicule/disparage their feelings of anger, grief and despair. The BS did not create the OC situation and should, imho, be given space to feel how they feel.

I do not harbor ill will towards the OC in our situation. I cannot hate a child. But I know, especially in the beginning, that I had a vast array of feelings regarding their existence. Those feelings didn't make me a monster - just human.

You are right. No one wins anything here. There is no happy ending. For anyone. But I've learned too that you make the best of what you have, continue your journey with as much integrity as possible and remember that the world can change on a dime.

Blessings to all,
SVS



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SVS, I don't think I could have said it any better.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
marysway
Member
Member # 5388
Happy  Posted: 10:52 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Savory if I jumped on someone I apoligize. Sometimes when we type it's not always our tone kwim?

A little secret......I am very hyprocritacal to my feelings. It's also a very selfish feeling I have.

As bad as I feel that oc's dad is not in her life....it is soooooooo much easier for me.

It is extremly hard especially at first to seperate the two ow/oc. I can even see that. I think the woman that do have contact it took a lot of time to get where they are at and some may even still be working on it. You learn to love that child. I've met a few that it was love at first site, but not most. Espically when the oc looks like the ow. Now in my case if there was contact with mm and his family it might be a bit easier has she is her dad all over. The only trait of me is red highlights in her hair. I've had more people than not since birth ask me if I adopted her.

It is very hard though when your child is asking to see her daddy, or talk to her daddy or is pretending to talk to her daddy. Making up stories about her daddy. It's a tough thing to see. When they ask (if a smart mother) you can't just come out and say to them hey your dad does not have enough love for you or Sorry honey he's got another family that he wants that does not include you. So you have to choose your words carefully.

I do believe in being honest but it has to be the right age,

I get that I helped put her in that position. But think about your own kids and how a mother feels having to explain this to a 3 or 4 year old without crushing there spirits. So the triggers can be on both sides.
Just as I get that the feelings espcially of a new bw w/oc news is human....so are some ow's when someone they love (there child) is not seen how we has mother see our kids.
Again, if I jumped on someone I did not mean too.


Marysway

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

- M


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Over here somewhere
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, marysway, I did not mean to imply that you were jumping on anyone. It is unfortunate that there are some on this site (and in life) who immediately jump on the BS for expressing honest feelings.

I am sorry for the pain your daughter has with the lack of contact with her bio dad. It is very sad - for her and all of the OC in this type of situation. I get how hard it must be to explain to your child when she asks about her Dad. And I sympathize with you.

But I have to step aside and recognize that I cannot accept responsibility for or ask our COM to accept responsibility for what is/was ultimately the OW's choice.

Blessings,
SVS



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
marysway
Member
Member # 5388
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Savory I accept that. And my intent was not for you or any other bw to feel sorry for the oc. It was that it is not all fun and games and there are challenges. I know I plan on taking it a step at a time and she will be okay. her father has major issues as stated before. I will do whatever it takes to ensure she does not have those same feelings.

Because of the circumstances it's impossible NOT to say it will be a walk in the park, but if done properly and sensitivly I think it can be okay in the end.


Marysway

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

- M


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Over here somewhere
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 5:41 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mary,

I think I have gotten to know you for a while now and I can definately say that you are a great mother who puts their child first and does everything she can to make sure your child feels safe and secure.

Unfortunately, not all OW have their child's best interest in mind. They use the child to hold on to the relationship with the MM or so make the BS life a living hell because the MM choose to stay with his family for one reason or another.

For me, my H made excuses and supported OW all the way up until the DNA tests came back you are talking about 11 months after d-day. This was a source of tension and fighting between us, as we were trying to R. Even during that time, I had the OC over for regular visits and the OW lived 1 hr. away, I picked them up and I dropped them off. The whole time dealing with this woman who still did not want to give up my H, even when he came back home.

So I guess it depends on the emotional connection between the WS and the OW. So I can see how a BW would not deal with this situation well.

As a child I too asked about my father and I actually have a different person listed on my birth certificate. I made up stories about why my father was not around, but you know after a while that stopped because my mother made my life so full, I didn't dwell on it. And now that I know who my father is, it pisses me off more because even though he has been in my life all of my life, thought he was a cousin (long sorted story), he still did not step up nor did his mother and I am his only child and her only grandchild. But the way I look at it, I am the person I am despite his absence.

It hard no matter which position you are in.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 5:48 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
MYOC&ME
♀ Member
Member # 10539
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really believe it is wrong to jump on someone who is newly found in this OC situation and ridicule/disparage their feelings of anger, grief and despair. The BS did not create the OC situation and should, imho, be given space to feel how they feel.
I guess that leaves me to which you are referring. I did not JUMP on ANTICS or anyone else on this board and antics is not new to this situation. If her tagline is correct she is 11yrs out from discovery of OC.

I realize as a mother of an OC that I will never see these children as the BS in the situations. Not sharing your view does not mean I discard your pain. I have admitted more than once here that if I had been the BS with an OW/OC situation I could/would not be able to accept it. The difference for me (because of my definition of the qualities that make a man a man) is that a man that could go NC with his child is something that I would not be able to accept either. For him to walk away from his child would be him failing a vital part of what make him a man in my eyes. While I do find it acceptable and expected for BS to have feeling all over the map I find it repulsive for WS to feel anything but responsible for his offspring.

But I have to step aside and recognize that I cannot accept responsibility for or ask our COM to accept responsibility for what is/was ultimately the OW's choice.
I agree 100% that BS and COM has no responsibility in the formation of the situation. but this situation required a man & woman to make the ultimate choice that spun this. It is that man and that woman that has the responsibility for this...be it though mediation or otherwise. Even when NC is demanded by the wife the ultimate choice to go NC with his child is his. A wife can no more make her H go NC no more that an OW can make him have an affair. He make choices.
Cause while you say the ultimate choice was OW the reality is that it was WS that had the ultimate choice...because it was his choice that ultimately impacted you.

A little secret......I am very hyprocritacal to my feelings. It's also a very selfish feeling I have.

As bad as I feel that oc's dad is not in her life....it is soooooooo much easier for me.


YES, YES, YES and YES Mary!!!

I am almost 4yrs out. In the fallout of the situation I saw the true monster that I had only a few week before been planning a wedding with. He has consistantly gotten worse since. If I ignore his calls/emails for more than 60 days I am sure to find myself with a pending court date because he start to play CS games for attention. He is my guess, NPD. I hurt for the future my son has not yet seen because of this situation. I think of the father I had and it kills me inside that my son will not have that. Yet and still, I am at peace not having to deal with his father on a day to day basic and the thought of my son not having this man as a role model calm many of my fears for his future.

Winners/losers...I never even knew that I was playing a game. This is my life. This is my child's life!!!

[This message edited by MYOC&ME at 8:46 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


Decided today that how I got here is less important that what I do here.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Eastcoast
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not trying to stir the pot or start an argument here, I just have a question.

For the FOW here,if you had kept your pregnancy secret from MM and out of the blue when OC is 4 months old serve him with paternity papers would you still expect him to be a part of your child life?

[This message edited by auntcis at 9:35 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
MYOC&ME
♀ Member
Member # 10539
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For the FOW here,if you had kept your pregnancy secret from MM and out of the blue when OC is 4 months old serve him with paternity papers would you still expect him to be a part of your child life?
Hi Auntic,
This was not the situation for me but I will give you my opinion.

I really do think that when a man finds out he fathered a child he should be a part of that child's life assuming he is mentally and physically fit to do so.

The mother keeping the child a sceret is a decision that she made that does not include a vote by the child nor does it indicate a desire on the part of the child not to have her father in her life. It surely is not an indication that the child does not need his father. The childs father is determined at conception. The child does not have the ability to protest any decision the mother makes for him until such time he reaches the age of majority and should not be held to punishment due to the piss poor decision making on the part of mom or dad.

I guess my answer is yes I still expect that the father would be a part of his child's life once known. Irresponsibility on one parent's part does not negate the responsibility of the other parent.

[This message edited by MYOC&ME at 8:31 PM, June 2nd (Monday)]


Decided today that how I got here is less important that what I do here.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Eastcoast
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MYOC&ME, Thank you for your answer. That was indeed what happened in our case,OW kept pregnancy a secret. All the while trying to convince me that she and my H were still together. And I think that there is a point that I should clear up with you as far as our situation goes, my H isn't a bad person and he wouldn't completely turn his back on a child. Over the years we have kept tabs, even done some investigating when we thought things weren't quite right with OC(unbeknownst to OW). But as I have mentioned before OW in our situation isn't like you,she has her personal agenda at hand, not what has been best for OC. If the day should come when OC is old enough to contact her father without her mother being involved we will deal with that then. And I know that you have said that may be difficult cause OC loyalty will be with the parent she has known her entire life, but that is an issue we will deal with if it arrises. Being a part of OC life having to deal with her mother just isn't a possibility. We have never kept our address or phone number a secret(although we live 2500 miles away)so OC should have no problem contacting my H when she is old enough if she choses to do so.

So please keep in mind, as I have said before, not all FOW are like you. You really seem to have your childs best intrest at heart. But some FOW do really make it a complete nightmare not only for MM but for BS and COM to be part of OC life.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
doistay2008
♀ Member
Member # 18898
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a question for those of you who have been in this situation for a while....
We told his parents about the whole ugly situation. I thought telling them would make me feel better. But I don't really feel anything. I'm glad that he had to look at them as they found out the whole truth. His dad was angry with him. His mom didn't say anything. (I think she may be happy about the OC) Here is the weird thing...I am now feeling negative feeling toward her (M-i-l) because I expected her to say something like she was sorry about the situation or to thakn me for staying with her son, but there was nothing from her.
Father in law said all of those things. And he thanked them for telling them. It is strange to now feel a little anger toward the mom?


Me: 30
Him: 30
Married 2 years/
Togetherish 8
OC: born feb 08
No COM

Posts: 210 | Registered: Mar 2008
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...this situation required a man & woman to make the ultimate choice that spun this.... Cause while you say the ultimate choice was OW the reality is that it was WS that had the ultimate choice...because it was his choice that ultimately impacted you.

The ultimate choice is not the sex act that formed the pg.

The ultimate choice is the child. And only the woman can choose to bring the child into the world. That choice does not involve the man at all.

So, yes, the OW's choice ultimately impacted me and our COM.

It cannot go both ways. If we as women want the right to choose what happens with our bodies, we need to step up and accept the greater share of the responsibility that comes with an unplanned pg.

Not sharing your view does not mean I discard your pain. I have admitted more than once here that if I had been the BS with an OW/OC situation I could/would not be able to accept it.

Unless you have walked in a BS' shoes you will never know what you might accept or not accept. Admitting something that you have no way of truly understanding b/c you have not lived it does not mean you have shown any kind of empathy or even acknowledgment of a BS' pain.

It isn't a game to say there are no winners here. It is truth. No matter what the choice - someone loses. And it is usually a child.

May we all find our way through these uncharted waters with grace, dignity and integrity intact.

Blessings,
SVS



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DoIstay,

Yes it is normal to feel some anger toward your MIL because you expected at a minimum some sympathy for what you are going thru.

How long ago was it that you told them? Maybe the situation hasn't really sunk in or she just didn't know what to say. What was your relationship with her before this? If she is happy about OC, do you think she would want to be in OC life? I am so sorry that this is going this way for you. The one good thing in my case was that everyone seems to feel some sort of compassion and even anger towards my situation.

I feel like sometimes people think we are saints or something. Like we are expected to forgive the whole world. They say it takes what 2-5 years to overcome infidelity, I truly believe that. I may know in my heart that my H will have nothing to do with OW ever again,but a little piece of me is always gonna wonder. The men we know,look at me as some saint who forgave her H and even took in the OC and put me on some pedestal of something. The women we know, think I am a long suffering soul who just keeps hanging on no matter what is dished out at me. I am just me ande hopefully one day will not be defined by this situation.

People don't know what they will accept until they go thru it. Had my H told me 10 yrs. ago when the 1st OC came along I may have handled it differently. And while people like to think it is all about the children, my H flat out told me if the OC did not exist a 1 night stand would not have turned into a 10 yr. affair. I am in no way blaming the OC, but I am sure you can see if there are no boundaries in the situation how the WS can start the A again by having contact. And that is a real fear for some BS. Right or wrong, while NC is a difficult decision, I believe that it may be right for some people.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:16 PM, June 2nd (Monday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
MYOC&ME
♀ Member
Member # 10539
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The ultimate choice is not the sex act that formed the pg
. I beg to differ...It was and will always be the last step in which HE has control of conception. It is this defining moment that HE had the last opportunity to prevent his family this pain. pg.
It cannot go both ways. If we as women want the right to choose what happens with our bodies, we need to step up and accept the greater share of the responsibility that comes with an unplanned
SVS, I don't know how old you are but I can tell you that women have alway taken/accepted the greater share of responsibility for their children(planned or unplanned, married or single). It is the nature of being the vessel of life to the child. I think that most woman embrace that responsibility. I personally never expected the father to be mother to our child just father.
Unless you have walked in a BS' shoes you will never know what you might accept or not accept. Admitting something that you have no way of truly understanding b/c you have not lived it does not mean you have shown any kind of empathy or even acknowledgment of a BS' pain.
Do you think that because the ink was dry on your marriage certificate and mine were not that my pain did not qualify as betrayal...do you think that because I am the one with the child that exempt me from being the betrayed.
Do you think that because I was able to walk away from a lying cheatin ratbastard that it did not rip my heart out in the process. You want to talk about choice..I was not given a choice to have an A..it was thrust upon my by MM. I was not give a choice of have a child by my husband ...because an already MM impersonated him and got me pregnant instead. I was never given a choice to be wear the stigma of an OW...it was painted on my back by the man I loved and trusted.
So you think I dont understand the pain of betrayal.... Let me tell you that my feet still bear my BS wounds under the OW shoes I will never be allow to take off.

I will also tell you I understand that regardless of any of the above facts. That has absolutely ZERO to do with our child. His relationship and responsibility to his child he created with me is seperate and apart from the past relationship we had.

[This message edited by MYOC&ME at 10:06 PM, June 2nd (Monday)]


Decided today that how I got here is less important that what I do here.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Eastcoast
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is unfortunate myoc&me that you choose to view this situation in only one way. And interesting given the fact that you continually ask everyone else to see their own situations through a different set of glasses -- seemingly your own. Your anger with the path your choices have paved for you is palpable. Good luck with that.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
marysway
Member
Member # 5388
Default  Posted: 2:19 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Savory unlike "ME" you do realize that my oc never knew she was an ow? that she was living with the man and under the assumption they were getting married?

I knew what i was getting into.....well I think I was someone else at the time, but none of the less I knew he was married was friends with the man 13 years prior. She had no clue he was married.

I have another friend who also was involved with a mm who had had no idea he was married and as soon as she got pregnant he told her. She dropped him like a hot potato as soon as she found out. Well I'm not sure if she knew she was pregnant yet...but you get my drift. I have more respect for woman that did not know and got out of it than woman like me who got into knowing he was married. It was hard enough trying to get out of it after a year walking into it knowing he was married let alone not knowing and having feelings and letting him go kwim?


Marysway

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

- M


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Over here somewhere
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am terrible at pasteing quotes from other posters so please be patient with me here .

"I beg to differ...It was and will always be the last step in which HE has control of conception. It is this defining moment that HE had the last opportunity to prevent his family this pain.pg."

I disagree here, because there are plenty of ways for a woman to prevent pregnancy and other than abstaining there is only one way for a man to prevent pregnancy, a condom. And true it is the mans choice to wear one or not, but if OW was someone they trusted and she told MM that she was on birth control and the stupid 18 year old idiot believed her(sorry I digress )and she was lying to try and get pregnant on purpose do you think that is fair?

Like I have said before not all women are like you MYOC&ME. Plenty KNEW they were OW and got pregnant on purpose and didn't give a rats ass who they hurt. And by lying to thier sexual partner about birth control they took the mans choice of whether they wanted a child with that woman away from them. So for men in those situations to be forced to make a choice to see that child or not and then be ridiculed by some for his choice is unfair.

[This message edited by auntcis at 6:12 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

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