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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread part VI
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...because it's not our JOBS to read their friggin' minds anymore!!!!


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LL that's right,they fired us from that job.

Just got another TM, he's been involved in a MVA in Phoenix.
Said he wasn't hurt.
I just hope he didn't kill someone.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, HB--

I was just going to reply with, "we were fired from that job, remember?"

You beat me to it!

Said he wasn't hurt.

I sure hope not since he doesn't have any insurance!!! Dumbass.

Jeez, could he be fired from his new job for this? Naturally assuming it was his fault because he is such a dumbass fucktard.

Wow, I am full of piss and vinegar tonight. I think I need a glass of wine.

Oh, DD told me this morning that OW and STBXH were at the urgent care this morning because OW fell and hurt her foot and it's all swollen. Let me hear it...."Oh, poor thing." I hope there isn't too much pain.

Apparently they were planning on renting a wheelchair for her today at Sea World. Again...."Oh, poor thing...." I hope his f*cking back goes out pushing that bitch around in that chair all day.

Oh, I hope that didn't make me sound bitter.

ETA: possible lurker

[This message edited by woundedby2 at 1:46 AM, August 7th (Thursday)]


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WB2, you crack me up.

You? Bitter?NEVAHHHH!

Since he was in a company truck, the company has insurance.

Have another glass of wine shweetheart.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her foots not broken. Better luck next time.

Hope disneyland doofus has a great day pushing the prissy princess around the park. I bet it will be a real blast.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 2:08 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The NPD thread has drifted way too far down the page. I heard this song on the radio the other day:

Love me dead
artist: Ludo

Love me cancerously
Like a salt-sore soaked in the sea.
'High-maintenance' means
You're a gluttonous queen
Narcissistic and mean.
Kill me romantically
Fill my soul with vomit
Then ask me for a piece of gum.
Bitter and dumb
You're my sugarplum.
You're awful, I love you!

CHORUS
She moves through moonbeams slowly
She knows just how to hold me
And when her edges soften
Her body is my coffin
I know she drains me slowly
She wears me down to bones in bed

Must be the sign on my head
That says, oh...
Love me dead! Love me dead!

You're a faith-healer on T.V.
You're an office park without any trees
Corporate and cold
Gushing for gold
Leave me alone.
You suck so passionately
You're a parasitic, psycho, filthy creature
finger-bangin' my heart
You call me up drunk
Does the fun ever start?
You're hideous and sexy!

REPEAT CHORUS

Must be the sign on my head
That says, oh...
Love me dead! Love me dead!

SOLO

Love me cancerously
Brrrot-dot-da-d-da-da!
How's your new boy?
Does he know about me?
You've got the mark of the beast.
You're born of a jackal! You're beautiful!

REPEAT CHORUS

Wha' 'bout that sign on my head
That says, oh...
Love me dead! Love me dead


[This message edited by woundedby2 at 2:09 AM, August 9th (Saturday)]


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi tribe. Hope you are all ok. Been away for a week which was nice. Maybe too much time to think though? I have a question for the more experienced survivours amongst us...did you used to get panic attacks when all the drama was over. A time when you couldn't rationalise and thought the worst about every minor trivial thing that goes wrong in your life. I feel that if I can't control things in my life I get really stressed out and go into melt down. Normal or a reaction to what I have endured with the feak?

Hope you are all ok.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, itsa, I have.
How bad are yours?
Are you on meds or going to IC?
I think its all part of being abused and grossly harmed in so many ways by an N freak.

(((((huge hugs)))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your reply Dream.
I go to counselling and it has been a tremendous help. I was on ads but I had an allergic reaction to them. I am considering going on a different type.
When my life is ok I am fine but when the smallest thing goes wrong I have a really strong reaction. It scares me. I don't want to go on the ads again but I find the "anxiety attacks" totally horrendous. They are out of proportion to what is actually happening and I can feel myself starting to loose control and I imagine the worst. I have a problem with my ear at the moment but I am imagining deafness, damaged ear drums etc etc. I feel panicked by it and like I need to escape from my situation, like I am going mad etc etc.
I know that it is not rational and with some anti-biotics my ear will be fine! But I have to talk myself down from going into orbit over a minor problem.
I want to know Why I am doing this type of over-reaction. Is it fear? Am I becoming so determined to control everything that I can't cope when life throws something at me? I was never like this before. It's scary. Its like I don't want to feel fear anymore, I would rather be an ice-block emotionally.
What a fuck-up I have turned into.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((its))))))

I have had a few panic attacks in the last year. Usually when I let things bother me and I let myself get all worked up over stupidity the ex does.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Itsa, I don't have panic attacks exactly, but part of the PTS is irrational anxiety. Sometimes it is an outlandish overreaction to some minor stress, but sometimes it is not in response to anything at all. There's a real split between intellect and emotion--just as you say, rationally, I KNOW that I'm overreacting, but I still feel so incredibly anxious. I have learned that focusing on my breathing helps to calm me down, regardless of the reason for the anxiety. When I can pinpoint the reason, and especially if it has anything to do with Bizarro, I tell myself that I don't HAVE to think about this right now, there's nothing to worry about, he's 300 miles away and has nothing to do with my life now. I tell myself that I will deal with whatever it is in my own time and in my own way--NOT whenever it just pops into my head. Incredibly, this seems to help most of the time. I'm able to push back the old pains without denying them or trying to forget them (that didn't work--that's why they all came tumbling down on me after so many years). I'm able to keep them at bay until I'm feeling stronger. Does that make any sense?

This is not YOU, Itsa. Like Dreamy says, it's a response to the emotional injuries you've sustained. Do NOT beat yourself up about it. Be kind to yourself and try the self talk. Just remind yourself that you're free and you're safe and you will deal with whatever is bothering you in your own time and in your own way.

(((Itsa)))

LL

[This message edited by Longlost at 8:07 PM, August 9th (Saturday)]


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks LL and Lied. I have ordered one of those self-help books - the one about improving self-esteem has helped a little so I will try that approach. I am glad you understand, people in the real world try to but I am sure I get the mixed sympathy and pity response. I am so not good with pity!! I guess, for some, this is part of the healing process. In counselling on Wednesday -will have lots to talk about in that session.
The strange thing is the freak has not bothered me for some time but I suppose it his abusive legacy I am recovering from now.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've revamped my email I'm going to send to him.
I didn't put in anything about me he doesn't need to know.

Please tell me if this is a better way to put it.

Duhh forgot to put it in...

I don't think I will be comfortable with you being around me during that time period. Please stay at Bro's house.
You are welcome to have our son with you during the time when he's not in school.
I want to be left alone during those days.

I have some things I need to work through alone.
Please respect my wishes.

[This message edited by Heartless Bytchh at 9:35 PM, August 10th (Sunday)]


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB that sounds fine. I don't think there is any nice ways to say "leave me alone" especially when they expect you to accomodate them and have a hissy fit when you don't cater to them.

(((((hugs)))))


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think there is any nice ways to say "leave me alone" especially when they expect you to accomodate them and have a hissy fit when you don't cater to them.

Lied2 speaks the truth. I've been practicing, trying to think of ladylike ways to say "fuck off and die," but so far, I've been drawing a blank.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have gone so far as to say the exact words and still they hissy fit. LOL Though less than effective, the words felt pretty good to say.

Short of shipping them all to a remot island, there is not much else we can do other than ignore them if at all possible.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for helping me get the wording just right.

Now, I just have to figure out the best time to send it.
I know he'll be calling me to find out why.
I don't want to talk to him about it.
Should I just limit my responses to TM?
If I don't answer him back in some way he'll be calling DS to find out where I'm at or why I'm not answering my phone.

It's been a stressful day today.
I had grief group tonight.
The lady sponsoring it says that I'm not going to get through my grief over my daughter until I get the D finished.

I wonder if she's right.
I asked her if this was normal, that some days I tell myself I'm not going to think of DD.
She said that was good.It was setting boundaries for myself.
I had never thought of it that way.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My divorce brought me alot of closure. My ex remarrying also brought me some since it made everything really final. Grief is a process and you have to move through it. There is no way to really limit the time or hurry the healing up.

I have heard it can be helpful to set limits on yourself and allow yourself a time to cry etc. I had a hard time with that since it would come at times and there was no way for me to stop it when it hit. It did lessen over time.

HB it sounds like he is using his behaviour to control you and that you feel you have to "comply" with him by answering or he will harrass your son. That kind of thing would piss me off and I would be all the more tempted to not do whatever I was expected to. (sorry but I am like that)

Talk to him or TM him when YOU want. If he involves your son then tell him to piss off and keep son out of it. You have every right to not have him in your house. Too bad if he doesn't like it.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

L2, it does piss me off mightily when he calls DS checking up on me.
My son isn't my keeper and FOTY doesn't answer to me.
I don't expect him to anymore.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
luvhimso
♀ Member
Member # 7478
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, August 16th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWH has been going to counseling for NPD for two years. He is improving tremendously, but there was a long way to go! I recently went to the emergency room because my tongue and throat swelled and I was having trouble breathing. The hospital is 15 miles away. H was mean and upset that he was sleeping and didn't want to drive me in the middle of the night. (1 o'clock) Once we got there, four people started with IVs, drawing blood, epinephrin, heart monitor, etc... H would not talk to me. When the doctor told us it was an allergic reaction to blood pressure pills and I would have to stay for a few hours while they counteract the symptoms, H sat in a corner reading a book and would not speak to me. The epinephrin made my legs and arms jump and I was feeling really zippy. I asked H to talk to me, and he said, "What do you want to talk about?" He has never gone to the hospital with our 16 year old D our myself when we go to the emergency room. Our broken bones are never as important as whatever he is doing. I thought he was getting better. I told him I will leave him for good, if he ever treats me like that again. I almost left that night, but was too weak when I got home. I was scared. It took him three days before he decided to apologize.

I should say that his entire family is NPD. They are much worse than my H. They are the most NPD family I have ever seen. Many of my friends are counselors and psychologists. They cannot believe the family. Is there hope for my H? How many years of counseling will it take? Are there people here who have been able to reconcile with an NPD?


The meaning of life is to make life meaningful.

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