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User Topic: N.P.D. Thread part VI
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 2:52 AM, July 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB - he is a nasty piece of work, that's for sure. Get your lawyer onto it and remember he will always put himself first. I had to condition myself to expect nothing from him. And I mean nothing.
As for the realisation you have been emotionally abused, it was my counsellor who first pointed it out to me. At first, I denied it to myself, but it became so obvious I could not do that any more. It is a shocking realisation and it is difficult to recover. The book I am reading at the moment -overcoming low self esteem by melanie fennell - is helping a lot.
One line stands out to me that I will explain in a moment. I consider myself to be very ugly ( I am told by many people that this is not the case) but I feel it. The line in the book says that we see ourselves as twenty per cent less attractive than we are, so we can add twenty per cent onto what we consider ourselves to be. I think I am 20% attractive, adding 20% makes me 40% attractive - nearly half way there. This thought makes me feel better abut myself. My friends think I am mad as they put me higher but it is what I believe. I am going for another 10% of self-belief over the next month. A male colleague of mine expressed an interest in me yesterday so I am adding on 5%.

I know I am mad! What I write sounds bloody nonsense but I hope you see what I mean.

I love my tribe!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 2:59 AM, July 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get exactly what you mean.
I don't think I'm very attractive either.
But at this time I really don't care about it.
Now as to why?
Who knows?

Maybe dealing with losing Niki has my plate pretty full and I can't deal with any more than that.
I could be wrong, but I think that's what's going on in my maddened mind.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
OutFromUnder
♀ Member
Member # 19061
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heartless, you made me laugh with the UFO. And as far as your plate being full with your loss, I think that is probably about all you will be able to deal with for quite some time to come. It amazes me that you are carrying on at all. You are amazing. I would say pamper yourself as best you can and give yourself the credit you are due that you are very strong. You manage to cope and have to deal with an NPD all at the same time.

Wounded, I've decided I was sexually abused as well. Some things I would consider as borderline too, mainly because if you've only spent your life with one man, how can you really be sure what is "normal"? But mostly for me he was a cerebral NPD and so there was a lot of withholding. But when there was sex, I usually would cry silently afterwards.

What I've been trying to do is substitute a slap or a punch when I remember something really hurtful he did and visualize it that way to reemphasize to myself that it was real abuse. It seems to be helping to keep me on track.


Posts: 79 | Registered: Apr 2008
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OFU, if we can get a laugh out of our pain, it's all good.

What you said about crying after sex just tore me up.

That brought so many things from my past back.
Don't apologize.
There was some good,some bad.

Since you've never been w/anyone else, lemme tell ya sumthink.
Normal sex is wonderful.
There is no crying afterwards.
Well, maybe tears of joy.
But that doesn't happen too often.
Normal sex is two people giving more and more of themselves to each other.

The more you give, the more you get in return.It's a very close and personal way of sharing.

A person doesn't feel used like a cheap piece of meat afterwards when it's the real kind of sex.
I'm so sorry he did this to you.
You wuz robbed.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((everyone)))

You all are the greatest. I'm so glad to have a group of people who understand.

itsa

A male colleague of mine expressed an interest in me yesterday so I am adding on 5%.

Good for you! Add on 10% at least. I think you underestimate yourself.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tribe, I have missed you all so very much! I took a hiatus, thinking that it might speed the healing. Unfortunately, the PTS symptoms returned anyway. I have been coping much better this year than last year, so I think that I'll eventually get back to normal--well, as normal as I get!

I haven't caught up with everything--you've been a busy bunch! I hope everyone is doing OK, and I hope you'll let peek in and share from time to time.

I am still seeing my wonderful IC, and she has helped me to break through to some new understandings (or maybe to get a stronger grasp of some old understandings). I'm pasting in below something that I wrote out for one of our sessions recently. It's a tad melodramatic and rambling, but I hope it might help someone else put some of these confusing feelings into words.

((((Tribe))))

Longlost
-----------------------------

Even though I realized a long time before I left that there was nothing there for me, I had been catering to difficult people for so long that it was habitual to assume responsibility for their discomfort, unhappiness, or even plain old orneriness. I stayed because he wanted me to stay. I do not know why he wanted me to stay. I think that being married was a defense mechanism of sorts--something he could hide behind.

Anyway, the more I gave, the less he had, and the more he wanted and expected. My assignment was to fill the void. I had (have) an abundance to give and joy in the giving. Still, it wore me down. He gave back so little. He cared so little. Funny, but I actually did learn to pay more attention to what he did than to what he said, but it still took me years to believe that the actions were the truth and that the words meant nothing. I kept waiting for the evidence of love. I kept filling in the blanks for him.

Now I have come to realize and to accept that all that effort was never going to accomplish anything except a higher level of effort to assuage the unassuageable. This has been hard. I am coming to believe that it all finally had nothing to do with love. That duty , that sense of responsibility that took over, was so deeply engrained in me that I didn't even recognize it as part of me--until my therapist picked out the strands and showed them to me. I was what she calls "a parentized child." Part of my sense of self was based on taking care of others and not expecting to be taken care of. To see that in myself has been almost as painful as finally accepting that there was never really any love for me in the whole arrangement. He never loved me for a moment. I felt obligated. Somehow, without even trying, I had "made" him love me. He had a prior claim. I adapted. It felt like love. What else had I known? To understand and accept that all my adapting and trying to please and loving was thrown into a great sucking void instead of lavished on someone who was not only capable of love, but joyfully willing to return my love and add his own brand to the mix--that breaks my heart on a daily basis.

Yes. I am grateful for where I am now and the love that I have. Still, nothing, NOTHING can compensate for the years of torture that could have been years of NOT torture, of exploration and discovery. Who know? They might also have ended in disappointment and disillusionment, but NEVER such sorrow and loss. Never such waste.

You see, all the while that I was trying to assuage the unassuageable, he was trying to assail the unassailable--what he perceived as my "purity"--that which he wanted for himself, that which he wanted to subsume, that which he hated me and desired me for. He almost killed me for simply being who I am. For HAVING an essential self, real feelings, real compassion, real love for the world and for life. He could not destroy it, finally, but he scraped away at it for years. It is still there, but the collateral damage. . . . Well, after 20 years, I still bleed.

And for so many of those years, I did not understand where his anger came from. I did not understand that constant assault. I did not understand the "I love you" whispered in the ear while the sharp blade constantly probed for any convenient vulnerable organ or vein. I did not understand the blank face and the silence when we were alone. How many times did he tell me "I am not the enemy" while he was digging in my psyche for vulnerable points? I believed that his anger was the result of my failure. I tried harder. . . But he just became emptier. I invented a soul for him, but it never really fit. I tried to find a compromise existence that would allow me to tolerate the emptiness at home and try to go on with a life of my own while staying near him. It didn't work. It wasn't enough for either of us. We both got sick of it. He blamed me for the emptiness. Logically, I never accepted that blame, but I accepted the responsibility for fixing it, and it finally became very clear to me that the only way to fix it was to go. I made him unhappy. I would go. Even that, he made difficult. Pushing with one hand, pulling back with the other. Emotionally, far below the conscious level, I took the blame for everything. Everything. I left because he wanted me to leave. But he still punished me for going. I left because it was that or cease to exist.

This recent recognition of his emptiness has come closer to breaking me than my false belief in his humanity for all those grinding, wearing years. I served a wraith. It was always hopeless. I loved a dead boy. He almost sucked me into that void. And what the PTSD does is make me feel those old feelings again--feelings that were gone for a long, long time. I FEEL that old despair, hopelessness, and stress just as if he were really standing behind me, glaring. Random triggers can cause a surge at any time. Fortunately, the surges are brief. I have learned to remind myself that they are vestiges of something long past. I have learned to calm the momentary panics. But they always leave me feeling sad and empty for awhile. And longing for what I can't have.

Not him! No! I want my years back. I cannot have them. I want my alternate life back. I cannot have it. I want my babies. They don't exist. I resent the intrusion of these old feelings into my current existence. But I have to own them and face them down. (IC believes that the PTSD started when my inner, emotional self finally got sick of carrying all that misplaced responsiblity and blame and gave the rest of me a great be whop upside da head to make me STOP IT!! And I'm workin' on it.) And I have to let go of the last faint belief that that boy who bound me so tightly ever had any real affection for me or that the man who finally released me ever had any appreciation for all that I tried to give him or any remorse for all the damage that he did. I am doing that. And I am getting better. Most days, I really don't even care that he never gave a shit about me. It's the rest of it that hurts.

I love my life. I am happy.

But, God! Once you understand that a human being can have a sucking void where his soul ought to be, once you have stood so near and felt that pull toward absolute zero, once you recognize the power of that vast, deceptive nothing, once you understand that it destroyed so much and with such indifference... well, it's a struggle to keep that wind out of the caverns that pain carves into your heart.

I will not succumb to that void. I would rather fill those caverns with tears, longing, regret, sorrow than let that indifferent darkness take any more of me. My pain does not belong to the void. It belongs to me! Pain is so much better than nothing! And it is NOT all that I feel.

What is important now and for the rest of my life is that I recognize the damages and untrain my heart and soul. I want to break those last strands that predispose me to cater to the difficult. I am trying to redefine "difficult" so that I learn to pursue the challenging but joyful desires of MY heart and give NO MORE OF MY ENERGY to people, things, tasks, pursuits that are not of any benefit to me or to anyone or anything that matters to me. I KNOW logically that I have the choice to ignore demanding voices from outside. I must learn emotionally to IGNORE THEM. Never again will I participate in my own abduction. I will occupy MY life for the rest of my life.

Shard seekers, we are.
Sifting through broken pieces
Of our long-lost world.


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
Balancing Act
♀ Member
Member # 19047
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey TRIBE!!!

Just getting back to SI and trying to play catch-up...

I'll never be able to follow along if I don't stop by more often...suffice it to say that it sounds like there is some healthy anger and healing going on here these days...keep up the good work all of you....

A big thank you to everyone for the job mojo....I don't know yet what their decision will be (might hear something tomorrow), but I feel good about the interview except for the part where they expressed some concern that I was over qualified!! sheesh!!!! I want the job - I need the job...do yourselves a favor - GIVE ME THE JOB!!!

I'll keep you posted on that front and again so appreciate all the good wishes...keep the mojo coming though...i'm not there yet....

I have a whole ton of shit going on with divorcing the NPD...for some reason it is so difficult for me to put it down on paper or go into it all here...it's such useless trivia and he's just so not worth the time I give him - either in my head or here on SI, so I won't/can't go into it, but I will say that I am strong and will stand up to him and will come out a winner when all is said and done and that it will be on my terms, come what may...

y'all are so awesome and I love you..thanks for being here!!

Now, my contribution of one of my favorite songs...you simply must listen to this guy - I have known about him for years and went out and bought the CD that this song is on looooong time ago. I understand he's having some recent success and I want to see this guy take off like a rocket...his name is Jimmy Wayne and while I am not usually into country, I think he's great...the song I love is Stay Gone - go to youtube to see/hear him....


Jimmy Wayne - Stay Gone Lyrics

I've found peace of mind, i'm feeling good again
I'm on the other side, back among the living
Ain't a cloud in the sky
All my tears have been cried
And i can finally say

[Chorus:]
Baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone

I still love you and i will forever
We can't hide the truth
We know each other better
When we try to make it work
We both end up hurt
It ain't supposed to be that way

[Chorus:]
Baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone

When we try to make it work
We both end up hurt
Love ain't supposed to be that way

[Chorus:]
So baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In ooh in God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone

I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone

[This message edited by Balancing Act at 9:39 PM, July 24th (Thursday)]


Me - BS....living a wonderful new beginning and giving love another chance

Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy


Posts: 2443 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: in the middle, somewhat elevated
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, Longlost, your post was so powerful and moving. You echo so many of my sentiments. You have done a wonderful job of putting into words what so many of us feel.

Just this past Saturday, I had discussed with my IC the fact that I now realize that I had given up so much of myself that really there was no more that I could give. He had sucked nearly every bit of me out. And yet the void - no it was not ever filled. I also think I am the kind of person who has an innate need to help and fix people.

I am going to revisit your post and take it in again, for there is great wisdom within it. Thank you for sharing it with us.

((((Tribe))))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:55 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LL - good to see you! An amazing post as usual! I'm glad to hear you are doing so well.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tribe - I am going out for a drink with my friend from work tonight. Obviously he can't just be a friend, as I would not feel so nervous!

The old me wants to cancel but I am pushing myself forward to behave in a sensible way. It's a drink with a male colleague who is going onto a new job...nothing else. He is nice and kind. Nothing like my ex etc etc. Why do I feel so strange about this. Is it because I am breaking out of my comfort zone? And because it is a man? Who expressed an interest? My radar is shot to pieces these days!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 2:53 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))

BoB RePoRt:

Wow. PTSD attack today. About two hours worth. Reading (((LL's))) post helped me to now understand what the hell happened today. I thought I was going to lose it:

I saw today, what others have warned me about DDs. I saw the "manipulation". I saw the Creature (STBXPDW) (thanks LL) in them.
I saw how they can turn something into being my fault, etc. LOL. No wonder I was feeling like I was going bananas. LOL. They were acting like their mom !!!

I felt that dread feeling again. Ain't felt that in along time. At least I think I'm seeing what others warned me of.

DDs stayed with my Bro and his family for two weeks. He noticed the complaining, manipulation stuff too.

I'm one stupid mother*fucker for not seeing this and understanding it sooner. It is what it is, but it is a PITA. LOL. Forewarned is forearmed (or something like that), I guess.

I'd called my counselor/pastor about this. But he said something that I cannot quite jive with. The whole "Maybe this is happening cause you are involved with the Nanny (physically)."
This is where I feel Christianity rears it's unfortunate ugly ass head. The whole "judgemental" thing. Damn it Jim !!! LOL. (Thanks JJCT).

Buddhism does not do that to people.

Jesus taught well. It's too bad, IMHO, that his teachings often have been turned into "better than thou" bullshit.
I sometimes feel bad that my wonderful counselor/pastor falls, IMHO, into the Christian status quo trap sometimes. Too bad. It doesn't bother me too much, but... hmmmmmm...... Check out this quote:
------
FROM INTERBEING BY THICH NHAT HANH

1. The First Mindfulness Training: Openness
Aware of the suffering created by fanaticism and intolerance, we are determined not to be idolatrous about or bound to any doctrine, theory, or ideology, even Buddhist ones. Buddhist teachings are guiding means to help us learn to look deeply and to develop our understanding and compassion. They are not doctrines to fight, kill, or die for.

2. The Second Mindfulness Training: Nonattachment from Views
Aware of the suffering created by attachment to views and wrong perceptions, we are determined to avoid being narrow-minded and bound to present views. We shall learn and practice nonattachment from views in order to be open to others' insights and experiences. We are aware that the knowledge we presently possess is not changeless, absolute truth. Truth is found in life, and we will observe life within and around us in every moment, ready to learn throughout our lives.

3. The Third Mindfulness Training: Freedom of Thought
Aware of the suffering brought about when we impose our views on others, we are committed not to force others, even our children, by any means whatsoever - such as authority, threat, money, propaganda, or indoctrination - to adopt our views. We will respect the right of others to be different and to choose what to believe and how to decide. We will, however, help others renounce fanaticism and narrowness through practicing deeply and engaging in compassionate dialogue.

etc...

http://www.mindfulnessbell.org/14trainings.htm
------
I really believe in that statement.


Anger. Hmmmmmmmmm.....

I sometimes think or feel like I hate STBXPDW. But at the same time not really. I have a quote that reads:
------
Feel the pain of others. Understand their struggles and disappointments. Their hardships and inadequacies, and open your heart to them.

Realize that everyone is doing the best they possibly can.

Judge no one. But rather cradle all of humanity in your heart.


Zen Cards: Daniel Levin
http://www.hayhouse.com/details.php?id=455
------

When I think of the bolded part, I cannot hate. Even a damn N. Maybe her best is not what most would consider skillful, but it is her best.

It is what it is. (I will still stay the hell away from her and her like though. LOL).

BoB RePoRt: Out.

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 9:45 AM, July 25th (Friday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Itsa - I'm so excited for you about going out. I would expect that you would be nervous. That's only natural. Just be you and have a good time.

Bob - I was just thinking last night that we hadn't had an update for a while. About your DDs, keep in mind that some of this complaining and manipulation is normal girl, teenager stuff. I think it is worsened by situational stress and adjustments, but a lot of it is probably just totally normal. Maybe you'll need to open up some lines of conversation about their stay with Uncle and see if they can explain why they may have seemed unhappy some of the time there. Also about the Nanny again. This is a big adjustment for them for sure. You probably should discuss their feelings about this again.

Just keep lovin those girls, Bob. As long as they are properly bonded with you, they will be able to show empathy and emotion and they will not be freaks.

I'm sorry your pastor disappointed you with his advice. Do you think he was being judgemental really? Or maybe he was just too blunt and insensitive? If he's been there for you in the past, I'd say maybe he just had an off day.

This man THICH NHAT HANH has many pieces of wisdom in his writings. A woman from work told me about him. She was really inspired by his works. She suffers from depression and many unbelievable medical problems. I read one of his books, but I don't recall which one it was. Very simple, but powerful and uplifting ideas in there. Keep reading, Bob. If it brings comfort and peace, keep reading...


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))

Had a talk with STBXPDW tonite. LOL.

It just leads to nowhere. But.......

Being learned about the Disordered does make the conversations more manageable as you can stay more detached than before and are more aware of the tactics of the Disordered which in turn makes it much more easier and conscious to redirect the conversation back to where it needs to be.

Thank you, for teaching me well, O Wise and Honorable Worthy Advisors.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
Firewalker
♀ Member
Member # 18804
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Longlost, thank you for your very insightful post. I usually don't come here to the NPD Tribe (too triggery) but I'm so glad I dropped in tonight.

The soul-sucking void you describe.....it is too familiar. It reminds me of a favorite quote from "A Guide to the I Ching" by Carol Anthony:

War....refers to individual battles in which we are challenged by people who doubt us, or who are envious of our independence. They test to see if our values are firm, or real. Some people have actively prowling egos; wherever they sense areas of weakness and uncertainty, they attack. It seems they want to disprove that truly unselfish good exists so that they may be excused from following the good in themselves.

I think that's what you are describing when you write about trying harder and harder to please someone who cares less and less.

Again, thanks.
Firewalker


Posts: 130 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Florida
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 2:32 AM, July 26th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to share something with you all, that I think you will understand. I went out with my male friend from work last night and had a really nice time. To start with I was my usual flirty self, not letting anyone get close to me etc. I almost didn't go as I was so nervous and out of my comfort zone. At the beginning I felt there was a potential for something sexual to happen - you know what I mean.
Then we talked about divorce and I told him some things about my ex. He also knew about npd as well.
I opened up to him as a person - not as a man - I hope you understand what I mean! It changed the dynamics and he was so lovely,kind and supportive. He said I was like a little fledgling.
It was a nice evening and he respects and likes me as a person. So much so he made no moves as he knows how very vulnerable I am. I think he might of at one point but who knows - perhaps he just felt sorry for me! Big old insecurity complex coming into play here.
I am writing this crying my eyes out because my ex-husband should have treated me like that. I gave up ten years of my life for that peice of shit when I could of been with someone like my friend. Someone who respects me enough not to use me and likes me for who I am.
My evening was so lovely but I feel I will never have a man like that because I am too messed up (he was too polite to say that but it was hanging in the air, I can't see myself with anyone ever, all because of that bastard I was married to. To go for this drink was a big deal to me and don't get me wrong I had a great time and he gave me lots of advice, I'm just struggling to understand why I feel like shit after something so nice!

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, July 26th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's because you're realizing what you should've had for all those years.
Face it, you wuz robbed.
In more ways than one.

I hope this relationship with this friend develops and goes further.
He sounds like a nice guy.
Did y'all make plans for another outing?


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, July 26th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB - no it can go nowhere for a variety of reasons. I am so devastated today. Can't be bothered to do anything.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, July 26th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Itsa, dear one, I hear you, and I know precisely what you're talking about.

I'm not going to argue with you, because your feelings are real, significan, and they are YOURS. But I will just tell you what my current and wonderful husband told me all those years ago when he was still a dear friend who treated me like a human being when Bizarro made me feel like a defective toaster: You have to feel the way you feel. But please remember that YOU WON'T ALWAYS FEEL LIKE THIS. YOU DON'T ALWAYS FEEL LIKE THIS!!

And here's one more little gem for you. You don't have to try to read anyone's mind anymore. It's not your job. You let this guy decide how he feels about you, and you wait and let him tell you. Don't guess. Don't fill in the blanks. Not your job. He's NORMAL!

And so are YOU!

It isn't easy to unlearn those self-defeating habits, but we can do it. Just being aware of the damage done helps us to take our lives back!

You ARE making so much progress. I'm so proud of you. We will always have sad days, but that's not all we have, eh?

Much love,
Longlost


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, July 26th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))

I see so many new "faces" along with the old friends here. I'm sorry that the need exists, but I'm so glad that this place is here for all of us. And this has to be the most kind-hearted group of all the kind-hearted groups on SI!

I need to do a lot of catching up, so I don't know everyone's stories, but I do care.

Thanks for your kind words, Wounded, Itsa, BoB, and FireWalker. Firewalker, your quote is spot on. I am so grateful that I escaped the "testing" that I lived with for so long. Now, I'm working on eliminating the PTS resurgence. This quote will help me to remember that I don't live in Bizarro World any longer!

BoB, just major hugs!! You have the keys!

Thanks to all for letting me back in!

LL


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, July 26th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LL - thank you my dear friend. Yes, he can make his own deductions about me...I do feel I said too much about myself but what will be will be. I've just got to keep working on myself. I havn't had a sad day for a long time and seeing my friend last night obviously unlocked something in me. There is a huge lonliness in me sometimes. God, it is hard some days.

Thank you for been there folks.


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